So, I bet your wondering how I'm going to start off this story, huh?

Am I going to tell you how I was playing a Mass Effect video game and then suddenly my precious Xbox 360 decided it was time to freeze up? Where I then went to see what was wrong with it and then I was zapped into a blank space where I was told I was to go and save the Mass Effect universe because somehow Shepard's team was incapable of doing it? So, now some god needs me and my precognizant abilities in order to save the known universe?

Nah!

Or maybe I'll tell you I was deeply in love with this girl and we had planned a date and I was extremely late. So in my haste to get there I ended up dying and being reincarnated into the Mass Effect universe in another person's body and will now do everything in my power to join Shepard's crew and fight the Reapers and save the galaxy.

Nope.

I'll tell you the story of a man who ended up being snatched randomly from his life by a god and was then given powers to ultimately save Mass Effect, which he did, but ended up getting sidetracked along the way due to having way too much fun doing whatever caught his fancy…and maybe a story of romance, for good measure.

And so our story begins….

So...I honestly have no idea how I should start this without pulling at some old cliché and boring you all at the same time and that sucks. So maybe I'll just stop complaining and start off with who I am.

Name is Bond, James Bon- No I'm not serious. My actual name is Jace Spicer and I was just your everyday average joe working as a clerk in a GameStop, trying to earn a bit of cash in order to live in my crappy apartment with a crappy landlord whose lard ass could never do any type of repairs that would otherwise make my life a bit better. Oh? What problems, you ask? Oh, nothing really, just aleaky roof, faucet that doesn't work at all, no hot water, mold in the walls, really nothing that will make this home livable and anything that will make this better at all!

Ahem, sorry about that. Now where was I?

Yes, that' right-my name is Jace Spicer, I'm a five-foot-nine, 120 pound, African-American. I have an average build, long black hair and, perhaps not surprisingly, black skin. I worked at a Gamestop to earn a bit of cash to pay the rent for my crappy job. As you might have guessed it wasn't a very luxurious job. For a while, I found a tolerable balance between constantly bombarding our customers with what equated to verbal ads all the time, aligning shelves, checking inventory of games-you know, the regular stuff. It could have been a much crappier job if I did not enjoy playing video games as much as I did, and have some amount of camaraderie with my co-workers. One can only stand so many screams and rants from completely and utterly incompetent parents who think that their child should be babysat by video games and then completely get upset when I tell them we can't sell Little Jimmy and his trio of friends Grand Theft Auto Five because its an M-rated game and its flat out illegal.

Anyway, so I ended up getting fired because I got into a slight "altercation" with another employee named Bob who got it into his pea-sized brain that he would go and eat my lunch.

Now wait-do not give me that incredulous look! He ate my delicious Alberto super fries. And then, if that wasn't anger-inducing enough, he proceeded to chug down my vanilla root beer soda that I spent the last of my money on!

Needless to say, Bob will be drinking through a straw for a while…and may or may not have become a paraplegic. So yeah, I got fired for that and now here I am, a twenty-two year old man who has no job, no money, and no other discernible skills.

"Fantastic. What a mess you ended up getting yourself into this time, Jace. Thanks to your momentary lapse in judgment, you now have no job, and so with no way to make money to give to that sorry excuse of a landlord in order to continue living in this small, cramped apartment," I said while staring at my reflection in the mirror. In an attempt to make myself feel a bit better I tried to look at the positives of the situation.

"Now, all you gotta do is get a different job with better pay within a couple of months in order to continue to pay the rent to continue to live in the dirty ass rundown apartment complex," I said to my reflection. My reflection wasn't much help, so I then tried to concentrate on happier thoughts.

"Okay, so you do not have a job anymore. That means no more waking up early, no more annoying children and condescending parents, and best of all-no more Bob!" I thought to myself I'll readily admit that the last part about no Bob is what really swayed me into getting out of my funk of being an unemployed bum now. So with that, I made my way into my Bob-less living room, kicking off my running shoes and taking off that accursed Gamestop shirt for the final time before tossing both on the floor at my door. In a t-shirt and blue jeans, I sit on my couch and flip through TV channels, looking for something to watch.

