P id=storytext class=storytext
PBob was fishing for a Chinchou when it suddenly floated out of the river by
itself. Bob was puzzled by the floating fish so he tried to walk over and touch
it, but unfortunately for him he wasn't Jebus so he fell into the lake./P
PThen, Chuck Norris came in, and the water magically parted before him. Bob
was saved by the almighty Chuck Norris. You know, Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
He can do anything./P
P"OMG Chuck Norris, you are my savior!" Bob cried./P
PThen he went back to fishing for a Chinchou, oblivious to the fact that it
was floating right above him./P
PDelibird, who was also Chuck Norris's nemesis, decided to appear and rained
down presents of joy. Or sorrow. Dunno which. But anyway. There were presents
exploding everywhere â€" some even gave out mystical lights â€" and it was goddamn
frickin' chaos./P
PAnd Bob just kept fishing with the Chinchou still hovering over his head,
oblivious of the fact that the whole fucking world was falling apart./P
PBob was a happy man. So was the Chinchou… well, er… a happy Pokemon in this
case. Why? Because it was happy./P
PTHEN CHUCK NORRIS WAS LIKE "OH NOEZ IT'S DELIBIRD MY ARCH NEMENEMENEMENESIS I
MUST KILL IT o.O"/P
PTHEN DELIBIRD WAS LIKE "I WANT TO EAT MEAT AND HOTDOGS CUZ DELI MEANS MEAT
AND HOTDOGS IN SOME UNIVERSE AND w00t!"/P
PThen, Jesus appeared with dual submachine guns and blew the fuck out of the
two of them. Delibird died immediately. Chuck Norris was completely fine. The
bullets cannot stop his awesome-ness./P
PAlthough, no one had seemed to notice Bob and the Chinchou, both who were
having the time of their lives./P
PJesus then granted Bob the power of walking on water and left immediately
afterwards. Bob was like "OMGYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYYA I CAN WALK ON WATER NOW!"
and then started dancing on the water. Chuck Norris challenged Bob to a fight.
The Chinchou was still floating and staring into space./P
PThat's when Suicune appeared, and because it saw Bob walking on water it got
pissed because Suicune is like Jesus and Bob was copying it. So anyway, Suicune
froze the floating Chinchou â€" who STILL didn't know WHAT THE FUCK was going on,
and then drop kicked Bob's face. WIN!/P
PChuck Norris was then uber pissed because Suicune just pwned his new
opponent, and decided to pwn Suicune. But then Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the
White and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and Benito Mussolini
and the Blue Meanie and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie Robocop, the
Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power
Ranger, Bill S. Preston, and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk
Hogan all came out of nowhere lightning fast â€" and they kicked Chuck Norris in
his cowboy ass./P
PChuck Norris then defied Lemon Demon reality and kicked the asses of EVERYONE
around him. But then Master Chief showed up and looked at the huge brawl and
thought WHATTHEFUCKISGOINGONOMGWTF./P
PCortana was monitoring his thought waves at that time, and deduced that he
wanted to fuck something. Smart AI my ass./P
PMaster Chief then stared at Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris stared at Master Chief
â€" and then proceeded to kick his ass and Master Chief went flying out of
nowhere. You know. Chuck Norris is invincible. Cortana was really pissed off,
because she was about to get down inside the Chief's mind, too./P
PThen the Flood came up and they were all like "I WANNA SUCK YOUR BAL- I MEAN
BRAIN AND LIFE FLUID OM NOM NOM NOM NOM"/P
PChuck Norris decided to sue the flood for wanting to suck his balls, but then
he noticed that he spent all his cash on liquor last night. So he hired the
world's cheapest attorney, PHOENIX WRIGHT! Booyeah. However, in court, all the
HOLD IT's and OBJECTION's pissed the judge off to no end, and he threw his
hammer at Phoenix Wright's head and knocked him out. Thus explaining why he
REALLY quit. And why he wears that fucking gay hat all the time now./P
PHe wanted to sue the judge for injuring him, so he hired this n00b attorney
called Apollo Justice, who couldn't do SHIT, and in fact, he defended HIMSELF
while Apollo sat there looking like a fucking idiot with that bad hairdo./P
PYep. Back to the original story, though. After failing to sue the flood,
Chuck Norris sat in a corner and sulked. He sulked and sulked until Bob, who had
somehow survived everything, walked over to him./P
P"I can defeat you."/P
PThe Chinchou, who still had no crapping idea what was going on, unfroze
itself and just decided to wing it and float into the lake. Bob turned around
just to see it float into the lake and was all like "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"/P
PThen he started chasing after it, but then the revived Delibird started
chanting, and out of nowhere Torterra appeared, and started Torterra â€" ing. Then
Bob was all like, "OMG IT'S ECO-BOWSER CUZ HE HAS LIKE A TREE ON HIS BACK. I
MUST CATCH HIM."/P
PThen Torterra got all scared and crap and pissed in its pants. Er, tree. Er…
on the ground. Anyway, Bob started chasing Torterra as they ran around in
circles./P
PCIRCLES OF DOOM!/P
PIt was at that time when Golbez decided the whole thing was gay and unleashed
hell on Eco â€" erm, on Torterra. He used a METEOR and even though it was SUPER
EFFECTIVE, it didn't do shit, because he was the weakest final boss in the Final
Fantasy series./P
PThe most it did though was make a leaf fly off Eco-Bowser's tree, which
wasn't much. Bob continued chasing Torterra and created more CIRCLES OF DOOM.
