Disclaimer: Everything HP related belongs to JK Rowling. All rights reserved.
Summary: How Albus ended up being the one babysitting Rose until the Baby Malfoys were born, he'll never know. Besides, Scorpius will be back before the baby's born- right? Sequel to The Best Man.
A/N: I've literally been working on this for years! I thought it was about time to dust it off and show it the light of day. Props to my long suffering beta, Lacey aka Toni.
o0o
"Move it to the left," Rose called out. Albus fought off the urge to send a hex in her general direction. As a Potter and recent ex-smoker, he was used to physically restraining himself. However, there was nothing in the contract of either family or friendship that required him to put a lid on verbal abuse.
Albus moved the vial to the right, satisfied with his rebellion. "How about you shove it?" he responded.
Within a second, he felt a zing on his arse. He turned around to see a rather irritated cousin, wand raised and cheeks flaming. "Are you completely stupid? It needs to go to the left. You know, left. As in, the opposite of right? Were you born in a pile of hippogriff shit, Albus?"
Hippogriff shit was a new one. If his arse wasn't stinging from Rose's attempt at behaviour modification, he would be mildly impressed. He moved the vial to its intended spot and rubbed his arse.
"Happy?"
Rose's eyes narrowed. "I'm the size of the Knight Bus, my feet hurt and you can't seem to follow basic instructions, Albus. Do I look happy?"
Previous experience dictated Albus should probably console her. She did look fairly miserable but that was her own bleeding fault, wasn't it? Albus decided that sore arse or not, he wasn't going to fall into her trap.
"You look like you're glowing," he responded and jumped off the ladder. Rose huffed, which Albus thought suited her current state.
Albus smiled at his handling of the situation. Six months ago, when Rose and Scorpius had invited him over for dinner at their posh new flat, the last thing Albus expected was the announcement that Rose was going to be having a baby. He had been happy, of course, but they had just opened their apothecary and business was booming.
So he had done what any self-respecting entrepreneur and uncle-to-be would do and hired the free-spirited Ally Longbottom to work in the shop while Rose was indisposed.
"I don't know why you hired her."
Albus sighed. "Because you have more important things to be doing than checking in on your devastatingly handsome cousin and mediocre-looking husband while trying to take care of your children."
Rose snorted. "I've been looking after children for years, Al. And by children, I do mean you." She rubbed her stomach. Al had to admit, it did look somewhat adorable. Rose brightened. "I suppose it will be worth it in the end."
Albus suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. Exactly five months ago, during the appointment where the Malfoy women had decided to accompany Rose and Aunt Hermione, the Healer had made the discovery that lo and behold, Rose was carrying twins.
Instead of chucking a fit, Rose had simply laughed. Both she and Scorpius were thrilled that the most wonderful Malfoy line was about to be sullied by two children. Two children, two heirs and two more half-bloods to destroy the family. Her only prayer was that the pair of them would not only be completely ginger but girls.
Albus wasn't sure how the pair of them didn't end up in Slytherin with attitudes like that. A loud crash in the back room, followed by a high-pitched shriek interrupted their quiet moment.
"Ally?" Albus called, silently hoping that she had dropped some precious item of Rose's just to teach the crazy pregnant lady a lesson in manners.
"What did you just drop?" Rose called out, clearly panicked. "I really hope it wasn't my brand new set of Ancient Roman goblets, Alyson or I'll-"
Albus quickly covered her mouth with his hand. "Shh."
Ally's head popped around the wall. Her face was bright red and her strange outfit of a robe covered with a bright red apron bore a large stain. "Whoops," she called out. "Just gillyweed extract! Nothing to worry about, Rosie!"
Albus couldn't help but smile as Ally disappeared as quickly as she had entered. "Thanks Al!" Albus called through.
"No worries, Al!" her voice sang back. Finally, Albus removed his hand from his oversized cousin's mouth. She stared at him in shock. What a week to quit smoking, he thought.
"Rosie?" she hissed and Albus cast a very quick and thorough Muffliato.
"She's trying," Albus defended her, quite unsure as to why he suddenly needed to clear his business decisions with the bitchy Mrs Malfoy.
