I hold you tight in my arms and inhale the familiar scent of smoke and cinnamon. Idiot… I've told you so many times to throw away the deadly habit, but you just smirked, arrogant as always. Well, in the end it doesn't even matter. Nothing matters anymore.

I close my eyes and listen to your heartbeat. It seems so slow, so reluctant. I cannot help but let the memories flood my mind. The memories of the fast beating of your heart in the moments of passion.

I feel you trembling and clutch the back of your black shirt, squeezing my eyes so tight it hurts. I think that I'll die if I let go. I cannot control my own shaking and the tears that start leaking down my cheeks. I hear your short breaths and wonder how you endure the pain.

I'm scared. I'm scared to open my eyes and see the light leave your emeralds. That's why I hide my face in your chest, feeling my blond locks soak in red liquid.

Some part of me wishes this was over. I hate every second of your life, every ragged breath you let out. I hate you because I want to be the one dying in your arms.

Somehow, I know you are grinning as you press my head closer to your chest. "Live," you say.

And live I will. I will live for you, keeping the priceless memories.

As you fade into oblivion, I can hear the last thud of your heart. It is significantly louder than the previous one, significantly stronger.

I feel suffocation as I swallow the tears down my burnt throat. My cold fingers let go of the silky fabric, but only to engage in a lock behind your back. I tilt my head back and scream until it hurts so much I have to stop.

It starts to rain. Heavy drops fall from the sky and wash away the crimson on my face as I stare at the lead clouds.

I hold you close to my heart, feeling no resonance. Live, you told me. I wish I could. But it doesn't matter; I will live for you.

In one single day everything I knew lost its meaning. Everything, but the memories.

I lay you gently on the ground, engraving the peaceful expression on your features in my mind.

Your eyes are closed and your thin lips are curved into a slight smile. You look like you've fallen asleep, but I know better. I have to fight myself not to gather you in my arms again.

I feel empty.

I stand up from the mashed ground and take in your full appearance. Your slender body is relaxed, long arms outstretched along your sides. Fiery red locks are damp with blood and rain, single strands sticking to your forehead. You look so fragile, yet I remember the fire burning inside you. You were a wild, untamed and mischievous creature. Two black diamond-shaped tattoos under your eyes speak of your rebel personality. But I found a loving and caring side of you. A wild mix that was just you. You had the ability to amaze me with your wits even at the darkest times, and now I think I am going crazy. I am going crazy because I can hear your mocking voice, "See, I told you it wouldn't be smoking that'd kill me."

Idiot…

I don't bother to wipe away the tears from my face; let the rain take care of that. The rain… Why does it always rain when you are gone? I've decided that I hate the rain long ago, but now I cannot care less. I know you won't be home when the sky regains its bright blue colour and the last drop vanishes into the ground. I turn away and make the first steps. The first steps into an empty life.

I never had a chance to tell you, but you should know – you were my heart. Without you, I am just a walking shell.

But I will try my best to do as you told me.

I will live, live for you.

Even in a world without you.