A/N: Well, this story is my character study of Meer Cambell, from her own point of view. It was inspired by the Barlow Girl's song, Mirror (Someone should really make an AMV of her to that song). I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed Destiny or any of the characters contained within.
Meer: Mirror
"Mirror, mirror on the wall
Have I got it?
'Cause mirror you've always told me
Who I am
I'm finding it's not easy
To be perfect
So, sorry,
You don't define me
Sorry,
You don't own me
Who are you to tell me
That I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you?
Who are you?
I don't need to listen to the list of things I should do
I won't try
I won't try"
~ Mirror, Barlow Girls
I know I shouldn't have ever been so foolish. To think that I could be someone else…I must have taken leave of my senses for a moment. But then, it was my only hope. And dreams, emotions, desires…they can make us do terrible things.
I won't declare myself innocent. I know I did wrong. Even when I was being "deceived," I knew more of Chairman Durandal's evil deeds then any other, except possibly Rey Za Burrel.
I told myself that I was better, wiser, than the real Lacus. That if Lacus had known better, she would have stayed by the Chairman's side, by the PLANTs' side. That if she knew the truth, she would do no differently than me. That I was just standing by until she came back. That I was helping the PLANTs.
I knew they were all lies.
I did believe them, but because I had to. Or, I told myself I had to. I thought that if I didn't follow Chairman Durandal, I would be a no-one again. And I would have been. In fact, I probably would have been less than no-one. I would be killed.
I had a choice, once. Athrun gave it to me. I made the wrong decision that time. He offered me the chance to be myself again, to no longer be Lacus. He offered to protect me, to save me from Chairman Durandal. And finally, he warned me that I was only a pawn in the Chairman's plans, and that when my usefulness was over, Chairman Durandal would not hesitate to have me killed.
I had known this. I wasn't an idiot. I knew, if only in my heart of hearts, that what was going on was not and never had been innocent. I knew I was being used. But the desire to be somebody…I fell to its temptation.
It was easier to become somebody by being Lacus. I didn't have to make my own way. I simply had to allow myself to become someone I was not. Someone I could never be.
I used her fame to carry me, and my song, to stardom. I trusted Durandal like a fool, because without him, I was nothing. He defined my life. He told me where I was to go, what I was to say. And I liked it— because with him, I could do no wrong.
But that all changed. One day, the real Lacus showed herself again. She said she was in Orb. She said she didn't agree with Durandal.
She said I was a fake.
There's something called Stockholm syndrome, where after being kidnapped, you fall in love with your captor. It was kind of like that, I think. Durandal had trapped me in a cage, no matter how pleasant and similar to my dreams it was. Everyone said I was Lacus. Even Chairman Durandal didn't call me Meer anymore.
I started to think that Meer had just been a dream. I told myself that that was it. I was Lacus Clyne. There was only one person who was stopping me from being her.
So when I was on Copernicus, I didn't know who I was. Chairman Durandal wasn't telling me what to do anymore. I couldn't see anyone anymore. I saw Lacus in the mirror; and that meant I was Lacus.
Sarah told me I was Lacus. She told me the other Lacus was fake. She told me I could help the PLANTs, that I could have a purpose, if I just destroyed the fake Lacus.
I agreed. I used my Haro to give Lacus—the fake Lacus— a message. She came, but along with her came Athrun, a girl from the Minerva, and another boy. She spoke to me.
She told me that I shouldn't let my song—"Emotion"—be used by others.
She told me that no matter what I did, I would still be me.
Athrun called me by my name—Meer—and I couldn't do anything anymore. Sarah fired at us. Athrun and the boy protected Lacus and I.
Lacus told me that it would be alright.
Then that machine came. That boy, the one they called Kira, he offered to take me with them. They told me they didn't blame me. Lacus accepted me.
Then Sarah fired.
In that second, I couldn't think. I only knew one thing; I wasn't Lacus, and Lacus wouldn't die because of me.
It hurt, but for the first time in a long time, I was happy. Lacus held me. I knew the others were there too, but I couldn't really focus on them. I spoke.
"My song…and life…please don't forget them."
"You don't define me."
A/N: Well, there you have it. I'm also working on a character study of Flay, from Miriallia's point of view. Sometime I'll post that one. I hope you enjoyed this character study!
If you enjoyed this story, I'd appreciate it if you left a review, or chose to look at one of my other stories. Thanks for reading.
Sayonara,
Shiori Hitohana