Bold- Lines in song
Indent- Past/thoughts
Bold Ident- Both
He sat alone looking outside at the gray clouds crying their hearts out. The Rain drops fall from everywhere, a gross understatement to say the least in the American's case. No, as he stared out through the window it all came crashing down, that day from so long ago. The rain haunted him with it's conjuring of the past.
Just then his in his minds eye the man he wanted so badly to reach for was there. England. He moved his hand out reaching and just before he would have grasped the Brits sleeve it passed through. "I'm crazy…" He laughed sadly. "I reach out for you but your not there, haha you never where there Arthur." He choked out. "I only made it worse…"
"Sorry England but I'm gonna choose freedom. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm not your little brother, either. As of now, I'm declaring my independence." He watched as the so familiar scene unfolded before his minds eye.
"I won't allow it!" His Arthur yelled, rushing to stab Alfred's musket making it fly out of his hands. "You don't have enough strength to stand on your own." He shouted, holding the musket up while men yelled for them to fire. The present Alfred winced when his strong caretaker collapsed at his feet in tears crying, "I… can't do it. Dammit, why dammit…"
As one both present and past whispered as one "England…"
"Why dammit…"
"Why? You promised you'd come back, so I stood waiting in the dark." The scene shifted to show a little boy waiting all alone; it was so dame cold waiting exactly where he was now. Countless times glancing down the hill hoping with all his being to see the ruffled blonde mop of his caretaker. It had rained then too, yes every time the sky cried he did to.
"With your picture in my head, I'd wish on every friken star that you would come see me. You told me so many times let's go home but when you were gone it wasn't home." The story of claiming his independence really was just a story of a broken heart.
"Engwand stay with me." He cried clutching the bigger nations hand like a lifeline. "Stay with me!"
"Don't let me go." The present Alfred whispered. The Brit even now was slipping further away he didn't want anything to do with his ex-colony. "Cause…"
"I can't be without you." No he loved the scone loving idiot even then, why the hell couldn't that stubborn old man see it. How could he have screwed up so badly that England seemed to want nothing to do with him, and it was all his fault.
"Stay with me."
"America you'll be fine." Arthur sighed smiling down at the child clutching him. "I'll be back soon I promise, here." He bent down to give the child a proper hug. "Hold me close, and remember I never break a promise." He tickled the captured child in his arms evilly.
"Okay…I wove you Engwand, you promise you'll come back soon."
"Promise because…you're my little brother." But like every other exchange that took place before the elder man's departure it was a lie. He never came back soon.
"I built my whole world around you. My economy, my views on everything, they all came form you. Back then when you left. my heart would break every time, and I'd wonder if I'd die without you." Alfred said to the British man trying to stop the aspiration from leaving on the ship instead his younger self tried again for him.
"I don't want to know what it's like without you. It's so scary on my own here so stay with me." Young Alfred pleaded one last time.
"You know I can't."
"Alfred you git, we finished the ruddy meeting. So why pray tell were you not there!" The cause of all his problems yelled banging on his front door.
"Honestly it's in your own bloody house this time; you could at least have shown up." He scolded when the American opened the door to let him in.
"Sorry Iggy got distracted." He apologized switching his outer mode to his usual bubbly self hoping the Brit wouldn't notice. He did.
"What's wrong? Did you eat to many soggin hamburgers and get sick."
"No, and my hamburgers are awesome unlike your shitty scones." He snipped back halfheartedly.
"Really Alfred if you want to be left alone you can just say so, instead of insulting my culinary expertise."
"What expertise?" He said without thinking causing Arthur to storm off towards the door. "Wait stay with me." He whispered pulling the blonde into an embrace.
"Fine you wanker, just get the bloody hell off me. I'll make tea." And with that thought and his release he headed for the kitchen and the designated cupboard that stored his tea for his visits; leaving America to watch his back and with his thoughts again.
He's still doesn't like me touching him, he really dose hate me. He'd rather hang out with his imaginary friends than me, even when he doses he looks so broken. Yet he still hurt him on purpose even more, he truly was a stubborn git as his Brit would say.
I'm trying and hoping for the day, when my touch is enough to take the pain away. Wouldn't that be a thought, and then he could finally tell Arthur how he felt.
"I miss America, he was so bloody cute. Where did I go wrong ol chap?" England whined to the obviously exasperated bartender. America sighed another night of playing babysitter to the alcoholic who claimed to be the more responsible of the two.
"You know what I think it was I think I know, cause I searched for so long the answer is clear now." It was clear at least for Alfred now, he loved the crazy alcoholic and he couldn't wait around for him to see it.
"And what would that be Artie. I'll take him off your hands." He said the last part to the bartender who smiled back greatly, not wanting to see the man strip into a skimpy waiter outfit and burst into a stripper dance. He'd heard from his coworkers that this was a man to be wary off.
"Alfred, you won't leave me again right?" He wailed desperately attaching himself to the hamburger lover. "You were so cute and then this happened to you, I'm orribe." He screamed detaching himself to gesture at the taller nation.
"Come on Artie, let's go home?" What home he'd destroyed that on that blasted rainy day.
"Alllfred, we'll be okay right?" Arthur said in his ear as he opened the man's door, he'd honestly been ignoring the man in his drunken state only focusing on the walk to said mans house. But that sentence pulled him out of his own thoughts off were it all went wrong.
