Hope is the only thing that keeps Sam Winchester going. Knowing that he has a place to call home, and that every time he and his brother are done with a hunt, he can go there to find his peace again. With his beautiful girlfriend Jessica Moore.
Just picturing her warm embrace and smile when he comes through the front door and the smell of sweet apple candy from her perfume makes the hunting life worth it. She is his reward, no, she's more than that, she is his strength. His everything. A life without Jess is unimaginable to Sam. The emptiness he would feel is too great for him to even think about.
He is happy now, he has everything he ever wanted in life. So why change that even in his mind? Today is rather too special to let himself be destroyed by this kind of thoughts either way. It's their anniversary and to celebrate this special day, they are going to a restaurant. The one where they had their first date and his heart stopped when he saw her walk into the room for the first time.
He smiles, it's as easy as breathing to him once he's laid his eyes on her black dress that fits her perfectly and her lovely blonde curls and the burgundy colour of her lipstick. It's like he's falling all over again for this crazy astonishing girl.
One hand resting in his pocket, the other on her back, he gets beside Jess to escort her to the table like the true gentleman he is, under his rough hunter facade.
The boys had been on a hunt just before the date, so Dean had dropped him off at the restaurant with the impala. Just as Sam was about to leave, the older brother had stopped the younger one and looked at him with encouraging eyes, followed by cupping his hands into his own as a reassurance that the date would go just fine. But somehow, Sam isn't so sure anymore.
With his hand still on Jessica's back, he pulls out her chair and assists her while she sits down. He walks over to his chair and sits down himself, right across from her and gives her the warmest smile he can possibly manage to. Of course, the blonde haired girl across the table can't help but smile back at him. Words can not begin to describe how perfect these two are for each other. Picture yourself looking at two stars, two unique stars, together making up a constellation that's infinitely more beautiful than you could ever imagine, that's what they are. And he knows it, too.
The waiter shows up and hands them the menu and almost instantly Sam orders them two glasses of wine, and a chicken salad for himself. Jess orders the same, with some garlic bread on the side.
As they wait for the food, Sam gathers the courage to make a little speech for Jess.
"Jess… you know I love you, right?"
He reaches for her hands and holds them gently as he gazes into her eyes with unending love before he continues.
"...with all my heart."
She chuckles quietly and smiles at him warmly. "Of course I do, you silly."
He hesitates, but swallows his insecurity and forces himself to go on. His eyes unable to face hers for even a second longer, he looks down on the table.
"I want to spend my life with you, start a family with you…"
Before he finishes the sentence, he looks up and peers back into her eyes as he lays a small blue box between them.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is…"
He opens the box and in it lays a silver diamond ring, glittering and sparkling, just like Jess.
"...Will you marry me?"
Jess looks at him with her jaw open, so taken by his speech and proposal that she doesn't even know where to go. Her eyes begin to tear up as she smiles happily.
"Yes! Oh, honey! Yes I will marry you!"
Everything had gone so perfectly. She had run over to his side and given him a tight hug before they exchanged a passionate kiss that stopped the time. How that was possible would always be a mystery to Sam, but she simply had that impact on him.
Finally he could relax, now that he had the best fiancée in the world. Fiancée. Even in his mind that had felt somewhat weird to think and it made him blush like a little child.
XxX
The days fly by like leaves in the fall, and then the wedding day arrives. Sam is both excited and nervous, but having Dean by his side and the pure knowledge that he is soon declaring the love of his life as his wife is enough to calm his nerves. Jessica Winchester.
For 24 years he has waited for this moment, seeing Jess walking down the aisle. It makes him want to run up to her and kiss her all over.
It feels like ages before she gets to him and stands in front on him, squeezing his hands and gazes into his eyes. Nothing else in the world matters anymore — it's just the two of them who stand together in colour, leaving everyone else in a blur.
The hope Sam feels inside grows even stronger when he hears Jess' soft voice, speaking her vow with every word so sweet and caring that it blasts into Sam's heart with love.
"You are my hero, Sam. Also my redeemer and last but not least, my lover. Everywhere you go, you bring love and peace with you. So I promise you here and now that I will bring you some of that love and peace back. You, of all people, deserve it — my great hero."
He can feel his eyes tear up as he squeezes Jess' hands tighter before he swallows and begins to say his vow.
"Jess, you're my one true love but that's not it to describe how much you mean to me — you're my everything. So therefore I promise you here on out that I will try to protect you, in any possible way I can. I won't let anything happen to you for the rest of my days. And I will love you, until my heart stops beating."
The priest continues his babble for what seems like ages, but that's all a blur, too, cause his focus is set on one thing and one thing only — Jess. That focus is only interrupted when he hears their names spoken.
"Do you Samuel Winchester take Jessica Lee Moore to be your wife?"
Sam clutches her hands tighter, as to gather strength to say those two words that will change his future forever. No more future by himself and no more future being a freak. It's him and her against the world, for the rest of their days.
"I do."
His eagerness grows bigger for each second they wait. Can't the priest just get it over with already? He wants to kiss her so badly and be able to call her his wife. The priest repeats his previous sentence, but this time it's Jess' time to say the magic words.
Two words. That's all it will take to make her his.
