Twiddicted Momma
Remembered Promises
Jacob and Bella
Non-Canon, Slightly OOC, Rated 'T'
"The Rain Scene" Challenge
http://www(.)fanfiction(.)net/~teamsob
I do not own anything to do with Twilight but
I'd for fight for the rights to own T.L., once he's legal of course.
Print in bold are direct quotes from New Moon the book where Stephanie Meyer let uf further get to know the tall, muscled, Native American, fictional character I am in love with. And yes my husband knows, he's cool with it.
A/N: This is my first shot at FF so please give me any feedback you can. I need to thank all of those who read the story in progress and encouraged me to keep going: preciousfairymom80, bloodofbeckie, Mombailey, blueandback and aowalison. Last but not least I have to thank the wonderful woman who accepted my proposal and honored me by becoming my Beta. I know our fanfiction life together will be what dreams are made of. A word in my story is originally hers and I blatantly stole it. Hope you all don't completely hate it!
*breathing deep aaand....hitting......publish story*
BPOV
I sit in my big red truck, the truck Jake rebuilt for me, thinking of the events that brought me here. 'Here' being parked outside the Black's house. My day had started out the same as it had for the past month.
I would wake up, get ready for the day and call Jake. Billy would answer and say Jake was sick, sleeping, or out with his friends. Usually I would thank him, hang up and for the rest of the day I would try to distract myself from missing Jake. But today was different. After calling Jake's house today something changed. After hearing Billy once again give me one of his patented responses, 'Jake's not hear Bella. I'll tell him you called', I decided I was done. Done with Billy's excuses and done with Jake ignoring me. Knowing that finding and talking to him was now a necessity.
And that is how the red beast and I ended up in the Black's driveway, sitting in the pouring rain, waiting for Jake. Being so worried about Jake and knowing something was up, it was a compelling need to see if he was okay. I would not leave La Push until I did. He had to come home sometime. No disrespect to Billy but he hadn't exactly been forthcoming with any real info on his son and lately he had been a little short with me on the phone. If he thinks it's rude to come to his house, park in his driveway and not even bother going to the door, who cares? I was more worried about my best friend than offending Billy.
I had waited patiently for Jake to get over his supposed flu and then waited more when the flu had turned to mono. But when Billy started to tell me he was out with friends, it really hurt me. Wasn't I his friend? His very best friend? Actually, he told me he wanted more than friendship. My heart yearns to tell him that I'm finally ready for it too. A smile comes to my face thinking how happy it would have made him to hear this a month ago. Now... not so sure. Maybe I waited to long. Maybe he finally decided we weren't worth the wait, that Bella was too broken. Or the worst possible thing, maybe he had met someone who wanted to give him the kind of love I couldn't, until now.
If I could just find him and tell him how my stupid brain had finally come to realize what my heart already knew. I know I could make him see. I know he would give us a shot. Thinking back to the last time we saw each other, my newer, smarter brain refused to accept it would be our last night together. Because that last night, at the movies was when he made his promise to me. That night was when I started to realize my true feelings for my best friend.
Flashback, movies 1 month ago
Jake comes out of the bathroom cracking jokes about Mike Newton being a marshmallow. He flashes me his brilliant Jake smile and sits down on the bench in the lobby. He looks up at me and pats the spot next to him. Uh-oh. This is the moment. The moment when Jake will finally say out loud, what I have been suspecting for weeks now. He's going to tell me he wants to be more than friends and I'll have to tell him that I'm broken and can never be 'more' with anybody, ever again. It will kill me to watch his face crumble, his heart break and to see my own personal sun fade away. I just know it will throw me back into the black hole that he'd recently helped pull me out of.
He traps my hand in both of his and begins to speak, "Bella, do you really like that guy in there?," and he jerks his head toward the bathroom.
"Sure, sure." Jake squeezes my hands and smiles at the fact his expression has been stolen. Feeling myself smiling back and knowing my smile is an acknowledgment of how much he's ingrained in my life that I talk like him. Continuing on, "I mean he's a nice guy and I'd probably spend more time with him but I think it'll give him the wrong idea."
"And what idea is that?"
