Warning, don't hate me. I had to. My life just fell apart and I have to put it back together, this is my catharsis.

Play It Again

There are times in life where something major happens to you and while you are trying to process this life altering event some mundane thought creeps into you head. A crash in your timeline like a bus hitting you at full speed. As you lay there, life bleeding out of you like a spilled box of straws, a discombobulated mess from your once organized world, you try figuring out if you can feel anything. Then something catches your eye or maybe a familiar smell dances into your olfactory cavity and you are suddenly fixated on this pointless memory or thought. Did I take the trash out? I was wrong, that is definitely what chartreuse is. Oh the chicken-to get to the other side, meaning death. Some stupid thought that interjects into your terrorized moment quite possibly to calm you down. That's right, it is mostly a chemical reaction. Maybe a self preservation tactic that your brain fires something else completely random and non related to distract you from the fact that everything has just been derailed. At least that is what Tim Drake told himself as Dick was babbling on about buildings that looked like hats. Why else would Dick Grayson, the passionate, caring, lethal crime fighter vigilante that is Nightwing… less we forget best looking, be talking about cowboy hats. Especially when Tim was holding Dick's intestines in trying to get him to the Batmobile.

Earlier, they touched down at the chemical plant. Batman and Robin went to Wayne Enterprises, Batgirl and Red Hood were taking Old City and Nightwing and Red Robin were given the Chemical Plant. Those were the coordinates of the possible bomb large enough to blow up the entire city of Gotham planted by Scarecrow. It was a game to Scarecrow for Batman and his team to try and find which place had the bomb. Batman had to choke down his pride and call everyone to the cave. Things were still touch and go after he betrayed them by withholding information about the Joker. His secrets resulted in the Joker kidnapping and trying to kill each of them. Which was a typical event to happen, except that Batman had lied to them and that is how they were taken. He once again made a decision without their input that put them at risk. Not for nothing, but he had about twenty years of doing so and being successful. This time, however, he was wrong. His phone calls were masked apologies, curt and to the point with the frosting of Gotham and innocent lives laid nicely on top to get their buy in. Since each one of them are selfless fighters who do their jobs, it worked. They arrived and were updated on the mission. Then Batman had the daunting task of making smaller teams to cover more ground. He was briefly reminded of the riddle of crossing the river from when he was a child.

There's a river and you have to cross it on a raft. There is you, a lion, a mouse and a piece of cheese. Only two things can fit on the raft at one time. If you leave the lion and mouse alone, the lion will eat the mouse. If you leave the mouse and the cheese alone, the mouse will eat the cheese. How do you get yourself and everything else to the other side safely? Translated to Red Robin and Robin fight, Batman and Red Hood don't see eye to eye, Red Robin and Red Hood don't get along, but Batgirl and Nightwing were wanting to work together. Therefore, the pairings Batman landed on, he felt made the most sense and avoided anyone metaphorically eating each other. It had been a long time since Dick and Tim were on mission just the two of them. They worked well together as partners. Beyond sharing in the baggage that comes with both being adopted by Bruce Wayne, they shared a mutual respect for each other.

Red Robin had pulled the schematic of the chemical plant long before their arrival. They devised a stealthy plan for entry. The two were feeling confident, but not cocky, that their strategy was set. They entered the plant and at first everything was going just how they planned. Their location didn't have the bomb, but it did have seventy five henchmen working for Scarecrow inside. The two were prepared for that. As they fought, they heard over their communicators that the bomb was in Wayne Enterprises and had been disarmed. Old City had been a ruse. Batman, Robin, Batgirl and Red Hood met up in the center of the city to go after Scarecrow. Nightwing told Batman that they were going to take care of the guys at the Chemical plant and then would be joining them shortly. He estimated ten minutes. He cracked a joke that it would have been five, but since Red Robin didn't finish his burrito, he was slower due to finishing someone else's dinner.

Red Robin smirked, "It's not my fault you're a glutton."

"You can't waste a good burrito. Am I right, scum bag?" Nightwing asked the guy he had held up high before he threw him to the ground.

"Watch your six Red."

