A/N - Please read author's note at the end of this story.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hart of Dixie.
Ch. 1
Wade remembered back in high school they showed an 'educational' film about slaughtering cows, and just before they do the deed they pop them in the forehead with a jackhammer, BAM, and the cow drops to its knees. He'd been feeling like that all day, ever since Zoe came to say goodbye, just like a hydraulic hammer had hit him right between the eyes and he was still numb from the blow, but he knew it was going to hurt like hell later. Which sort of explained Wade being out in the woods with his pup tent, his fishing gear, and a bottle of Wild Turkey.
He still couldn't believe how fast it happened. He had been sitting at home on his day off, he had told Lemon he just needed some time and he wasn't coming in today, and was idly strumming his guitar when he heard a car pull up outside the gatehouse. He waited until he heard someone coming around the corner before yelling, "Door's open, come on in."
His heart nearly stopped when Zoe walked in. He had no idea she was coming, and he broke into a big smile as he set the guitar aside and made to get up to greet her. She held up a hand.
"Don't get up, Wade, I can't stay."
He sat, his heart now racing. She made no move to come any further into the room, but stood just a step or two inside the doorway with the door still open.
"Doc?"
"Wade, I've thought about this and thought about this and thought about this some more, I've gone over it and over it. I can't do this." Zoe gestured around the room. "I can't do this with you, I can't do that," she gestured with her other hand outside, "without hurting people. I can't stay in Bluebell…" she stopped, her eyes filling with tears, "I'm arranging with a lawyer in Mobile to sell my half of the practice, either back to Brick or someone else if he chooses. I'd have George do it, but…"
"Doc, what are you saying?" Wade began to feel like a cartoon character suspended over a canyon, he hadn't fallen yet because he hadn't seen how far down it was.
"I'm saying, Wade, that I'm going back to New York. For good. I clearly don't fit in here, and I can't stay here with you here, and this is your home. I really thought we had something, Wade," Zoe stopped and wiped a tear away, "but I just can't go back. I know you said you loved me, but you hurt me, Wade, that was the one thing you knew I couldn't forgive. I won't risk that again."
And she was gone. Got in her rental and drove back to Mobile. BAM.
Wade vaguely remembered calling Lemon at the Rammer Jammer and telling her he was going fishing for a couple of days, so don't expect him, and she growled a little bit but then told him to have a good time. An hour later he was fishing for his dinner in the lake and starting in on the whiskey.
By now the sun had set and the fire was burning brightly. He'd gathered enough wood when he was sober so he wouldn't have to worry about bears, so he just sat and stared into the fire, trying to sort out how he felt. Now there's a new experience, Wade m'boy, he thought. He felt like he had been dropped from a great height, and was still falling. He felt an incredible loss, as if the world was shrinking away from him. He felt some anger, although he quickly felt guilty for being angry at Zoe, but mostly he felt his stomach churning sometimes to the point where he could hardly breathe. Whiskey helped, a little. He took a small pull.
"She just made up her mind and did it," Wade said aloud to the fire. "Didn't give me a chance to get a word in sideways, just, boom, 'Wade, it's over', boom. That's cold."
He sat and stared a while. He took a pull on the bottle.
"All summer," Wade shook his head. "What am I gonna do now?"
"Hellooo!" said a voice coming up from the lakeshore.
"Hellooo!" Wade responded, sliding the bottle back under the bedroll in his tent. Might cause trouble with the game wardens, if it was a game warden.
A blacker shadow loomed up out of the general darkness and approached the fire.
"Didn't want to scare anyone," the woman said, for indeed it was a woman, a young looking black woman with graying hair and a gray streak on the right side of her head. "Mind if I sit down and orient myself by the fire?"
Wade smiled and waved his arm as if unrolling a red carpet.
"Grab a seat."
"Thank you kindly, sir, name's Clarissa.," the woman said as she sat down cross-legged by the fire and unwrapped what looked like a black shawl from around her shoulders.
"Name's Wade," he said, looking her over. She didn't seem threatening; she seemed pleasant, although for some reason he couldn't quite make out what she was wearing.
"Oh, I know you, Wade Kinsella," the woman said with a smile.
Wade looked at her askance and half closed one eye so he could get a real drunk's eye view.
"I b'lieve you have me at a disadvantage," Wade finally said. He thought she looked somewhat familiar, but he was pretty drunk and he could be wrong.
"Yes, I probably do," Clarissa smiled widely. "I know you, I know Jesse, I know your daddy. I knew your mama."
"You did?" Wade asked.
"I surely did. Lovely woman, your mama, so sad."
"How did you know her?"
"Child, I know everyone around these parts, been here my whole life."
"Yeah, me too," Wade sighed, leaning back onto his backpack.
"Yeah, I know you, all right. I know you well enough to know you got a bottle of whiskey over there in your bedroll. Care to share a hit?"
A little startled, Wade sat up, but he found her smile so warm he just reached back, got the bottle, and passed it over.
"Sure, Clarissa, is it?"
She nodded as she uncorked the bottle, took a swig, and closed her eyes for a moment as she swallowed, then took another swig before handing the bottle back. Wade took a hit as well before re-corking it and setting it by the fire.
"I also know you're broken-hearted," Clarissa said emphatically.
Wade just looked at her.
"I know someone important has left you," Clarissa said as she leaned toward Wade and the fire, locking eyes with him. "I know your soul has been shattered, I can see the ruins in your eyes." Wade didn't say anything, but he began to lose himself in Clarissa's big brown eyes, eyes that reminded him so much of someone else, eyes that he could dive into and swim around in like jungle pools, and his stomach began to clench and he had to look away into the fire.