"That I wanted to be more than just friends with him."
"And you don't want to be more than friends with him?"
"I can't be more than friends with him or," pause before the next part because I know it will no doubt hurt him. Looking down at my feet and finishing quietly, "Or anyone else." His thumb, that has been rubbing up and down mine, stops.
"What do you mean you can't?" He grabs my chin and gently lifts my face up to look at him.
"Jake," letting out a sigh. Moving his hand from my face, I place it back in his lap. He frowns but brightens as he sees our hands still remain joined in his lap. Letting go of it had never been my intention, in fact it would be impossible. We held hands often and we were both comfortable with it. But the need to be touching him, for what's about to come out of my mouth is necessary. Not really knowing if it's to comfort him or to use him once again, to comfort myself and to keep myself from falling apart.
I take a deep breath, "I mean that I can't be more than friends with a-anyone because I'm just.....I-I'm broken." I brace for the pain to start in my chest and I protectively put my arm around my middle to hold myself together. Surprisingly it was only a dull ache. Looking at him now is impossible with not wanting to watch as he pulls away from me. He'll no longer want to be around me. My sun will set.
To my surprise, he pulls my arm away from my body and moves me into the crook of his arm. "Bells, you are not broken. You're hurting and that will heal in time."
"Not so sure it will Jake. Look I really like you but-," He stops me by putting his finger on my lips. Well that kind of tingled and my eyes are darting to his lips-- what? I'm looking at his mouth? Why did I do that?
His mouth breaks into my smile, my Jacob's smile. Am I serious right now? I just told him that we could only be friends and now I'm looking at his mouth and calling him mine?
Jake smiles and asks, "You do? You really, really like me?," he says batting his eyelashes and putting his hand to his chest.
"Of course, Jake," as I roll my eyes.
"Better than any of the other guys you know?," he says more seriously.
"Better than the girls, too," I pointed out.
"But that's all," he said, and it wasn't a question.
His smile fades as he looks past my shoulder. After a few seconds, he gives my hands a little shake and looks up at me and smiles my smile again. There we go again with the ownership.
"That's okay, you know. As long as you like me the best. And you think I'm good looking----sort of. I'm prepared to be annoyingly persistent."
"Don't set yourself up for disappointment Jake, because my heartache won't be changing anytime soon or if ever."
Shocking myself at that moment because for some reason, being here with Jake, has got me thinking maybe it can change. This heartbreak might not last. I'm excited that my heart is feeling something it hasn't felt in a long time.....hope.
"You said anytime soon, Bells," he laughs as I roll my eyes again.
"Did you even hear me say anything else?," I chuckle. "If you would listen to my words young Jacob," shaking my finger at him in a scolding way, "You'd have heard me say 'if ever'." He chuckles a little and his face gets serious.
"Just don't get mad at me for hanging around for the possibility, okay?" Jacob squeezes my hand and once again he touches my cheek. Wow, it feels so hot and so comforting. Moving it would be a sin. "Because I'm not giving up. I've got loads of time."
He gently grips the back of my neck and slowly pulls our faces closer together. Should stop this now. Have to stop this now. Have to push him away. Do you really want to? Siding with my brain and pushing gently on his chest, he kisses my forehead and then rests his cheek there.
Jake whispers quietly, "I'll wait forever for you."
Pulling my head away from his, our eyes slowly meet. His beautiful eyes show so much love and longing. It's as if he's trying to show me all his devotion through them. Turning away from him feels physically impossible. It feels like something is holding me there. Reaching up hesitantly to touch his cheek, I find it hard to imagine I'd once called him 'sort of' good looking. It was such a lie because looking at his face now, Jake is nothing short of beautiful. Being this close to him and having him looking at me this way, it's like seeing him for the first time. And he is absolutely breathtaking.
My body sucks in a long, slow breath in realization. How can I ignore this? How did I not see him and his love for me clearly? Feeling like my heart knows the answers but my brain doesn't allow it, I'm suddenly screaming on the inside for more time to think.