The CIRCLES OF DOOM started glowing and shit, and light exploded from the
ground./P
PEvil Chuck Norris started floating out. "Greetings! I am evil Chuck - "/P
PWhat happened was that Neku Sakubara had hopped out and used his pin. Or
attempted to. Completely ignoring the fact that he didn't exist, he shoved the
pin through the Evil Chuck's flesh. And of course, pins are Chuck Norris's
weakness, ever since this chick pierced his nipples with a pin. He had to go
through surgery after that./P
PThen Evil Chuck was like, "OH NO PINS, MY ONLEH WEAKNESS… I'M DYING! I MUST
TAKE CRACK!"/P
PBut then Chuck was like, "YOUR INITIALS ARE LIKE E.T., SO YOU CAN'T TAKE
CRACK!"/P
PThen E.C. was like, "!"/P
P"I HAVE DEFEATED YOU!" CHUCK NORRIS CRIED TRIUMPHANTLY. "I HAVE DEFEATED -
"/P
PHe then got bonked in the head by Bob, who still wanted a fight with him./P
PThat's when a piece of POOP appeared out of nowhere and started talking to
them. It was like, "I'M A PIECE OF POOP, FEAR MAH SUPREME POWER BIOTCHES!"/P
PThen Bob was like, "OMG I'M GOING TO CATCH YOU!"/P
PThen Bob threw a Master Ball at the POOP./P
PThe POOP was caught and the POOP was like "NNOOOOOOOOOO! MY POOPiness WILL
COME BAAAAACCCK FOR YOUUUUU!"/P
PThen he noticed POOP had low hp, so he took it to the PokeCenter. Nurse Joy
was like WTF IS THAT, and had a heart attack. Professor Oak then came cuz he was
the most awesome Pokemon expert, and here was a kid with a Pokemon he didn't
know about./P
POnly one thing came to Prof. Oak's prodigal mind. "This, is a LEGENDARY
POKEMON!"/P
PPOOP felt greatly flattered. I mean, it was just a piece of TALKING POOP. But
then POOP'S all like, "BUT I KNOW IT'S A LIE YOU GAY FAG, YOU'RE LYING SO I MUST
EAT YOU! With my POOPINESS."/P
PAnd so Oak was devoured by the POOP and came out of POOP'S other… side?
Anyway, he came out of POOP's other side as… POOP./P
PDUN, DUN, DUN./P
PPOOP then realized the epic power it had at its hands, and also realized that
he could conquer the WORLD with POOP! But then Sho Minamota came and killed him,
thus throwing him into The Game./P
PBob was sad. All he was left with now was one POOP that was dead and one POOP
that was alive. He wanted to join The Game too./P
PBut then it's like, this huge afro dude appeared out of nowhere and used its
magic to give everyone huge afros. That's when Miror B and his big Pokeball afro
appeared with his army of dancing Ludicolo, and they started to dance to music
that appeared when Miror B snapped his fingers./P
PBut then, Miror B and Bob pulled out their DS's and traded the two legendary
mascots from Diamond and Pearl. However, the two deities, because they were gay
beyond reason, started to have butt-sex midway through the trade. Time and space
started to distort due to heightened emotions from the two deities. Um…
okay./P
PThen Ash KETCHUM came in and was all like, "Pikachu, I choose you! Go Volt
Tackle them!"/P
PPikachu appeared out of nowhere and Volt Tackled Miror B, Bob, AND their
DS's. The handhelds exploded and left Dialga and Palkia stuck in the void
between the wireless systems. Forever. And forever having… butt sex./P
PBut then Giritina is like, "OMG MY EYES BURN WHY THE CRAP DOES ARCEUS IMPLANT
VISIONS INTO MY MIND OF WHAT THOSE TWO ARE DOING, AT EVERY GIVEN TIME OF THE
DAY? AUUUUGHGHGHGH!"/P
PThis rage caused Giritina to become severely pissed and the Distortion World
(hehe) started to distort (hehe x2). He started charging towards the two butt
sexing legendaries like a crazed man, his eyes going all out of whack and
stuff./P
PThe two deities saw the charging Giritna and went apeshit freaking insane.