"Carmen! W-why? How could you sleep with my half-brother who is also my cousin and my boyfriend all at one time?! I trusted you!" Horrible, cheesy and annoying soap opera? Nope.

"And then I said 'what a loser' *canned applause*" Annoying and mind-numbingly stupid reality TV show about pointless things? Hell to the no.

"I'm going to be king of the pirate- "Anime that really irritates the fuck outta me with its annoying characters? I'd rather go back to watching that horribly acted soap opera.

Frustrated at not finding anything to watch, I turn to the next best thing to do: Play and struggle through video games for the rest of the night. Getting up off the couch and walking up to the cabinet that my TV sits upon, I rummage around in the drawers until I find my video game case.

"Let's see here: SSX….not in the mood for snowboarding…Dragon Age….dragon slaying gets tiring after a while and I don't have the patience to actually go do sidequests. Only reason I would play the game would be for Morrigan." I zone out caught up in thoughts of Morrigan in skimpy clothing, dancing around for me.

"Hehe, Morrigan sure is one hot mage. She could save my life with a 'dark ritual' anytime- if you know what I mean," I say, voicing my more dirty thoughts aloud, but then shake my head clearing it of any lingering scantily-clad Morrigans.

"Okay, back to choosing a game: Rainbow Six…no…ah ha here we go, Mass Effect!" I yell out, holding up my copy of Mass Effect that I had yet to play thanks to my job…but now that I'm unemployed, I no longer have to worry about that!

I press the power button on my Xbox 360 and wait for it to hit the dashboard screen before opening up the disc tray. Setting Mass Effect inside the disc tray, I slightly nudge the tray, causing it to automatically pull it and the game back inside the console. I then grab my controller from atop the console and sit back down on the couch and prepare to vegetate for the rest of the night.

*Hours later*

"Shepard has got to have the patience of a damned saint! I don't think I could handle the Council with the same amount of patience that she has. Especially that asshole Turian councilor who has the gall to use air quotes," I said as I got to a save-point and turned off the console shortly after to get ready for bed.

I left my couch and made my way to my room to gather up some bed clothes before heading to the bathroom again. Frigid water greeted my skin, and shortly after so did the Old Spice shampoo that I bought in hopes of attracting women. Needless to say that didn't work at frickin' all. After thoroughly washing my body and getting out of the shower, I grabbed my one good towel and dried myself off before putting on my bed clothes, exiting the bathroom, and finally heading off to my bedroom to sleep.

And here, ladies and gentlemen, is where my life ended up getting completely and incomprehensibly weird.

Two seconds after I fell asleep, my eyes snapped open, only to be greeted by…absolutely nothing but a huge white expanse. Getting up off of the floor-I think it was a floor-I did the natural thing.

"Hello? Is there anyone there? Am I dreaming or is this someone's idea of a joke?" I shouted. All that earned me was hearing my voice echo on for what seemed like miles and miles. After making the observation that I'm completely and utterly alone in what seemed an endless expanse, I did the natural thing one does in such a situation.

I rationally and calmly reacted to the situation, I assessed what I could possibly do, an-

"Oh my god I'm going to die here! I'm all alone! There's no-one here wherever this is! As if losing my job and my last bit of food wasn't bad enough now I'm stuck in some forsaken void! Why are the fates so cruel?!"

…Okay I'll be honest: I completely and utterly lost it. What would you have done if you'd just woken up in place like this with nothing in sight but a table and a couple of chairs and…wait…

"That wasn't here before…or maybe it was and I was too busy freaking out about my current dilemma," I say after regaining my composure from my recent breakdown. I then made my way toward the chair nearest to me and sat down at it. The table was really unremarkable, as were the chairs. The color of the set was a dull brown and at any other time I wouldn't have cared for it, but it being the only other thing in this place that wasn't white I didn't really care. It was something else besides me that was here and that was enough for me. Though I do have to wonder…

Why are there two chairs here when as far as I can tell that I'm the only person currently he-

"Hiya, you are kind of sitting in my chair right now."