"She just called me Rosie. To my face."
"You have known her for ages."
"You like her!" Rose announced. "Uncle Neville is going to hex your balls off when he finds out you hired his youngest to work the shop while you seduced her!"
"I'm not going to-"
"She's a bit mental, really, I would have thought she belonged to the bloody Scamander tribe with that ghastly apron but she's not too bad. A bit young," Rose continued.
"Rose," Albus pleaded, looking behind him to make sure the young Miss Longbottom couldn't hear the conversation.
"And both named after dead or crazy people. The children of two Aurors, a match made in heaven. The two Al Potters. Well, unless Uncle Neville really does have a problem with you shagging his seventeen year old daughter during the summer hols. But really, Harry could probably-"
"Is there a spell I could use to shut your mouth for good?" Albus finally snapped. "I know your ruddy husband is away on Malfoy family business, completely unavoidable and all that shit and you need somebody to listen to your inane rot, but seriously Rose, you need to shut up!"
Rose's mouth finally closed and Albus thanked Merlin that it had finally worked. But then, Rose's eyes widened and a loud but short shriek erupted out of her mouth. Albus stared in horror as her hand snaked around to her lower back.
"Fuck off," he complained. "You've got to be kidding me."
"Do I look like I'm in a kidding mood, Potter? That was a bloody contraction!"
Albus thought about staying calm, he really did. He worked with very deadly potions and was constantly walking through the war-zone of the joke shop. But neither of those things was going to result in his cousin giving birth in the middle of the shop to twins. If there ever was a time to panic, it was now.
He looked at Rose, who in all her behemoth glory, still looked calmer than he felt. She looked at him expectantly. Shit. "Well? Aren't you going to help me?"
Well, of course he was. Sure, he was the only one around. Maybe he should call for someone. Or get Rose home. He tried to remember what his mum had done when Lily was born but he couldn't think that far back. Did witches even have home births any more? Why wasn't Rose being her usual bossy self when he needed it the most?
He stared at the now-wet floor. Oh. That would explain a lot. So Albus summoned his bollocks and got to work. With a flick of his wand, he Summoned a chair to the middle of the room and spelled the mop and bucket to get to work on the mess Rose had deposited. "You, sit. And good work on the water show," he snapped, holding her arm as she sunk down into the chair.
"As if I could help it!" Rose shrieked and Albus wondered why Ally hadn't stormed in to see the commotion. Not that he was thinking about her when he was trying to make sure the Malfoy twins didn't pop right out onto the freshly-mopped shop floor.
"Bloody Malfoy," Albus swore as he began to pace in front of Rose. "Of course he buggers off right when we need him the most. Sodding Malfoy family business. If the idiots decided to procreate like normal people and have more than one child every generation, there'd be another idiot to send in his place, wouldn't there? What about his father? Decrepit old prick!"
"Albus, shut up!" Rose screeched, her face turning red. "The babies are coming!"
Albus felt his heart leap into his mouth for a moment, before realising that Rose was being dramatic. Even he knew that babies took time- although, was that before or after the water broke? Bollocks.
"Are you sure?" he said, as he tried to calm himself long enough to think about sending a Patronus. To whom, he wasn't sure. Someone. Anyone. Rose cried out in response. He really was an awful cousin and would probably make a horrible godfather. Oh, an Owl! An Owl would work!
"Don't you worry Rosearoo," Albus reassured, gently holding her shoulder. "I've got you. Oi, Ally?"
He was greeted with silence until he remembered the muffliato he has cast only minutes before. He undid the spell and shouted again. This time, she came running, nearly slipping on the wet floor.
"Everything alright? Oh Merlin's balls," she swore as Rose came into sight. "Rose, you're not...?"
Rose groaned and Albus winced in sympathy- more for Ally, who was about to get her head ripped off. "What do you reckon, Longbottom? Use those big doe eyes of yours! Ow ow ow!"
