Finding Love Within Despair
Rating: M for mature content.
Pairing: Bella/Jacob (because I have a deep hatred reserved only for Edward)
Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Twilight franchise. All rights go to Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money off my stories. Blah, blah, blah. You guys know how these things go.
A/N: Hello! I'm back to take you on elaborate adventure :) Or at least I hope :P The very beginning here is directly taken from New Moon. To find the exact piece I quoted, you can find it in Chapter 16 of New Moon. So, just as a precaution, the quoted piece just below is not my own words. Stephenie Meyer wrote it, I'm just quoting. It's just to set my story in place :) Now, enjoy.
"Jacob stopped the truck in front of my dark house, cutting the engine so it was suddenly silent. Like so many other times, he seemed to be in tune with my thoughts now.
He threw his other arm around me, crushing me against his chest, binding me to him. Again, this felt nice. Almost like being a whole person again.
I thought he would be thinking of Harry, but then he spoke, and his tone was apologetic. 'Sorry. I know you don't feel exactly the way I do, Bella. I swear I don't mind. I'm just so glad you're okay that I could sing—and that's something no one wants to hear.' He laughed his throaty laugh in my ear.
My breathing kicked up a notch, sanding the walls of my throat.
Wouldn't Edward, indifferent as he might be, want me to be as happy as possible under the circumstances? Wouldn't enough friendly emotion linger for him to want that much for me? I thought he would. He wouldn't begrudge me this: giving just a small bit of love he didn't want to my friend Jacob. After all, it wasn't the same love at all.
Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair.
If I turned my face to the side—if I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder… I knew without any doubt what would follow. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight.
But could I do it? Could I betray my absent heart to save my pathetic life?
Butterflies assaulted my stomach as I thought of turning my head.
And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Edward's velvet voice whispered in my ear.
'Be happy,' he told me."
And in that moment, I felt release: like a million weights were being lifted from my shoulders. No longer did I feel the tiny gnawing feeling in the depths of my heart, longing for my immortal prince to come and sweep me off my feet again, just as he had so many months ago. No, I felt… Happy. Happy, warm, and safe in the arms of my own personal sun.
My heart continued to thunder in my ears, no doubt in my mind that Jacob could hear it too. The butterflies nervously flitted around in my nauseated stomach
'Just turn your head. That's all you have to do, just turn your head.'
I said it a million times over. My realization had happened in just seconds and I was burning time sitting there mentally debating whether or not to turn my head and kiss his shoulder.
'To kiss thy shoulder, or not to kiss thy shoulder, that is the question,' I thought wryly.
A tentative finger, placed underneath my chin, interrupted my self-berating. It gently raised my head from its position on Jake's shoulder.
He slowly brought me up to his face. His eyes were soft, endearing. The emotion that filled them almost brought tears to my eyes. I hadn't seen anyone give me a look so filled with love since… Edward.
I thought his name and it didn't hurt. I finally came to terms with my long held back mental torment. I moved on.
"Bella," he whispered.
The way he said my name was incredible. Love oozed from the two syllables.
"I know I've told you already, but I just thought I'd say it again. I know you don't feel the same way, and I'm being completely honest when I say I'm fine with it. But I won't give up on you. I won't.
"There's not a thing I wouldn't do for you, Bella. I would run to Hell and back if it would make you happy. You're my world, my everything. I don't know what I would do if you weren't with me, by my side. You accept me for who I am, furry tail included. And that's more than what I could have asked for.
"I love you, Bells." A sincere smile adorned his lips. "I love you."
And with that, he leaned down slowly, gauging my reaction. When I didn't pull away, he looked deeply into my eyes. He placed his lips onto mine, ever so softly. They were so smooth, something very unexpected.
And all too soon did he pull away.
"I just thought I'd let you know," he said quietly, humor tickling his voice. He seemed very proud of himself.
I was so shocked and over-whelmed that when he let me out of the car I could barely stand. My knees felt like Jello, and my head was swimming. Jacob, my best friend, had just confessed his love for me.
'And you didn't say it back,' a little accusing voice said to me.
I couldn't say it back, not like that. I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him.
'Yet.' There was that voice again. My head was so full of voices I was beginning to worry if I'd gone insane.
"Good night, Bells," Jacob said, smiling at me. "Sweet dreams."
I had to make myself move my lips enough to form a sentence. "G'night, Jake."
Jacob stepped lightly out of the truck and jogged out into the woods. I had no doubt that he was going to phase.
And with that thought, a howl pierced the night sky.
I smiled to myself, knowing Jake was up on Cloud Nine. And in a way, so was I.
A/N: *nudges with shoulder*Eh? Eh? :) I know that half of my preface wasn't even my own words, but this was just to set the story in place. Bear with me guys? :) And I know in the book right before they kissed, Jacob realized the Cullens were there. Or one of them anyways. If Bella were on Quileute land, surrounded by werewolves, how would Alice have seen her? I don't know, it just seemed to me that if she were on their land, there would be some magical barrier to protect her :)