Spoiler: Probability

Character's thoughts are in italics.

This follows Next Time, which followed Off the Wagon, which followed The Rescue.

Disclaimer: I own no one. Dick does.

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It was a couple of days after Valentine's Day and Alex Eames was frustrated and anguished. Frustrated because she wanted more of Bobby, and she didn't know quite how to deal with that. Her mind raced back and forth between their encounter from a few nights before and the fact that he went out on a date with someone else.

She was sitting in a Starbucks down the street from Bobby's apartment. She made it all the way over there, almost to him. She even got as close as the front door of his building, but then retreated to safety; taking refuge in his local coffee shop, trying to decide the best thing to do. Alex wanted nothing more than to go to Bobby. She knew the past few days at work were tough on him. They had just wrapped up a case involving homeless men and women being murdered after large insurance policies had been taken out on their lives. Bobby seemed to have grown attached to someone who had helped them, but that person ended up being part of the crime. Alex was imagining him sitting alone, feeling awful for having to put that poor man in jail. For that reason alone she wanted to see him; give him comfort.

But then there was the night they shared just a few days before. God, that was incredible. She closed her eyes and shook her head while she daydreamed a bit about all the wonderful things her partner did to her. I don't know how he does it, but every time we're together he manages to make me feel things I've never felt before in my life. A chill ran through her as she remembered what he felt like; his kiss, his touch, his hands, the weight of his body as it covered hers. She put an elbow on the table and dropped her forehead into her hand.

She let him into her bed that night, too. She had told herself that she wouldn't allow him there, that she didn't want that memory to haunt her as she climbed into it every night. But he had carried her into her room, and the way he looked, and after what he had just done to her…ugh, God, I couldn't help it…I wanted him again so badly. Then he went and mentioned more condoms and well, that was that. She didn't let him stay the night, but he was there for hours, she hasn't washed the pillow he used yet, she's waiting until she can't smell him on it anymore.

She lifted her head up and gave it a quick shake, trying to pull out of the torment she'd been inflicting upon herself.

Then there was his date the next night. The rational side of her knew that she should not be bothered by it. She told him to go, and she told him they had to keep what was going on between them casual. Alex knew both of those things were right to do. She had no ties to him, no claim, nothing. What he did was his business, she had no say in any of it.

But then there was the other side of her, the emotional side. When she thinks of him with anyone else, she feels as if she'd been kicked in the stomach. The thought of him sleeping with another woman was too much for her to bear.

Oh my God, what am I gonna do?

She also felt overwhelming anguish. There was something she hasn't told Bobby. Alex agreed to be a surrogate mother for her sister. The time was approaching for the procedure to take place; the doctors are going to try after her next menstrual cycle. She only has about two and half weeks, she has to tell Bobby soon. If she wanted to be really selfish, and truthful with herself, she would call the whole thing off. She wanted more time, with him. She needed to figure out what the hell they were really doing with each other and right now she felt like there was a timer, slowly ticking away the days and minutes and seconds; toward the moment when her body no longer belonged to him.

"Ma'am?"

Alex was stirred from her thoughts at the sound of a teenager trying to get her attention.

"We'll be closing soon, can I get you anything else?"

"No. Thank you, though." She made a motion to get up but stopped because she couldn't manage to move right away. She felt like the weight of the world was resting on her shoulders. I wonder if this is how Bobby feels all the time?

I know I have to tell him about my plans. He needs to know soon, to give him time to adjust to this news.

She let her mind drift to a place she rarely let it go. A baby of her own, a family of her own. She couldn't help but feel like she was giving up a chance for her own baby by being a surrogate. Being completely honest with herself, she let herself wonder if she and Bobby would have that chance. He's the first guy since Joe that she's thought about that way. And in her heart, she knows there won't be another. It's Bobby or nothing. And right now, I could be throwing that all away for my sister's happiness.

Her head was in her hands when she heard the dangling of keys. The kid was back and wanted to leave.

She pushed herself up out of the chair, put her coat back on, said a quick goodnight, and walked out the door. She still had no idea where she was going.

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tbc