A/N: So I'm back and ready to start my next big fanfic project. I'm really nervous about this one, seeing as I've never really written anything huge for South Park before. The POV may seem all over the place as well, but that's because this chapter is just kind of the general layout of everyone's thoughts. Future chapters may do this again, or they may focus on only Kyle or Eric. I'm excited though, and any criticisms about characterization, layout, anything will be greatly appreciated. The only thing I ask is that you please do not bash Kyman. This is going to be a Kyman story, and if you do not like the pairing, or Yaoi in general, then please turn back. Otherwise, please enjoy the fic!
"Dude, she's hot. Trust me."
"Fuck off man, she can't be that great."
"She's in the sixth grade though!"
"Yeah, what's so great about sixth graders? They're all violent, bullying assholes."
"She's different, dude."
"You sure?"
"Hey you guys talking about the new chick? Total babe if you ask me..."
Kyle Broflovski traversed the hallways slowly with his best friend Stan Marsh, as they subtly listened in on the latest buzz. All day, boys and girls left and right had been either gushing about or denying the attractiveness of a certain new student at the school. Neither Stan nor Kyle could be too bothered to contribute. Stan had Wendy, and Kyle had no clue what to think. It didn't mean he wasn't a little curious, though. The small Jewish boy shuffled his feet, pretending not to listen in on various snippets of conversation.
Stan looked just as unassuming, but with a slightly more indifferent look to him. It wasn't every day that a hot girl moved to South Park, but to him, it wasn't every day that a guy was seriously dating Wendy Testaburger, either.
"So do you actually think she's as hot as everyone keeps saying?" Kyle piped up suddenly, causing Stan to jump a little.
"I don't know, dude. I just hope Wendy doesn't automatically get jealous of her. Maybe it's better if I never find out."
Kyle was silent for a bit. He couldn't concentrate on the answer to his own question because he was hard at work trying to solve his own dilemmas. He more had asked just to make small talk. In all honesty, it had been a while since he had even liked a girl or found any interest. Since last year, to be exact. And now they were in fifth grade, with still no motivation on Kyle's part to look for anyone. He supposed it wasn't absolutely necessary to have a crush on someone all the time, but people would surely start whispering and spreading rumours about something Kyle was too afraid to address himself. Plus, a lot of the time he felt like he already thought about certain people way too much, and it was better if nobody suspected anything.
He shuddered as he thought of all the horrid outcomes.
"You alright?" Stan looked at Kyle's blank expression, expecting a response but getting nothing. He waved a gloved hand in front of his best friend's face to generate a reaction, but he was very quiet.
"Maybe I should talk to her." He suddenly blurted out, and then blushed at how loud it came out.
Stan cocked an eyebrow skeptically, then shrugged. "Go for it, dude. Just don't be surprised if she pummels you. She is in sixth grade, after all."
"Yeah, but those are stereotypes, Stan. Not all sixth graders are jerks, just like not all black people steal, and not all Jews are—"
"Speaking of Jews…" A voice came from in front of the two boys, and they wrenched their heads up quickly in that direction. Another boy, tall, stocky, and rather condescending stood in the doorway of the new classroom they'd be sharing for the next year. Kyle's face crunched into a disapproving grimace.
"What the hell do you want, Cartman?"
"Just overheard you fags talking, that's all. What's this about stereotypes?"
"None of your goddamned business!" Kyle was already livid, and it wasn't even first period yet. Such was the life of a young boy who was constantly being tormented by a racist, fat asshole. He tried to shove past the heavier kid, but Cartman stopped him on the spot.
"Ouch!" Kyle yelped as he was pushed back. "What the fuck is your problem, fatass?"
"Geez, Kahl. I'm seriously hurt right now. You don't even want to say hi to your best friend after a whole summer of not being in skeew together?"
