Disclaimer: I don't own supernatural or any of its characters.
Thank you to The Tribble Master for being my awesome beta!
And my secret ninja SpeakThroughWriting for waking me up at 8 am and editing.
A/N Well, I was really looking forward to seeing Sam's reaction when Dean told him about him breaking the first seal...but we never got that. So I wrote it :D Enjoy!
Nobody's Fault But Mine
The Impala's headlights illuminated the otherwise pitch black night as the Winchester's drove down the deserted road in silence. Sam gazed blankly out the window; his expressionless features made him seem lifeless. The only way one could tell that the man was alive was by seeing the slow rise and fall of his chest as he breathed slowly.
Dean turned to face his young brother, concern showing in his face. "Dude, you okay?"
Sam tilted his head towards his brother's voice. "No, Dean, I'm not okay. I just started the frigging apocalypse."
"Sam, you-"
He interrupted the beginning of his brother's you did the best you could speech'. "I don't want to talk about this."
"Damn it Sammy, this isn't your fault! She tricked you, that's what demons do!" Dean shouted at his younger sibling, letting his growing frustration show.
"You warned me...you told me not to trust her, and... I didn't listen." A tear rolled down his cheek before he could blink it away. "I thought that I was helping...that all of the horrible things I did in the past year would be for a good cause...instead I destroyed the world." His face was pale. "This is all my fault."
Dean bit his lip in thought. Sam...You didn't start this...don't blame yourself...how can I tell him now? I...I can't. But if I don't tell him he'll blame himself...it's not right. I need to tell him... I need to try...
He kept his voice level then began, "Sam...there's something that I need to tell you."
"If you're going to say thatit's not my fault, don't bother." He mumbled a monotonous reply.
"That...that's not what I wanted to say." Dean took a deep breath before continuing, "There are things that I haven't told you....I should have told you a long time ago..."
"What things?" Sam once more faced his brother, interest showing in his eyes.
"You can't blame yourself for this because-"
"Dean!" His voice nearly came out in a growl. "Will you stop telling me that already? Do you even know how many times that I've heard that in the last day?"
"Dude, will you let me finish? This time it's different." Dean pulled the Impala to the side of the road and turned off the ignition.
"What are you doing?" Sam looked outside of the motionless car at their surroundings.
"How much do you know about the sixty-six seals?"
Sam looked taken aback, "Uh... Not too much, I guess. Why?"
"Haven't you ever wondered how this started?"
Sam looked away from his brother and stared into the darkness surrounding the Impala. "I..." He paused, shaking his head. "No. I never did."
"And you never thought that... That it was a little strange how I got pulled out of hell the same time that the apocalypse started?"
Sam turned to face his brother. "Dean... What are you saying?"
Dean paused and let out an explanatory sigh. "Sam... You may have broken the last seal, but you never broke the first. This is my fault. I did it. I broke the first seal."
The younger Winchesters' eyes grew wide in disbelief. "W-What?"
"The first seal..." He quoted, "It will be broken... When a righteous man sheds blood in hell." He looked at Sam, letting his information slowly sink in. "It was me. When I started to torture souls in hell... I broke the first seal." He ran his fingers through his hair and slowly shook his head. "I had no idea what would happen..." His voice trailed off.
Sam looked at his brother, disgusted, as he turned to grab his duffel back out of the back seat
"What are you doing?" Dean looked at him, confused.
Sam proceeded to step out of the car, "I'm leaving."
"Where are you going?"
"Away."
He stepped out the car, throwing his hands in the air. "Sam, you can't just leave, we're in the middle of nowhere! The closest town is almost a hundred miles away!"
"So? I'll walk."
"Are you insane? Sam, just get back in the car so we can talk about this." Dean pleaded.
Sam spun around to face his brother. "Talk about this? Talk about how you been leading me to believe that you're innocent in this? When it's really been your fault since the beginning?"
"Sam-"
Sam interrupted his brother's half-ass explanation. "How you destroyed the world because you got some sick pleasure out of torturing souls?"
"But-"
Sam began to laugh. "This is almost funny when you think about it. How for all of these years you and Dad have been telling me 'not to use my powers because it was wrong'... Not to get sucked into what the demons wanted from me. And then you end up doing what the demons want..." He looked Dean in the eyes. "Correction. You not only did what they wanted, but you enjoyed it. Then? Then you started the apocalypse." He spat on the ground. "I can't believe you. I can't trust you." Sam swung his duffle bag around his shoulder, then turned his back to Dean, beginning to walk down the deserted road.
"Let me explain." Dean made one last attempt to stop his younger brother.
He didn't both to look at his brother as he replied, "Don't bother, I'm not listening."
Dean jogged for a couple seconds until he was only a few metres behind Sam. "I had no idea what was going to happen" Desperation rode his voice. "I would never have done what I did if..." Dean stopped when he realized his words were meaningless to Sam. Sam knew this already, he was only repeating useless information now. "You're right. I was an idiot. No, not just an idiot, a selfish idiot. I should have told you this months ago."
Sam stopped, finally looking at his brother. "Yes. You're right, you should have."
"It was wrong to not tell you. None of this is your fault; you were only using your powers because you thought that you could stop the apocalypse. You thought that killing Lilith would fix this... I knew that what I was going to do was wrong, but I didn't care. I did it anyway. I've never stopped feeling guilty for what I did...what I became. But I can't change that, not ever. I can never take back what I've done. But you...you're a good person. You always do the right things; what you think is best for everyone. Hell, you feel guilty for squishing a mosquito." Dean snickered quietly at the memory.
Sam made a small smile as he thought about the mosquito that Dean was referring to. It had been a hot summer day and they were staying in a motel with no air conditioner. They were out late on a hunt and by the time they finished it it was almost four in the morning. The damn mosquito kept flying around his ear and was getting on his last nerve...
"After you squashed it you stayed up the rest of the night talking about what a bad idea it was to kill it. You said it might have a family and they might miss it. It's kind of ironic. You killed it because it was stopping you from sleeping... And then the fact that it wasn't there anymore to stop you from sleeping, stopped you from sleeping." Dean laughed again at the thought.
"That is kind of ironic... Dad sure wanted to kill me for that." Sam agreed and remembered his angry, sleep deprived Father.
"Yeah. Sammy... The point is that I would do anything to take back what I've done, to take back all of the mistakes I've made. I know now that it was wrong. I didn't then, and I'll never be able to say 'I'm sorry' enough times to make it right... Enough times to fix the hell that you went through because of me." Dean looked down in hopes that his brother would forgive him as he concluded his apology. "Well, that's all I have to say. So, if you really need to walk to the next town because you hate me too much to ride in the Impala... I'm not going to stop you." Dean looked back up to his younger brother hopefully.
Sam watched Dean, deep in thought. He nodded once then made his way back towards the car slowly.
Dean's smile was huge. Both boys swung their doors open at the same time. Sam tossed his duffle bag back into the car.
"You know," Sam started, "I can't believe that you actually brought up that mosquito story."
"Hey, it's a good story! And you know you still feel bad when you see those things around the motel room." Dean joked, and then turned his expression to a more serious face. "I'm sorry Sammy."
Well, there it is. My version of what happened when Dean told Sam about the first seal...I hope that you liked it! Please review if you did!
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