The beautiful bride almost bursts out in tears of joy when he gazes into her eyes so warmly and lovingly.
"I do."
She chuckles once more as they squeeze each other's hands even harder than before and when the priest says the finishing line, everything is completed. Sam nearly throws himself at Jess to give her the traditional wedding kiss as soon the priest has given the word.
Their lips had seemed almost glued to each other — almost too afraid to let go.
Everyone in the church had clapped and cheered for the newly wedded couple as their kiss lingered. This kiss was the ultimate kiss, the one that sealed their relationship and slowed the earth's rotation. The one that made them into one.
Once they've gotten out of the church, Dean stops Sam and hugs him tightly as the proud brother he is and to signify his pride even more, he takes Sam's hands and leaves him the keys to his baby impala. Sam gives him a questioning look and as the answer to that, Dean simply smirks and pushes the bride and groom towards the car.
The now husband helps his wife into the car before he settles in the driver's seat and begin their journey to the honeymoon. As they drive off, their friends see cans tied to straws attached to the back of the car and making an awful noise, with bright white paint on the trunk that says 'just married'. Dean Winchester smiles at the sight of the newlyweds as they drive off into the horizon.
Sam smiles at his wife and keeps one hand on the steering wheel as his other grips Jess' softly before he gazes into the sunset. They just sit quiet for a while with some classic rock music in the background, enjoying the finality of this moment, excited to find out what the future has in plan for them next.
He turns his head towards Jessica and sighs.
"What would I do without you?"
She clasps his hand back gently and lets her eyes rest on his with a laughter as bright as the sun itself.
"Crash and burn."
She giggles as she leans in for a quick kiss on her husband's cheek and the very next moment their world is upside down.
Trees, blinding headlights, the road caving underneath them. His vision tumbles around as if they were inside a washing machine.
Once the spinning stops and the world is as silent as ever, Sam looks at the passenger seat and the sight immediately makes him want to throw himself back but he's unable to, restrained by his seatbelt in the crashed car.
Blood is dripping at the window in a steady rhythm that drives Sam mad and he finally manages to break loose and crawl out. He runs to the other side of the car with terror in his eyes, he shakes her body violently to get some kind of connection, but it's useless.
He sees the dark red liquid trickle from her mouth like drool, and the shock makes him bolt backwards. It can't be happening. Get yourself together. Help her! Save her!
Desperately obeying the voice in his head he tries to unbuckle her, without success.
This is all your fault! Freak!
He presses his hands against his temples with force to silence his thoughts, all he needs to do is get Jess out of the car. She can still be saved. There's still time left. But then the car lits on fire as he's about to reach in for her.
This time he's thrown backwards by the ignition and the second he lands on the ground, he's already on his feet ready to dive into the flames and rescue her from death. With his fists clenched he pushes himself off the ground and runs into the fire and in one frantic, final attempt to save her, he reaches Jess' body and drags her out of the car, using his last strength.
As they lay in the remains of the rubble, her head on his chest but beyond consciousness and he fumbles for his cellphone to get to his brother before it's too late, Sam Winchester's hope is starting to fail him.
He knew that it was all in vain. But she was supposed to be his wife and not fade away like ashes in the fire, she was supposed to be alive and not just another memory to haunt him forever.
XxX
The clock in the waiting room makes it feel like they've waited for years, rather than minutes, and the pain he feels in his stomach and in his chest, he tries with all his might to ignore and replace with the hope that she has survived by some miracle.
Hope is, after all, the only thing he has to go on now, on this night that will never seem to end as he awaits the statement that's either going to destroy him for good or make him the luckiest man alive.
In the fleeting moment he remembers his father's words from a lifetime ago. It is the worst torture in the world. Waiting, when you know you can't do anything.
He jerks at the sound of his full name, called out by an old man in a white robe, for the second time that day. The doctor draws nearer to the corner where he and his brother are seated, not mentioning a word about his wife and Sam rises from his seat carefully.
"Well...?"
Just by seeing the doctor looking down, he can feel his hope drain from his body, as if a demon has sucked out the very last piece of his soul he had left.
"I'm sorry to tell you this, but your wife, Jessica... didn't make it."
He feels himself going over the edge and he knows that if it wasn't for Dean to keep him grounded, he would be on the floor, breaking down, screaming louder than the terror in his head. She didn't make it. She's gone.
And then the doctor tells him, in just a few words, exactly how his future is going to look.
"We couldn't save the baby."
It's the second that will never end, and the longest silence he's ever experienced.
He freezes in his place the moment his brain can process the words but his eyes instinctively go to his brother who has a dead expression on his face.
"...she was pregnant," the doctor says after getting no response from them. "Didn't you know?"
A baby. Her baby. Their...
He knows it's only a matter of time before the tears that already burn in his eyes will be flowing down his face. But right now, he's not sure he's even capable of it.
It's too overwhelming, only darkness and despair in there and he guesses that it's how it's going to be for the rest of his life. He thinks that maybe at last he's going to lose his mind for good.
It was all that he ever wanted and he didn't know that he almost had it. And now he won't. Not even in his wildest dreams.
XxX
He stares down at the burns on his arms, her blood on his fingers, and pictures their child laying there.
Hope is the only thing that keeps Sam Winchester going.