"On it." Red Robin turned and kicked the man behind him who had a gun ready to shoot.

More men were arriving. They both noticed, but pretended not to react to the fact that they were slowly being out numbered by both men and weapons.

"Hey, did you see that new movie?" Nightwing asked as he pulled out his Escrima Sticks.

Red Robin didn't mind Nightwing trying to raise the mood, which was drastically changing from a walk in the bad guy park to a riot level run. "Which one? The one where the untrained hero easily murders everyone because no one knows how to shoot a gun? Or the other scientifically impossible one where—"

Nightwing laughed at him cutting him off "Dude, you need to lighten up. They're movies, they're not re—" But he was interrupted.

"Nightwing!"

Nightwing couldn't finish his sentence due to one man throwing a small vile at Nightwing that he hit away and cracked with his Escrima Stick out of reaction. It exploded a poisonous chemical down the arm that was holding the stick and the rest of Nightwing's right side. His skin started to burn and Nightwing let out a cry of pain. Red Robin saw it, but he was across the room. He dropped kicked the man in front of him and threw an explosive at the one behind him, desperate to get Nightwing some back up. Nightwing felt the raw fiery burn on his skin and his breathing changed for the worse. He kept fighting trying to ignore the agonizing sensation. 'Dick you idiot. This was suppose to be a simple in simple out. This will probably scar.' He thought to himself.

As Nightwing was compromised, Red Robin was frantically punching men out while throwing Batarangs at others around Nightwing, but there were a few men in his way. Nightiwng tried to remain focused, he tried to fight them back, he needed to get clear and regroup. He needed to figure out what this shit was that was now causing him to feel nauseous. He needed to watch his fucking back because the man with the automatic in Nightwing's slowed state was faster. How did this turn so Chernobyl so fast? They had a plan.

Red Robin saw it unfolding, he took a punch to the jaw because he could see it. In fact, couldn't look away and despite his adrenaline and efforts he couldn't get there in time. A shot went straight through Nightwing's abdomen and then another through his shoulder. Nightwing's holler in pain rang from his body and straight through Red Robin's leaving him with a panicked chill. As Nightwing's body hit the ground that chill dissipated from Red Robin and anger engulfed him. He viciously attacked the men around him leaving them bloodied and beaten. He bulldozed through the rest of them in a blind rage not registering the bullet that grazed his leg, the knife that cut his arm or any punch he wasn't able to block. In a few short, but incredibly graphic seconds, the room was still and everyone was on the ground except Red Robin.

He rushed to Nightwing who was writhing in pain. "Shhit..I'm sorry. I'm so..you're going to be fine." He immediately put pressure on the gaping gun shot wound that was spurting blood from Dick's abdomen. He reached into his belt and got out some bandaging to try and subdue the bleed. Like putting a band aid on a trickled faucet, it was soaking through. Dick's breathing was labored. He could finally see how badly the skin was damaged that was burned. "We're getting you out of here." Tim decided the other arm was going to be the one he could swing around him regardless of the gun shot wound in his shoulder. "This is going to hurt, but I can't use your burned arm."

Nigthiwng nodded that he understood. He sputtered "This…is gon'na get wo' rse..before it…getsbet'er"

"Don't try to talk. I'm going to call the Batmobile to us." He tried to be gentle when pulling him up, but Dick yelped in pain at the jostling of his shoulder. He got him up and they started slowly inching out of the chemical plant. "Batman, Nightwing is hurt. It's at an acute level, send the Batmobile to our location."

'At an acute level', Batcode for fatal. They were all trained to never say anything that might be heard by an enemy and seen as weakness. But one look at the two of them snailing along, it wouldn't have mattered if Red Robin had said everything was fine. Any predator would be attracted to their pathetic sight.

"Copy Red Robin." The seriousness in Batman's voice couldn't be discerned from any other time he spoke. Then he continued "Nightwing, Red Robin has you. Hang in there."

Tim looked at Dick and Dick strained to look at him in acknowledgement of the concern in Batman's voice.

