A/N: yeah yeah, I decided to go with a small tale of a gal from our time who gets to go hang with the Dwarrows on their quest. The idea is there, has been done, will be done; I may as well do this too in my own way. I hope readers will enjoy this. I'm going to try to put a spin on this others haven't done. Least, far as I've seen. I could be wrong. Either way, reviews would rawk hardcore.

Chapter 1. If you push me too far I just might.

So how does one go from being a typical 22 year old fast food worker, an internet junkie and someone who is carefree about life to someone who finds herself in a new world, surrounded by nothing more than the very people and places she's only read about since she was, like, three years of age? I'll tell you how.

You don't.

I don't even know how this shit happened to me. I do know that by my being here and having things go the way they did (as I do have the tendency to let the proverbial cat out of the bag), it completely changed the stories from how you all know them. Really. Thorin and Kili and Fili survived the Battle of the Five Armies. No kidding. They survived, Thorin went on to rule his people nicely; rather did what Dain did in the version of the story you all know - ya know, where the three were killed that day? Yeah. Thorin learned to deal with the Elves and they agreed on a working truce, everyone thrived, life was amazing.

Fili went on to court a nice Dwarrow lady and soon wed her in an amazing celebration. You think Dwarrows know how to party it up for normal feasts? Ha! A wedding - and one to the fine Heir - was something even more outlandish complete with too much food, drink and good times. Everyone should party like that at least once in their lifetime. Party like a Dwarf, indeed. The happy couple went on to have three strong sons and a daughter and all was cozy and warm in their world.

Kili? Well, he fell in love hard. I mean hard. He knew he'd found his One, and he was good and ready to do anything within his abilities to ensure that she stayed at his side, loved him just as much - and she loved him just as strongly, believe me ... hell, he was going to follow in his brothers footsteps and marry her, have a family. Settle down. Provide.

Kili was the happiest he'd ever been and both Fili and Thorin had most definitely agreed that his future betrothed was the greatest choice he could have made.

It deeply and no doubt irreparably broke his heart when I had to leave. Broke mine too. Out of everyone in my current time here, not one guy has the traits Kili has. Had. Oh gods, Kili... if only... No. I can't let my feels get in the way of telling this tale. I owe it to them to tell it how it went. I owe it to Thorin, Kili, Fili, Oin, Gloin, Bofur, Bifur, Bombur, Nori, Dori, Ori, Dwalin, Balin and the rest of the Dwarrows.

I especially owe it to Kili. Though after I returned to my time, I realized that by changing everything due to my actions, I did a lot more harm than good. I had no choice but to go back and put things right. Even if by doing so, none of Durin lineage survived. That was some hard shit to deal with.

I suppose I should just tell this tale, right? I can just tell the good stuff. The story that you all don't know. I just hope that all of you can forgive me for making things go how we all wish they could have gone and then having back up to put things 'right' again. Believe me, if I could I would use my third and final chance to go back and ensure they lived. This kind of guilt is killing me. I can't though. I really can't. You all are lucky in a way that you didn't get to see first hand how my bumbling of things cause our time now, today, to be so horrible and... trust me. It was best that the Durin line ended when it did. Fuck me, do I hate saying that but it's true. It's so true.

But at the time, it was so hard to stay silent and yet be around the Dwarrows with Thorin, knowing what was going to happen. It was so sodding hard to stay silent with the knowledge I had. I tried. God as my witness, I tried.

"No. I refuse!" Kili's voice rang out through the forest as Fili tried to reason with him.

"Come on, Kili. It's not going to hurt you to be pleasant to her. You're acting a little like a Dwarvling here..."

"I am NOT. And how can you even say that? She's a... a liability and I refuse to have anything to do with it if she -"

"You don't have to look out for her, brother." Fili sighed. "No one expects it of you. Believe me."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Came Kili's retort and Fili, as if speaking to a child, said slowly and surely, "She has held her own so far, has taken falls as the rest of us have, and everyone is watching everyone's backs as Uncle said we're all to do. But don't you worry yourself any. Thirteen of us are keeping our vows. It's fine. You don't have to."

Silence filled the air for a few moments and those of us sitting around the campsite eyeballed each other. It wasn't as if we wanted to listen in. No one could ignore any Durin when their ire was up. And their voices carried as well.

"Don't worry none, lass." Bofur, who was sitting next to me eating, softly said as he lied a friendly hand upon my shoulder. "Kili... he gets a little mouthy before his brain has time to work. Tis his age, you know."

