Dipper leaned back in the aging desk chair behind the cash register in the Mystery Shack gift shop. It was an easy job, but a boring one. At least Grunkle Stan was paying him- he and Mabel had moved to Gravity Falls for the last year of high school while their parents spent some inconvenient time overseas. He was on register, and se had taken a liking to more managerial tasks, now that she had the opportunity to ease into them more carefully.
The cool October wind cut in between the cracks in the aging screen door, cracked open to invite in customers, knick knacks tinkling in the Oregon autumn wind quietly.
He looked up from his magazine when he heard the door squeak open, ready to welcome the tourists, but smiled when he saw a familiar face.
"Wendy!" He was up immediately for a friendly hug- they hadn't seen eachother in a few months, since Wendy had just started her third year of college. "What are you doing in town?"
"Here to see my favourite dork, obviously," she snorted, ruffling his hair like he was far younger. Dipper laughed. "I'm actually here because my dad's throwing a big Halloween party this year- I think he was just looking for an excuse to make me visit, though."
"Sounds like him," Dipper chuckled, leaning back against the counter.
"Anyway, it's tonight, and I thought I'd drop on over here and give you an invite. You can bring that new boyfriend I've been hearing about."
Dipper's face lit up cherry red, "Ah! Oh, uh, you heard about that."
"Pfft. Small town, Dip. Only takes one phonecall home. Mabel was gushing."
"Ugh, Mabel," Dipper groaned.
"Bring him! I wanna meet him! See you tonight, yeah?"
"Hell yeah. You know I love Halloween."
She turned to leave, and stopped, "Oh, yeah. You and Mabel still doing the twin themed costume thing?"
"I think 17 is a little old for that, Wendy."
"I don't," she snorted, "and if you can talk Mabel out of the costumes she told me she already made I'd be pretty surprised." She snickered mischievously and let the door shut behind her.
"What? What costumes?!" Dipper cried, but she was already skittering off, making a face at him. He sighed. Mabel's costume addiction had been getting progressively more and more complicated as the years wore on.
Just then, he heard the tell tale sound of Mabel's feet on the stairs, convenient timing.
She was dragging what appeared to be a fully functional suit of armor and a sword behind her, and they made a heavy kathunk kathunk behind the delicate noises of her sneakers.
"Dipper!" She singsonged, "Look what I made you for Halloween this year!"
Dipper raised an eyebrow, "What's the theme this year, Mabel? I'm a knight, you're a princess?"
Mabel's eyes lit up, "You're a knight. I'm a DRAGON."
He laughed. That was so Mabel. He should have known.
"Do you think I can maneuver in that…?"
Mabel shrugged, grinning. Oh, well.
"Call your boyfriend!" She said merrily, propping the armor against the desk, "Tell him to wear something medieval! Like a prince or a wizard or something!"
She was off before he could respond, and Dipper pulled his phone out of his pocket, hitting Kenny's speed dial number.
It only rang twice.
"Hey, Dip, what's up?"
"Happy Halloween, man," Dipper said, and Kenny snorted.
"Oh, fuck, I had totally forgotten. We need to find a party."
Dipper flopped down into the chair, "Waaaaay ahead of you, Ken. Wendy's house, tonight."
"What, in South Park? Dunno if we can make it out there in time, dude."
"Not that Wendy, my Wendy. Red haired Wendy."
"Ah! The one with the better hat. Always mix her up. Cool. Bring your own booze?"
Dipper's turn to snort, "Yeah, her dad's there. Keep it on the down low."
"Gotcha."
"By the way, Mabel's already picked out the costume theme this year. I'm a knight, she's a dragon. She told me to tell you to pick something medieval- prince, wizard, stuff like that."
There was a pause, "I actually have something I could use."
Dipper made a face Kenny couldn't see, "Really?"
"…Yeah. Meet you there at eight?"
"Sure!"
The line clicked off.
It had taken him nearly an hour to squeeze into the armour Mabel had made. It was obviously designed for fashion before function, and he'd picked up a bit of a waddle. The sun was already dipping below the horizon- and they were a bit late, already 8:15, so Dipper was feeling a bit rushed by the time they arrived at Wendy's, Mabel's massive pulley-system dragon wings flapping proudly as soon as they were in view.
