1Let's Change The Past (R/M)

What if we could choose one moment to go back to and make some slight..modifications...Well that what I did...

There is one moment that got me thinking. This will take place during season three, episode nineteen and the changes will change the outcome of it all.

What if Marissa never stopped Sadie from leaving? What if Sadie had actually left? Not on a bad note but on no particular note at all. What if Marissa had been at the lifeguard stand that night before Ryan? And what if he had found her in a slightly more distraught state when he did walk up to the faithful lifeguard stand that night? What would change? How would everything change? Would it change anything at all?

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Why was everything so hard? She didn't understand why life couldn't go her way if only for one day. And now she had no idea what she was doing. Messing up her life perhaps? If she was doing anything that had to be it. And to top it all off Marissa had no one anymore. Herself and her best friend were in a fight, her mom had never really been there for her, so she knew she couldn't become dependent on her for much of anything now, and Ryan, well Ryan was one touchy subject. One she probably preferred she didn't touch.

She sat there on the lifeguard stand. She just didn't understand how her life had got this bad? She took that back, she knew how...Ryan. No wait...Stop! She tells herself, she was always putting the blame on everyone but herself. When all she really had to do was be responsible for her own actions, grow up, mature, be mature, stop blaming everyone else for everything. Now though she was done doing that. It was all her fault and she knew that.

Her fault that Ryan left her, her fault Trey left town, her fault that Ryan had lost his brother, her fault Sadie had Ryan now apposed to her, her fault she was on this downward spiral with Volchok, the alcohol was her fault...so were the drugs. Johnny died and it was all her fault too.

Oh well, right now she was glad to at least be somewhat sober. But bringing that flask to her mouth once again she knew those being sober thoughts, were close to being long gone.

Truth was though she missed Ryan. Misses his touches, kisses, and sweet caresses. She thought of him often and wondered if he was happy. And as time had passed by that was all she wanted for him, to be happy, even if it wasn't with her, and that broke her heart.

She knew, and understood why he needed and wanted a break. Her life was a mess, she was a mess and truth was that time had come that she no longer be his mess. She was a big girl and had to take care of herself or at least learn how. She just wished she knew where to begin.

She couldn't help it though. The days she spent with Volchok. She lost herself and lost sight of everything, at least everything that matter. Her priorities were all out of order. But the alcohol though, it was so tempting, she could live and be free, even if it was only for a night. So often she found herself asking, "Was that such a bad thing? To forget?" It sure was better than remembering.

Whatever, she was over this, or at least she wanted to be, so with one more long satisfying, yet burning drink of her flask she knew all her sobriety was gone, but you know what, she didn't care.

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Today had been a bad day. Ryan Atwood was no longer happy. Walking along the sandy beach shore with nothing but the noises of the waves meeting the sand he was left with nothing to do but contemplate his thoughts.

Sadie had left today. She had left him. But had she really? Can you leave something you never really had?

He was or had been happy with her though. Right? Or was he just fooling himself? He just couldn't figure it out though, if she didn't make him happy tough, what did?

Ahhh, he just wanted to scream, he was so tired of these constant thoughts. He was so confused. What else was knew. Lately that was the only thing he had been.

Whatever, right now Sadie had just left him and he knew he had the right to brood. So that was exactly what he was planning to do. That's why he was here, heading up to the lifeguard stand. He knew that place always did something for Marissa, for him and Marissa.

Marissa, Marissa, Marissa. He didn't even want his thought to drift there. Yet, he couldn't help it.

He knew she was doing bad. Especially after learning she was with or at least hanging out with Volchok.

Volchok, how he hated that guy. He was all bad news and he knew it. What could Marissa possibly see in that guy? She could do so much better, she deserved so much better. She deserved Ryan. But for his own sake, he wouldn't let his mind wander that last thought.

Right nowthough he wondered what she was doing. Good, he hoped. He knew more than likely she just needed some guidance. She needed a reason to want to get and do better.

Could he be that reason?

He decide right there and then, he wanted to see her. Needed t. He had to talk to her. Not only for his own good but for hers too. So tomorrow...or sometime this week...whenever he was ready, he would go find her and have a talk with her.

Approaching the lifeguard stand, he sees a figure there. Immediately he recognizes it. Her slim, petite figure, her long graceful legs, her deliciously scented, soft, honey blonde tresses, her utterly kissable lips, her flawless facial features. He recognizes her, recognizes her flask. He recognizes it all.

Now he knew tomorrow...or sometime this week was going to happen a lot sooner than he thought. And he didn't know if he was really ready for it...or how ready for it he was...