"Okay, first: We are definitely not best friends. We aren't even friends at all. Second: I just saw you yesterday when you crawled in my window in the middle of the fucking night to remind me about the hell I'd be going through at school the next day. But you want me to say hi to you? Fine. Hello, you fat fuck. I hate you, now would you kindly let me into the class before I kick the shit out of you."
Stan pinched the bridge of his nose impatiently. "Guys, do we really need to do this right now?"
"This isn't your fight, Stan. This is between me and the Jew-rat."
Kyle sighed harshly at the comment and tried again to slip under Cartman's arm, failing and slamming into his stomach instead. "What the FUCK, Cartman?"
Cartman smirked in amusement.
Stan's voice became dry and aggravated. "As usual. Okay, well you two have your little thing, I'm going to make sure Kenny is still alive on his first day back at school. See you later, Kyle."
Kyle barely paid attention to his friend as he turned around and left the scene, and instead looked at the watch that was concealed beneath his sleeve. Fifteen minutes until class started. He clenched his fists, using all his willpower not to clock his rival in the face.
"Pretty soon, you're gonna have to move your stupid, fat ass so that other people can get through." He crossed his arms, and Cartman mirrored him.
"Who's gonna make me, Kahl? I'm going to stand here until you tell me what you guys were talking about."
"Why the hell do you even care? You're the fucking nosiest person I know, I swear to God."
"No, Kahl. I'm afraid the title of "nosiest person" goes to your fat, bitch, big-nosed Jew mom."
"Shut the hell up, Cartman!" Kyle's patience had been tested long enough, and he lunged out at the taller boy. For Kyle's size, he was incredibly good at fighting, and could hold his own in a fight with his rival any day of the week. Soon, Cartman was planted on his ass just outside of the classroom, and Kyle was busy wailing on him.
"Kahl! KAHL, STOP! You're hurting me, K-Kahl! Stop it, Kahl!" Cartman gasped his words in between punches to his face, as he wasn't able to over power the smaller kid. A whole crowd had gathered to watch the spectacle, including Kenny, who was cheering at the action.
"Mmm! Mmph-mm-mmph, mmm! (Yeah! Fuck him up, Kyle!)"
"Dude, Kyle's pretty violent." Craig said matter-of-factly.
"Still got a nice ass, though." Bebe giggled and nudged Wendy.
Wendy, however, wasn't really watching the fight, or Kyle's perky ass. Her eyes had been wandering for some time, until she spotted a group of tall, pretty sixth grade girls, with a new member added to the bunch.
A few of the guys had noticed as well, and their jaws dropped when they noticed that the gaggle of elementary school supermodels was heading their way. One of the girls winked at Clyde, to which his eyes went wide, and face went white. The younger girls all rolled their eyes, including Wendy, who was now leaving the scene, surely to find Stan and interrogate him about what he thought of the new girl.
"T-t-told you sh-she was ha-hot." Jimmy turned to face his friends, as they continued to ogle from afar. The new girl, however, wasn't interested in any of them. Her sights were set on a fiery little Jewish boy, who's hair had been freed from his hat, and was now panting for breath and sitting next to a very battered and angry Cartman. She waited until the crowd had dispersed, then sauntered on, the rest of her friends staying behind to flirt at random, distracting nearly everyone in the area.
"Hey, you." She said. Kyle looked up from his daze and finally laid eyes on her.
Shining blond hair was scooped up over one shoulder and done up with a flower clip. It looked really soft, and must have felt like silk. Looking closer, he noticed two big, blue eyes, and slightly chubby cheeks. They were rosy, though, and her curves definitely spoke for themselves. Was this girl in the sixth grade or the twelfth? Kyle swallowed the lump in his throat, jammed his hat back on his frazzled mop-top, and pointed to himself.
"Me?"
"Yeah, you! Silly, haha." She winked. "My name's Fiona. Fiona Barker. You might have… heard about me?" Immediately, Kyle rose to his feet, laughing nervously.