"Hey, Dip," Robby said with a wave from the porch, and Dipper waved back. The years had tempered his attitude, and eventually they'd settled into a sort of casual friendship. It was hard to stay enemies in such a small town.
Speaking of, Pacifica was waving to Mabel, who nearly threw herself on her in her enthusiasm.
While she was busy with that, Dipper stepped inside to look for his own partner.
He'd expected something along Kenny's usual lines of effort- a shoddy wizard hat and a bathrobe (filled with sampler bottles of tequila, of course) or a burger king crown and a towel cape, but no matter what he expected, he had not expected this.
Kenny noticed him and waved, pulling up the hem of her dress and shuffling over.
"Dipper! There you are, I was beginning to worry."
"What… Are you wearing?" Dipper asked curiously. It wasn't even that he was actually startled by the dress- Kenny drifted in and out of gender identities and had a tendency to show up unannounced in rather skimpy outfits at late hours, slurring words and yelling bad poetry.
It was really the effort- Kenny had only had the heads up of a few hours and she had put together a fairly ornate Princess costume- complete with crown and wig and expertly hemmed dress, waves of white silk drifting down around her ankles and the oddly innapropriate combat boots she was wearing underneath.
Kenny twirled, throwing the skirt of her dress up with a plié, "I am the fair Princess of Zaron, born of hollow valley and heir to The Stick and my father's legacy."
He raised an eyebrow with a chuckle, "I have no idea what any of that means. Is that like a video game?"
Kenny put her hands on his chest plate, as forward as usual and looked up at him through her eyelashes, "It's a game, alright. A game of thrones."
That was a tv show, right? Before he could ask, she swung away from him dramatically with a swish of her dress, and he noted she was carrying her shoulders farther back than usual- she was actualy acting significantly out of character. Kenny was more of smoozy "You'd never guess, but I have three bottles of vodka in my pants right now, and if you can reach down there without getting distracted you can keep them" kind of person, and fairly passive most of the time- the dramatic flair, the way she was carrying herself, were all unusual and he took careful note of them.
Mabel reappeared behind him, grabbing him for a hug. An awkward one- with their height difference now, and her massive wings, and the armour keeping him from leaning down- awkward.
"Dipper, Mabel! There you guys are!" Wendy swung around the corner, wearing a sort of cute-but-lazy werewolf costume- red ears on a headband poking up on top of her head, replacing her usual favourite ushanka, torn red flannel collared shirt, a red wolf tail that looked like she had bought it at kmart- Dipper would have felt a bit silly in his grandiose knight costume if this hadn't been the usual fare for the last several years. Dipper had long since given up feeling embarrassed standing out at a costume party. Everyone knew Mabel made them. And now that she and Pacifica were friends, if anyone thought anything bad about it, they wouldn't ever dare say so.
"So, where's the boyfriend?" She said, sloshing a nondescript red drink in a plastic cup that Dipper suspected was probably some kind of KJ.
"Girlfriend, tonight, actually."
"Huh?"
"Genderfluid."
"Oh!" She said, "Ah, where is she, then? Come on, Dip, don't hold out on me here!"
This was when Kenny swung back in from Dipper's right, swooning past him, and he barely registered the movement in time to catch her before she fell back on her ass.
She held a hand over her forehead daintily and blinked up at him, "My hero!" She said, wrapping her arms around his neck.
Concerningly unKennylike.
"Hey, I'm assuming this is her, then. Nice costume, Kenny."
Kenny looked up at her, letting go of her neck and standing back, "I like your ears," she giggled, with another demure bat of her eyelashes.
What the fuck?
Wendy just smiled, not knowing any other version of Kenny to compare the behavior to.
"Thanks," she laughed, "they were like three bucks. Mabel tells me you're a big fan of cheap beer- don't tell my dad, but he's keepin' 'em under the grill out back." She gave her a wink, took a long sip of her probably-KJ, and spun on her heels to go back into the crowd.
"Mabel, did you-" Dipper turned, but Mabel had vanished, leaving him alone with Kenny, who was still acting odd, even by Kenny standards.