"He's not much older than I am if you break it down." I muttered, taking a bite of the stew Bomber had made. Of course my chewing was interrupted by Kili's harsh reply to his brother.

"You think I can't watch out for her? You think I'm not as observant or responsible as the rest of you? Ha. I'll prove I am. I don't need to sit out while the rest of you do as Uncle wishes. We all watch each others backs, right? RIGHT?"

"...Yeah... we do, but Kili, I think - "

"No. I'm doing this. May Mahal keep me strong to ensure the beauty gets to our destination in one piece." Kili snapped and silence hit the woods again.

Giving a shrug, I returned to eating - when Kili plopped down next to me on the log and just watched me.

And watched me.

Finally as I took another bite and slowly chewed it, eyes on the fire in front of me, I softly said, "Do you have any idea how awkward it is to eat while one is being stared at as if they're some kind of hideous creature?"

"Ah, don't mind me any. Just doing my duty." Kili replied in a tone which dared anyone to try to tell him he was doing it wrong.

And he stared and stared and never let me out of his sight.

I mean never let me out of his sight.

I was able to handle it for about a day. I mean okay, he's fine looking and all but his attitude just stank something fierce from the moment we had left Bilbo's little town and passed through Bree where a bunch of children decided that chasing the Dwarrows with angry pissed off pet things (I had no clue what they were) was a true sport. Sure, it put us in a half ass mood but Kili seemed to just turn into Spoiled Little Brat Prince. Or something. He was glaring at me now and then which made me think he hated me.

Not a good thing for a fan of the guy to realize. The one dwarf ya crush on because of a well done movie hates you once you actually end up in their world.

I really should tell how that happened, right? Well, I can't. It was 'coming home from work' one moment and 'ohai, you're in Middle Earth now, wat do?!" the next. I didn't hit my head. I wasn't feverish. I didn't pass out in some grassy area for a moment. I didn't die. Least ... no, I didn't die because I was able to come back to my time, see the horrible horrifyingly horrific fuck up which happened because of me, and go back to make things right again. (No, it's NOT right they didn't make it but trust me. TRUST me, you would have done the same).

Anyway, yeah. Not a good feel to have the ONE dwarf you have written about, thought about, dreamed about, roleplayed, and this'd and that'd about, end up loathing you because he seems to think you're a liability (which I am, I can't fight for shit. Seriously) and because you're a female - and that's yet another no no of the times. Kinda like if some chick from the medieval times wanted to become a Knight and fight, they would have been "lol no. You're a girl. Back to the kitchens with ye." That's about how it was here. Dwarrow females were kitchen living, kid raising, clothing mending people. That was it. A-questing they did not go.

And here I was a-questing.

Oh and by the way, Thorin stands about 5'3 inches tall. Apparently 'Dwarrows' aren't that short. Or maybe because I'm a lovely 5'2, he was taller than me. Human, by the way. I'm so definitely human. Nothing changed on me. I didn't turn into a Hobbit, or a Dwarf, or get shorter. Or become wise like Gandalf - though my book knowledge definitely made me smarter. How did the Valor see to bring me here anyway?

Hell if I'd ever know. The only thing I knew was that Kili was now following me where ever I went. Even if it was to hop up to go across the fire to get a piece of bread from Bombur, Kili was on my ass. He was like a puppy following his master and, though the thought made me bust out a single laugh, it still bugged me.

That night, when we all put our bedrolls down to sleep, I figured I'd get some kind of reprieve from the Dwarrow Prince.

NOPE. There I was, lying on my side, resting comfortably, when Nature called. Even though Kili was pressed tightly against me as if we were courting and he was keeping me safe, nope. He was just there to bug the crap out of me and to prove something to his brother. So I had to go pee and was truly looking forward to 10 minutes sans my shadow. And no, this (part) isn't going rated M, peoples. He hates me, remember? He's just being a jerk of jerks to try and piss me off. So I get up, stretching a little and head off to find a good place to pee - and stopped dead in my tracks as I heard the telltale stick behind me break and then felt Kili's breath on my neck.

Now mind you, if at any other time in my life before that day I would have had Kili on my ass following me into the privacy of the forest and then felt his breath on my neck, I would have screamed like a little girl and started hyperventilating. Heart would have been pounding, I would have been pounding Kili... did I say that outloud?

All I did was let out a really over reacting sigh as I turned and said, "Can you possibly find it in you to not have to follow me while I go piss? Can I at least have ONE MOMENT OF PRIVACY?"