It's hard to register as Jake smooths my hair and rests his hand on my cheek but it also seems impossible for him to break the intensity of our gaze. Our faces are moving closer to each other as if being pulled by some unseen force. I have to look away, don't I? I can't be enough for him. He deserves better. I need him like the air that's necessary for me to breathe but it's so unfair to keep doing this to him. But would it be so bad to let him kiss me? Maybe like everything else he does for me, it will take more of the pain away. God I am so selfish! I can't be this cruel to my best friend.
Just as Jake licks his lips in anticipation and moves his hand to the back of my neck, again pulling me even closer, my brain finally wakes up. It forces my body to gently stop him. My eyes close.
"I can't," I whisper and fist his shirt in my hand, holding him there, afraid that this is the inevitable moment where he will pull away and leave me. This is the final straw. The final rejection he will take from me. Please, please don't leave me.
He lets out the breath he was holding and tenderly runs his finger down my jaw causing me to look at him again. Seeing the flash of hurt in his eyes makes me feel like a knife is twisting in my heart. He quickly masks the pain and replaces it with a look of love and devotion. I've seen that look from someone else but it turned out to be a lie. He gives my chin a squeeze to break me out of my thought.
As if he's read my thoughts, he tells me softly but convincingly, "I'm not him, Bella. I promise I will never leave you. I will never break your heart. I will always be here for you. However you need me to be."
At that moment Mike comes out of the bathroom and puts his head in the crook of his elbow and leans on the wall. He chokes out, "I n-need, need to go home."
"Perfect timing marshmallow," Jake says as he lets go of my chin to take my hand, not even bothering to look up at Mike.
He pulls me up with him, never taking his eyes from mine. He starts to lead me out of the theater and only looking away to ask the cashier for an empty popcorn bucket for Mike. He scowls at Mike, roughly shoves the bucket at him and says between his teeth, "Do. Not. Puke. In. My. Car," and we start walking to the car. Mike follows behind us with a look of pure terror on his sickly pale face. We reach the car and I realize we're still holding hands. He turns to me, looks down at our still braided fingers and then flashes me his only for Bella smile. He finally lets go to help me into the car.
It's a silent ride home. Jake and I both leaning toward each other. Nobody talking until we get to Mike's house and drop him off. We exchange goodbyes and I tell him to feel better soon. We still don't speak until Jake pulls up in front of my house. I turn to look at him and he has this strange expression on his face.
"Jake what's wrong?" Raising my hand to his forehead as I start to ask, "Are you si--," When I touch is forehead it's burning hot. "Jake, you're on fire!," as I feel all over his face.
"That's what she said. Ba-dump-bum," he beats his fingers like drumsticks on the steering wheel. I shove him in the arm. "Hey Bells, my whole body feels hot," he says in a sick voice with his lip puffed out. "Can you feel all over it to check?"
"Real mature Jake. I'm leaving now." I grab the door handle and start to get out of the truck
He grabs the back of my shirt and pulls me back into the car. "Really though, I do feel kinda weird. So do ya think Charlie can help you get Mike's truck back to his house?"
"Sure, sure," I say as Jake smirks and I smile which then makes Jake smile my smile. "If not then I can call his parents and they'll come get it."
"Okay then I'm gonna go. I really should kick Super Dork's ass just for breathing on me and passing on his germs. I feel really weird."
"Yeah OK Tyson. Because he probably just got sick to use germ warfare on you."
"Probably. He felt like I was invading his turf."
"Jake, I am nobody's turf." He looks at me with a little sadness in his eyes.
"I know Bells, I know"
"I'm sorry. I just can't.. It's just that...I mean--." He looks up at me and interrupts, not wanting to spoil the mood.
"But a boy can dream, can't he?" And he waggles his eyebrows. I sigh in defeat and get out of the car. Shutting the door, I lean inside the open window.
"Seriously, call me as soon as you get home so I know you made it. Get some rest. Call ya tomorrow to see how you're doin'."
"Sure thing...........Mom." He once again smiles my smile. I roll my eyes but I can't help to smile back at him. We just stare at each other for a moment, still smiling.
"Bye Bells."
"Bye Jake."
I half wave as he drives away.
