"I Don't wanna Live"

A/N : Explicit Sexual Content. Explicit Language. Rape, Non/Con. Violence.

*Casey Pov*

"Bang!" My eyes popped open. I groaned, "What the hell woke me up?" I mumbled to myself. I jumped out of bed, and went to my kitchen. I couldn't find the source of the noise, so I went to the fridge. I ran my hand through my hair, I couldn't find anything appetizing. I closed the fridge and went to turn around, I froze.

I felt something cold and hard against my head. It felt like a gun. My breathing hitched. I felt him breathe on my neck and I trembled. "What do you want?" I used my voice that usually reserved for court. I heard him chuckle and mumble something about me trying way too hard. I panicked and started rambling off about everything worth value in my apartment. "SHUT THE HELL UP BITCH!" he screamed and yanked my hair. I started to cry involuntary. "Ok, ok what do want?" I said trying to calm him down. "Take off your night gown, now." he said impatiently. I knew what he wanted, I'd worked with the special victims unit long enough to know how this would end. I slowly took it off. I breathed in, and closed my eyes. "The bra too!" I started crying and pleading. I heard the gun click and I started taking my bra off.

I squeezed my eyes shut as he fondled me from behind. He stopped suddenly. "Get down on your knees." I responded quicker this time, but I didn't dare open my eyes. I knew what he was going to make me do. I just didn't want him to blow my head off. I heard his pants unzip, and by this time I was sobbing. "Open up." He said. I could speak, I couldn't think, I just shook my head no. Then I felt a cold blow to the side of my face. "Open up, don't make me have to ruin that perfect little face of yours." He was getting angry. I opened my eyes and slowly opened my mouth. I felt him shove his member into my mouth, I gagged. I wanted to bite down, but I didn't want to risk it. He started pulling my hair and I could tell he was getting close. Please don't make me swallow, please. I sighed when he pulled out of my mouth. I felt so disgusting, as I saw him jacking off in front of me.

I let my head wander somewhere else. I couldn't even hear when he called me. I only noticed him calling me when he hit me again. I yelped and he pulled my hair back. "Stick out your damn tongue, and stop being such a resilient little bitch." I stuck my tongue out and squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't wanna see what he was doing. I felt something something warm on my tongue. I wanted to gag so badly. He made me swallow, and I just broke down. "Please stop, please. I promise I won't tell, just leave and it will all be over." I pleaded with him. He touched my lips and said "Why would I do that? Where just getting started." He dragged me to my bed.

I kicked and screamed. I stopped fighting when I felt the gun against my head again. "Why are you being such a difficult little bitch. You must like getting slapped around, you little cum slut. That's it isn't it? Want me to slap you around?" I shook my head "no" my throat felt like it was closing. "Say it, say i'm a little cum slut who likes to be slapped around. Say it now." He said as he pushed the gun harder on my forehead. I trembled as I opened my mouth "i'ma.. I'm a little cu-cum slut, who likes to be-be- sla-slapped around." I burst out in tears after that. Then I felt a slap to the face. he slapped me over, over, and over, and over again. My lip was bleeding, and my face was of fire. "Get on the bed, now!" He yelled. I jumped at his voice. I slowly walked over to the bed. I felt him tearing my underwear off. I closed my eyes tight as I felt him feeling up my thighs. "Since you made me feel so good, I guess I should return the favor." He said before he started to perform oral sex on me. I felt unwanted arousal. An orgasm slowly rose up inside me. I couldn't take it after that I was bawling. I felt so weak, so worthless, so stupid.

I felt him climb on top of me. I couldn't fight anymore, I couldn't do anything but lay there. "Look whose being such a good whore." he taunted me. He started kissing me. I choked on my tears, silently crying. He shoved his tongue into my mouth and I just wanted this to be over so I froze. Then I felt him slowly push into me. The unwanted arousal came back. How could my body betray me, in the worst way possible? Then he started going faster, rougher, the unwanted arousal disappeared, so did the unwanted orgasm. I was in pain and I was screaming, yelling, begging, pleading. Then he came in side me. I sobbed and sighed and hoped. No not hoped, I prayed that if there was a god that he'd leave that all of this would go away.

I opened my eyes as he got off of me.I looked at him and he smirked. "Ready for round two?" It wasn't just any smirk. It was a sadistic smirk. He pulled something out of his pocket. It looked like a knife. I scooted back as far as I could, but there was no way I could runaway. He came towards me and pinned me down. He thrusts his self inside of me again. Then he started cutting me, my chest, my arms, my back. I it hurt so much. I couldn't even think. I just acted. I saw the gun on my nightstand. I grabbed it. I was on my stomach and I turned over. The gun was pointed directly in his chest. He jumped off me surprised. This is the first time I saw his face clearly. He was so young. I moved toward him. The gun pointed directly on him. He stepped backed. "Come on, you won't shoot nobody. Put the gun down." He then moved closer to me. The gun clicked. "Try me." I said in a calm steady voice. He looked absolutely terrified. "Okay, ill leave." He turned to leave. it took all of me not to shoot him. "NO! Don't take another or I promise ill blow your goddamn brains out." I was pissed now.

I moved closer to him, and I put the gun to his head. I started getting a little dizzy from the blood loss. They weren't major cuts, just shallow. I told him to go into my front room. I picked up my robe off my front room couch. I put it on making sure the gun was still on him. "Sit down on the couch, now." I said. He did as he was told. I picked up the phone and dialed 911. I almost wanted to ask for The Special Victims Unit. I just couldn't do it in the end. So I just told them to bring a bus because I was attacked. I paced in fear and in anger. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. "Standup!" He stood up as soon a I yelled. "Oh, look whose being a good little whore?" I mocked him. "Get down on your knees." I said just as he had told me. He did as i told, and boy did he looked scared. "Open up!" he opened his mouth slowly. I shoved the gun in. "I hope you gag!" I said as I orally sodomised him. He looked at me and pleaded. "Why the hell shouldn't I kill you?" The gun clicked and he jumped. Then I heard the door being knocked in. Officers rushed in. They looked at me and stopped. I must've looked horrible. "I'm going to take the gun out of his mouth. Don't shoot." I said being around enough cops to know what to say. I removed the gun slowly and backed away. I watched as they put him in hand cuffs. I slowly put the gun up to my head.

I Don't Wanna Live .

Word Count: 1440

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