I didn't mean to yell. I vow that. But I did and it woke the party up and I folded my arms. "See what you did now? You made me wake them all up. Go apologize for your idiotic behavior so I can go to the bathroom in peace."

"See what I did?! I'm just following orders as they were handed down." He replied as he pressed his nose against mine, staring me down with this rage in his eyes that I just did not understand.

"You're not my keeper, Kili. I'm just as ablebodied to be on this quest as you or anyone. Why don't you go press yourself against the others? After all, they need watching too, apparently. Ugh, you're so annoying. I don't even..." I turned and headed back to my destination, fuming, until I felt his hand tight around my upper arm, stopping me and turning me to face him.

"You don't even what?" He asked softly, though with a dangerous tone to his voice.

"It's just a saying! Why are you so damned worked up over me?" My brow was furrowed just as much as his was and we were glaring at the other. Oh what I wouldn't have given to slap him once. Just once.

"Why am I so 'damned worked up' over you? You want to know? Fine. I'll tell you." Kili walked me farther into the woods before stopping and taking hold of both my shoulders tightly. "We Dwarves know how to look out for each other in an ingrained sense. We just know if something is going on. You do not. We Dwarves know how to hold our own in battle. You do not. I can trust my life to any ond of the Dwarves in this company. You I can not. And when I can not trust my life to a single entity, I don't trust them. And now I'm told that Uncle said we are to keep an eye on you to keep you safe? If any one of the others gets harmed here because they have to babysit you, you'll face a side of me you best never hope you have to witness. Female or not, you'll pay dearly if any one here is harmed because their attentions were on you."

I took in what he said and, though a moment of fear trickled through my eyes at his vow, I still had to point something out.

"Then why are you keeping all of your attentions on me? Huh?"

Though his eyes still held rage, Kili's grip on my shoulders loosened a little. He leaned forward, brought his lips to my ear and breathed out, "Because, as long as I'm watching you, no harm will come to you. As long as no harm comes to you, the others can fight as they know how to do."

"I'm not a dainty princess to require people watching my back constantly like you are, Kili. No one here is more concerned about my safety than they are about the rest. Don't be so ridiculous. I'm watching their backs as much as they are watching mine and each others. We're a freakin' team, for pity's sake. Now can I please go piss in peace?"

"No."

"The hell do you mean 'no'?" I snapped as I shoved him back and stormed off, fuming, hearing his shocked, stuttered gasp behind me.

Of course he caught up to me in a few strides and took my arm tight, causing me to hiss in some breath. Never let his looks fool you. He was strong as anything and definitely could ruin someones day were they to get on his wrong side.

"You're starting to get on my wrong side quickly." Kili hissed. "I am doing this for reasons of my own and I surely don't have to answer to you. No matter where you go, I will be there. When you sleep, I will be there. When you... relieve yourself, I'll be there, but I do have the common decency to turn my back for your privacy. I'm no Orc."

"Coulda fooled me." I growled softly, rubbing my arm after he let go, which he eyeballed in silence for a moment.

"Sorry about your arm."

"Heh, no you're not." I gave him a fake smile and turned, vanishing into the bushes to finally pee.

Of course, he wasn't too far off as he'd vowed he'd be. Now why the hell couldn't he do this while being all over me, unable to let me go? Stupid way things turn out. Nothing like having the full attention of the sexiest Dwarf ever to exist - yet he hates you. My luck always sucked though. Why this would be any different should never have crossed my path. Ever.

I got done, wiped off with a leaf - please oh please don't let it be the Middle Earth equivalent to poison oak - and then came back out. "Ready to escort me back, oh safety guardian?" I asked through a yawn and, without a sound, Kili put an arm around my shoulders and we headed back to camp.

Thankfully they all were sleeping again. I slid into my bedroll, covered up and watched the fire as it slowly was burning out. And of course, as if on cue, Kili slipped into his own blanket, moved up against me and, this time, slipped an arm around me, pulling me gently back against himself.

"Sleep well... princess." I heard his very soft whisper. It was only when I was almost asleep did I swear I felt the very very light brush of his lips on my jawbone under my ear.

Of course, I could have imagined it as well.

a/n: What an odd start. And no worries, we'll learn more of our as-yet unnamed gal as the tale goes. Also, fear not, she'll start babbling out things that will cause Thorin to do some serious thinking. Kili still loathes her. No one ever said he didn't know what mind games were, after all.