TWILIGHT READING TWILIGHT BOOK 2
RATHER DIE THAN STAY AWAY
Copyright Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer is the sole owner of all Twilight Universe intellectual property, including but not limited to Twilight characters, Twilight plotlines, and all included Twilight text. This story is a fanfiction commentary on her work and no copyright infringement is intended. I own nothing.
Summary: The Cullens' home is now filled with curious shape-shifters, imprints and Quileute elders, all desperate to hear the rest of Bella's story. How much can one weekend really change things? And what other secrets does Bella have in her past, waiting to be exposed?
Chapter 1 – Moving Forward
Bella gripped the edge of the sink in the Cullen's bathroom, her hold so tight her knuckles had long since turned white, as she stared into the mirror. Her bloodshot brown eyes stared back at her, puffy and red, but no longer brimming with tears. What little make-up she had had on that morning had run down her cheeks, leaving dark trails of moisture in their wake.
It had been an impossible morning. When she had woken up, she was worried about going to school, and convincing Edward that she was really ok after the disaster of a birthday party she'd had last night… Had that really been just yesterday? It seemed like a lifetime ago now.
But instead of coming downstairs to find Charlie enjoying his rare day off – he had planned to go fishing all day – and getting ready to go to Forks High School like any other Friday, she had been presented with a letter.
Those damned letters from SM had started this whole mess. And in the last seven hours or so, Bella had been forced to expose some of her most tightly guarded secrets, and sit by while her entire family, including her father and his friends from the Quileute reservation, dissected the personal details of her life, line by line.
She had opened up about Sasha, and about Ian, two very painful, complicated aspects of her past that she never intended to share with anyone.
She was emotionally wrecked. And now, she was just trying to pick up the shattered pieces, standing here in the Cullen's bathroom while everyone ate lunch downstairs.
"I can do this," she tried to convince herself, finally releasing her hold on the sink and wiping her blotchy eyes with the backs of her hands, "I need to do this," she revised, and that was enough to finally even out her ragged breathing and settle her growing anxiety. SM had sent all of this as a warning, and she needed to be strong enough to get through it, or all of this would be for nothing. So it didn't matter if she was ready, or comfortable, or even happy; she would go back downstairs and face everyone else, because this was something she had to do.
Downstairs, Esme and Emily were washing the last of the dishes from lunch in the kitchen; Esme was still amazed that the wolves had devoured the massive spread so quickly.
In the living room, Charlie was carrying on a quiet conversation with his lifelong friends, Billy and Harry. Sue sat beside her husband, laughing at something Kim had said. The young imprint was sitting in Jared's lap, her left hand unconsciously drawing random patterns along his muscled forearm. Paul and Sam sat on the sofa opposite them, and Paul was teasing his alpha as his head repeatedly swiveled toward the kitchen, anxious to have his imprint back in his arms.
Jacob was sitting off to the side of the large gathering, deep in thought. He had woken up this morning, his biggest concern in the world being whether or not he'd finished his homework for math, and now, he was surrounded by supernatural creatures, reading books about his best friend's supposed destiny, and trying to wrangle with the fact that very soon he would be a shape-shifting wolf protector, an alpha of a pack of vampire-killing spirit warriors, and technically, the chief of his entire tribe. It had been one hell of a day, and it wasn't even three in the afternoon yet.
"Don't think so hard son, you'll hurt yourself," Old Quil's voice broke his train of thought. The old man had been sitting quietly in the corner since Bella ran upstairs almost an hour ago, just watching everyone silently, and Jacob hadn't even noticed him walk up behind him. "Bella's strong; she'll be ok," the elder continued, trying to give Jacob some small comfort, though even he found it incredible that the young girl could have survived so much in her short life, "And you will too. Don't worry about all of it yet. Things have a way of working out the way they're meant to in the end. I think SM is just trying to make the road a little smoother for us."
Jacob was saved from coming up with a response as the remaining Cullens returned then.
Carlisle had gone to find his children shortly after his wife brought out everyone's lunch. He had seemed worried about them, given how emotional they all were after hearing Bella's tale, but as they all came back inside, most wore mischievous smiles.
Alice was perched on her mate's back, giggling at something their big, burly brother had said just before they walked through the door. Jasper wasn't smiling per say, but he no longer looked like he was in pain. Emmett of course was back to his cheerful, care-free self, and the blonde goddess at his side seemed completely at ease. Carlisle walked in behind them, his perfect calm façade clearly on display, though Jacob suspected he was still worried about Bella.
Edward came in last, looking rather run-down. He had clearly gotten into a brawl or two with his brothers, and probably destroyed half the forest, since he left. While the rest of his family settled back in and started making small talk with the others, surprisingly at ease with the wolves and humans they had welcomed into their home, Edward quietly ducked upstairs to find Bella.
She had made her way out of the bathroom, looking relatively put together, but she hadn't been able to muster the courage to go back down the stairs and face everyone. So, when Edward came up the stairs, he found her leaning against the hallway wall outside the bathroom, eyes closed, looking rather exhausted.
"Bella?" he tried to get her attention, his words just loud enough to alert her to his presence without startling her, "Are you ok?"
She raised her head slowly, opening her eyes, and meeting his concerned gaze with her own fearful one, "No, not really," she answered honestly, her voice breaking at the end.
That was all it took. He was suddenly across the hall, holding her tightly to him, whispering sweet nothings in her ear as she again began to cry silently in his arms. "It's going to be ok, love," he assured her, "I know it doesn't seem that way right now, but everything is going to be ok. You, me, the family, we are all going to be ok."
"I just don't want them to look at me differently," she croaked brokenly, "I don't want their pity, and I'm not broken, Edward. I don't think I could stand it if I walk down those stairs and they all stair at me with that look in their eyes. How am I supposed to get through the rest of this damned book if everyone is walking on eggshells around me all the time?"
"They won't, I promise," he told her, rubbing her back reassuringly, "We all love you Bella, and this morning has been really hard on all of us, but no one is going to treat you any differently because of this."
"But what Ian said…" she trailed off, looking down ashamed. Her lycan brother's words from all those years ago still haunted her every day. They made her feel worthless, and were a serious part of why she never felt good enough for Edward and his family.
Deep down, she knew that what he had said was cruel and untrue, but there was a small part of her that couldn't help fearing that the Cullens would finally realize she didn't belong here with them, and leave just like he had. Just like Jon did. Just like Sasha did. And just like Lucas did…
Edward looked horrified that she believed anything that mutt had said to her that day, "What he said means nothing," he practically growled out, trying to control his rising anger, "He was a bloody fool, and none of us will ever think any less of you because he couldn't see how truly incredible you are."
Five minutes later, a considerably calmer Bella followed him down the stairs and rejoined the family and their guests in the Cullen living room.
This was going to be far from easy for her, but Bella was ready to start putting the ghosts from her past to rest, and if that meant reading SM's work with her family and accepting her mysterious "gifts", then so be it. It was time to move forward, and she was ready to do whatever it took.