Present BPOV
Remembering that night puts a smile on my face. Although it was the last night me and Jake spent together, I can't be sad because it was also the night my brain began to realize I loved him. Well no, there was always love between us but rather it finally let me see that I was in love with him. It was such an easy and natural progression into loving him that I didn't even realize it had happened. I was too busy being heartbroken, too busy clinging to the fact that the gaping hole in my chest would always be there. I was so adamant that only Edward could be the one to fix it, not realizing the hole was filled. It filled a little bit more each day that was spent with Jacob. It started to fill the first day I brought the motorcycles to Jake's.
Finally being able to acknowledge the hole was filled up with Jake's help made me feel free. I was just so bound to my routine of waking up each day, already tired from the horrible nightmares and constantly avoiding anything that would remind me of him. I didn't see the healing that was going on inside of me. Never aware the nightmares had stopped and so did the shuddering at thoughts of Edward and his family. Not noticing the loss and longing I felt for them had started to turn into anger and resentment.
Over the past month while not hearing from Jake, I spent it contemplating what he meant and who he was to me. In trying to be honest with myself, there was no way around admitting that what I shared with him was so much more than friendship. I let myself feel and came to the conclusion that I did want to give us a shot at something more. I wanted to give us being together a chance.
Just then a movement from the house caught my eye. I saw that Billy had pulled half of the curtain away, was looking at me and shaking his head with a sad expression on his face.
"Pssht, whatever Billy," saying it out loud as my knuckles turn white from grabbing the steering wheel so tight out of frustration. Looking away from the house and out the windshield of the truck Jake built for me, I gasp. Is that really Jake walking toward me in the pouring rain? Or is it the stress of not seeing him making me hallucinate again? Maybe it's a dream. A dream like the ones I've been having for the past week. But in my dream, Jake still has long hair and he isn't that tall or quite that built. The Jake walking toward me know is much taller and is built like the guys on the covers of those fitness magazines. Oh my gosh, he is totally gorgeous and even sexy with the smoldering kinda angry look he's giving me. Wait, snap out of it Bella. It's not a dream. IT'S JAKE AND HE IS RIGHT THERE!
I fly out of the truck, not caring about the downpour and run full bore to close the distance between us. Without falling I might add. I launch myself into his arms. He catches me and I wrap my legs around his waist, hugging him with all I have. Wuh-oh -oh, when did he get so big, I can barely get my legs around him. I blush, thinking to myself about instances in which my legs could be wrapped around my Jacob. With those kind of thoughts honey, you're definitely seeing Jake as more than a friend.
"Oh God Jake, where have you been? I have been so worried about you." I hug him tighter as the words come out faster and faster because I want to know everything at once. "Why didn't you call me back? Why were you never home? What happened? I know your not sick anymore, so why haven't you--oh forget it, just forget it. I don't care why I haven't heard from you, I'm just so, so glad you're okay." I lean back to look at his face but he has his head down. He reaches up to untangle my arms from around his neck and then grabs my waist to lower me too the ground. Man, he's grown a foot. And he cut his hair, his beautiful hair. He puts his hand on my shoulder to steady me. Trying to reach up to his new shaggy, cropped locks, he quickly stops me and takes a couple steps back.
That's when I notice he only has cut off jeans shorts on. I am staring at the vary naked, very wet chest of the new and improved Jacob Black. My gaze travels up his unbelievable fifty-pack abs to his ridiculously well defined muscular chest; both recent developments in the month we've been apart. I can't help but ogle him, watching the rain pouring down his body, my eyes following the path of water. Oh to be a raindrop right now. Nope definitely not thoughts 'just a friend' should be having. I follow it's trail to the top of his jeans, Hhmm I wonder if --Jake grabs my arm and gives it a shake. I instantly blush almost red and look up to see if he has that cocky smirk on his face but he's not smiling or even looking at me.
I thought he would at least be a little happier to see me but his jaw is set and his face is hard. He's looking passed my shoulder, as if he's looking right through me. Like I'm not even there. But this look isn't Jake's and this rigid face isn't him either. Where's the warmth that is Jacob Black? Where is the smile that brightens my world? Where is my sun? This new, cold, detached Jake eerily reminds me of someone else, just before he walked out of my life... Walked out of my life so completely that it was as if he never existed.
