True Regrets
Summary: Alan was a boy with asthma. Meeting Eric, he eventually recovered. When Eric decides to spend some time to himself immersing himself in work, how does Alan cope with the constant loneliness?
A/N: This is an alternative universe play on Eric and Alan in the teacher-student relationship.
Note: Kuroshitsuji belongs to Toboso Yana. Eric Slingby and Alan Humphries from the Kuroshitsuji Musical are played by Taisuke Saeki and Matsumoto Shinya respectively. Please support them!
It was a long and painful road for Alan Humphries. He had been battling asthma for quite some time and it was only recently that he had begun a road to recovery. This journey began upon meeting a dear friend; a teacher by the name of Eric Slingby. Their first meeting was remarkable; if sparks could fly they flew higher and brighter in the background when these two people's eyes met for the first time. It was a meeting of destiny.
Eric courted Alan in all the right ways; besides giving the traditional chocolate and flowers, what caught Alan's attention was the time the teacher was willing to spend with the student, even if it meant ditching his own work responsibilities. Their time together increased when Eric found out about Alan's battle with asthma. Quite often Eric would take time off to visit Alan at the ER when he was plagued with a sudden attack, literally dropping everything and dashing off to just be by his side. In a sense, the teacher grew so fond of his student to the point that they fell in love.
This constant company had ultimately helped Alan push through with trying to get better. It took as much effort for Alan to overcome his asthma as Eric did at pushing everything aside to stick by his new lover. It was something that Alan couldn't be any happier about, knowing that someone was willing to throw away everything to stay with him when everybody else just turned a cold shoulder.
Then finally, a miracle of miracles happened. Alan had recovered from asthma. The student was a long way from being completely healed, what with having to take medication to prevent the attacks from returning but there was progress nevertheless. Eric couldn't have been happier for him. But upon his lover's recovery, Eric told himself that it was about time to finally catch up on the work he had so long put on hold to look after Alan.
"I want some time for myself. You'll manage on your own, right?" Eric had told Alan before leaving their shared house to attend a night job he had recently taken after having had to withdraw from teaching due to his constant leaves.
While outwardly Alan understood Eric's actions and let him go, he inwardly started to wonder if Eric would still have time with him, or if he just stayed with him because he was sickly. 'Did he say he loved me for me? Or that I looked pathetic and wouldn't be approached by anyone else?' Alan wondered to himself. These thoughts remained in the back of Alan's mind as days and days went by. With each time Eric had returned home, he came with news that he was getting busier and busier, having to stay out for the night to finish one thing or another.
It came to a point where Eric barely came home to be with Alan. The time they spent together was practically at a sub-zero level that Alan began to feel the loneliness stronger each day. Yes he was cured of asthma but that didn't stop the attacks without medication; that didn't change the fact that he was meek and sickly; and that he did need someone to stand by him.
One evening in his lonesome, the doorbell rang. Alan answered the door, half-hoping that it was Eric but to his dismay and surprise, one of his teachers, William T. Spears was at the door. The student was a bit uncomfortable but nevertheless let the teacher in. There was a long silence between the two before the older spoke. Alan couldn't quite remember the words anymore; after all, he could think of nothing by Eric, wondering where he was and if he was thinking about him too. But he was shaken out of his thoughts by William who had offered to keep him company.
'Just like Eric…' Alan realized slowly, tuning in to William's words. Very slowly, Alan agreed. And before he knew it, William had begun filling in Eric's shoes in his life for the next seven days.
William had taken Alan out on mini-dates, coaxing Alan to try and loosen up but Alan was still apprehensive. "I can give you the comfort you're looking for," William had told him.
And for a fleeting moment, Alan clung onto those words. Cautiously, he agreed and gave in. It wasn't long before Alan found himself beneath William panting out and losing himself in his own moaning and groaning. This moment of consensual play was brought to a sudden halt as the door burst open, Eric stomping in.
"SPEARS!" Eric cried out angrily.
"E-E-Eric…!" Alan gasped.
"What the hell are you doing?" Eric demanded.
"Having sex," William retorted. "A bit disappointed that I haven't gotten him to call out for me though," he added.
"Who would—"
Alan frowned before feeling it best to speak. "I…I wanted this Eric… I… came onto him because I was lonely…" he tried to explain.
Clenching his fists tightly in rage, Eric pounded harshly on the door, practically growling out. "Fine! Then you can stay here with him for all I care!" And he was gone as soon as he entered.
Alan was stunned at this as tears welled in his eyes. Hurriedly he pushed William off him and quickly collected his clothes and dressed himself before heading back to the house he shared with Eric, hoping to find him there. To his dismay, it was, as it had always been, empty. The guilt sunk in faster and faster in his heart as Alan's knees buckled underneath him, tears freely flowing down his cheeks now.