"Kenny, did you wan-"
"You will call me Princess Kenny," she said, very, very seriously. Dipper was taken aback. Kenny was rarely serious. She turned and sashayed out of the room, but this time Dipper followed her, concern mounting.
She was obviously heading for the backyard grill and the promise of a Pabst in her future. Dipper nearly cursed. Yes, that was going to improve the situation. He sighed. Except, no, she turned, headed into the kitchen. He trailed after her curiously- she opened a cabinet, pulling out a wineglass and pulling a bottle of wine from the fridge.
Dipper hit panic mode immediately.
"Kenny! What the hell are you doing, we're gonna get caug-"
She slapped him.
He stood gaping- it hadn't hurt as much as it had surprised him. Kenny was far too passive to have ever done anything like that before, but the possessive fire in her eyes told him she didn't regret the action.
"Wuh?" He bumbled, uncertain.
"Princess," she hissed, pouring her glass, before stepping back out of the room without him.
He rubbed the stung from his cheek, confused, startled, concerned. That was not Kenny behavior. His Kenny would have never done that. The Princess thing was weird, too- there was a nagging thought at the back of his head. Some kind of possession? He needed to consult the journal.
He slipped out the back, fishing around for the book, stuffed into his breastplate.
He flipped through it for a solid half hour, but found nothing about princesses and possessions- nothing even close. He snapped it shut with a sigh, and decided to try something else.
He opened his cell phone, and called Kenny's sister in Colorado.
"Dipper?" Her voice asked, the roar of whatever party she was at behind her.
"Hey, Karen. I just got a kind of weird question- Ken's been acting really weird tonight- she's wearing this princess costume and acti-"
"Princess costume?" She interrupted him.
"Yeah. Is that like… A bad thing?"
"Let me… Call you back."
There was a full two minutes of silence before his phone erupted in texts- some from Kenny's friends who he had met once or twice, a dozen unknown numbers- all telling him basically the same thing: DO NOT LET PRINCESS KENNY BE A THING.
His phone rang- one of Kenny's best friends, Stan's number. He answered, and Stan started talking before he could even say hello.
"Holy shit, dude. Jesus christ, do not let Kenny wear that fucking dress."
"What? Why?"
"When we were like fucking ten she got WAY too in character to this shitty game we were playing. She was a Princess. Like, an actual fucking Princess. A dude came from Japan and gave her some magic amulet or some shit. Then she was in charge of military ops for awhile… Dude, fuck it, whatever, one thing led to another and three days later she turned herself into a zombie and tried to destroy the world. She also tried to kill us. Over a fucking stick."
"What!?"
"Kenny gets really fucking in character dude. Has she showed you Mysterion yet?"
"Who is Mysterion?"
"Oh, boy. Okay, shit, dude, she's probably gonna be looking for an army if you leave her alone to long."
"WHAT?"
"Go find her, asshole! Kick her ass if you have to, trust me, she's gonna fucking fight you on this one, dude."
Dipper snapped his phone shut, panting, and jumped to his feet.
He ran inside, scanning the kitchen desperately- no Kenny. He ran back out into the living room, stumbling in his armour, and locked eyes with Mabel, who cocked her head to the side, confused, when she saw his distress.
"Dipper? What's wr-"
"Where's Kenny?" He blurted out.
"She left- said you went back to the shack and she was gonna meet you there."
"Mabel, I just talked to Stan-"
"Grunkle Stan?"
"Colorado Stan."
"Ah!"
"And HE said that Kenny has kind of a problem with that princess dress she was wearing, and-"
His phone rang.
He stopped, staring at it. That was Kenny's number. He answered it cautiously.
"Come outside," she said curtly, and the line clicked off.
He turned towards the window- already people were piling against it, whispering. Oh no.
He pushed open the front door with a sharp intake.
Fuck.
The lawn was covered in Kennys- there were at least a solid dozen of them. Colours washed out, all standing with pride on the lawn, shoulders back, and holding gaudy pink bows knocked with heart shaped arrows that he was certain were far more dangerous than they looked. The brightest one- the real one, stood at the helm of them, her hands folded across her waist, watching him with dangerously patient contemplation.
The Mystery Shack copy machine. Oh no.