"I can feel your agony," Clarissa whispered, still staring at Wade, who just avoided her gaze and uncorked the bottle for another swig, "but it will be all right, my child."
Wade snorted. "No it won't."
"Yes it will," she laughed, "just be patient, it will be all right."
"Patient," Wade repeated dumbly.
"And courage," Clarissa said, "you'll need courage, but then, who doesn't?" She laughed softly and shook her head.
"Courage?" Wade sneered as he handed her the bottle.
Clarissa nodded sharply once, took a small sip, handed Wade the bottle, and spit the whiskey into the fire. The fire went 'whoosh', and before Wade's eyes cleared from the flash, he heard her whisper "You can't stop the magic." When Wade could see again, he saw she was gone.
Wade shook his head as if to clear it, then took another hit off the bottle. Well, that's the capper, he thought, first Zoe throws him away like a used Kleenex and now he's talking to people who aren't there, and worse, they're talking to him. He took a look around as best he could to see if he was alone, threw another log on the fire, and crawled into the pup tent, thinking that maybe, just maybe, tomorrow might make a little more sense.
As Zoe drove back to Mobile, she began to have second thoughts almost immediately, as she was pretty sure she would. She had argued with herself all summer, trying to figure out what she felt, and for whom. She was pretty sure her feelings for George hadn't changed that much since she first saw him, but to practically declare her love for him (while not actually using the word 'love') when she knew he was involved with someone else, that was just selfish. And then Wade, out of the blue like that, saying he loved her, Wade, of all people. Touching him, even thinking about touching him, was electric. She had never experienced anything like making love with Wade. And it wasn't just sex, she knew that. It had stopped being just sex almost immediately, and became almost a religious experience, which always made Zoe smile because she had never been a particularly religious person, but she did think making love with Wade was as close to heaven as she was going to get.
And yet, she said to herself, it just wasn't enough. She wasn't enough, Wade had made that clear when he cheated on her. Their differences were just too great. She couldn't even imagine Wade in New York, his good ole boy charm, his jeans and flannel shirts, would tag him as a redneck and that's all people would see. Zoe would find herself explaining over and over what she was doing with a redneck, and how would that look to her doctor friends? Although, who was she kidding, she hadn't made any friends this summer while in New York, but still, Wade and New York just wouldn't mix. Just as Zoe Hart and Bluebell didn't mix.
Zoe knew saying good-bye to Wade would be the hardest thing she would probably ever do, but deep down she knew she had to do it. Her faith had been broken and it couldn't be put back together again, no matter how much she wanted it to. Sure, Wade said he loved her, but wasn't that what guys said who had messed up badly? The hurt and betrayal had overwhelmed her, and she knew she needed a fresh start, so she had decided just a quick trip to Bluebell, say her good-bye, then back to Mobile for the next flight out. She figured if she did it quickly, she would at least be able to get through it. Zoe was pretty sure if she sat down to talk to Wade, she'd just end up in his arms, back where she started, and while she might be happy now, she'd regret it later.
As Zoe pulled into the rental lot to drop off the car, she began to feel the finality of what she was doing, and her heart crumbled. She braked to a stop, rested her head on the steering wheel, and sobbed. Deep, heart-broken sobs, her whole body shaking. Without thinking, Zoe reached into her purse, pulled out her phone, and hit Wade's speed dial. She just couldn't do this either, she thought, my God, he loves me, how can I do this?
The phone rang and rang and didn't go to voice mail. After the twentieth ring or so, Zoe's sobbing had subsided and she hung up the phone. She didn't even know for sure what she would have said if Wade had answered, but she had a feeling that she might just have reversed course and told him she'd see him in an hour and it was all just a huge mistake. That's it then, she thought. He doesn't answer. He's gone. She took a deep breath, wiped her eyes, grabbed her overnight bag, got out of the car and walked into the airport.
As Zoe got to the gate, she presented her boarding pass to a flight attendant, a pleasant young black woman with gray frosting on her hair and a gray streak on her right temple, who wished her a pleasant journey and a safe trip back.
Zoe smiled sadly. "I don't think I'll be back."
"Oh, you never can tell," the woman said cheerfully, "sometimes you don't find home 'til it brings you there."
As Zoe got herself settled in her seat on the plane, she thought 'what an odd thing to say'.
A/N - OK, I have a BIG problem with this story. I have written about half of the second chapter, I know most of the major incidents, I know how it ends, and I can promise you a happy ending, or at least a poignant ending, but the in-between parts are very dark. These are two halves of a whole trying to make it without each other, so you can guess how that's going to go. If you have read my other stories, you know I'm a little off-kilter, but there was a comic tone to those that will be missing in this story. Perhaps a good example would be "What You Deserve" by jessalyn78, which if you haven't read it is an excellent story, and some difficult subjects are handled beautifully. While there will not be any violence or sex (well hardly any, just some intimations), this story has the potential to be darker than that. Most of the stories here are light-hearted romance with angst thrown in, this will be heartache, misery, and suffering, and could very well take HoD fandom out of its comfort zone. We all love ourselves some Zade, so I'm leaving it up to you, I don't want to write this if everyone hates it and refuses to read it. I'm serious, either review it or send me a PM, let me know what you think. Give 'er the old thumbs up or thumbs down, and thanks for reading this far.