Metal Gear: Friction

Big Boss stood shirtless on the beach of his island resort. Desperate killers giggled like infants, batting a large inflatable ball back in forth in the tepid waves, silhouetted by the setting sun. He felt like a god.

It had been a year since he killed a robot that reminded him of his mother. The whole event had made him feel liberated. She wasn't a soldier at all. The nightmares of her, crushing his testicles beneath a cinder block, all to make him strong, had all but ceased. He was developing a beer gut, and he could stomach the thought of sex with a woman again.

His radio buzzed in his ear.

"What is it, Kaz?"

"Boss?"

"Problem, Kaz?"

"N-no.. you just sound different, somehow."

"What are you talking about? I've always been this way."

"It's not important. I've called with an update on Paz."

"Did they find her body?"

"Well.. no, boss. That would hardly be news. You blew her off of mother base. We all thought she was dead. Quite frankly, finding her body would be expected, if the sharks didn't get her first."

"So.."

"She's alive, Boss. God, you sound different. Do you have a cold, Boss?"

"ALIVE?!"

"Uh, yeah. Seems to be becoming a trend. And we thought the Boss being reincarnated as a machine was strange. Next time you kill somebody, save the body. We'll cremate it. We had the ovens installed last—"

"Kaz!"

"Oh, yeah, so she's being held in an American prison camp off the coast of Cuba. Strange, really. You wouldn't think the communists would approve of that, but there it is."

"Black site. Off the radar. Hrmm.."

"Snake, we've got to get her back. She knows too much."

"We could assassinate her."

"No, Snake. It'd be a pity to waste a body like that."

"Kaz.."

"Hear me out, Boss. We've got the facilities. I could keep her, like a pet."

"KAZ!"

"It's just an idea, Boss. Besides, she knows Zero. She's seen him, with her own eyes."

"So have I. He made me put out my cigar. Really took me out of my zone."

"You do love your cigars, Boss."

"Only thing that keeps me going," Big Boss laughed, hollowly.

"I think we should retrieve her, Boss. Take her back to Mother Base."

"For your sex dungeon. I know. Jesus, Kaz, how do you touch those things?"

"What, women?"

"Yeah. They don't.. have the right parts."

"Yeah, they do, Boss. Trust me."

"I didn't know what to do with them. When I was in that box, with her, it was terrifying."

"What about EVA, Boss?"

"I was really drunk, and I think she did all the work. I really don't remember it all that clearly. Besides, I think I was drugged."

"Uh.. what about Cecile?"

"Our friendship is platonic. We both like birds. That's all."

"And Strangelove, Boss?"

"How did you know about that?!"

"Mother Base is wired with cameras, Boss. Even the bathrooms. Even the bedrooms, Boss! We can never be too careful. What do you think I spend my day doing? Gets lonely in the control room, Boss. That much I can tell you."

"She.. reminds me of someone, Kaz. Someone I used to know. Besides, we never do anything like that. She just shocks me, or tickles me, if you're Japanese, and I push the action button to regenerate my health. It's completely harmless."

"If you say so, Boss."

"About Paz.."

"You got to rescue her, Snake. She has valuable information, and she knows too much. Besides, Chico was captured looking for her."

"Rico? The boy? I think I remember threatening him with my gun. Amanda didn't like that, but she really doesn't call the shots around her."

"Chico, Boss. It means 'boy' in Spanish."

"Not very creative."

"It never is, Boss."

"Cuba is a strange place. Communism has destroyed all of the brothels. All the cars are vintage. Great cigars," Big Boss smoked as he talked.

"Morpho likes flying," the pilot said. "Morpho approaching the LZ!"

"Good work, Morpho. You're a good pilot." Big Boss stroked his hair.

Morpho purred obediently.

"You've arrived! Good work, Boss."

"I couldn't have done it without help," Big Boss winked his missing eye at Morpho, the gesture going unnoticed.

"The first order of business is to rescue Chico. He's being kept in a cage, like a filthy animal. I've marked the location on your smart device."

"This thing freaks me out. Weren't we amazed by cassette players only a few years ago."

"Holograms are the new cassette players, Boss. Get used to it. It might save your life."

"I guess.. but it talks, all the time. Likely to give my position away."

"EMBRACE THE FUTURE, SNAKE!"

"Yes.. master.." Snake said, robotically, his Patriot programming briefly taking hold.

"Good. Now sneak in there and find the boy."

"Don't worry. I'll have Cierro back in custody before you know it."

"Chico, Boss. Stay focused."

"Blonde kid, likes monsters. Got it."

Snake encountered a multitude of guards. Their inane chatter seemed useless, but he hid and listened. He found the noises comforting. Sometimes he'd throttle them, holding a blade to their throat, and make them make the noise, sexual energy flowing through his veins. He didn't know why he did it, but it felt good.

These soldiers were especially poor, and alerting them made time drag, giving Snake the precision to pull off multiple head shots in mere seconds. It felt easy. Too easy. He pressed on.

"Ricardo!" Snake hissed in the prisoner's face.

"AAAAAaaaa!" the terrified boy shouted.

"I've come to rescue you!"

"Help! Strange gringo! American dogs! Save me!"

"Ah, gonna play it that way! Fine!"

Snake throttled the boy. The prisoners, previously begging for help in the distance, went silent.

"Accept it, Ricardo! You're coming with me. And your tape recorder in your chest, old hat. I've got an iDroid. It's made of futuristic technology. You've probably never seen anything like it. Oh, the woes of transhumanity." The boy looked blue before he stopped.

"Anybody else want to join my army?!" Snake yelled at the terrified prisoners. They tried not to notice. "You're loss, amigos. We do nothing but play volley ball and go fishing. We're a haven for soldiers like you, but not heaven.. something.. outside of heaven.."

Snake unceremoniously hoisted the unconscious boy onto his back.

"Couldn't he just walk, Snake? You're not going to be able to use your cool submachine gun like that."

"Kaz, I had to choke the boy out. He made me uncomfortable. He's a cyborg now. Cassette player in his chest, speed bolts in his Achilles' tendons. He's more machine than anything else. Can't be trusted."

Snake ran uncharacteristically quickly to the landing zone, his iDroid shouting out weather reports, alerting a number of doomed guards. "Wave of the future?" he thought, "Maybe if you're a cyborg ninja, not a stealth machine." He plugged another guard in the head with his pistol, setting a new record alight in the sky, his iDroid prognosticating the weather all the while.

"Morpho approaching LZ! Morpho landing!"

"Good, Morpho," Snake patting his helmet, feeding him his Morpho treats - highly addictive mind control pills.

"Aiee! They torture her, Snake! Man with no face, he make Chico do things! Chico is a man now, Snake!" He ejected a cassette from his flesh pocket. "Listen!"

"Disgusting!" Snake said, throwing the cassette into the ocean. "Take this mandroid away, Morpho. He's violated the one code of Outer Heaven."

"Morpho obeys." The pilot shifted the chopper into take off.

"Kaz.. This base is evil. It's corrupting our youth."

"The dogs will pay, Boss. MSF doesn't take kindly to this sort of thing."

"I should have packed some flares. Could order in an airstrike, easy."

"Nonsense, Boss. From this range, we'd probably set Havana ablaze. Better to use stealth. Besides, the corrupt Western media would have a field day if they knew we were involved."

"How's the inspection going?"

"The IAEA? The fools won't know what hit them. They're all dogs, Boss. All of them. When your new order is established, they'll be the first with their backs against a wall."

"Hrmm.. as it should be, Kaz. No room for traitors in my new world."

"No room at all, Boss. Go find Paz."