Instead of being offended, Ally only smiled. "Well, I suppose we'd better get things started, eh? Albus, go and send Scorpius your Patronus. Now Rose, twins mean a birth at St Mungo's but you won't be able to Apparate, so I'll owl Mr Malfoy to send over a car for you, just to be safe. Al will go with you and I'll go and collect Ron and Hermione and owl Astoria. How does that sound?"
Both Albus and Rose stared at her as if she had grown a Hippogriff head. "That's brilliant!" Rose breathed as Albus nodded.
"Right, a plan. Good. We like plans, us Potters. They never go accordingly, but we like having them. I'll go inform Daddy-to-be and we'll wait for the car, eh?"
Rose nodded as Ally scribbled on parchment, sending Gillyweed the Owl off to the Ministry. Albus couldn't help spying on Ally as she held Rose's hand and soothed her.
Ally inherited the Longbottom look of things, unlike her older brother Frankie who had the dashing Abbott complexion and smile. She had her hair tied up loosely and parts of her appearance reminded him of Aunt Luna in a way. It struck Albus how beautiful she was and a blush crept up his face. Of all the people in England, somehow he had managed to be staring at the girl who was positively off-limits to the likes of him.
Bollocks. He tried to refocus himself and recalled his fondest memory and then he was instructing his Patronus. He hoped he was interrupting a really important meeting.
"You fucking idiot," he started, hoping he sounded menacing enough for Malfoy, "Rose is in labour and you are not here. I hope your bollocks shrivel up and turn into raisins, you git. Get your pasty arse to St Mungo's as soon as you can."
His Patronus, a house cat of all things, meowed at him and off it went. Satisfied, he turned his attention back to his cousin, who was now in a fit of tears. "Rose?" he asked, terrified that maybe the babies were coming and he was going to have to deliver two children without a scrap of spell knowledge on the matter.
Worse than that, Rose never cried. Ever.
"I-I can't believe he's left me here," she wailed. "He's left me with the two of you and I can't do this! I want Scorpius! And my mum! Al, I want Mum!"
Ally patted her arm comfortingly. "Al will go and get your mum, Rose. I'll wait here with you!" As if on cue, Gillyweed flew back in and Ally plucked the letter from his beak.
She lit up. "Oh Rose, you'll be alright! Mr Malfoy has dispatched a car and he said it'll be about ten minutes out. Then it's not far, hey! We'll have you there in no time at all."
Rose screamed again and Albus was frozen on the spot. He couldn't imagine Apparating anywhere at the moment, let alone thinking about the Weasley wards. That's if Aunt Hermione was even at home. He couldn't remember if she worked from home on Tuesdays or Thursdays and the delay of getting in and out of the Ministry would add more stress.
"Draco is an arse!" Rose called out. It was a fair call. "I bet he's Owling Astoria to meet us there instead of coming here and providing some comfort. What kind of idiotic family did I marry into? Albus, go and get Mum!"
Ally gave him a quick smile. "I'll be back in a mo," he called out with false cheer. "Don't go anywhere!"
o0o
Albus misjudged his spell and instead of ending up in the front hallway of the Weasley house, he ended up in the kitchen and knocked straight into a tray of cooling biscuits. Unfortunately, Hermione happened to be in the kitchen too and after a loud scream in his ear and baking mitts thrown in his general direction, he gave her a wave.
"Hullo," he said quickly, giving her a hug.
"Merlin, Albus! I thought your father taught you how to Apparate? Never mind, what's wrong?" Hermione asked quickly. She raised her hand to her chest. "It's Rose, isn't it?"
He nodded, glad that he could at least help get her to Rose. "Her water just broke. All over the shop floor. I cleaned it," he added proudly. "Well, I spelled the mop to clean it."
He grabbed her hand. "Mr Malfoy sent a car to get her and Ally Longbottom is with her now, waiting. She was asking for you."
His aunt pinched his cheek. "You're a good boy, Albus. But if it's all the same to you, you can Side-Along with me."
He knew his aunt well and in the interest of keeping his bollocks intact, he didn't argue. Moments later, he was being pulled back to the scene of the crime.
o0o
They landed gracefully in the middle of the shop but as Albus looked around, he felt like spewing. "What the fuck?" he called out to the empty shop.