I'm still thinking of that day as he starts to speak but again it's somebody else's voice. Jake's voice is warm and loving. The voice that reaches my ears is devoid of emotion.
"You need to leave, Bella. You need to go....now," his voice low as he grinds the words out between his teeth. His muscles are tense and his fists are clenched by his sides. Why is he so angry? What has happened to make him change this drastically? He still doesn't look at me as he turns and walks away. A shiver runs the length of my body but it's not from the coldness of the air. Where is my Jake?
JPOV
I turn away from her, barely being able to, and walk back toward to the forest. My muscles are ready to burst they're so tight. Oh God just please give me the strength to walk away from her. I just have to keep it together until I can get to the tree line. Then she'll be safe. Don't put your feelings ahead of Bella's safety. If I'd looked into her beautiful brown eyes, I would've never been able to go. I loved her too much and I just wasn't that strong.
She wasn't moving at all. I'd have heard her and sensed it if she was. I could still hear her breathing but it was quick and shallow. I slowed my steps a little, knowing I had to hurt her in order to keep her safe. Even knowing that hurting her was a definite, even preparing for it, didn't mean walking away from her passed out body. Her breathing started to slow down and get deeper. Releasing the breath I hadn't realized my lungs were holding, I picked up my pace again. All of a sudden she takes a deep breath and starts following behind me.
She starts shouting because of the rain and because she's pissed. "What? What are you talking about Jake? I just got here and you've just came out of hibernation or whatever you were doing." She takes another deep breath when she realizes I'm not gonna to stop. "Jake come on, I haven't seen you in a month. What happened to you?" She's running now trying to catch up with me. I'm not too worried about her reaching me, smiling too myself, she'll trip first. "Come on Jake, slow down," she yells. "Please stop. I really need to talk to you.." She's getting really frustrated. She stops concentrating on the ground and trips over a stump. There she goes. Amazingly she rights herself before hitting the ground.
"Why are you running away from me?," she asks and I flinch. "So you're just going to run away? After I come down here because I finally have the guts to tell you," she hesitates briefly, " Tell you that I want to be more than friends. That I want to give us a shot and that I--." I stop dead in my tracks as the realization of what she is about to say hits my heart like a sledgehammer. I have to stop her from saying those words, words I've longed to hear from her beautiful mouth, probably since the day we met.
She pulls up short and stops talking when she sees me stop. She's quiet for a few seconds, probably wondering what will happen next. My feet will not start moving again. It feels like there is a ton of lead in my body, keeping me from going any further. It feels like some force is urging me to turn around and go to her.
The rain is continually pouring down my body but I only feel the wetness. I can't really get cold anymore. But she can. Bella is probably soaking wet and shivering. She'll be okay. Catching a cold will be the least of her problems if you don't get away from her, you fuckin' moron. Focus, Jake. The words to myself sink in and I shake my head to try and clear it, reminding myself again to get back to what I came out of the forest to do--keep my Bells safe and give her a chance at a normal life. A normal life with a normal guy that isn't a freak of nature like me. She must think because I stopped that I'm going to listen because she starts to speak again.
"I came here for you because I love you." She takes another hesitant toward me. "Not as friends," she finishes softly, the anger now gone from her voice and replaced with love.
I growl over my shoulder, "Don't. Bella."
She winces. "Don't what, Jake?," she spits out. "Don't tell you that I love you? Don't tell you I want to be with you? Don't tell you we should give what's between us a chance?" She starts walking toward me again as she's talking. Now it's my turn to have trouble breathing.
My heart soars and breaks all at the same time. I've loved this girl since we built sand castles on the beach together. I've wanted to hear her say those words forever, but not now. My heart can't bare to hear those words now. Not. Now. I squeeze my eyes shut and clench my fists, trying my best to block out her words. It's so fucking hard not to go to her. So hard not to scoop her up and tell her that my love for her has been there from the beginning and it will be there until my end.
