Glossary
Ok, I'm South African, and I've done the unthinkable and written this with some local words, so here is a short glossary
Jo'burg=Johannesburg
Karoo= A semi-desert that lies between Johannesburg and Cape Town, known for its sheep farms and tiny towns along the route.
Bakkie= Pick up truck
Highveld = the region Johannesburg lies in, rated as the second highest lightning spot in the world.
"catch a few z's"= get some sleep
Wimpy= Local fast food joint, MacDonalds is in the cities only.
duiker, klipspringer = Small breeds of gazelle native to the karoo
donga= eroded land, causing furrows and broken axles to 4x4 drivers
**********************************************
Sanity and reality. Two conventions we all subscribe to in order to deal with the chaos around us. Face facts, insanity is the norm, reality way too bizarre for our conventional descriptions. If a writer were to write about some of the events that really happen, half the time they would be accused of being unrealistic! Ah well, better that than face what happens when the curtain is lifted and the full nature of reality is revealed! Better this story gets told, who knows, maybe it will even get read.
****
I was driving from Jo'burg to Cape Town. I hadn't looked forward to the trip, 1600km's always struck me as too far to drive, but my boss was too cheap to pay air freight. So the bakkie got loaded down, and I got to drive in ther uncomfortable vehicle for two days. It was early evening, the heat was rising off the road, and the arid, near desert landscape quickly descending into night. It would be time to stop soon, and I was keeping an eye out for anywhere to take a break, get some food, and catch a few z's before going on.
I wasn't looking up, or I might have noticed the uncharacteristic storm clouds gathering overhead. I was definitely surprised when the first bolt of lightning struck the ground off in the distance.
"SHIT!" My shout echoed around the cab, but there being no one to hear but me, it was wasted. At least now I looked up, into a massive cloud mass, dark, threatening, with bolts of lightning shooting across the sky between the clouds. An electrical storm I would expect across the Highveld, but here! At least there was a rest stop coming up, somewhere to hunker down until the electrical storm blew over. Yeah, I know, I was perfectly safe in my bakkie, but I would feel safer indoors!
The rest stop was opposite a small town. Hell, out here every rest stop is opposite a small town! Well, Wimpy's burgers were still good, and the red plastic covered chairs actually comfortable. Nature was supplying a spectacular show, the lightning coming fast and furious, lightning playing across the sky like a massive fireworks display. Then it was over, a massive bolt shot from the sky, hitting the ground in the town opposite, lighting up the sky and the area. And with that the sky cleared.
Well, I thought, nothing to it. Pay the bill and get a move on. Another ten hours driving ahead, then I could hunker down in the Holiday Inn that had a room reserved for me in Cape Town. Everything seemed cool, everything seemed normal. Goes to show how everything can fool you!
***
The road was quiet. Hell, if it hadn't have been I would have wondered what was going on! My headlights lit up the road ahead, the new toll road being a pleasure to drive on, until something jumped out of the road ahead of me and smashed into the front of the bakkie. My first thought was that it must be a duiker or klipspringer, but the shape seemed somehow wrong. I got out, more to see how badly damaged the bakkie was than worrying about the animal, the deformed shape could have just been from the impact.
I was wrong. What was lying there was just plain weird. Nothing looked right. The body looked flat and wrinkled, like a blow up toy with the air let out of it. The head, at least what was left of it, had two huge, black ,insectile eyes, a short snout and what looked like an anteaters mouth. Hey, like everybody else I visit game farms and am pretty good at game identification. I was pretty sure this was not in any book or in any game park I had visited.
So, with visions of having a new species named after myself I went to fetch the blanket covering the flatbed of the bakkie. Only to turn around as the creature re-inflated and looked at me. It was creepy. Those big eyes, expressionless, unreadable, reflecting multiple images of me. The snout waving in the air, slowly making its way towards me. I panicked. I jumped into the bakkie, through the window into the cab, started the engine, and hit the accelerator. And nothing happened!
I tried again, got rewarded with a grinding noise, and a view of my front bumper lying in the road behind me as I drove off. That wasn't the only thing behind me though. Whatever that damned creature was, it was sitting in the back of the bakkie like a loyal dog. Enjoying the feel of wind against its face as I sped off. I slammed on brakes. It stayed where it was, not sliding at all. But as I stopped it turned to look at me, and I swear it was as if it was begging me to drive off again.
I close the interleading window, it sat and looked at me. I pressed the hooter. It sat and looked at me. I went backwards and forwards, tried to swerve around, tried to get it thrown off. It sat and looked
at me. I stopped and looked at it. Its large eyes looked back. And then the true horror emerged, it tilted its head back and howled, opening an unseen mouth below that proboscis, howling into the night. And it was answered. From the distance came other howls, an answering chorus, as a pack of the creatures came running full tilt, to stop surrounding the bakkie. They sat and regarded me. Then the whole group howled together. A sound like that of chalk across a board, a sound that more reminded me of a sadist tormenting his victim than of any animal sound. That howl continued, for so long I did not believe it could come from the lungs of any earthly animal.
The howl was followed by silence. The surrounding creatures just watching the bakkie, not moving. The one behind me watching me through the glass. And then it moved, its proboscis probing at the window, leaving a trail of yellowish green slime across it. It seemed disturbed when nothing further happened. And then some of the slime touched the metal of the car, and I watched in horror as it began to smoke, getting pitted by whatever was in that slime.
Once again I panicked, I rammed the car into first, sending it straight at the creature in front of me. Only to see it jump out of the way, and hear it land on the roof above me. Once again I swerved the car around, trying to dislodge the creatures, once again I was unsuccessful. Only this time the one on the roof seemed to try and eat the car sooner, a hole appeared in the roof next me and the creature landed on the seat beside me.
Reaching over, its proboscis found the steering wheel, and I had to let go. I could see what that acid could do to metal, no doubt what it could do to skin! And as I let go, the bakkie traveling at high speed, left the road, smashed through some poor farmers fence into a hidden donga, the bakkie thrown forward as the snap of the axle came to my ears. Poor me, I was thrown forward as well. With no seat belt. At least the windshield broke nicely as I went through it, resulting in minor cuts only.
The bigger damage seemed to be to my back. I think that's broken, or at least badly damaged, there is no pain from my legs. Just as well I suppose, for that is where the two creatures from my bakkie seemed to have started feasting. They are delicate eaters, taking only small bites before stepping back to digest what they have taken. They do seem to enjoy the taste though as they keep coming back for more. Not much will remain of me of course, between their eating and the acid in their mouths, I am sure the police will be puzzled by the smashed bakkie and no trace of a body.
I am sure I have gone insane in the meantime. Else how could I sit here calmly describing being eaten by some really weird creatures, writing details onto a blood smeared invoice pad? Heh, Fate has a sense of humor. Imagine having the pad of paper thrown out to the same place as me. Hardly probable, but then, as I said at the start, reality is way too far fetched to make a good story.