His aunt didn't even register his swearing as she moved away from him and looked around. "Sweetheart?"
The chair was still where he left it and Ally's apron was slung over the back. For lack of a better word, he was fucked. He had managed to lose a pregnant woman.
"Albus, you did mean your shop? Not the joke shop?" Hermione demanded.
"Well yeah, but..." he started, looking around a second time, hoping the pair of idiots were playing a colossal practical joke on him. It wasn't very funny but that was a far better outcome than misplacing Rose.
And Ally for that matter.
"I left them here," he offered. "I mean, Mr Malfoy said the car was ten minutes away, maybe they've been picked up?"
He bloody well hoped so otherwise a Potter, Malfoy or Weasley would be knocking him about the head sooner rather than later. Hermione had never hit him and he didn't fancy being on the receiving end of an Uncle Ron smack, as he had been as a child. Hermione glared at him.
His family were a fearsome lot. "Calm down," he suggested. "Let's just go and see what we find at St Mungo's?"
His aunt's features softened. "I suppose that's logical. Who thought to owl Malfoy?"
Before he could take cover, he found himself throwing poor, defenceless, absent and if he wanted to admit it before his head was ripped from his body - completely adorable- Ally Longbottom. "It was Ally."
His aunt nodded to his extreme surprise. "Good idea. Your uncle has our car, and well-never mind, the old sod had to come in useful, didn't he? Let's check out St Mungo's. Grab my hand."
Ever the dutiful nephew, he grabbed his aunt's hand like he had done a million times as a child, and was glad someone else had taken charge. He felt a familiar pull in his stomach and suddenly, the smell of burnt hair filled his nostrils.
o0o
Albus grimaced as a wizard with a bald head rushed past him with a Mediwitch hot on his heels. His aunt stepped back as a loud screech filled the air. Now was as good as time as any to admit he bloody hated hospitals. He had visited James in the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts too many times to count and the time his dad had dragged them to the smelly Muggle hospitals to visit his stupid uncle Dudley's kids haunted his nostrils still.
Times had changed and many witches took advantage of the child birthing unit added to the hospital after the post-war baby boom.s Getting to the hospital was still problematic at times, but with the help of the grand toss Draco Malfoy, it seemed Rose had been sorted.
He frowned, looking around at the busy wizards and witches running around, not a Healer in sight. Ever the control freak, his aunt grabbed him and directed him in the right direction.
"Upstairs."
But before they could take off, a Healer in those horrid green robes appeared before them. "Oh Mrs Weasley, thank you for getting here so soon! We weren't sure the Auror Office would get to you with your busy schedule."
"Err, Aurors?" Albus found himself asking. "We're here for Rose Malfoy- she should be arriving by car. She's about to bloody pop!"
The Healer looked confused for a moment. "Malfoy? I'm afraid that no Malfoy has been admitted. Mrs Weasley, your husband was admitted into Spell Damage about thirty minutes ago."
Albus just stared at the Healer, hoping that Mr Malfoy was playing a giant prank on his poor aunt who stood there like a stunned grindelow. "Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck happened!"
His poor aunt looked like she was about to vomit and he wasn't too far off the same look. This wasn't happening- his pregnant cousin was presumably en route about to pop with no husband in sight, his uncle was in hospital and his aunt, the one person who was supposed to be holding him together in this bloody mess, was about to vomit all over the Healer's overpriced dragon-hide shoes.
The Healer held up his hand. "The wizard they were tailing sent a bit of a nasty spell his way. Unfortunately for Mr Weasley, it got him. It's not serious, Mrs Weasley, but he has been very dazed and confused and we would really prefer someone from the family to be with him."
"Shit!" Albus swore and ran his hand through his hair. "And you're telling me Rose hasn't turned up? Where is the bloody car? I'm going to kill Malfoy!" Albus wasn't even sure which Malfoy was about to get his knob ripped from his body- his so-called best mate or his sod of a father who might've sent the car to bloody Malfoy Manor for all he knew...