I think I reacted to the sudden appearance of a voice from behind me rather appropriately.

"Great Googly Moogly!" I exclaimed while launching myself off of the chair in question and face planting all at the same time. Feminine laughter erupted from the voice's origin point while I picked myself off the floor, grasping onto the table for support. Rubbing my aching face I look over my shoulder to see a woman with long flowing blond hair, a curvy supermodel figure and wearing a long white dress and no shoes.

I'll be honest with you: I may have gawked a bit. But just a bit-you would, too.

After I shut my jaw, I took my seat at the table, and the supermodel took the other seat across from me, and we both silently stared at each other for an interminable amount of time until the woman inhaled and then began speaking

"So…I bet you're wondering how you ended up in this place, Mr. Spicer, hmm?" she asked me, leaning into the back of her chair. I scoffed at the question and responded with a look that plainly said "No shit, Sherlock."

Ignoring the complete and utter incredulity of the previous statement I reply, "Yes but barring that who exactly are you, how did you get here along with this table and chair set, and where exactly is here?!"

The woman huffed, crossed her arms in front of her and responded with, "Well in short my name is Alena and I'm the goddess who pulled you from your boring human life to..." here she abruptly stood up on the chair and put one foot on the table before pointing at me."…be my source of entertainment!" she finishes. I sit there looking at her with my hand on my chin and a completely blank expression on my face; however, my thoughts were racing a mile a minute trying to figure a way out of this situation.

So some crazy chick named Alena, who is admittedly hot, is trying to get me to 'entertain' her under the delusion that she's some sort of omnipotent being and has kidnapped me from my home and put me in this white room. Think carefully about what you say next,buddy.

I leaned forward and responded with the most logical response one could possibly give to someone who thought they were a god: "Oh yeah? Prove it!" I shouted as I stood from the chair and shot a challenging smirk like one of those arrogant anime people. Alena looked pretty surprised I called her on her bullshit, and I thought I now had the upper hand. Closing my eyes with a satisfied smirk upon my face, I leaned back on my chair, crossing my arms and mentally patting myself on the back.

Ha! She didn't expect that! Now all I have to do is smooth talk my way into getting her to let me out of…wherever she currently has me.

I'm soon shaken out of my thoughts by a pressure on my lap, which I assumed to be Alena. Sighing and rubbing the area between my eyes I spoke, "So uh not that having a hot lady on my lap isn't fun and all. You kind of kidnapped me and brought to some random place. So I think you'd understand if I told you to get off of my lap." When I didn't get a response and I still felt the pressure on my lap I decide to open my eyes and repeat my earlier statement when I'm greeted with the visage of not the self-proclaimed goddess Alena, but Morrigan from Bioware's Dragon Age franchise.

Yes, Morrigan from Dragon Age is currently sitting in my lap. While my brain restarted, Alena's smug looking face came into sight and she spoke, "What was it you said about Morrigan earlier in your apartment? Ooohh yeaah. I remember now, it was 'Morrigan could save my life with a 'dark ritual' anytime." She finished with a look directed at me that just screamed 'I told you so'.

Morrigan, her yellow eyes alight with amusement, decided that now would be a good time to speak up after being silent since her arrival at this little bit of news, "Truly? You'd be willing to participate in a 'dark ritual' with me? Well how could I possibly resist such a handsome, strong man such as you? I do hope that you don't mind a little...discomfort," she said as she lazily stroked the side of my face with her finger. I just sat there in silence still coming to grips with the fact that anhonest to god (or should I say goddess) had apparently kidnapped me. Apparently she'd had enough fun at my expense. She waved her hand and Morrigan was gone, as if she had never been there to begin with. Looking toward the goddess who was seated across from me, I asked the most obvious question.

"Why exactly did you pick me and not someone else?"

