Disclaimer: Ryan Murphy and his clan own Glee. I just borrow them to play with and then put them back slightly more bruised then I received them.
Prompt: "Rachel and Puck were actually each others first kiss when they were 7 and Rachel was dared to; so she tackled him and laid one on him." - PuckRachel drabble meme on LJ (by: shaesweetie)
Noah Puckerman was beginning to think that Dante had been onto something with "The Inferno" (Fuck you; he reads. He doesn't have a fairy godmother to get him out of Lima...unless you count Berry). Now, sure there was no fire and brimstone; but, there was an endless repetition of songs they'd never use, stupid games and more facts then he really ever needed or wanted to know about the other thirteen people in the room. In other words, pointless shit that was really only there to punish him for something that someone else decided was bad.
Hell was also known as Shuesters' "Team Building Day".
Apparently Schue finally caught a clue and realized that only a very small percentage of their team actually, honestly, liked each other (and it only took until October of Senior Year. Perceptive fucker isn't he?). Puck had figured out fairly quickly that was the "bad" part.
Needless to say he had mentally checked out somewhere between the fifth time through "Seasons of Love" and Pictionary. Sure he had moved around with them, sitting on the floor, in chairs, standing around like morons...but he wasn't really paying attention to anything except on the basest levels. Besides, the floor of the choir room was way more interesting then whatever version of Schue's "But we're a family" speech the teacher was spouting (9.0 if you're curious).
He didn't have to pay attention anyway; he had texted Santana and Rachel to throw something at him if they ever started discussing their Sectional's set list (yea...right) or if someone completely snapped (his running bet with Santana gave it about two more hours before this happened; she thought sooner. He had taken the six hour mark).
And how much did he love that somehow those two had become friends over the summer? (About as much as Hudson hated it. That's how much.) He loved it even more because he was positive that Rachel's virginity was still in tact due to that friendship (Santana's a beast once you're "hers"...and that crazy bitch had decided she hated Finn...therefore, he couldn't have Rachel's v-card. Or anything else if Finn's recent bitching was anything to go by.).
It was a man thing; not anything else. He just liked to maintain a perfect record and that particular v-card, among various other acts performed on Rachel's person, would be like his own personal grand slam. Sure he might be a little bit in love with her, but only a little bit.
He stamped down the feeling of aggravation when a ball of paper hit him in the side of his head (he knew that bat-shit duo wouldn't pass that shit up...and he did say throw something) and glanced around the room hoping to hear people throwing out song titles. Instead he just saw a viciously excited look on a certain Latina's face while Rachel was shooting Quinn a mildly annoyed glare.
He finally tuned back in enough to hear, "Why do you even care Quinn?"
He ignored the urge to interject with a nice simple explanation of how she doesn't particularly care, she's just a bitch. Except, he had no idea what the question was.
"Because, we're playing Truth. It's a trust building exercise. You need to prove you trust us so we can trust you."
"That isn't exactly the type of questions I was planning on," Schue tried to interject, but he looked so resigned that Puck wondered how long they had been playing Truth. He shot a glare at Santana as this thought crossed his mind; 'cause this shit he would have paid attention to. She simply shrugged and he got the impression she might have been in la-la land herself quite recently.
"And me telling you who my first kiss was is a way to prove I trust you?"
Puck raised an eyebrow as Rachel inadvertently explained to him what was going on and had to fight his smirk. 'Cause, well, shit, things just got far more interesting then he expected they would. Santana didn't even bother to hide hers.
"Sure. That's a very important time in a young girl's life."
He's fairly certain only two people (though, judging by the smirks on three other faces he might be wrong), himself included in that, knew why Rachel rolled her eyes.
"This is ridiculous, I'm not telling you who my first kiss was with," Rachel snapped while shaking her head adamantly.
Puck glanced at where Finn was sitting next to Rachel and almost cracked up at the nervous expressions that kept playing on the other boy's face. The pleading looks he was shooting Quinn, mixed with relief at Rachel, made this situation all the more amusing. He knew he should be aggravated that a certain piece of information was being hidden; but he also knew there were a few reasons why.
First of all, everyone in that room knew the reason Quinn had asked. The blonde just wanted more fuel for her "I hate Rachel Berry" campaign. Ironically enough, Puck was pretty sure Rachel's answer (truth or lie) would provide it. Quinn might not want him; but she still thought she had some weird claim over him.