"I'm going to kill him!" Albus repeated, his fists clenching. He turned to his aunt. "He's sent the bloody car to the Manor. The Malfoys only take house calls and I'll bet he wants his half-bloody spawns of Satan born under that bloody Slytherin altar they built for Scorpius!"
"Mrs Weasley?" The Healer rudely interrupted and Albus wondered whether the old fart wanted him to give him a black eye to match his ugly robes. "I-oh, someone really ought to be with Rose," Hermione wailed. "But Ron-"
And just as every time he had lied for Rose, punched the Ravenclaw prick in Fifth Year who broke her heart and stood beside her on her wedding day, he knew he'd do it again.
"I'll go," Albus found himself saying. "You stay here with Uncle Ron. Maybe try and get Dad or Mum or Hugo..."
His aunt nodded in response. "Right, of course. That is a good plan." The Healer looked relieved as he motioned for Hermione to follow. "Albus just...take care of my baby. Tell her I'm coming."
Albus fought the urge to scream at his level-headed aunt for making him be the responsible adult and gave her a quick wave. Baby his arse...the girl was about to pop out two of her own babies and his uncle was in hospital and bollocks, where the hell were his dad and Scorpius and...
"Bloody hell!" he yelled out to the swarm of scurrying witches and wizards. An elderly witch wearing brighting blue robes and sporting bright yellow hair appeared in front of him and promptly smacked his arm with a rolled up Daily Prophet.
"You foul-mouthed young scoundrel!"
He hoped he was stable enough not to splinch himself and prayed to Merlin that the Malfoys hadn't revoked his access to the Manor. "Shove it, you old hag!" he shouted and with a whip of his wand, he was gone.
o0o
A loud piercing noise ricocheted throughout the Manor. It was a horrible sound, straight from the mouth of a wild banshee. Albus imagined the Malfoy peacocks running for cover as he spotted a very tired looking Mrs Malfoy Jnr rushing to see who had apparated into the front courtyard.
Another scream punctuated his thoughts as Mrs Malfoy winced. "Oh Albus!" she cried, ushering him through the gate. "It's simply horrifying! The poor girl...she arrived not long ago and my son isn't here and Draco is trying to contact him. Please, her voice is so loud."
"I fucking hate Malfoys!"
Right now, Albus was inclined to agree with her. "Where is your Aunt? Rose has been calling for her. I tried to help but that young girl that came with her told me I ought to leave."
"Bloody hell! Where's Scorpius? I want my mum!"
Albus found himself following the sound of his cousin's voice up the grand staircase. He passed about three house elves, all in a similar state to Mrs Malfoy.
"Missus Malfoy doesn't want us!" one wailed and Albus barely dodged her as she fell to the floor in tears. "Why won't she want us!"
"Bugger off," Albus advised and Mrs Malfoy looked shocked as all three elves fell over themselves crying on her probably expensive shoes. "Rose?"
With a promise to never commit to babysitting a pregnant woman again, he opened the door. The sight he was greeted with would torment him for the rest of his bloody life and he fought the urge to turn around, go back to the shop and obliviate himself.
Rose was propped up on the bed and a Mediwitch stood in the corner, mixing a potion. Rose's face was red and her already mental hair was positively crazy. Her wails were getting louder, if that was possible. Albus was surprised to see Ally sitting next to Rose. He felt a flush of nerves as her eyes lit up and she gave him a wave.
"Thank Merlin!" Rose moaned as the Mediwitch in the corner shook her head. "Albus, where is he? And where's Mum!"
Albus cringed as Ally leaned over and gave Rose's hand a squeeze. "I'm sure Albus thought to bring your mother!" Well, of course he thought about it, didn't he? He had the bloody woman at the hospital until his stupid uncle and stupid Malfoy intervened.
"Err- Rosie Bear, I hate to be the bringer of bad news, but-"
"Ahhh!" Rose wailed as she moved forward. Albus took a step back, hoping to Merlin a baby wasn't going to shoot out at home from under the blankets, like a sodding Muggle horror film. "We went to St Mungo's where it turns out your dad had a bit of a run-in at work. He's fine, but your mum had to stay with him."