Instead, this stupid fucking curse on my people, yeah to me it's a curse not 'super-cool' like Quil thinks it is, has made me have to convince her to stay away from me. I'm forced to convince her to forget about what we started and go have a life with somebody else. The thought of that causes the knife in my chest to twist deeper. But at least she'll be safe.
Understanding how the leech could leave her was hard until recently. Now I'm grateful that he did. Otherwise this time with Bella would've never happened. And that would've been tragic. Because the six months I've spent with her are what will get me through the rest of my miserable life without her. The thing that kills me the most is my promise to her will be broken.
So to keep her safe, our hearts have to break more. Being the only one of us to know why, doesn't bring me any comfort. Thanks so much bloodsuckers. On with the charade, "Bella stop. You need to leave. You can't come here anymore. Go." Putting on my best Sam face, I'm trying to sound angry.
"No. I won't leave until I've said what I came to say and am sure that you've heard me. If this is my last chance to talk to you before you break up with me then I'm most certainly going to finish. I will say what I came to and you will stand there and listen. You owe me at least that before you break your fucking promise to me." She's crying now, the tears sliding silently down her cheeks. A pain rips through my chest at her words. You shouldn't listen to her Jake. You should just get walking. It will be that much harder for you if you listen to her. But I want to hear the words I've hoped for for so long, even though hearing them will make walking away from her that much harder. My feet start the trek back to the woods as my heart and soul stay where they are meant to be...with Bella. Get away from her now before your selfishness wins out..
"What's wrong with you damn it? Jake wait!" Her voice is angry. "Stop, please! Jake please talk to me. Tell me what's going on." Her voice is pleading with me now, "I've been so worried about you."
BPOV
I stop running after him because it's obvious these short legs will never catch up to the giant who is now Jake.
"Just go Bella. There's nothing for you here."
I'm struggling so hard to not sink to the ground and curl up in a ball that I just barely hear him say it. What the hell does he mean? How could he think that?
"Nothing for me here? How can you possibly say that to me?," my voice breaking at the end. "You are here and Billy is here. You're both far from nothing to me. You both mean so much to me." My hand reaches out across the distance between us. "That's why I had to come and find you. I had to at least try and make you see how much I love you." Not being able to hold back the tears any longer I let them fall. They blur my vision and I taste the salt now mixed with the rain. I can't stop them.
He stops walking again but still won't turn around and look at me.
"Bella, please," his voice pleads.
Taking this as my chance, my feet carry me closer to him. Hearing me start walking again gets him to change tactics. I can tell that he doesn't want to face me. If I could just see his eyes and get him to look at me, he'll tell me what's going on and why he's doing this. He could never keep things from me, even if it was for my own good.
He quickly says, "It doesn't matter anymore Bella. You need to stay away from La Push and away from us. You can't be around us anymore. It's not safe for you."
My head snaps up in shock at his words as my walking comes to a quick halt. Please don't tell me this is happening again.
"Not safe for me? So what, your breaking my fucking heart for my own good. Your doing what's best for me? How original." Running my hands over my wet hair, I begin to pace back and forth. The tears are now flowing down my face just as fast as the rain. My hands fly up in the air and it comes out as a snicker when I say, "Well isn't this just a lovely case of fucking dejavu!"
He finally, finally turns around but now it's me who won't look at him. It's probably only because he's shocked and disappointed that sweet little Bella said the F-word. I sink to my knees and hold my arms around my stomach. The reality of yet another person I love just walking away from me is too much to handle. I want to throw up.
"Why does this keep happening to me? Everyone I love leaves me. Why do they keep hurting me? Why doesn't anyone ever love me enough to stay? Why am I never enough?" I mumble all this to myself. My body just can't stay upright under the weight of this new heartbreak, so I can't stop myself from falling forward into the mud. I land on my elbows and tuck my head in my hands as sobs begin to rack my body. How can he do this to me? Doesn't he remember the promises he made? Were they all lies?
A little more in control, I sit up off the ground keeping my feet beneath me. I look at him now, searching for any sign of my Jake. I don't see any. He is facing me but not looking directly at me. His body is still rigid and his face still hard. I study his face closely now because I want to watch his reaction to my next words. With my sobs subsiding, I croak out, "You were supposed to different, Jake. You said you'd wait for me. You said you had loads of time. You promised. You promised you'd never break my heart. You promised you'd never leave me. Do you even remember your promises?"