Secondly, he liked his face and Hudson was a jealous prick who couldn't listen to logic on a good day. Today wasn't a good day and Finn had been on edge lately to begin with (that whole "snapping" thing? He had put good money on it being Finn and he couldn't collect if the Quarterback didn't last another hour and a half. Blaine transferring this year and putting up an actual fight for male leads had guaranteed this to be the easiest money Puck would ever make).
Thirdly, well, Rachel had a damn good point. What the hell did her first kiss have to do with "trust" between team members.
That last thought had him bringing his cell phone out, as Quinn began to pointlessly bicker at Rachel and Schue tried to calm the situation, texting Santana quickly, Ten bucks says if the truth comes out Finn actually manages to turn this stupid first kiss shit into an actual issue of trust.
His phone beeped seconds later with a, No shit asshole. I've been praying Rachel would just answer 'cause it'd break those two up. You can thank me in jewelry.
"GUYS!"
Puck's head snapped up from his phone and he stuffed it in his pocket quickly because Schue actually sounded legitimately pissed. Like, the level of pissed he had managed when they all got drunk in school the year before; well, prior to getting huggy and giving out his phone number. And while normally Puck wouldn't care if a teacher was pissed; he actually, sort of, liked Schue. When he wasn't accusing him of doing things he didn't do or being a dick to Rachel.
"Now that you're all actually paying attention," Schue continued and Puck winced. "Let's move onto another question."
"I'll go," Santana quickly spoke up and raised her hand with an entirely too amused look on her face. "Puck...who was your first kiss?"
Fuck. Bitch was one of his best friends but she was a fucking shit disturber.
He contemplated lying for all of ten seconds until he noticed the look on Rachel's face; she looked amused as well and fuck if he was going to disappoint the people he counted as his two best friends (again, much to Hudson's displeasure).
He did have a brief thought that he should possibly apologize to his nose first. But instead, with a tired sigh and a roll of his shoulders, he simply answered, "Rachel."
The shocked silence, except for a few snorts of laughter, that fell over the choir room would have been funny if it wasn't so pathetically lame. He couldn't help but to think that these people really needed to get out more. You'd have thought he had just told them that Kurt was his first kiss or something.
It became slightly less funny and a whole lot more lame when seconds later Finn's indignant squawk filled the room, "What? How was he your first kiss? I was your first kiss!"
Needless to say it was a domino effect from there (Seriously. In. Hell.). Quinn started bitching at Finn. Mercedes, Kurt and Blaine were cracking up (which only told him that those three might actually know the story thanks to their weirdly close friendship with Rachel). Santana was looking at Rachel with a proud expression (like she hadn't been there when that shit happened). Rachel was rolling her eyes at Finn's tirade (thank fuck). Schue looked exasperated.
Everyone else just looked lost.
Puck smirked and kept talking, which quickly quieted the room down (gossip mongers the whole lot of them), "Yea, it was Rachel. It was after my seventh birthday party...and if anyone cares anymore, that'd mean I'm the answer to Quinn's question. Anyway, Rachel and Santana hadn't been picked up yet and San dared Rachel to give me a kiss for my birthday."
"And I did," Rachel interjected quickly, glaring at him as she spoke. "Simple as that. Not a big deal in the slightest."
"Not a big deal! You said I was your first kiss!" Finn continued looking way more aggravated then he had any right to look; especially considering they had just said they were seven.
"Oh no Midget," Santana continued, ignoring Finn completely. "You left out the best part of the story."
Kurt snorted down his laughter and cut in, "Yea Rach. How could you forget the rest of it? What'd you say? Oh yes, his eyes could melt me even then."
"I am never drinking with you again," Rachel muttered turning bright red and covering her face.
Puck ignored the hopeful twinge he felt in his gut at Kurt's further explanation and instead just shot her a blatant wink before snapping at her boyfriend, "Oh sit the fuck down Finn and untwist your panties."
Everyone turned at his words and looked surprised to see Finn standing and seething in Puck's direction (he didn't know why they were surprised; it was no secret that the two boys had more then a few issues between them when it came to girls and their apparent need to inadvertently share them. That shit dated back to kindergarten and Cindy Teller; though, that's another story for another day).