Cartman's eyebrows screwed together, his jaw tightening with each passing second. For whatever reason, he didn't approve of this "Fiona." She was seriously pissing him off right now. Just barging into him and Kyle's fight like that? What kind of bitch did that sort of thing? He glared daggers at her as punishment for her interruption.
"Heh, I'm, uh, my name is—"
"His name is Kahl. Kahl, the scrawny, little Jew-rat." Cartman looked smugly at Fiona, who had been taken aback slightly. She cleared her throat awkwardly and laughed.
"Uh, okay. Haha, well it's nice to meet you, Cal."
"It's not, 'Cal.' The fatass just doesn't know how to pronounce anything properly. "
"AYE!" Cartman shoved Kyle from behind, causing little impact, other than annoyance. He glared back at Cartman before continuing.
"My real name is Kyle. B-Broflovski. K-Kyle Broflovski."
"Oh, well that's an even cuter name… Kyle."
Cartman did not like the way she said his name. Almost too sugary sweet for his liking. He mentally punched himself for getting mad. So what if a girl liked Kyle? Lots of girls liked lots of guys, and lots of girls were sluts at South Park Elementary. Surely this chick would get bored and move on to the next desperate asshole in a few days. He feigned a smile and cut in to the conversation abruptly.
"Well, it's about time we got to class. Don't wanna keep the skeew day waiting, ya know, erhm. I'll cover Kahl's payment, uh, how much do you charge for flirting?"
"E-Excuse me?" Fiona looked onward with a glint of fury in her eyes.
"Dude!" Kyle exclaimed and turned to her. "Fiona, don't listen to him, he's a fucking retard."
"Alright, Kahl. Time's up." He linked arms with the protesting boy. "Lemme just find a pen and paper and you can write down the address of your corner. However, I can't promise that Kahl will be there later tonight due to his studies…" The boy continued pretending to concentrate as he fumbled about for a piece of paper and pen that he knew wasn't in his pockets. In his peripheral vision, he could see Fiona's face getting redder and redder from anger. He congratulated himself for pissing that bitch off as bad as she did to him.
"Fuck off, Cartman!" Kyle began to yank himself away, but Cartman had already pulled him into the classroom. "I'm so sorry about him. I'll, uh, see you around?" He yelled after her.
Fiona returned her soft gaze to Kyle, and nodded, her hair falling slightly out of place. "Sure thing, cutie pie." And with another wink, she bounded away into the morning hustle and bustle.
"What the fuck was that for, fatass?" Kyle was extremely livid as he sat down in a corner desk at the front. Cartman followed, naturally, planting himself right next to the other boy. "Why can't you just leave me alone for once? I was having a nice conversation with a nice girl, and of course you have to fuck it all up for me!"
Cartman didn't respond right away, as students began filing groggily into class. He thought about it, and he didn't really get it either. Why did he care so much? It's not like he liked Fiona, she was a sixth grader. And a whore. And probably on crack. And she wasn't standing in the way of his matchmaking either. So… what? He glanced up at Kyle, who refused to look at him, and had given up changing seats only because everywhere he went, Cartman followed.
Finally, the bigger kid lifted his hand in front of his mouth and whispered. "She's a little too nice, don'chew think, Kahl?" He moved the hand to Kyle's shoulder and stroked it gently, tracing the bones underneath his skin.
"No!" He heated up at Cartman's not-so-discreet shoulder rub, and shook him off violently. "I think she's sweet, and if she likes me, well that's great!"
Almost every eye in the class was now focused on the two of them. Kyle's face went even redder, but Cartman took this as a grand opportunity. To accomplish what exactly, he did not know, but it would feel pretty fuckin' sweet nonetheless.
"BAHAHAHAH! OH, Kahl, ahhh, ohhh, that's rich." He wiped away a fake tear and continued, earning a generous look of confusion from the young Jew. "Ohhhh, oh Kahl. Poor, naïve, little Jew-rat, Kahl."
"What the hell are you talking about, fatass?"
"Yeah, man. What the hell is up with you?" Stan said steadily, with Wendy in tow. They took their seats behind the two boys.