JPOV
The shock from hearing her swear hasn't worn off as I watch her drop to her knees. Seriously, this is the girl who says shootipoo and son-of-a-seacook. Her arms are wrapped around her middle, holding herself together. She's been like this before, when we first started hanging out again, after the parasite clan left her. It's now me that's causing her this hurt. Another promise to her that had to be broken. Thanks a lot bloodsuckers. If it weren't for you filthy fuckin' leeches moving back here, I wouldn't be a monster and I'd be with the love of my life.
And then the ground is kicked out from under me. She's mumbling the words low enough to think she can't be heard. "Why does this keep happening to me? Everyone I love leaves me. Why do they keep hurting me? Why doesn't anyone ever love me enough to stay? Why am I never enough?," as her voice trickles down to nothing.
My turn to gasp. How in the fuck could she ever think she wasn't enough? Well asshole, you aren't the first guy she's loved that has walked out on her. Growling in frustration, this is just too much for me to take. She will not recover from this again. Well she will, because she's much stronger than she thinks she is. This will change her though. No one can go through this twice and be the same sweet and innocent Bella. Looking at her and watching her sob makes my head start flying through ways that will keep her safe without leaving her shattered.
Just then she starts talking as her crying gets more controllable, "You were supposed to be different, Jake. You said you would wait for me. You said you had loads of time. You promised. You promised you'd never break my heart. You promised you'd without never leave me. Do you remember those promises Jacob?" I look up at her to see her staring at me. Looking so stricken yet focusing intently on my face as though she is searching for something. That did me in. I always remembered my promises but I was under direct orders not to keep them. Well fuck 'em Jake. They can't kill you for disobeying. Dude she really loves you. She can handle it. I mean she did date a vampire. Werewolves aren't as bad as that and at least you don't eat people. She'll stand by you. And with that I decided I was going to try my hardest to keep every last promise I made Bella. I'll work how to keep the pack from ripping me apart later.
It take me three strides to reach her. Her eyes widen as she sees me coming but she has no time to move. Quickly pulling her up by the tops of her arms until she is looking into my eyes, they lock with mine. Seeing the hurt I have caused her reflected in those amazing brown depths, my voice almost leaves me. I touch my forehead to hers. What do I say after all I've done to her in the past month?
"You were always way more than enough for me Bells, just as you are. It's me who's not worthy."
I squeeze her arms gently and give her a slight shake as if it will make her believe. Lowering her so her feet touch the ground, our eyes stay locked. In hers there are confusion and pain but behind all that I can see love....overwhelming love. The love she has for me I think as my heart actually skips a few beats. You are such a girl wolf boy.
Well aware that we have a lot to hash out, the need to kiss her mouth and claim her wins out. The need to confirm she's mine is just too strong. We have the rest of our lives to get the other shit straightened out and say what needs to be said. But in this moment, I need to feel. We need to feel. This moment is for Jake and Bells. Not for Jake and Bells the fearless friends but the Jake and Bells we were supposed to be from the beginning. The way we would have been, starting from the first day she came back to Forks. Before our worlds changed and we found out that monsters do exist. But right now as our bodies are so close, our arms wrapped around each other with our love now able to pour freely from us, just affirms that Jake and Bells were what was always meant to be. This was our moment.
Her cheeks are so soft and smooth under my touch. The feel of her body leaning into mine is incredible. As my head lowers to hers, she stands on tip-toe to help close the distance. Our lips are about to meet for the first time and I suddenly feel compelled to express just how much I love her. But how do I express the extent of my love without scaring the shit out of her? I mean she just realized she loves me. No need to tell her that my hope for our future include a house, marriage and her belly swollen with my child. I smile and know what I will say. My heart pounding, breathing into her lips, I whisper, "You are forever the keeper of my heart," in Quileute. Bella must have really liked the sound of it because she quickly closes the gap between us to crash her lips into mine.
The feeling is so unbelievable that I'm barely able to make a mental note to brush up on my Quileute.