((A/N: This is just a random idea I've had floating around in my
head for awhile and I thought I'd finally sit down and start writing
it. I'm not sure if people will like it or not, so let me know. It all
revolves around a simple quote that Harry said back in OotP so I
expanded on it.
Disclaimer: The usual, I don't own Harry Potter or anything relating to that nature, all I own are my pitiful ideas and at points, some various own creations. Sue me and you can have my college loan payments to work off.
So, on to the story. This first chapter is only a prologue so don't errm, hurt me if you don't understand it right away....))
"I don't want to talk about how I feel, all right?" "Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a man! This pain is part
of being human-"
"THEN - I – DON'T – WANT – TO – BE – HUMAN!"
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, pg.824
Prologue:
Inside a dark room with the curtains drawn shut so that even an inch of sunlight would have a hard time getting in, a young man rested on his bed. His mood had drastically changed from a few weeks ago where he'd thrown a tantrum in the headmaster's office, breaking trinkets which he presumed were already repaired. Most of the time he skulked in his room when he wasn't required to be the Dursleys' private house elf and this left his temperament fluctuating within any given moment. With the recent death of his godfather, he spent more time brooding than he'd prefer and even tried to give up feeling emotions at all.
The line, "THEN – I – DON'T – WANT – TO – BE – HUMAN!" kept playing through his thoughts as well. He hadn't known just what made him say that particular phrase, but it wasn't something he could seem to let go of. Vague memories of a conversation with Sirius and his escape from Azkaban flittered back and forth and he remembered that animal emotions were less complex than those of a human. From that, a plan began to formulate even if he didn't have the necessary equipment to complete it. For now though, he bided his time and sent the normal messages to the Order as to sedate them.
While he wasn't treated entirely well, the threat Moody had made at Kings Crossing at least left an impression upon the Dursleys. This summer he still had his daily chores, but unlike the others, his room was left unlocked and his rations of food had increased enough to be able to withstand asking his friends for help. They did allow him to leave the house if he chose, but that was rare these days, and Vernon did encourage Harry to continue his solitude.
He knew the Order still had their shifts set around No. 4 Privet Drive as he'd caught sight of Tonks' pink hair and a few times Snape made himself known to Harry if he was outside with his usual sneer. How Harry despised the constant watch of the grounds. If what Dumbledore had said was true, Voldemort could not enter the house and he could see no reason for members of the Order to waste their time there. What he didn't know was that the main reason for their presence was more or less for Harry's personal welfare since Dumbledore insisted that the young man could very well be depressed and irrational at the moment, meaning it wasn't impossible to for him to do something he'd deeply regret.
The summer moved at a snail's pace it seemed, and while he continued to contact his friends and the Order, it didn't help to pull him out of the bout he was in. It also appeared that summer couldn't end quickly enough so that he could get back to Hogwarts and put his plan into action. He knew that people would be hurt, worried and possibly angry, but to him it was a risk he was prepared to take. More deaths had been caused by him and he couldn't deal with all the guilt anymore.
But the end finally came and September 1st finally rolled around which meant Uncle Vernon dropped Harry off at Kings Cross as fast as possible and sped off before someone he knew might catch sight of him. Harry's belongings were with him and he had been lucky enough to hitch a ride into London the one day to fetch the new school supplies from Diagon Alley. He did spend more times in the Apothecary than was normal, but dismissed it as part of his master plan. No, he wasn't suicidal as Dumbledore thought, but rather something more unexpected.
So there he stood at platform 9 ¾ with ample time before the train left. Silently he passed through the wall and looked around to see that very few of his fellow schoolmates had appeared yet. This suited him well as he boarded the train and picked out a compartment that ended up being the last one and hoped no one would find him, even Ron and Hermione.
An hour later he found himself staring at the two and placed an awkward smile on his face. He needed to keep up his act; it was as simple as that. No one could know what he was up to or all would be for nothing. He knew no one would approve which is why he kept it secret. It was foolish, yes, but that didn't deter him as he'd already made up his mind. Come tomorrow, he would find himself locked in the deserted girls bathroom with Moaning Myrtle watching over his shoulder as he attempted to brew a difficult potion on his own.
The train ride was pure torture for him; although he didn't show it and was able to fool the two into thinking that he was all right and most importantly, wasn't going to do anything stupid. The Sorting Ceremony ended quickly, yet still not enough for him. Too many people, yes, there were too many people for his likings around him and it already was taking its toll. This had to be done swiftly.
Dean, Seamus, and Neville fell under his false sense of security and they too assumed that everything was normal for the teen. He and his mates eventually made their way back to the Gryffindor tower and he pulled the curtains around his bed and at some point hours later, fell asleep. Nightmares plagued him once again as they had for the entire summer and that night's were no exception.
He woke the next morning with a cold sweat and chills running up and down his body as he breathed hard and looked at the still forms of his friends as they slept. Perfect as he was able to leave the dorm without them noticing. With a wave of his wand, cauldron, ingredients, and book were shrunken and placed inside a pocket only to be retrieved in the bathroom later. Harry was grateful for knowing that no one else would be coming to the area and probably wouldn't think to look for him their if they noticed him missing.
Hours later his potion was bubbling violently as he dipped a ladle into the mixture and placed it into a glass. It looked horribly unappetizing with its muddy brown color and thick consistency. He dropped something into the glass and raised it to his lips and downed the entire contents. The glass was shattered against the wall moments later and with that he declared,
"For now and forever, I shall never be human again..."