With that one question he reached a conclusion, "We'll be okay if we don't let it disappear. If we never forget, then that won't help. I mean even though it happened it made me the hero who's saving your ass right now right?" He asked not expecting an answer as he deposited the shorter man on his couch.
He smiled sadly at the passed out drunk. "I'm no longer a child so I need to stop wallowing in the past." So why did he keep doing just that, visiting so many painful memories.
"Stay with me, stay with me America. Don't let me go please cause I can't be without you." England groaned in his delirium. He was so sick; France had told him to keep switching out the wet towel they'd been using to lower his temperature. As soon as the Frenchie had left Arthur had switched from his ramblings of eradicating frogs, with some kind of tint bunny he'd then switched to a different lala land, one involving the memory of his precious child.
"Please come back and hold me close, because… I built my whole world around you and if I lose you all be all alone again. I don't want to know what it's like without you again." He whimpered beginning to flail around.
"Artie calm down!" He yelled pressing his weight on the sickly country. At the sound of his voice he stopped moving and instead whimpered more. While the American stared on sick at himself, he'd truly destroyed this man.
"So stay with me, stay with me." Tears slid down his cheeks, while his arms moved, to clutch in his mind the child he'd lost, but in reality grasped the cheek of the grown up man his babe had become.
"I'm so sorry Artie…"
"Alfred the tea's done; I found your stash of biscuits." The present day Arthur called from his kitchen. Gingerly the American complied sitting at his table receiving a teacup being pushed into his reach.
"So till me what the bloody hell is wrong." The Englishman asked skipping the bullshit.
"I don't know what to say… or even where to begin."
"Try…" He soothed.
I'vesearched my heart over so many many times, It' so hard to figure out this maze of a mess. He sighed glancing down into his cup as if it would have the answers. Instead it just reminded him of his stupid tea party. They couldn't dance around anymore it had to come out.
This game had gone on long enough and he was tired of playing it so he began, "You're broken."
"W-what!"
"Remember the nights we'd look up at the constellations, you know we don't do that anymore. You told me to shut my eyes, and then lie down. It was so dull and black till you told me to open them up again. Then everything was so beautiful and great, I thought I'd been broken till I opened my eyes. Right now Artie were both in the dark, with are eyes closed, broken."
The Brit could only repeat his previous question and stare on shocked. "No you and I, is like no stars to light the sky at night." Alfred tried to clarify. "We've been broken ever since that dame revolution, but Iggy I had to." He continued tears beginning to form. "I had to…"
"Alfred I…"
"I couldn't keep waiting… every dame time you left I was left in that dark till you came home and turned on the lights. Then finally I snapped and I I left." Tears were now truly pouring down his face falling into the tea.
"I hurt you in a non-heroic way, and now you hate me." He sniffled. "Our picture hangs up to remind me of the days when I destroyed it being a moron." He gestured at one of the many pictures from their long lives, he'd kept as treasures.
"Ever since then we've just been staying in are blasted dark rooms, hurting and Arthur I can't anymore please can we stop? I want to come out. Back then you promised me we'd always be and never go away. Yet we did Arthur, were not brothers and I can't love you anymore. I don't deserve to love you so I keep pushing you away."
"That's partly why I left; I love you Arthur It's why I need you to stay." He finished finally looking up at England who had strangely been dead silent the whole time. Then again being, rambled and cried out while someone confessed their love to you, Alfred supposed could do that to a man.
"Artie please say something; say that we can move on. Or that I should just die in a hole anything." Slowly the Englishman got up from the table on autopilot to place his cup in the sink. "Artie stay with me please talk to me." Then like a zombie he headed to the hallway and the front door. "Stay with me. Don't let me go, again. Damit stop running away and open your eyes! He yelled chasseing after him.
"My eyes are open you twat!" The Brit screamed turning to show his own tears.
"I bloody get it, you fool. I don't deserve you, I'm a sick pervert for thinking even for a moment I ever did. I hate myself, I keep coming back cause I can't be without you.Even though I hurt you and you bloody broke my heart. I'm an idiot because I bloody love you anyway." He yelled rubbing away his tears all the while backing towards the door, escape.
"Then why are you running I need you to hold me close and tell me it' gonna be okay." He stepped closer grabbing the others wrist and pulling him into an embrace.
"Because… I built my whole world around you. That little boy; and this is just so wrong. I can't!" Briton pushed America away, rushing out the door.
Just like that he was gone and their already shaky rock had crumpled, yet again he had crossed the line and could never take it back. Every time he messed up, why couldn't he keep it together? I don't want to know what it's like without you.He thought sadly already knowing he was losing again, potentially completely this time.
"I'm an idiot because I bloody love you anyway." So stay with me, stay. He begged pleading for the Englishman to turn back and finally come home like he'd promised so long ago. Stay with me, yeah don't leave me… Don't leave.
But of course as the door stood wide open and the rain fell, the one thing he wished for did not take place. No England was gone, and who knew if he'd come back.
So I stand waiting in the dark…
End
A.N.: Sad I know, but it's a sad song, I'm sorry if the characters at points seemed OCish but I truly wanted to use this song because it fits so perfectly for USXUK (at least from Alfie's point of view), so I needed them to use the lines. I've wanted to do this for awhile, I had a music video for this song in my head but seeing as I can't draw or have even have clips I tried my hand at this hear fanfic. Not exactly what I planed but, hey I kinda like it. So let me know if you do to in reviews.