"Give me the book, dear," she said, without raising her voice.
"What?"
She reached out a single white gloved hand in his direction, lowering her eyes.
"Give me the journal."
"What?"
She crumpled her hand into a fist and drew it back. The bows raised behind her. "My birthright is back in Colorado, and I will have it! I need that book because the book is power! And I need power to get the Stick."
Dipper ducked back inside and slammed the door shut.
"Uh, Dipper-?" Wendy asked beside him, nervous. He grimaced at her, and shrieked like a frightened toddler when an arrow lodged itself in the wall beside him, having cut through the window.
He barely managed to escape up the stairs, with everyone toppling over eachother trying to get out the back way.
He dove into a room, locking the door before he ripped the journal open, searching for the on-hand spell he had dog-eared just in case something like this happened. Sure, he had expected it to be Gideon, and not his girlfriend, but, that was irrelevant now.
Aha. The rain spell.
Something slammed against the door.
Shit, that wouldn't work if they were inside. His eyes darted around- the window was open, and he slipped out, just as the door came open with a splintering noise.
He pulled himself up, to the very top, and tried to ignore the crowd watching him from the backyard.
Kenny, the real one, climbed after him, balancing on the sloping roof better than was really fair. She was followed by her squad of copies, but they didn't move against him yet.
"Eric says to fart on her balls! Eugh." Mabel called up hesitantly, waving her phone.
He made a face. Eugh. Hell no.
"Give me the journal, Dipper, and we can all leave here alive."
"Jesus christ, Kenny, seriously?" Dipper huffed.
"No?" She asked, standing up even straighter, if that was possible.
"Hell no."
"Draw your sword, warrior." She nodded to the prop sword at his waist. He glanced down at it, then looked back down at the book and the page he had open.
A brief, loud chant of latin, and the skies cracked open. Rain poured from them, and all of the Kenny clones fizzled, shrieking, into the shingles. The real one turned abruptly to them with a cry as they melted, then turned back to him, lobbing an arrow his way messily. He ducked, and it shot past him.
This time he did draw the sword, holding it shakily her direction as she advanced.
Mabel's voice rose up again from below, "Eric says- hang on-"
Eric Carman's static muffled voice floated to him- she'd put him on speaker phone.
"Listen to me, boy, you gotta put 'er down!"
"I'm not gonna kill my girlfriend!" Dipper snapped, while waving the sword menacingly at her. She smirked, drawing her bow again.
"She's gonna come back, asshole, come on, you know that! Now you put that bitch down!"
"Don't call my girlfriend a bitch, asshole!" He said, darting forward with the sword. It missed her, but severed the bowstring. There was a hiss from the crowd as he danced back along the roof precariously. She tossed the useless bow to the side, rain still pouring down around them- making his footing slippery, and his grip on the sword feeble, and making her makeup run, and making her look significantly more terrifying.
She twirled the arrow in her hand, gripping it just above the point, like a knife. He gripped the sword in both hands, steadying his feet. He was going to have to put her down.
There was a long, tense moment, watching eachother in the rain, before the skies tore open with a massive thundercrack, and she leapt at him, lightning glinting off both blades. He swung, hitting her solidly in the stomach. She went stumbling back, gripping at her midsection, then looked back up at him and growled. She moved to come for him again, but he dodged to the side, avoiding her entirely, and she stumbled past him and over the side of the roof with a quiet "oh."
He stepped up to the edge and looked down. It was a mess- a horrible, red mess and his eyes darted away, to the quiet crowd gathering over what was left of his girlfriend. Dipper was breathing heavily, when his phone rang. He fished it out of his pocket, leaning on the sword.
Kenny.
"Hello?" He said, plugging one ear to hear above the rain.
"I am sooooooo sorry."
Dipper sighed, "Don't worry about it. Weirder things have happened in Gravity Falls."
"I am soooooooooo sorry, Dipper."
He rubbed the back of his head and sighed even more heavily, "You owe me dinner."
"Done."
"Come help me clean this up. I'm not leaving this in Wendy's yard."
"Gotcha, be right there."
The line clicked dead, and he sat back on his haunches.
Stupid immortal datefriend.