I can't help but grumble to myself as I walk over to him. "ISN'T IT ENOUGH I'M IN CHARGE OF ALL LIFE ON THIS ROCK, WHY DO I HAVE TO-" I stop in my tracks and see him peeking around the tree at me, half of his tablet visible past his absurd hair. "THE FUCK IS THAT?"
His eyes suddenly go so wide I can almost see them past his triangular glasses. In an instant the tablet disappears into his sylladex as his cheeks turn bright red. "Nothing," He says it so… so… calmly. He went wild in expression for a split moment, how's he about to put on the facade of suddenly being back to cool as a fucking cucumber. "What are you even doing here, dude?"
"THAT FUCKER DIDN'T EVEN TELL YOU? FOR FUCK'S SAKE, DAVE," I can't help but facepalm at that hipster Knight's total stupidity. I let out a quick sigh to calm myself and bounce right back into talking. "DAVE. HE SAYS I SHOULD START GETTING TO KNOW THE HUMANS I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH, AKA, YOU, YOUR BOYFRIEND, ROSE'S MOM, AND JOHN'S HOT MOM."
His head didn't move, but I'm familiar enough with Dave that I know that fucker rolled his goddamn eyes at me right there. "Jake isn't my boyfriend, just call them Roxy and Jane, and please don't talk about how hot you think any of them are in front of me please."
"FINE. WHATEVER. THE POINT IS DAVE WANTS US TO HANG OUT," I sit on the ground in front of him. "SO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR WEIRD FRIEND SMUT THAT YOU WERE DRAWING."
"Dave told you that story?" I quickly nodded before he even finished his sentence. When I lift my head back up he suddenly has that tablet out again. "I wasn't drawing any damn smut. I was drawing fan characters, well kind of," He spun his tablet around and shoved it in my face.
What followed was pure fucking confusion. "THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?" All I could make out was him, but all orange and holding a sword, John's hot mom but all cyan, holding a fork and also has… some kind of crystal on her forehead, and also Kanaya with a crystal on her stomach holding a spiked whip of some sort.
"They're from a really old show on Earth. Even before I crashlanded, but I found some files that survived the destruction of society. It was called Steven Universe."
"STEVEN UNIVERSE?"
~~2 DAYS LATER~~
"Alright, do you want short or long sleeves?"
"I'M WIELDING DUAL SICKLES THAT I DRAW OUT OF MY CHEST, LONG SLEEVES WOULD BE TOTALLY COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE WHEN FIGHTING, ESPECIALLY AGAINST ANY GEM WITH SPIN ATTACKS LIKE AMETHYST OR JASPER!" Who does Dirk think I am? Someone who hasn't seen past fucking Jail Break?
"I just figured I'd ask," He calmly droned as he drew swooping lines from Bloodstone's shoulders to her armpits. "Besides, I kind of didn't think you'd put my tank on her."
I could feel my face contort into pure self-loathing.
~~24 HOURS LATER~~
"Ready?" Dirk asks from 3 feet to my right, a remote at hand to start the music on my signal.
"READY," with that, a fast-paced, bass-heavy beat started up. We both mirrored each other, widening our stances until the predetermined point in the song when we quickly kick at each other and lock our ankles, drawing ourselves against each other. I make a circle with my arms around his neck, wide enough to fit his head through. As I did he firmly placed his hands at the bottom of my pump organ cage, lifting and eventually throwing me upward into a spin, turning himself 180 degrees. In a split second I landed perfectly, my back to his.
"But, well, Bloodstone would land on Topaz's shoulders and fuse into Amber."
With that, we both turned our attention to the unexpected, soft, clapping by the music player. "Well done bros, well done."
I quickly stepped away from Topa-Dirk and addressed Dave. "IS THIS SUFFICIENTLY ACQUAINTED FOR YOU?"
"Yeah, I'd say so," With that he turned away. "You can find Roxy in her house most days, but feel free to keep 'fusing' with my bro there. You aren't the first to touch his gem."
"Dave, I'm going to fucking kill you if you don't stop talking about Jake."