The Sorting of Harry Potter

"Potter, Harry!"

Eleven year old Harry Potter gulped nervously before walking up towards the stool. He glanced around, looking for his cousin, Dudley. He caught his eye and Dudley gave him a thumbs up from the Gryffindor table. Harry remembered what Dudley had told him about the Sorting Hat, or 'Gerald' (The Sorting Hat had wanted an actual name, rather than a title, so Harry, Dudley, James and Sirius had brainstormed some and the Hat liked Gerald the best.) "He's a nutter, but he knows how to sort." Dudley had said.

Harry sat down on the stood and Professor McGonagall placed the Hat on his head. Harry waited. He heard nothing. Finally he thought:

"Hello, Sorting Hat?"

A terrible robot impersonation answered him: "The person you have called is not available."

Harry remembered another name the Hat liked. "The Awesome Sorting Hat of Awesomeness, that even though I sort I also like conversation hint, hint'?

"Warmer, warmer."

"Gerald?"

"Waddy Wassup?! Badda badda, boom, chee, boom, boom, chee, chee! Siriusly, it took you long enough, bro. For realzers."

"Pardon?"

"Don't be a thick fro-yo bro! I have been-a viewing the MTV, and picked up the lingo, is it?

"Oh."

"Oh? Oh?! Is that all you can say? Do you have any idea how many Doctor Who episodes I had to miss to get that perfect? I missed the supreme commander of all Daleks! That would have been EPIC!"

"You can watch it online."

"Dumbles has a MacBook air, the screens too thin for me to balance on."

"Oh, well you're welcome to visit mine, Dad recorded it. He's been hooked ever since mum made him watch it."

"Coolio, my brethren! I shall-a comeio a knocking! Metaphorical knocking, really, 'cause I don't have arms. Or hands. Or legs, so I'll have to hop to yours. Where do you live anyway?"

"Godric's Hollow."

"Oooohh, might have to get the Knight Bus. Anywho, have you noticed that everyone's starting to look a bit concerned?"

"I have actually."

"NO MINNIE DON'T TAKE ME OFF! WE ARE HAVING A CHAT! BOG OFF! Of all the nerve!" Gerald roared as Professor McGonagall reached for his tip.

"I think it would be best if you sorted me now."

"Sweet honey Badgers you're a Hufflepuff! Congrats! LOL JOKES!"

"GRYFFINDOR!" Gerald bellowed.

"Come a visiting at someio point, Harry?"

"Count on it."

With that, Harry got up and walked over to the cheering Gryffindor table. He sat down next to Dudley.

"How was Gerald?"

"He's my brethren, though is it?"

A/N: Please review! :)