Albus felt like shit as he saw the panic in his cousin's eyes. "And Draco is trying to track down Scorpalicious, so... but the good news is that I, ever your faithful servant, am here to help ease your pain."
"I can't believe I'm doing this alone!" Rose screamed in response and Albus tried (and failed) to not take offense. The girl was clearly in pain and he didn't want to be the one in the line of fire. He would gladly sit by and watch as his best mate took a few kicks to the bollocks. Until then though, his own quest for entertainment would be put on hold.
"Right on then," he declared and took the seat on Rose's left side. Ally gave him a weak smile from the other side and he tried to refocus his attention. Rose. Rose's babies. Ally, still being here after copping copious amounts of abuse from Rose-a-roo. His poor uncle in hospital. His crazy aunt. Ally's underage status. Ally. Ally. Rose!
Rose cried out again and Albus sighed dramatically, extending his hand. "Y'know, I've heard from Uncle Dudders that passing a kidney stone is a comparable experience to ow ow ow!"
"Your uncle Dudley is a bleeding idiot!"
She had him there, he mused as he rubbed his hands and looked across as his co-conspirator. "Have you been putting up with this kind of treatment? I'm so sorry, my cousin has turned into a bloody mental person!"
"Albus!" Ally scolded and Albus wondered again why he was stuck here. The Mediwitch finally moved and Albus spied the thick, pink potion settled in her hand. She shoved the vial in front of Rose.
"Drink this," the stern woman commanded. "You're nearly ready. Where is your husband? If he's not here soon..."
"The wanker's on his way," Albus supplied helpfully. "Until then, we're the support network! Breathe, it'll be alright, your babies aren't ugly, etcetera etcetera."
The Mediwitch was not amused. "This is too hard," Rose announced. "I'm chucking the towel in. These babies are just going to stay in there!"
"Nonsense," the Mediwitch said harshly. "I delivered both Mr Malfoys in this house and we are going to add another two." She raised her eyebrow as she looked at Rose. Albus cringed at her flaring nostrils. "Not long now."
Suddenly, a wisp of smoke stormed into the room and settled on Rose's stomach. The smoke formed the outline of a lizard and it spoke quickly. "I'm on my way!" it said in Scorpius's panicked voice. Albus nearly reached over and kissed the bloody spell. "Dad told me Al's with you- stay with him, he'll help you until I get there. I love you!"
"It's a miracle!" Albus shouted. "See Rose, I told you it was going to be alri-OUCH!"
He winced as Rose proceeded to crush his hand again. He would probably need extensive physical therapy after today. Possibly even regular therapy.
"This is worse than Voldemort!"
He seriously doubted that but wisely kept his mouth shut. Ally squeezed Rose's hand from her spot on the other side of the bed. "Twins are such a lucky omen," she said, grinning.
"Don't reckon Rosennadoo is feeling too lucky at the mo," Albus responded. "But I'm sure once the kids are teenagers she'll be able to-"
"I need to push," Rose interrupted, ignoring both Ally and Albus and focusing her attention on the mad-looking Mediwitch. "But I can't! Scorpius isn't even here! Mum's not here!"
Albus looked horrified when the woman's hand disappeared under Rose's gown. "I'm afraid you don't have a choice, Mrs Malfoy."
And then, Albus felt sick. Like, really sick.
"Albus?" Ally looked very concerned.
This is not something he should have been expected to do. Bugger Rose, he was about to take the honours of murdering Malfoy. In his own bloody house.
Rose was crying now and his hand was bloody hurting and his stomach wasn't feeling quite right and Ally was looking at him and...
"Fuck! Did I miss it?"
And then, the sound angels made. Scorpius bloody Malfoy. "Oh thank Merlin," he muttered and pulled his hand away from Rose's death grip.
"Just in time," the Mediwitch snapped. "If you're not staying, get out and wait in the hallway. Mr Malfoy, up the other end with you. Get your wand ready. And for Merlin's sake, Mr Potter, can you please send one of the elves in? I don't particularly care for Mrs Malfoy's particular brand of charity right at this minute."
