a/n: This is the mostly true and accurate description of my life.
Happy April Fools.
All the good things belong to Monolith Soft, but Eldest and Youngest are mine.
Case gripped her rifle tight enough that the metal bit into her gloved hands. She slowed her breathing, glanced over her shoulder to the team supporting her. Irina's eyes were as narrow as Gwin's were wide, and Nagi's eyes were ...
"MOM! You missed the exit!"
The driver didn't jerk the wheel, a testament to skills learned in both Old LA and even older Boston. She blinked mildly, then shrugged. "There's another Burgerville at the next exit. I think it's even closer."
"Nnnnnggggnnn, can't we go somewhere else?" whined a voice from the back seat. The speaker wasn't visible, having slumped low over their 3DS. "There's so much meat there. Meat meat meat."
"Nice to meet you," joked the front passenger.
The driver ignored the sibling interaction, checked her mirror to see if the lane was ...
... clear and focused. Case used the minimum of gestures to indicate the enemy hiding along the side of the cavern. Best to clear them out. She wanted to race forward and rescue the hostage but she knew they had to ...
"You've got your fanfiction face on again, Mom. Don't miss the exit."
"I'm on it, don't worry." The driver checked all her mirrors again, even flicking a look over her shoulder. The car slid from the freeway. "I think it's only a few more blocks."
Her passenger wasn't listening. "Ugh, not this song again. I am so over BABY METAL." A rapid tapping was followed by a change in music. "Better," nodded the mobile dj happily.
The backseat critic had a different opinion. "Nooooooooo, not thiiiiiiis! I hate it!" The critic clearly didn't hate it enough to look up, however.
It was far too late. The passenger was starting to sing along once the lyrics began. "WAKE UP GRAB A BRUSH AND PUT A LITTLE..."
... make up for their minimal strength with better skills. That included picking off stragglers so there would be no reinforcements. Case couldn't risk ...
"I gotta pee!" For this concern, the backseat passenger popped up over the edge of the seat to announce it directly into the driver's ear. Again, it was only decades of training on the I-5 that prevented the car from lurching into oncoming traffic.
"It's just ahead, dumbass."
"MOM, LANGUAGE! SWEARING! YOU TELL..."
"Language, please," the driver murmured without heat, signaling in preparation of turning into the parking lot.
"It's not faaaaaiiiiiir. You always get on my case for swearing, but you never do ..."
... anything serious happening to the hostage. She couldn't see him, but she was sure he was there. She was also sure there would be a trap because the Ganglion never let anything ...
"I need the bathroom first!" yelled the youngest member, practically rolling out of the car before they had finished parking. The driver had to scramble to grab the child before Youngest flung themselves into the path of the SUV parking alongside them.
The older child was taking their sweet time, wrapping the cables and carefully tucking away their precious cell phone, while their sibling was hopping from foot to foot and screeching about what they needed to do and how badly they needed to do it.
As they walked briskly into the restaurant, the older of the two said, "Mom, you sure have been distracted this trip."
"Yeah, I've been thinking about this story and..."
Two voices answered. "NOOOOOOOOO." In this one thing, the siblings were united. The less they heard about their mother's endless fanfiction, the better.
"Well, fine. Stay right here, while I go to the bathroom with Youngest."
Later, as the children fought over their fries, the mother dipped her onion ring thoughtfully into the superior blue cheese dipping sauce, second only to Burgerville's boysenberry shake in delectability.
"I don't like it here. There isn't anything to eeeeaaaat," complained Youngest again.
Eldest was slapping frantically at Youngest's hands, trying to prevent further fry abductions. "What do you mean?! You sucked up that ice cream pretty fast. And that second ice cream. And all of MY FRIES! STOP IT! I swear, you ruin everything that is..."
... good remain undamaged on this endless threat of a planet.
a/n: Burgerville makes me understand what the Ma-non feel about pizza. This was the road trip during which I wrote Streaker Tag.