Not mine.
This has to be some sick joke.
So I haven't been feeling well recently, a few stomach aches, but I felt that way all the time. I just attributed it to bad seafood. I go to the doctor, like a good boy, for my check up. I don't think to tell him anything about it. He took my blood, like always and told me he would call in a week. Well not him, but a nurse. I just shrugged my shoulders and left.
I have already decided how I would die.
He called me a week later, not a nurse, but him. Said it wasn't much, but the blood count seemed a bit off. It wasn't my t-cells he says, they were fine. So I went back. He drew more blood and sent them off for more test. He kept frowning, not like normal. I tried to joke with him about him being a vampire, wanting all my blood. He just shakes his head. That is when I got scared.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
The stomach aches got bad. So bad I could hardly move, I called the doctor only a day later. He said that it was bad; he wants me to come back to the office, the latest blood results were rushed back in.
I knew how I was to die, it was planned.
Its cancer he says, of the stomach. He asks me how long I have had stomach aches, I tell him for a long time. He tells me to get my affairs in order. He says that I don't have a long time.
Not now, not today.
I cry, I actually cry. Its not that I am going to die, I know that was going to happen. It's that I am going to die in a way that I am not prepared for. He says that there is no medication, no treatment, for how far along the disease is.
Any day but today.
I go home, and cry some more. How do I tell the others? They can't understand. I pick up the phone, and dial the apartment. They cry too. I pick it up again, and call my family. My aunt, my mother. My siblings. They cry first because I actually called them, then I told them why.
Any Day.
I have pain killers, lots of pain killers. Besides numbing the pain it makes me lethargic. I don't care about anything anymore. My family comes, my aunt and mother come, and my siblings come, leaving their own lives behind.
But Today.
The doctors say that HIV had nothing to do with it. That the cancer would have come anyway. That I would die anyway. I don't know what hurts worse, the pain of seeing my family like this, or leaving everyone behind the wrong way.
No Day, But Today.
At least I am coming home, to my Angel.