((A/N: Err, okay, so umm, tell me what you think? Scrap it or continue on? R&R!))
Disclaimer: The usual, I don't own Harry Potter or anything relating to that nature, all I own are my pitiful ideas and at points, some various own creations. Sue me and you can have my college loan payments to work off.
So, on to the story. This first chapter is only a prologue so don't errm, hurt me if you don't understand it right away....))
"I don't want to talk about how I feel, all right?" "Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a man! This pain is part
of being human-"
"THEN - I – DON'T – WANT – TO – BE – HUMAN!"
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, pg.824
Prologue:
Inside a dark room with the curtains drawn shut so that even an inch of sunlight would have a hard time getting in, a young man rested on his bed. His mood had drastically changed from a few weeks ago where he'd thrown a tantrum in the headmaster's office, breaking trinkets which he presumed were already repaired. Most of the time he skulked in his room when he wasn't required to be the Dursleys' private house elf and this left his temperament fluctuating within any given moment. With the recent death of his godfather, he spent more time brooding than he'd prefer and even tried to give up feeling emotions at all.
The line, "THEN – I – DON'T – WANT – TO – BE – HUMAN!" kept playing through his thoughts as well. He hadn't known just what made him say that particular phrase, but it wasn't something he could seem to let go of. Vague memories of a conversation with Sirius and his escape from Azkaban flittered back and forth and he remembered that animal emotions were less complex than those of a human. From that, a plan began to formulate even if he didn't have the necessary equipment to complete it. For now though, he bided his time and sent the normal messages to the Order as to sedate them.
While he wasn't treated entirely well, the threat Moody had made at Kings Crossing at least left an impression upon the Dursleys. This summer he still had his daily chores, but unlike the others, his room was left unlocked and his rations of food had increased enough to be able to withstand asking his friends for help. They did allow him to leave the house if he chose, but that was rare these days, and Vernon did encourage Harry to continue his solitude.
He knew the Order still had their shifts set around No. 4 Privet Drive as he'd caught sight of Tonks' pink hair and a few times Snape made himself known to Harry if he was outside with his usual sneer. How Harry despised the constant watch of the grounds. If what Dumbledore had said was true, Voldemort could not enter the house and he could see no reason for members of the Order to waste their time there. What he didn't know was that the main reason for their presence was more or less for Harry's personal welfare since Dumbledore insisted that the young man could very well be depressed and irrational at the moment, meaning it wasn't impossible to for him to do something he'd deeply regret.
The summer moved at a snail's pace it seemed, and while he continued to contact his friends and the Order, it didn't help to pull him out of the bout he was in. It also appeared that summer couldn't end quickly enough so that he could get back to Hogwarts and put his plan into action. He knew that people would be hurt, worried and possibly angry, but to him it was a risk he was prepared to take. More deaths had been caused by him and he couldn't deal with all the guilt anymore.
But the end finally came and September 1st finally rolled around which meant Uncle Vernon dropped Harry off at Kings Cross as fast as possible and sped off before someone he knew might catch sight of him. Harry's belongings were with him and he had been lucky enough to hitch a ride into London the one day to fetch the new school supplies from Diagon Alley. He did spend more times in the Apothecary than was normal, but dismissed it as part of his master plan. No, he wasn't suicidal as Dumbledore thought, but rather something more unexpected.
So there he stood at platform 9 ¾ with ample time before the train left. Silently he passed through the wall and looked around to see that very few of his fellow schoolmates had appeared yet. This suited him well as he boarded the train and picked out a compartment that ended up being the last one and hoped no one would find him, even Ron and Hermione.
An hour later he found himself staring at the two and placed an awkward smile on his face. He needed to keep up his act; it was as simple as that. No one could know what he was up to or all would be for nothing. He knew no one would approve which is why he kept it secret. It was foolish, yes, but that didn't deter him as he'd already made up his mind. Come tomorrow, he would find himself locked in the deserted girls bathroom with Moaning Myrtle watching over his shoulder as he attempted to brew a difficult potion on his own.
The train ride was pure torture for him; although he didn't show it and was able to fool the two into thinking that he was all right and most importantly, wasn't going to do anything stupid. The Sorting Ceremony ended quickly, yet still not enough for him. Too many people, yes, there were too many people for his likings around him and it already was taking its toll. This had to be done swiftly.
Dean, Seamus, and Neville fell under his false sense of security and they too assumed that everything was normal for the teen. He and his mates eventually made their way back to the Gryffindor tower and he pulled the curtains around his bed and at some point hours later, fell asleep. Nightmares plagued him once again as they had for the entire summer and that night's were no exception.
He woke the next morning with a cold sweat and chills running up and down his body as he breathed hard and looked at the still forms of his friends as they slept. Perfect as he was able to leave the dorm without them noticing. With a wave of his wand, cauldron, ingredients, and book were shrunken and placed inside a pocket only to be retrieved in the bathroom later. Harry was grateful for knowing that no one else would be coming to the area and probably wouldn't think to look for him their if they noticed him missing.
Hours later his potion was bubbling violently as he dipped a ladle into the mixture and placed it into a glass. It looked horribly unappetizing with its muddy brown color and thick consistency. He dropped something into the glass and raised it to his lips and downed the entire contents. The glass was shattered against the wall moments later and with that he declared,
"For now and forever, I shall never be human again..."
((A/N: Err, okay, so umm, tell me what you think? Scrap it or continue on? R&R!))