"Oh, Stan, you didn't hear? Kahl, here, thinks he has a SHOT with that new chick, isn't it hilarious?" He started to laugh again, and Kyle's face went completely pale.
"W-w-what the hell, dude?" He stuttered, as coughs and giggles started to make themselves audible. "T-that's a lie! I don't- I mean- she…"
"Dear, dear Kahl. If only you knew how complicated love really is. You can't just go in expecting all roses and candy. You have to werk for it! And if you think you can just march up to her and declare your undying love, then you're an even dumber Jew than I thought."
Kyle was rendered speechless.
For the rest of class, Kyle didn't move a muscle. The original embarrassment of the whole situation was at last long gone, however, it had been replaced by a certain numbness. Everyone still stole glances of him now and again, and everybody's whispers usually involved the words, "Kyle," "crazy," and "not in a million years." The even more bizarre part lay in the fact that he didn't really care much about proving them all wrong. As much as he couldn't stand to admit it, Cartman's words were replaying in his mind. She was really friendly, but why just to him? He knew he wasn't that much to look at, and especially being one of the smallest fifth graders, nothing really added up. It was true, Fiona was attractive, and she could have anyone she damn well pleased. So why him, and nobody else? It was either a sign of her maturity, or a really sick joke. Kyle was afraid of the latter, and the possibilities of the who could have put her up to it. He shot another glare at Cartman, for emphasis. Then, he sat back, and tried to listen to the lecture, which was sadly going right over his head. Concentrating was not an option right now; he had enough bullshit to worry about. So, he looked straight ahead in a zombified state, all the while ignoring Cartman's nudges and prods.
"Kyle! Dude, snap out of it."
"Hnn?"
Stan was leaning over his desk, and had placed his chin on Kyle's shoulder. "Class is almost over."
Kyle glanced at his watch. It had only been one period of his first day, and already he wanted to strangle Cartman, burn his schoolbooks and shoot himself. And as the minutes dragged into pointless hours of thinking and over thinking, finally, the school day had ended. And not a moment too soon. Kyle was about ten seconds away from lobotomizing himself through the eye socket with his pencil.
"So, uh, dude…" Stan started, not quite sure where to begin. "About what Cartman said earlier…"
Kyle's eyes fluttered shut in annoyance at the mentioned name. "What about it? It's Cartman, he always finds a way to fuck with my life. No big deal."
"No dude, I, uh, I just wanted to say that I think you should try it out. You, know, with Fiona."
Kyle stopped dead in his tracks. "…What? Really?"
"Yeah, dude. I mean, word does get around fast, and some other kids even saw you two talking this morning. Maybe you have a better chance than Cartman thinks."
"Oh. Well, thanks, Stan, but—"
"And all the girls think it's really cute." Kyle raised an eyebrow and Stan's face flushed. "I-I mean, I know that because Wendy keeps talking about setting you two up somehow."
"Wendy? Isn't she mad about what you might do with Fiona while she's not around?"
"Naw, man. Wendy gets it, she's not mad at me or Fiona. As long as I don't fuck up, we're good." Stan smiled to himself now, obviously becoming lost in thought about his beautiful girl.
Kyle smiled with him, and pulled Stan in for a hug. "Thanks again, dude. I don't give a shit what anyone else says, especially that fatass. I'm gonna go see if she's still at the sixth grade lockers."
"Good luck, dude." Stan waved as Kyle skipped off down the hallway. Despite the excitement, Kyle still felt like his knees were going to give out at any second. And he wasn't too sure if the pain in his chest felt awful or uplifting. Probably both. Whatever the case, he was going to do this. Even if Fiona didn't like him back, he'd only feel upset for a little while, and she was too nice to tell everyone about the rejection anyways. Fiona was a good person, and Cartman was a horrid human being. Of course he was making all that shit up about whores and her being "too nice." It was all a ploy to sabotage Kyle's life, and he wasn't about to stand for it.