Spunky0ne's idea ... except it was mine too ... go read her stuff when you finish here. You shall be excellently entertained. Give Shadow-Eyes-01 a yank as well; she's good too, and if I'd talked to her about this I know the results would have been the same.

Thought about placing this in the Zanupakuto Arc of the anime, but no, anywhere but there. You'll see why.

Not mine, Tite Kubo's, not for profit.

The shinigami shouted one another's names, and then, for a moment, stopped moving entirely.

For that moment, the observers at the foot of the futon looked like the three See-No-Evil, Hear-No-Evil, Speak-No-Evil, or in this case, Oh-My-Kami-I'm-Going-to-Throw-Up, monkeys.

Of course, only Hear-No-Evil was a monkey, and she would be very quick to point out that she wasn't either, she was a baboon.

Then See-No-Evil took his hands down from his eyes, and said in a hushed voice, "What did you say they were doing?"

Hear-No-Evil took her hands down from her ears - the shinigami had been very loud for a moment there, but now they rested in one another's arms, looking exhausted and very pleased with themselves - "It's called 'having sex.' Apparently, if you're a human or a shinigami, and you like another human or shinigami, you have to do that with each other."

"Wow," said See-No-Evil. "Who do we like well enough to do that with?"

"Her," said Hear-No-Evil, jerking a thumb at I'm-Going-to-Throw-Up.

I'm-Going-to-Throw-Up took her hands down from her mouth. "Absolutely not," she said.

See-No-Evil cast her a look, and rose up, sitting lotus in midair, on his tail. "Come on, try it with me!"

I'm-Going-to-Throw-Up tilted her patrician nose in the air. "Absolutely not. First, you're too young. Second, what would we do with Empress Bubble-butt, there?"

"Um," said See-No-Evil. "You got me on that one."

"And just who," said Hear-No-Evil, "do you think is going to teach the two of you, who if I am not mistaken, haven't a fu-" (she had been going to use a vulgarism, but realized that of all the sentences she would utter in her life, in this one it was the least appropriate it would ever be) "reakin' clue what to do?"

See-No-Evil said thoughtfully, "You know, she might be right. I wasn't watching."

"And you," said Hear-No-Evil, rounding on I'm-Going-to-Throw-Up, "you don't know how to do this when one of you's a female and one of you's a male, do you?"

"I remember when he was married," said I'm-Going-to-Throw-Up.

Hear-No-Evil snorted. "So you watched then."

"I did not. I was brought up genteelly."

See-No-Evil said thoughtfully, "Then why did you watch this time?"

I'm-Going-to-Throw-Up colored, and glowered. "It was what's-her-name's idea. You know, the one that Zaraki wields."

"Oh yeah," said Hear-No-Evil. "We know her too."

"See! She's blushing! She likes me, she likes me!" gloated See-No-Evil.

Hear-No-Evil snorted. "She does not. She likes our Renji, that's all."

The color deepened. "As if you two were not in love with my Byakuya all this time."

"True enough," said Hear-No-Evil. "So maybe we should stop talkin' like this to each other, and figure out what to do, since they obviously love each other."

The other two were silent for a long time. "I suppose," said I'm-Going-to-Throw-Up, eventually, retreating into her saya, "that that would be best."

The other two followed her example, jostling and snapping for who got to go in first.

Silence reigned in the bedroom for a few minutes. Then one shinigami stirred in his lover's arms, and said, "I heard Senbonzakura's voice."

Hear- and See-No-Evil's shinigami said, "I heard Zabimaru too."

The two heads raised and four eyes peered over the bed at the blade rack on the wall opposite the futon.

"Maybe I should move that out into the hall," I'm-Going-to-Throw-Up's shinigami said.