For the Hardness of Walls
I'm sitting in my bedroom at headquarters; it is late. There is, of course, nothing unusual about this. I am often up at this hour. The room is silent and still, almost eerily so. Moonlight filters in through the window, landing on Raito's prostrate form and glinting off of the cold steel chain that connects us.
I look at Raito and marvel: how his hair gleams, how he looks so perfect, even at night. But most of all, I marvel at the look of peace on his face. Only now, in the still of the night, does he seem truly peaceful. I look away, out the window.
We had shared so much, Raito-kun and I. Through the entire case, I had suspected him, but after the imprisonment… it seemed for a long time as though he was truly innocent. That was when we really became friends…
Lately though, another change has come over Raito-kun. He has withdrawn into a shell into which I cannot follow. He acts very strange, and gets the oddest look in his eye whenever I am around. It worries me deeply, even more so because I do not know what ails him.
I turn from the window, only to see Raito standing there. I am startled, but not because of his sudden appearance. No, I am more than startled, I am disturbed. Because, in Raito-kun's eyes is a gleam, a terrifying red gleam that was never in my friend's eyes before. No, at that moment I realized that there was something very seriously wrong.
"Raito-kun?" I murmur, and I wonder if he can hear the bewilderment in my voice.
"Yes, Ryuuzaki?" he says, in a voice as smooth as oil. I internally recoil; this is not Raito's voice. I back up a step, if only to give myself room to think. Raito steps toward me, filling in the gap as quickly as I had widened it. I quickly look up into the terrifying crimson eyes, and wince as he grabs my shoulder.
"Raito…" I stammer in an unconvincing monotone, "Let go."
He grins. "No, I don't think so." My eyes truly widen for the first time as I realize with a shock that this is not Raito. I glare at him. "Who are you?"
His eyes widen. "You don't recognize me, Ryuuzaki? I'm hurt." A chill steals into my heart. "Kira…"
The crimson eyes widen. "Oooh, Ryuuzaki, you got in on the first try! You really are smart!"
I glare at him. "I try, Kira-san, I try."
He leans forward, his breath skimming my cheek. "But your not the smartest, Ryuuzaki. Not anymore."
A chill runs down my spine. "I never claimed to be the smartest, just smarter than you," I murmur nonchalantly. Fury glows in those eyes for one terrifying instant before his fist connects with my face.
I am thrown to the ground, rolling over and over until the wall stops me. He approaches again. "You think you're better than me, Ryuuzaki? You couldn't stop me! You couldn't even catch me!"
I look at him with my most emotionless gaze, reserved for traffic cops, angry bakers, and crazed mass murderers. "I was on the right track, though, wasn't I?"
Enraged, he punches me again. I catch myself and try to fling myself back up into a martial arts stance. A mistake, as it turns out. Kira is much stronger than Light-kun. No mortal stands a chance against a supernatural being, after all. He uses only one hand to pin me to the wall by the neck, cutting off my breathing. I gasp.
I struggle a moment, only to hear his tiny laughs when I can't get free. I admit, even I am beginning to feel a bit frightened. "Raito-kun, put me down," I say calmingly, hoping that my Raito is under there, somewhere.
He laughs. Nope. Guess not.
He leans forward and begins to speak. "You think Raito's in here, Ryuuzaki? You're wrong. Raito was dumb enough to let me take over this body in the first place. He may have gotten control back for a while, but I'm back now. Raito is gone, and he is never coming back." He strikes me again, the other side of the face this time. His superhuman strength is terrifying. My eyes widen; I am fighting back panic.
Now, something worse. He's whispering to me: horrible things. Things no mortal should ever hear. No, I don't want to hear. I try to cover my ears, try not to hear the blasphemies that fall from Raito's gentle lips. I mutter to myself; if I whisper loudly enough, I won't be able to hear him.
His mouth is three inches from my ear, and he still whispers. It's heart wrenching, unbearable. I keep whispering, louder, louder… My heart bleeds… the betrayal squeezes my heart and fills my eyes with pain… "Raito!" I gasp, "Stop, please!" But still he whispers.
"L, L, L," he tuts, "you can mutter and whine all you want, it won't change anything. You have created your own downfall. This is your fault. You can tell yourself that it is anything that you want it to be, but ultimately, L, it is your death."
He smashes me against the wall. My head bangs it painfully; I whimper. "There, L!" he shouts, "There is the wall. It's hard, isn't it? Isn't it!" He lowers his head to mine. "Try telling yourself that the wall isn't hard, Ryuuzaki, see how far it gets you…" I don't understand.
He smashes me against the wall, again and again. I see stars, and whimper, but to no avail. I can tell that I will lose consciousness soon. Kira knows this as well… "Well, Ryuuzaki? Isn't the wall hard? Can you convince yourself otherwise?" He slams me against the oak once more. "Tell me, Ryuuzaki, how hard the wall is!"
I whimper again, a soft, weak moan.
"Words, Ryuuzaki, words! Don't tell me the smartest man on the planet cannot think of a word to describe the hardness of a wall?" he shouts sarcastically.
I look at him with deadened eyes. "It… it's hard." I mutter.
He looks at me with deranged eyes. "Louder Ryuuzaki!" he screams, bashing me against the wall again.
"You're insane!" I cry, and then wince as my head connects with the wall once more.
"The wall Ryuuzaki, the wall!!" he shouts.
"The wall is hard!" I burst out, "The wall is very fucking hard, Kira. Are you happy? This wall is as hard and cold and painful as your heart, you bastard. It's only redeeming quality is that it isn't insane." The gleeful rage returns to Kira's eyes. I look away as he bashes me against the wall one more time. He finally releases me, allowing me to slide to the floor, where I pass out, Kira's face fading to black.
I slide slowly into the darkness… it seems that Kira did not need my name after all…
I sit up in bed, breathing hard. I grab for my head; it's whole. No bumps, no gashes, nothing. I breathe a sigh of relief. I look around. The moonlight still shines in the window, gleaming off the chain and Raito-kun's hair. I stare down at the brunette. He looks so peaceful. Calming my frenzied heart, I settle back down under the comforter and try to get some sleep.