Zombie Outbreak

For dummies

1: Be smarter than the zombies. I know it's hard but YOU CAN DO IT!

2:Zombies are NOT your friends. They don't give hugs and kisses and they don't like candy and puppies ether. They also don't make good boyfriends.

3: If your boyfriend dies and reanimates right before the prom it totally his fault; feel free to bash his skull in.

4: Do NOT at all cost let yourself get surrounded, even if you have to abandon your supplies. Better to find a new supplies than dieing over the one you couldn't hold down.

5: Although backing yourself up against the wall in a regular fight is a good idea because they can't get behind don't do it in a zombie outbreak (you unless you want to spend a day of constantly hacking off heads).

6:Always make sure that that your escape pathway is at least two arms length away from any hoard of ghouls. Although they move slowly they still move. If your exit is being cut off escape immediately.

7. Everybody knows that in the forest the best place to sleep in is a tree. At least until that tree gets surrounded by _ numbers of the undead. A simple solution to this problem is to hang a noisy remote control toy/electronic device a few trees away. (Although first make sure the remote can send a signal that far; and try to pick a tree with a lot of leaves to sleep in because if the can still see you chances of the plan working decreases just a bit). Once they crowd around the tree make a great ape escape (inside joke). Never try to retrieve the toy. This also works with houses.

8. When being chased by zombie hoards, no matter how tempting, do not trip your fiends. You may need them for later.

9. When a zombie outbreak happens this does not give permission to kidnap you favorite actor/actress/music group/ people in general/ chibi key chain characters/ writers/ you-tube artist/ or Bill and Tom from Tokio Hotel (which I have to constantly remind Somebody that they fall under bands). Soooo sorry.

10. When everything's going to hell and you feel like crap feel free to chose someone to blame. I recommend Bill Gates. DAMN YOU BILL GATES!!!

11. Never piss Wesker off. You wonder where all his coworkers are. I'm sure if you look down the elevator shaft you can find them along with an empty box of doughnuts that he at this morning (another inside joke).

12. Zombies are slow so why waist your energy on one meaningless. Wait for the right moment and only sprint when you have to. The hard fact is most of use aren't marathon runners.

13. A zombies body parts do not make good souvenirs.

14. Watch out for infected that are trapped under cars and in locked houses because they can still get out and bit. In this I might as well add in the warning for crawlers and a reminder that a zombie that is restrained can still moan and thrash around which basically says 'dinner'.

15. Don't try sending out the most annoying of your group to nag them to death. It doesn't work, trust me, I've tried.

16. WARNING!!! Although zombies are flammable they do not burn instantly. So if your cornered and you decide to use that old spray can trick (if you know what I mean) then you pretty much just screwed yourself.

17. In all honesty there are like a million good reasons why you should travel in a Small group. Lone wolfing it on this one will get you killed. If you cant think of any good reasons why you should travel with someone email me and I'll send you a LONG list.

18. A gun with no silencer is like the best dinner bell you could ever have. And always have a close combat weapon in hand.

19. If you hear something moan/shriek/growl/hiss/ snarl/ or bellow, don't stick around to see what it is.

20. Don't try to be a hero. Help somebody if you can, but diving into a swarm of zombies after your best friend (or beloved chibi key chain) is probably bad for your health. I know it may seem harsh but having you dead to doesn't do anybody any good (most of the time). Also having a gun and them being stupid doesn't make you superman.

21. And finally, if you find yourself trapped 'RAVE TO THE GRAVE' and give them a goodbye bullet in there fat decaying ass.

So what did you think? Come on send me a reply * bribes with chocolate chip muffins* even flames welcome