Title: Was it love?

Summary: After twenty years, Dean didn't ask for much. He loved his life and regretted little but when his father last spoke to him in his hospital room, he remembered one thing that stuck with him the most.

Episodes: Series 2 Episode 1 & Series 9 Episode 23.

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There weren't many things Dean longed to hear from his father's lips. He didn't ask for much; a roof over his head at night, a full stomach when he rested his head on the pillow and the knowledge that he and his little brother were safe for another day. He didn't expect his life to be like the movies. From an early age, he knew life wasn't like the movies. Life didn't have a satisfying conclusion or a happy ending. The day didn't quietly fade to black or end with credits saying "no one was injured in the making of this scene". Life was tired, desperate and god damn sore. There were bruises and thick metal-tasting blood. But there were also stitches and bandages. And among all the pain and endless hardship, in those twenty years, there was his father.

Was it love?

He knew his father loved him. It was an unconditional love that every parent has for their children. In his memories, long before life became hard, he remembered his father's loving eyes when he was held up to the skies. There was love in their tickled laughter. Even when things did get hard and he had to carry his father's limp body to the top of the burning wood, he knew his father sacrificed his soul for the life of his son. His father sacrificed himself for an absolute love that wasn't subject to any special terms or conditions. So, no, he didn't have to hear his father tell him that he loved him. He knew that already.

Was it trust?

From the moment, his father placed his little brother into his arms he knew his father trusted him. When their house was in flames and the walls were spitting danger, his father trusted Dean to carry his baby brother out of the house and to air of safety. Even when his father handed him his first rifle and showed him how to aim at that beer bottle ten meters away, he knew his father trusted him to always do the right thing. Every hunt that led their father away from their motel room for nights on end, Dean was trusted to protect his baby brother. The trust was there. It was automatic. Dean didn't need to hear his father say it.

Then it was approval, wasn't it?

He remained a hunter while his brother left to seek a normal movie-like life. He had chosen the life he thrived in. Everything his father showed him, he soaked up. Life may have been hard and painful but Dean loved it. No matter how tired he was or how much he complained, the thoughts of not being a hunter just seemed wrong. As the cuts got deeper, the love of the danger pumped through his veins and arteries. Going on hunts alone was the eventual step and getting approval on how to kill a supernatural wasn't something Dean required. Any kill would be approved by his father. As long as the thing was dead, it was right. So approval wasn't what Dean longed for.

He didn't even recognise it when he did eventually hear it. When his father did say those words, Dean just thought something was wrong. He was right to think that but it didn't mean those words weren't true. So when Sam came back for him in his dying minutes, he remembered that scene again and he wondered how often Sam had heard those words. Had they even been said to him? Had their father said it? Or even Jessie all those years ago? Even if they had, Dean knew he wanted to be the last person to say it... or maybe the first.

"I'm proud of us."

Sam's face instantly told him he was the first to say it. Dean was proud and he felt it... unconditionally.

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