But then Johnny Bravo (oh yeah) appeared in the middle, flexing his muscles.
Giritina went, "WTF !"/P
PAnd Johnny Bravo went, "Lulwat?"/P
P"Hey Giritina, baby, wanna check out my muscles?" Johnny Bravo started
flexing his muscles again, and flicked his hair. Giritina blasted him away.
Dialga and Palkia took one look at each other and started butt sexing again./P
PGiritina then went crazy with rage. "GAH DAMMIT, WHEN DO YOU GUYS EVER
STOP?"/P
PDialga and Palkia looked at him, and were all like, "Ollollollololololol! OL!
OL! OL1lolo1olol1ol1ol1ololo1l!lolo1lolOL!11"/P
PThen they went back to butt sexing, and Giritina started ripping out its own
wing thingies out with its imaginary claws that it obtained (somehow) through
being pissed at the two legends./P
PThe insanity made Giritina join the deity butt-sexing session./P
POMGWTFBBQ?/P
PArceus was watching the whole thing with his mighty powers and stuff, and was
getting pissed off about the fact that he was the only dimension legendary in
Diamond, Pearl, and Platinum that was not having butt sex. He got so pissed off
he summoned Yugi Moto and made him use his "Heart of the Cards" crap to pwn
them./P
PUnfortunately, the "Heart of the Cards" did NOT pwn them, and Giritina,
Dialga and Palkia continued their butt sexing party. They weren't about to let
anyone crash it./P
PBut Arceus decided to, and decided to use Judgement and kill 'em all.
Unfortunately nothing happened when he used the attack, so Arceus was like "aw
screw it" and went in to join the party./P
PThat's when a certain Magikarp floated in. Then the Magikarp was all like,
"JUDGE FUCKING MENT ON YOUR ASSES BIOTCHES!"/P
PAnd beams of light and crap smashed down onto the legendaries, and they were
thoroughly OWNED. Then POOP appeared after beating the game and crap and ate the
legendaries, who appeared again as POOP. Then POOP was like "I WILL TAKE OVER
THE WORLD!"/P
PThen BOB was like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" And he banished POOP to the shadow
realm./P
PSuddenly, with all the dimensions gone, things started getting really messed
up. Two rocks with smiley faces on them suddenly appeared in the realm. PThe smiley rocks started spinning around each other, and a rainbow appeared
above them. Lollipops warped out of nowhere, and a sun with a baby's face began
rising from the fray./P
PThe sun â€" baby thing was laughing. And then the TELETUBBIES APPEARED!/P
POrganization 13 came in, all pissed off because they needed two more rocks
with smiley faces in their castle, but didn't want to go through Teletubbies, as
they were the most terrifying shit things that were ever made. So they flipped a
coin, and Demyx was chosen. Demyx went in and attempted to retrieve the rocks,
but his BRAIN exploded before he got there, because the Teletubbies were doing
their belly dance thing./P
PThe Organization turned nervous./P
PThe Teletubbies giggled and laughed (evilly, of course) and all hell broke
loose. As they were doing their group hug, the members of Organization 13
started holding their heads in pain at the sheer power of the horrifying
Teletubbies./P
PThe baby sun then rose out from the midst and laughed. Then Bob somehow
wandered in the dimension, and started wondering WTF was happening. Then he saw
the Teletubbies, and got all happy and stuff./P
PThe Organization was in shock because Bob was fine, so they attempted to
recruit Bob into getting the two "rocks with smiley faces on them". But then
Axel went all insane and killed everyone. It was then when the Teletubbies
turned gigantic and made an evil laugh./P
PTheir eyes glowed red. They unleashed their ultimate weapon. The GAY ROBOT