Once Finn had sat down (grabbing Rachel's hand possessively and forcing another eye roll out of half the room) Santana continued, "Anyway, so I dare her to kiss Puck 'cause I knew her little pigtailed self had a massive crush on him and the little midget proceeds to take a running leap, knocks them both back onto the couch and sticks her tongue down his throat. Looking back on it now, I'd give her a five for execution but a ten for endurance."
"Endurance?" Finn questioned, looking confused. And who could really blame them, seven year old girls are supposed to have cooties. Everyone knew that. Finn was probably wondering why Puck hadn't shoved Rachel off of him and run away.
"Yup. It was Puck so, I mean, do I need to explain that? And Rachel watched way too many romantic and musical movies growing up. So, they sort of, did the seven year old version of making out until Puck's Mom came in and proceeded to ground them for life."
"It was awfully messy wasn't it?" Rachel asked rhetorically.
"Yea, you were kind of slobbery," he added with a smirk. "All tongue, no technique," he joked, fully enjoying the overly pissed look on Finn's face. "And my Mom didn't ground us right away San. First she started thanking God in Hebrew. Then she promised to call the Rabbi. Then she grounded us; and even then, it was only until the wedding."
No one needed to know he was joking about that last part (No one ever said he wasn't also a shit disturber. It had nothing to do with the fact that Rachel had agreed to marry him when she was eight.). Even if he knows every time she asks about a nice Jewish girl she means, "Why aren't you dating Rachel?"
"But I was your first kiss," Finn whined again. "You told me that."
Rachel finally yanked her hand back from his and turned in her seat before stating outright, "No Finn. You assumed that. I'm not even sure why you assumed it being that you've never asked me said question and I've never volunteered the information."
"Why Puck?" he finally snapped completely, and began ranting about how Puck always takes the girls he wants (leaving Puck to curse in his head over the money he had lost. Dammit Santana. She did that shit on purpose. One more hour was too much to ask?), while Rachel sat there staring at him in shock as she occasionally glanced at Puck in confusion.
He simply shrugged back at her and silently mouthed the words, "I have no fucking clue," in her direction. And he didn't. Who the hell gets this pissed over a kiss that happened ten years earlier? He decided to ignore the fact that Finn had called him out on being in love with Rachel two weeks earlier; essentially putting the final nail in their friendship.
Especially when, to put it simply, Rachel was his first. If anyone should be pissed it should be him. A few times over.
He'd had staked that claim when he was seven (it totally didn't matter that she had been the one that kissed him). He had locked it down further when he dated her before Finn (Finn likes to forget about it but he totally had Rachel for two months the summer before seventh grade; back when Finn still thought girls were weird. Junior High stupidity went and fucked all that up) two times.
He watched as Schue once again tried to restore order to the choir room and went back to studying the floor rather then listen to Finn rant and rave (he'd tell him to shut up again except the other boy wasn't actually yelling at Rachel; he was just yelling in general) about how unfair life was (okay, so he wasn't being quite that bad. Rachel's dramatics were apparently contagious).
A few minutes later, as Puck was seriously considering just leaving the room, his phone beeped with an incoming text message and he checked it quickly, eyes widening and shooting Rachel a shocked look as he read it, What do you think his reaction would be if he knew that I had no idea what number kiss he actually was being that he didn't kiss me til we were 15.
Puck quickly typed in his reply, Keep that shit to yourself Berry. I like my face. And since my eyes make you melt, I know you do too.
The sound of Rachel's laughter reached his ears after he hit send and had him settling back into his seat feeling lighter then he had in months; even with the knowledge that he was pretty sure he'd be owing Santana a very expensive thank you really soon.
Two weeks later he began to make her lose count of the number of kisses she'd had. Three months later he had his grand slam (with the added bonus of an, "I love you" tacked on). Ten years later he wrote vows promising to kiss her for the rest of their lives and longer.
It wasn't until sixty-five years after that, that he fully understood what he meant; because Rachel Berry had been his first kiss and Rachel Puckerman was his last. He just hoped he didn't have to wait too long to fulfill that "longer" part.
Six months later he joined her.
A/N: Not quite sure what happened here except that I sort of love Fics told from an observational POV and for some reason I can write for Puck about 100x easier then I can write for Rachel. I feel like I should apologize to my IQ for using a 3OH3/Kesha song as a title as well.