"He's not wrong, I've got you." Tim confirmed with as much confidence as he could because he was sincerely trying to ignore the severity of the situation. How did this happen? This is Nightwing, the original Robin. He even trained Tim at a certain point. He's trained his mind against chemical burns like Batman, this must have been a new formula. The pain he must be in now.

Batman came through interrupting Tim's racing thoughts "Red Robin, Batmobile is three minutes out."

The Chemical plant was near the docks. As they skulked out of the plant, past their cycles, they could smell the bay. Their pace was too slow for Red Robin's liking, but with each step Dick unintentionally let out a grunt or whimper with his struggled breaths.

"I'd carry you, but the bullet didn't go through, I'm afraid to move it too much."

Blood was pouring out of Dick. By this point, the pain from the burns were a constant sharp tearing sensation at his skin. He was panting and tasting blood in his mouth. As Red Robin spoke, he couldn't exactly hear it properly because there was too much other noise in his head from the pain. He started to stop them.

"What? No… the car is going to be here any minute." Tim protested when he felt Dick begin to slow and go from heaviness to more of a weight pulling him.

Dick wrestled his burned arm up from pressing on his wound in his stomach and pressed it against Tim. "I need'tah..sit" He was pulling himself down. The BatMobile then stopped less than 30 feet from them.

"NO! Look. It's here, come on." Tim wildly argued.

But Dick dropped to the ground, propped himself up against the four foot stone wall that ran along the harbor. He rested his head back on it panting. "Need'tah…sit."

"DICK! What are you doing? We have to get you to the cave. We can save you. Come on." Tim didn't care about Batprotocal, real names were happening. Dick looked like shit having lost so much blood. The car was inches away. He tried to pull at him to get him up, but Dick countered his efforts with the little strength he had left. Tim was now visibly upset. "STOP FIGHTING ME! I HAVE TO SAVE YOU! I CAN SAVE YOU!"

"Tim."

"JUST GET IN THE CAR. I CAN GET YOU—"

"Tim."

"IN THE CAR. COME ON. DON'T GIVE UP!"

"TIM!" Dick managed to raise his voice enough to stop the exploding teen. Tim stood above him still upset. "Look." He said calmly.

"What?" Tim desperately still focused on getting him to the car.

"Just look out."

Tim turned "The disgusting Gotham bay?"

Dick's face brightened. "Yeah, all the lights reflecting on the water."

Tim looked at the water and looked back at Dick. Dick wasn't an older brother per say as none of them felt like true brothers and sisters. They all felt something familiar like family to one another, but it still felt slightly removed. However, Dick was an important and cherished mentor and close friend Tim admired and looked up to. Dick was always on the go. A ball of energy and excitement that seemed to emote from some natural replenishing core inside him that Tim needed copious amounts of caffeine to even attempt. As his sight went from the calm water to Dick, he could see the weakness, the stillness that had replaced what he knew as Dick Grayson.

"Sit with me." He begged.

"Dick—" Tim felt like if he sat he was failing. He couldn't sit down. He just…

"Puh-lease." Dick's breathing sucked and he was spitting blood as he spoke.

Tim dropped to his knees by Dick's side embracing pure defeat and failure.

Dick tilted his head to look at Tim, his eyes were glazing. "The min'ute… I got hit.. I knew, Timbo" He said breathy with a thin line of blood coming out of his mouth. Tim went to say something, panic in his eyes, but Dick continued. "I know you wantah save… me, but I don'want the last thing I see… to be the dark ..ceiling of the Batmobile. I'd much rather see the disgusting bay." He teased him.

"Yeah…it's not so bad with the lights" Tim offered with a faint smile.

"Yeah,… just… sit with me here."

Batman's voice came through "Red Robin! Report! The Batmobile says it is where you are, but you're not moving?"

Dick's eyes gave a desperate look to Tim.

"Dick…" He began but then closed his eyes and shook his head. He pressed his hand to his communicator. "We're almost out." He said to keep Batman at bay.

Dick managed a small smile.