'Eric….. I'm so sorry…. I-I know what I did was wrong… that to find comfort in somebody else only made things worse… And I regret it… I regret it so much because all I want is you… because you were there for me… in my worst possible hours… you held my hand… you kept me close… you loved me liked no other… I know that I can't ask for us to always be together… that we need time to ourselves… but… even when we're apart I miss you so much… Please… please forgive me…'
Arms slowly wrapped themselves around Alan as he slowly felt comforted before forced around into a kiss. Pulling back in alarm, Alan found the face of William, features dark and sly as he pinned the meek student down on the floor. "You still haven't called out for me Alan," he said huskily, pulling at the boy's clothes.
This ignited a weak struggle form the student. "N-No, please!" he pleaded, trying to resist him but ultimately failed, overpowered and stripped down again that evening. "Stop! No! Eric!"
William had gotten surprisingly rougher in handling the boy, probably from the name escaping Alan's mouth that the teacher barely noticed a sudden relapse of an asthma attack stronger than anything Alan had ever experienced before.
Eric, who was fuming as he made his way to his house to retrieve his clothes thinking of moving out, heard this sudden scream as it caught him slightly off guard. 'Alan..?' This caused him to break into a run the rest of the way, his feet carrying him to his destination. Upon arriving, he saw a familiar scene, but noticed the pained features in Alan's face that he couldn't mistake for anything but an attack. Just as well realizing that William could care less, advanced on him and literally punching him senseless off the student. "Alan...!" he called out, trying to reach out to the student but to no avail. Gritting his teeth, he shed off his jacket, wrapped it tightly around Alan and carried him bridal style and made a mad dash to the emergency room four blocks away.
Walking impatiently in the waiting area waiting for news of Alan's condition, Eric moved up to the doctor who emerged from the room where Alan was brought to. "How is he?" he asked.
"It's nothing we've ever seen before," the doctor admitted, pulling off his glasses. "He should have been cured of his asthma but something caused it to return with power a hundredfold. We've given him something to calm down but be wary of another attack," he said, gesturing to the room.
Eric felt his heart sink as he turned to the room and slowly walked inside. Inside Alan was sprawled out on a bed, connected to various machines and such, his breathing assisted with an oxygen mask. Eyes half-open, Alan spotted the familiar figure he had seen many times from the bed and weakly reached his hand out for him.
Approaching the bed, Eric slowly took Alan's hand, unable to say anything, considering what had happened just mere hours ago. Suddenly, he felt a weak squeeze.
"I'm so… so… sorry… Eric…" Alan began, breathing slowly. "I… must have caused you… so much… trouble… it was selfish of me… to want too much of your time… I just… wanted to be with you… as much as I could…"
"Alan…"
"I-I know… that I'm weak… and tear up easily… but being with you… I've felt no greater joy…" Alan continued, smiling gently through the oxygen mask.
"Don't say that as if…"
Alan's heart rate was decreasing slowly, the smile fading. "I'm… sorry… Eric…"
Eric's eyes widened as he clutched Alan's hand in both of his own. "You don't need to apologize Alan… I get it. But—"
"I… love… you… Eric… Always…" Alan whispered, breathing slower now.
"Alan!"
"Good…bye," he mouthed before his eyes closed, his grip slipping and his heart rate flat lining.
Eric stared at the unmoving body that was Alan for a long time before slowly shaking him. "Alan… Alan…. Come on, this isn't funny… Alan…. Alan…." The truth sinking in, Eric clutched tighter onto Alan's limp hand, he hung his head as tears battled to fall down from his eyes. "ALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" he cried out in pained frustration, trembling as the tears broke through his defenses. 'Don't leave me… please… I need you…!' Eric thought desperately, hoping to the high heavens that Alan would somehow return. When nothing happened, Eric thought harder. 'I love you, Alan… You and only you… I don't care what happened… We need each other, so I'll support you like I have before… so please… come back to me!'
A weak grip tensed between Eric's hands. Raising his head slowly, Eric looked at Alan in slight hope and disbelief. "Alan…?"
The twitch happened a second time as the machines managed to read a faint heart rate. And soon another. Alan's breathing slowly returned in faint intervals as his eyes finally flickered open. "E…Eric?" he called out weakly. "I… heard your voice…"
"Alan…." Eric said softly, smiling gently and cupping his cheek lovingly.
"I'm sorry…."
"No more apologies Alan…" Eric whispered, leaning forward and kissing him on the forehead. "I understand completely."
Alan slightly tilted his head in curiosity.
"Whatever happens…" Eric began, gingerly squeezing Alan's hand in his own. "We'll charge forward. Together. I promise."
OWARI