Note: This story occurs outside my usual story continuity. All characters are "off camera" so to speak.

Christmas Cheer

"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire," Pyro sang as he, Remy and Piotr sat in a nice lounge in front of a fireplace roasting various foodstuffs. "Marshmallows floating in cocoa!"

"This is nice," Piotr said as he happily toasted marshmallows. "It is nice to be in front of a fire that is not out of control for once."

"I'm just glad we've got some time off to relax," Remy held a popcorn basket over the fire.

"Yeah, it's been kinda rough lately," Pyro commented sipping his hot cocoa. "Ya notice how we've been pinned down and nearly killed twice during the past few stories? What's up with that?"

"I would like to know why there was a story about alcohol during the holiday season," Piotr frowned. "That seems wrong."

"Hey, we all know you shouldn't relate drinking to having a good time," Remy replied. "You should relate drinking to throwing up, hangovers, killing brain cells and alcohol poisoning."

"I learned that the hard way," Pyro agreed. "I'm never gonna touch alcohol again."

"I just hate to see a nice, loving, happy time of the year ruined by drinking," Piotr said.

"Well, it is just a story. Drinking is supposed to funny in stories," Remy explained. "Besides, those who do drink know they'll get sick, be video taped and blackmailed later."

"Or when they get into other stuff that makes them act like idiots," Pyro added. "Like when Sabes gets into catnip."

"Where is Sabertooth anyway?" Piotr asked.

"He's checking on Mags," Pyro replied.

"BOSS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE LYING DOWN!" Sabertooth shouted in the distance. "GET OUTTA THAT TRUCK! WAIT WHAT THE…AAARRRGGGHHH! GET ME OUT OF THIS METAL STRAIGHT-JACKET! NO WE ARE NOTHING FOR A DRIVE! WAAAUUUGGGHHH!"

"Oh boy. Looks like Mags is gonna be driving drunk," Remy said.

"A good example of the dangerous effects of alcohol, not only to oneself but to others as well," Piotr commented.

"Good thing we bugged the truck ahead of time," Pyro grinned as he turned on a video projector. "How does it look?"

"Great. We're wired for one-way sound and video," Remy smirked as he worked on a laptop connected to the projector. "Both inside the truck and using Mags' spy satellite.

"Wow, I did not know trucks could jump bridges like that," Piotr remarked as he munched on some chestnuts while watching the live video.

"Or pop that big a wheelie," Pyro added. "Man that looks like fun!"

"SLOW DOWN! SLOW DOWN! WATCH OUT FOR THE TREE! WATCH OUT FOR THE TRAIN! NO DON'T USE YOUR POWERS TO MAKE US GO FASTER! AAAHHHHHH!" Sabertooth screamed over the speakers.

"Not for Sabes," Remy laughed. "This is hilarious!"

"And a perfect reason why not to have alcohol during the holidays," Piotr added.

"You said it mate!" Pyro laughed. "Dashing through the snow, to the liquor store. Mags ran out of alcohol, he's going to get more!"

"OH BOY!" Magneto giggled as he ran a red light.

"Mags has had a few drinks, he's really got a load," Remy added.

"HEY! LOOK OUT YOU DRUNK! YOU ALMOST RAN US OFF THE ROAD!" Sabertooth yelled.

"Oh Christmas cheer, Christmas cheer! I hate when someone drinks!" the three Acolytes sang happily. "People just act stupid and their breath it really stinks! Yeah, Christmas cheer, Christmas cheer! Taste it, you'll throw up! If I have to drink at Christmas I would rather not grow up!"

"That was pretty crazy, that was pretty close!" Remy remarked. "Mags has had so many, he's got Rudolph's big red nose!"

"WE'RE HERE! WE'RE FINALLY HERE! THANK GOODNESS!" Sabertooth yelled as the truck came to a stop outside a liquor store by crashing into a parked car.

"He runs into the store, grabs a six-pack off the shelf," Piotr commented. "Then he goes and downs one to restore his Christmas self!"

"YOU'D BETTER SAVE ME ONE OF THOSE!" Sabertooth shouted at Magneto. "ESPECIALLY AFTER WHAT YOU'VE JUST PUT ME THROUGH!"

"Oh Christmas cheer, Christmas cheer! I hate when people drink!" the Acolytes sang. "Boy do they act stupid, they should pour it down their sinks! Oh, Christmas cheer, Christmas cheer! Taste it, you'll throw up! If I have to drink at Christmas I would rather be blown up!"

"NO WE ARE NOT GETTING MORE BOURBON!" Sabertooth yelled. "NOT UNLESS I GET SOME THIS TIME!"

"Mags is pretty tipsy, stocking up on spirits loot," Pyro sang. "He won't be identified, he's still in the chicken suit!"

"He skips out of the store, having bought out half a wall," Piotr added. "He thinks Christmas is not Christmas without the alcohol!"

"HEY! WHERE'S MY BEER! I NEED A BEER!" Sabertooth shouted as Magneto loaded up the truck.

"Oh Christmas cheer, Christmas cheer! I hate when someone drinks!" the Acolytes sang. "People are just stupid and their minds they go on blink! Yeah, Christmas cheer, Christmas cheer! Taste it, you'll throw up! I will never drink at Christmas cause I don't want to be messed up!"

"Alright! Let's go Vicky!" Magneto giggled drunkenly as he climbed in and gunned the truck's engine.

"NOOOOOO!" Sabertooth screamed as they roared through the parking lot and turned the corner.

Just then Principal Kelly walked out of the liquor store holding a large bag. "Ohhh, what a day. I can't wait to get home and…MY CAR!" he yelped seeing the front end of his car smashed to pieces.

CRASH! SHATTER! TINKLE!

"GREAT! JUST GREAT!" Kelly screamed in a fit while his dropped bag of broken bottles and booze lay at his feet. "WHY DO THESE THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?! WHY NOT JUST BLOW UP MY CAR WHY DON'T YOU?!" he yelled at the heavens.

BOOOOOOM!

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Kelly barely managed to dive for cover as his car blew up. "I DIDN'T MEAN IT!"

"Okay, how did that happen?" Remy blinked.

"HAHAHAHAHA! I love crushing car fuel lines!" Magneto laughed insanely as he drove through the parking lot again and sped away into the night.

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution, "The Christmas Song" or the song "Chirstmas Cheer" by Peter Alsop.