Tim guilt driven started out quickly, "I'm so sorry"

"No!" Dick cut him off so fast and seriously it caught Tim off guard. "You make sure to tell them." he coughed slightly and winced in pain. "That it…. wasn't your fa'ult…. This wasn't your… fault. Not …leaving… was ma'choice. I asked this..of you… don'let them punish you… for it."

"We could have tried—" Tim grabbed Dick's hand trying not to squeeze too hard from the burn. He needed to be closer to him.

"You would have lost." Dick's face was contorting in pain, but he was ignoring it. The moment the bullet ripped into his gut he knew it was over. He calculated the time the Batmobile getting there versus the amount of blood loss, not to mention the placement of the wound his days of being Nightwing were done. He looked out to the bay again "Ju'ever notice..the Crayole Insurance… building…. looks like a hat?" a breathy laugh came after that.

"What?" Tim looked over. "Like one of those cowboy hats?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah…I see it" He laughed. There was so much he wanted to say to him, too much to say. Here Dick's going on about buildings and cowboy hats. Must be delirious with pain or maybe he's trying to make him forget this is happening or it's the brain misfiring a random thought. He has to tell him how much he means to him. All that came out was "Dick.…thank you."

This time Dick actually smiled. "Thank you… Tim. It wa's nice…be'ing your… your partn'er."

Tim was trying to stop himself from losing it he wanted to be strong for him. "Dick" He could sense he was slowing even more, his eyes kept closing for longer in between his talking.

"You know right… n'you got'ta makes'ure they all know… know I love…each of you…puh-lease tell'em for me… Tim… " And with his final words he exhaled his last breath. His eyes fluttered briefly. The hand that was holding Tim's went limp and Tim lowered it down.

"I promise." Tim whispered to him desperately hoping he heard it.

Batman and the others arrived moments after to a a blood soaked Nightwing limp in Red Robin's arms. He was fully cradling Dick's upper half looking off into the water.

Barbara was a hysterical mess frozen in shock.

Jason being the most composed, "WHAT HAPPENED, I thought there were only a few men?"

"This isn't happening!" Damian yelled.

"We have to try and get him to the cave!" Batman ordered to them.

But the longer Tim just sat there the more they all realized.

Tim couldn't bare to look at them, he couldn't explain how it had all gone so horribly wrong so damn fast. "He… He's gone. He wanted to go right here. He asked me to stop. I'm sorry. He asked me."

After their complete devastation of shock and heart wrenching pain felt from accepting Dick was actually dead and there was no lazarus pit or alternate universe scenario to use, Bruce snuck down to the cave. He was still overcome with grief and hadn't slept in days. Earlier in the day, a most difficult and sad funeral happened for one of the most beloved people Bruce had ever loved or even known. Beside being like a ghost of himself getting through it, he had been in Bruce Wayne mode for an exhausting amount of time on top of an extremely emotionally draining day. He sat in the Batcomputer chair with the notion that he needed to go through the feed from Red Robin and Nightwing's costumes from that night.

Bruce held his breath while Dick was briefly alive again on the screen. He watched heartbroken as his first Robin begged to sit down and not die in the Batmobile.

"You know right… n'you got'ta makes'ure they all know… know I love…each of you…puh-lease tell'em for me… Tim… "

He rewound it and played it back to hear it once more.

Bruce jumped when he felt a few hands touch his shoulders from behind. The first time anyone has snuck up on Batman in years. He turned to see Damian, Barbara, Tim and Jason standing behind him.

"Play it again." Damian asked softly.

Batman pulled the clip out of the main section so it would loop and pressed play.

The Riddle of The River

Lion, mouse and cheese.

Only two can fit on the raft.

Everyone must get to the other side.

You leave the lion with the cheese. Then you and the mouse cross the river.

Then you leave the mouse on the other side and you go back alone to the lion and the cheese.

Then you cross the river with the lion and leave the cheese. When you get to the other side you put the lion down, but take the mouse back with you.

You and the mouse cross back to the cheese. You leave the mouse on the original side and cross back with the cheese.

You put the cheese next to the lion so now they are both on the other side of the river.

You cross back and get the mouse and then cross back to the lion and the cheese and now everyone has made it.

I find this riddle applies to so much in my life.