Ally was pulling on his arm before he could respond. "Good luck," she called back and dragged him out of the room. While he was inside the room with Rose, someone, probably a house elf, had placed chairs along the corridor. All the living Malfoys were currently seated on the chairs, apart from Scorpius's mother, who was pacing frantically.
There were no spare seats.
"I-uh, I mean the old bat wants-"
"Could someone please send in an elf?" Ally finished. "And it won't be long now."
"Ginger, could you please fetch more seats?" Scorpius's father requested of the second elf, who looked miserable at not being invited inside the birthing room.
"Albus," Mrs Malfoy moaned. "Oh Albus, how is she holding up, dear? And where is your aunt? I owled her but I still haven't heard anything..."
He groaned, holding his head. He had nearly forgotten about today's other drama. "Ron's had a run-in with some idiot on the job. They're at St Mungo's."
Mr Malfoy smirked but nobody said anything. He would normally rush to his uncle's aid but he felt like spewing right onto the Malfoy's expensive carpet. He hoped Rose was making a right mess of their fancy linen. He then felt even sicker at the thought.
The elf finally conjured the chairs and Ally quietly sat down. He sat next to her, wondering why the hell she hadn't run for the bloody hills already. He was close to Apparating right in front of old man Malfoy and going back to his flat and hiding under the blankets for a sodding week.
He was NEVER having a baby, that was for bloody sure.
"Perhaps I should go in there?" Mrs Malfoy suggested. "To have a woman in there might be of help? Oh, I do wish Hermione was here."
Albus tried to avoid snorting. He knew that to be emphatically untrue. Surprisingly, none of the other scumbag Malfoys cared to comment. Only the elder Mrs Malfoy sighed dramatically.
"Astoria, calm yourself. The Weasleys are built to breed. The girl will be fine. And as for her mother-"
"Oi," Albus protested. "You leave my Aunt-"
The burgeoning squabble was shut down by the surprise appearance of Scorpius in the hallway.
He looked like he'd seen a ghost. Albus and Ally stood up quickly, ignoring the stone-faced Malfoys. "Scorp?" he prompted.
"It's a girl," he squeaked. "I mean, they are girls. Both of them. Two of them. Bloody hell."
Astoria shrieked and squeezed her husband's arm. He felt Ally's excited energy next to him. "How lovely," the elder Mr Malfoy sneered. "Two girls. Marvelous."
Scorpius ignored his grandfather and Albus, in a fit of mental emotion, found himself hugging his best friend tight. "Fucking hell," Scorpius breathed. "I'm a dad!"
"Oh Scorpius!" Mrs Malfoy pushed Albus out of the way. "Congratulations! Can we go in?"
"Um, err-"
Scorpius looked distracted as his grandparents stood, emotionless. "We'll leave you to tend to your...grandchildren."
"Your great grandchildren," Mr Malfoy said through gritted teeth. "And I believe there are a few Malfoy traditions we still have to do, father."
The elder Mr Malfoy sneered and glared at both Scorpius and Albus. "Those girls are not Malfoys."
Albus wasn't quite sure what came over him or why, in the house of the supreme twat, a Potter was taking a swing, but he couldn't help himself. Wands be damned, he launched himself at the old prick.
However, in the space of a second or two, Scorpius's dad had his wand out and Mr Malfoy, the old bugger, went arse over head across the hall. Albus stumbled, but managed to go for a bloody spin himself. He and Scorpius stared incredulously at his father who put his wand away without a second thought.
The elder Mrs Malfoy took off after her wanker of a husband as Mr Malfoy lightly squeezed his son's shoulder. "Congratulations," he offered. "We won't go in. I will owl St Mungo's and let the Weasleys know."
Albus's jaw could've dropped. In all the years of friendship he'd never heard the old bloke keep the irritation out of his voice when referring to his family. But then again, nobody had mentioned his dad yet.
He scowled. "I'm sure Potter here will take care of the rest."
Ah, there it was. Scorpius ran a hand through his hair. "That'd be bloody brilliant, Dad."
"Mate?" Albus asked. "The girls?"