Alena smiled and replied, "Because you are interesting and because it was either you or that annoying yellow haired boy who wore that hideous orange jumpsuit and shouted at the top of his lungs all the time." I racked my brain trying to think who I knew had that kind of- and then it hit me like a lightning bolt. Jumping to my feet and pointing at her I interrupted," WOAH! You're telling me that it was either me or Naruto?! Naruto Uzumaki! The same Naruto that has a basically limitless amount of power and a plethora of planetary-level destruction techniques?!"

She tilted her head and merely responded with, "Yes that's right Jace. Now, I'd appreciate it if you'd let me finish." Slumping back into my chair I looked back at her and waved my hand in a go on motion.

*One information dump later*

"So you basically are going to give me super powers to go and do anything?"

"Yep."

"In any dimension?"

"Basically."

"As long as I don't upset the balance or end up destroying the dimension."

"Prettty much."

A long silence settles in between the two of us and is not broken for what seems like an eternity.

I keep my face blank for the longest time and tossed around the pros and cons of such a situation in my head.

In reality, the choice didn't take more than a couple of seconds.

I sighed and looked up at Alena, her slim face showing her anticipation for my decision. I smirked at her and said, "Alright I'll do it." Her face lit up in obvious happiness at my choice, after which she did a little victory dance that I had to admit was pretty cute. Interrupting her little moment to get her attention, I coughed into my hand. She jumped back to the here and now, but my move had the unintended side effect of getting her to hug me and press her ample bust into my face.

"Oh thank you so much Jace! I'll make sure that you have so much fun. You've made this goddess the happiest goddess to ever exist!" Alena thanked me while basically suffocating me with her huge love pillows. She finally let up on the hug which let me quickly catch my breath and then she sat down at the table. I did, too. She and I then got down to business hashing out the little details.

"So what powers do you want? Flying? Omnipotence?" Here she leaned in, giving me a greater view of her cleavage. "I could make you unbelievably attractive to all women alive?" she waggled her eyebrows suggestively. Blushing, I turned away and said, "While that sounds awesome, Alena, I already have an idea of what powers I want." Her curiosity piqued, she asked "Oh really? And what powers are those?"

I told her," Video game powers and immortality. Think about it. I could become a god just like you with enough time and effort! We could hang out and go have fun anywhere! So instead of a temporary source of entertainment, I could be a permanent one." Needless to say from the expression of absolute joy on her face, she pretty much agreed wholeheartedly with my idea.

Now all that needed to be decided was the universe to go to. I had one in mind.

"I want to go to Mass Effect, Alena," I said.

She shot me a puzzled look. "Why there of all places?"

"Well, it's a good starting point, and I've been interested in that particular place for quite a while. So let's get started!" I said, striking a pose.

"Hold on their cowboy! First, I gotta give you the powers you asked for, otherwise, you aren't going to last very long," she said before extending her hands toward me and closing her eyes in concentration.

A yellow light soon bloomed from the palms of her hands and flew toward me. I instinctively threw my hands up in front of me and closed my eyes. When I didn't feel any pain, I opened my eyes to see that I was glowing, and that I felt a lot better than I had in a long time.

I looked toward Alena. She was smiling at my current amazement, and with a little chuckle said," Did you think it was going to be some great transformation into an immortal?"

Blushing in embarrassment, I said, "So now that I'm immortal, what about the video game powers?" Alena just smiled and gestured me to come closer, which I did. That turned out to be a mistake when she grabbed me by my shirt collar and head-butted me.

In case you were wondering: yes, it hurt. A lot. It also had the effect of knocking me into unconsciousness. The last thing I heard was Alena saying, "Okay, time to get you on your way to godhood."

{End}

My first new story in years! I've been bitten by the Mass Effect bug or more rather I'd been reading a multitude of mass effect stories and self inserts and ended up getting completely pulled into doing my own.

Course myself insert is an Original Character as that gives me a lot more freedom in terms of level of insanity.

Also be sure to thank Euphonemes, my beta reader for helping me to get this out in a much better condition.

I'm writing down ideas for the next chapter so I have a general idea of where I want to take the story. The chapters will come kind of slow because I want them to be the best that they can be so I won't irritate anyone with horrible grammar.