IN A WORLD FULL OF FANFICTION...
A lone figures sat on a picturesque hill on Destiny Islands. It was around noon, and the breeze was ruffling his impossibly spiked golden-chestnut hair slightly to the side. A laptop rested on his lap, and his fingers typed and clicked furiously, navigating with the trackpad like a wiz. Suddenly, he stopped, blue eyes narrowing as they fell upon a fateful sentence.
"'Axel and Roxas go to high school, where they are picked on by Sora and Riku?'" he murmured quietly to himself, clicking on the link. "FanFiction dot net? What is all this...?"
Suddenly, Sora's eyes widened and he slammed his laptop shut.
WHERE ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN...
Sora kicked open the door to his little hut of a home. Thirteen faces looked up at him, though only half seemed familiar. Demyx, the one raiding the fridge beamed at the brunette, his arms full of various deli meats and leftover desserts.
"Hi Sora!"
Sora screamed, summoning his Keyblade and pointing it at Xaldin, the closest to his position. "GET. OUT. OF. MY. HOUSE, ZOMBIES."
"Zombies?" Axel asked Roxas, amused.
"OUT!"
YOUR WILDEST FANTASIES CAN COME TRUE...
"I love you." Sora slammed his hands over his mouth. Vexen raised a thin, pale eyebrow.
"What was that, boy?" the scientist asked, sounding amused. A smirk played at his lips. Sora stared at Vexen in horror, slowly pulling his hands away from his face.
"I'm sorry, I have NO idea where that came from."
"Hiding your feelings, eh?"
"What the hell? No! You sick creep," Sora replied bluntly, a disgusted face crossing his features. "Something's happening to me...and I feel like it has to do with teenage girls."
AND NO ONE IS SAFE...
"It's a baby, silly!" Leon dismissed with a wave of his hand, as if this were the most normal thing in the world. Sora didn't even notice Xigbar appearing behind him, standing upside down. His eyes were trained more on the dress (that looked an awful lot like Aerith's) Leon was wearing.
"The parents?" Sora asked weakly, holding his head with his free hand. Xigbar walked around, flipping himself upright, and put an arm around Leon's shoulders. He giggled at the contact.
"Us!"
"Who gave birth." It was more of a statement than a question. Xigbar and Leon stared at him, as if they expected him to already know the answer. Suddenly, Sora's eyes jumped from the dress to the baby's face. "And why-no, how in the name of all things good did it inherit both your scars?" Sure enough, the baby had a massive scar running from the left side of its face to just past its right eye.
"Don't even ask," Rinoa said, shaking her head.
ONE WARRIOR MUST RISE UP AGAINST THE REST...
"Sora!" Kairi called. The brunette turned around, grinning.
"Kai-" But before he could even finish her name, someone bashed a shovel into her face. She fell backwards, unconscious, spraying blood everywhere.
"Now that she's taken care of," a manly voice said. It was revealed to belong to Wakka, who was grinning ominously, "We're all alone."
Sora just stared, his expression a combination of rage, confusion, rage, horror, and more importantly, rage.
AND REALIZE HIS DESTINY.
"I know what I have to do now." Sora turned away from the redheaded/blonde girl known as Roxel, who was watching closely. Sora looked up dramatically at the camera, his jaw tight. Only half of his face was shown. "I have to save this fandom from oblivion."
THIS STORY
"You're the only one who can help me," Sora pleaded. The figure watched him, not blinking. "Please. I can't do this without you."
"Fine," the squeaky voice replied. King Mickey stepped out of the shadows, rolling up his sleeves.
WILL CHANGE
"Goofy, no!" Sora cried, as the dog shoved him out of the way and disappeared beneath a rabid pack of teenage girls.
"Don't worry," Mickey said, not taking his eyes off the scene. "Their heads come off easily with a shield like his."
YOUR LIFE.
"Are you sure about this, young master?" Yen Sid asked, looking up at the castle with a doubtful look in his eyes. "That's quite a few stairs."
"Stairs?" Sora asked in disbelief, looking at the castle. "The fangirls have really altered this castle, haven't they?" Yen Sid and Mickey nodded in unison.
"Huh. Well. I'll get Kairi, and we'll dominate them with an iron...Keyblade!" Sora grinned at Yen Sid and took off up the stairs of the Castle That Never Was, but stumbled and nearly fell all the way back down.
KINGDOM HEARTS: INTO OBLIVION.
"Come on, what's taking so long?" Sora asked Kairi, as she attempted to pick the un-Keyblade-unlockable lock with her bobby pin.
"This is much harder than it sounds, Sora!" the redhead replied impatiently. "The...it's really jammed in there..."
"That's what she said," Sora whispered.
COMING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU
a/n: This is NOT a trailer for a real fanfiction, movie, comic, or anything. In other words: It's fake.
I'm not bashing any particular fanfiction, pairing, genre, or character. This is a parody on the fandom itself. It's a joke, and not meant to be offensive.
(but, just in case, sorry to any Vexen/Sora shippers.)
Just an idea I have while talking with some friends. (: If you want to imagine this as a real trailer, the music starts out with a low, single tone,played by cellos or stand-up basses. The tone cuts off after Sora says that line to Roxel, and a dramatic, fast, and intense orchestral tune starts up when it says "THIS STORY". It continues until just before the title is announced, where a huge violin flourish is placed. The low tone appears again while the title is announced, and then there's complete silence during the last piece of dialogue between Sora and Kairi. There's a short reprise of the dramatic violin flourish when the announcer says 'COMING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU'.