Scorpius grinned widely. "Daisy and Violet. As per the godfather's suggestion."
Albus returned his smile. "Give Rosie my best eh? Oh, one more thing...?"
Scorpius was edging towards the door. "Bloody redheads!"
–
A few hours had passed and the descent of the Weasleys and the Potters had begun. The Malfoys had outdone themselves with kindness, to the point where a still-confused Uncle Ron was about to start investigating them for Polyjuice fraud. It was his job to keep the peace, which was remarkably easier with Scorp's tosser grandparents hidden away in the bloody dungeons.
He had discreetly told the story to his brother of the great arse incident, which meant the whole family knew. His dad had asked him three times already to retell the story to him and Uncle Ron. Old Draconius, as he and Rose used to call him in their youth, had produced their finest Firewhiskey and his father, uncle, siblings and cousins were partaking of the tradition. He had had one goblet, but had stopped out of respect for Ally, who had left hours ago.
He thought about her again and nicked another goblet from the proffered trays. Ally had surprised him today, considering how bloody clumsy she was in the shop. She had proved to be kind and level-headed and...bollocks.
"Here they are!" Scorpius bellowed as he and Rose entered the room, each holding a baby. His aunt followed behind with Astoria, their tones hushed. The room roared with appreciation and everyone moved to congratulate the couple.
He had snuck a peek of his two goddaughters while Rose was resting so he felt comfortable enough while his sister practically snatched Violet...or Daisy, he couldn't really tell which, right out of her arms. His mother raced for the other baby and launched into stupid baby noises.
It was disgusting.
Within moments, Rose had plonked herself onto the chair next to him. "Well, that was unpleasant." She sighed audibly. "But worth it. Heard you nearly punched Lucy the Death Muncher. Shame that Old Draconius beat you to it. Fucking twats."
He took another sip of the drink. "Mothers don't speak like that. Imagine yours if she heard you!"
"She never had to push two out at the same bloody time," Rose returned. "Besides I'm deliriously happy and sore, and tired. But mostly sore. And mostly tired."
Albus gave up staring at the zoo that was the Malfoy/Potter/Weasley monstrosity and sat beside his cousin. She did look terrible.
"You look terrible."
She smiled as she watched her father, bandaged head and all, snatch up his granddaughter from Mr Malfoy's hands.
"But, you did good. And congratulations. They are both pretty damn brilliant. For Malfoys, that is. Two girls and two redheads? You are the worst thing that's ever happened to the Malfoy Pureblood line."
She snorted happily. "Don't forget naming them Daisy and Violet. That's all on you , I'm afraid. Besides," she paused. "One can only hope they'll be Hufflepuffs."
Before he could compose a sufficiently snarky reply to cheer up his mostly tired, mostly sore cousin and best friend combo, his Aunt brought a red-faced and screaming infant to their seated sanctuary. "Looks like it's time," Aunt Hermione advised. "I brought over all the Muggle and wizarding books I could find on breast-feeding. Maybe we should head back up to your room? You take Violet-"
"Mum, that's Daisy," Rose pointed out. His aunt looked horrified until Rose burst into laughter.
"Just kidding. It's Violet. Sounds brilliant. I'll take Violet and you grab Daisy from Hugo. He looks bloody terrified."
Albus spied his cousin and agreed with Rose's assessment. He helped Rose stand and watched intently as his aunt passed Violet to her mother with distinct ease. Rose turned her around to face him and he stuck his tongue out, much to his disgust.
"We could use some help in the shop," he said to her. "So you and Daisy better be good with a cauldron."
"Speaking of," Rose interrupted. "Seeing as I'll be on leave, I spoke to Ally earlier. She's going to stay on and help as long as she can over summer hols. Isn't that fantastic news?" Rose said loudly enough for the rest of the family to perk up their ears.
Bloody hell.
"Oh, Neville's daughter?" his mum piped up from the crowd. "She doesn't have long left until she's finished Hogwarts? I'll have to owl Nev! That's brilliant. I'm sure she's going to love staying on."
Ally Longbottom.
He was going to need a cigarette.