VACUUM CLEANER ELEPHANT SCOOTER TANK MACHINE THINGY NU-NU!/P
PThe gay robot vacuum cleaner elephant scooter tank machine thingy went over
and sucked Axel into itself and gave a high-pitched, spine-curdling,
heart-wrenching, fear-inducing shriek of, "Nu-nu."/P
PBob then went apeshit insane at all the dead people, and so he took a
Gatorade from his pocket./P
PHe drank the Gatorade and kicked the asses of the Teletubbies, and then
turned towards… a camera and said, "GATORADE IS THE AWESOMESAUCE ENERGY
DRINK!"/P
PAn orange lightning bolt appeared in front of the… camera, and a deep voice
wafted out of nowhere./P
P"Gatorade - Is it in you?"/P
PThe letter G appears out of nowhere, with an orange lightning bolt hanging
behind it./P
PThen Jimmy Neutron jetted onto the screen in his jetpack, and realized he was
not in front of his cartoon logo. He went crazy and blasted the Gatorade logo
with his shrinking gun./P
PThen the Jimmy Neutron logo somehow fell in, and the robot dog Goddard came
in, doing his "bark bark" thing./P
PBefore an episode title could come out, Chuck Norris jumped in the dimension
and kicked Jimmy in the face. Johnny Bravo appeared out of nowhere too, and
flexed his muscles./P
P"Oh yeah, baby. Check out mah muscles."/P
PMeanwhile, Bob was still standing there, STILL not knowing WHAT THE FUCK was
happening. Déjà vu, anyone?/P
PThe author, realizing that too little Pokemon have been appearing, decided
to throw in a floating Chinchou for no reason./P
PAnd guess what? It was the same old daydreaming Chinchou from before./P
PThen the Magikarp (who was forgotten at the time) was all like, "JUDGE
FUCKING MENT!"/P
PBut instead of rays coming out, a Togekiss did! But oh no, this isn't your
normal old, run-of-the-mill Togekiss, no, this Togekiss was all emo-like and it
was like, "My life is a pitch-black hole, with nothing to fill the pain within."
Oh, the irony./P
PAnd through the sheer emoness of the Togekiss…/P
PEr, nothing happened. But that isn't part of the story. OR IS IT? DUN, DUN
DUN./P
PDUN â€" DUN â€" DUN - DUN, DUN â€" DUN â€" DUN â€" DUN! Anyway the Togekiss came in
front of everyone and said, "My life is a failure. I am a failure. This world is
dark to me, and this pain is filling me full of sorrow. I, I AM A FAILED PERSON!
Er, Pokemon. But anyway. FREE ME FROM THIS PAIN! THIS TORTURE! I BEG YOU!"/P
PMeanwhile, Bob was standing there, scratching his butt like an idiot./P
PThen Bob was like, "OKAY, NUMBNUTS."/P
PThen he took the Togekiss's wings in his hands and started swinging the
Togekiss around. Togekiss was like, "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU, I WANT YOU TO KILL
ME! NOT THIS!"/P
PThen Bob was like, "DO YOU LIKE WAFFLES?"/P
PA random, high-pitched voice starts wafting in. "YEAH WE LIKE WAFFLES. DO YOU
LIKE PANCAKES? YEAH WE LIKE PANCAKES. DO YOU LIKE FRENCH TOAST? YEAH WE LIKE
FRENCH TOAST…"/P
PThen Togekiss was all like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I HATE WAFFLES!"/P
PThen Bob was like, "OMG NON BELIEVER… Shun the non believer,
SHUUUUUUNNNN!"/P
PThen Master Chief came in and threw a pancake into the non-believer's face.
Who was, in other words, the emo Togekiss./P
P"I… I WILL RETURN!" The Togekiss started flying away and hit into a wall that
suddenly spawned out of nowhere./P
P"AHH… walls, my other worst enemy… you'll get what's coming to you!" cackled
the Togekiss, flipping off the wall before proceeding to crash into another
one./P
P"AHH…touché, you gay wall, touché!"/P
PAnd the POOP was all like "POOOOOOOP…"/P
PThen a nuke spawned â€" ollolololo1lol1ol1olololO!lol!LO!oloLOLolO!olololo1-
and blew everyone up./P
PTHE END./P/DIV