a/n: prompted by who_in_whoville who this story is dedicated to! Just a fun cracky tenii/rose story.
Disclaimer: I do not own or profit from Doctor Who
The Doctor hadn't been in Pete's World long when Jackie cornered him during one of the notorious enforced family dinners. Rose had taken Tony off to get him cleaned up for tea and the Doctor and snuck into kitchen for a peek at what he was expected to consume that evening. He hadn't seen Liza the cook about and that was never a good sign. Thoughts of the last cooking atrocity Jackie had placed on the table before them declaring it supper still gave him nightmares. As he crept toward the oven, a plan was forming involving his sonic, fire and a tiny appliance malfunction.
Before said plan could be enacted, Jackie appeared. "I want a word with you," she said in that soft voice with a hard edge to it
He knew he was in trouble. That tone of voice always meant she was about complain about something he'd done or didn't do that she found offensive. "Yes Jackie, what can I do for you," he said with a charming grin and backed closer toward the oven.
"What are you doing for Rose's birthday?" she asked, eyeing his hand in his pocket almost like she knew he was up to something.
He paused and stared at her, worrying that she had developed some kind of telepathic talents. This idea was swiftly disregarded when he thought about the slight mishap in the garden that resulted in the swarm of locusts descending and she didn't react with a slap. So he took the innocent approach. "Birthday? Is it her birthday?"
Jackie rolled her eyes. Here was her brilliant almost son-in-law who was the most clueless man or alien she'd ever met. "It's her birthday next Thursday! Honestly, how can you have an IQ of like a million and not know that?"
Ignoring her insults, he scratched his head. "Birthday? Humans celebrate those don't they?"
"You haven't bought her anything or planned anything have you?" she accused cutting straight to the heart of the matter.
"Uh maybe…" he said backing up another inch toward the oven. He was just catching the scent of burned carrots and something that smelled like a desiccated Farillion swamp rodent. He needed to act fast. "Perhaps you have a suggestion then?"
Now her hands were planted firmly on her hips. Normally, this would be a bad sign and evidence that she had progressed from merely annoyed Jackie to the I'm gonna do you harm if you don't make this right Jackie and it freed up her slapping hand. "I suppose I have to do everything now don't I! Fine, we'll have a party here. All you have to do is get her here that night and don't forget a gift, something nice for a change."
The Doctor paused, his hand in his pocket fingering the sonic. "What?" he asked almost shocked wondering how this had deteriorated into him having to have another dinner here in less than a week? He was cursing himself for allowing her to manipulate this situation. Clearly, the human bits were interfering with his superior Time Lord brain. He had to do something and fast. "No!" he almost shouted and then saw Jackie narrowing her eyes at him. "I mean, I need to make this special for Rose. You know, take her someplace romantic for the two of us. This is our first birthday here and I need to…show her how happy I am to be here with her," he finished, pleased at his own brilliant which would surely thwart another enforced dinner.
Jackie stared at him speculatively knowing that this was some scheme of his to keep Rose all to himself. Still, she couldn't dispute his logic. "Fine, just make it could and by good, I don't mean takin' her off to chase aliens or to do some weird scientific experiments on mushrooms in the forest at midnight!"
He stiffened at that comment. He couldn't believe Rose told her about their mushroom escapade. "Oi! Those were very rare mushrooms that only spawn in the moonlight!"
Jackie shook her head in pity. Sometimes she didn't understand what Rose saw in him. "I don't care. It's her birthday and you better make it nice or so help me, I'll make sure you make it up to her, even if I have to drag your sorry alien arse all over London to buy her something nice!"
The Doctor swallowed hard. That was so not happening, even if he had to grab Rose and move to another country. "Jackie I'm over nine hundred years old. I think I can give Rose a better than nice birthday. In fact it will be brilliant, spectacular and molto bene!" he announced right before he hit the setting on his sonic that caused a minor mishap in the oven, destroying whatever Jackie had been preparing. An hour later, over a slice of pizza and a glass of wine, he pondered his birthday project. This would be a birthday Rose would never forget.
Rose ducked down behind a bush. The park was in chaos with people running and screaming as explosions rocked the concert stage. It had been a brilliant day. The Doctor had arranged for her to have a holiday from work and they spent the day exploring, shopping, eating lunch at a little out of the way café he had found and ended the day with a picnic and concert in the park. As they were enjoying the music and dinner of fish and chips, he handed her a shiny gold box with a red ribbon tacked on top of it.
She looked up at him. "You bought me a present?"
He grinned. "It's your birthday! This is what humans do. They celebrate the day of their birth with fun things, cake and presents. Go on," he said, very pleased with how happy she was with everything he'd planned for her.
Rose smiled back and began opening the box. Never in her wildest imaginations did she think she would be here with him doing something so domestic as chips, a concert in the park and opening a birthday present from him. When she pulled back the white tissue in the box, she stared at the object contained within. There were no words.
"Isn't it brilliant!" he said enthusiastically.
Rose slowly picked up the necklace which was a brass deer head pendent with brown crystal embedded antlers that wrapped around forming the necklace. The deer head was very detailed with lines etched into it mimicking fur. It had two delicate ears on the sides of its head and two evil green stone eyes that Rose swore glared at her with menace. She held it up and looked at the Doctor, her brow furrowed in confusion. "Um, you bought me jewelry?"
"Yes! Just look at it! That has character and history! You won't see just anyone else wearing that!" he said, almost bouncing in his enthusiasm for the jewelry.
"Uh no, no you certainly won't," she said shaking her head. "That was real thoughtful of you, Doctor," she said and smiled at him. Even if it was hideous, it was the thought that counted and she was very touched that he spent time looking for a gift for her. Suddenly, the eyes began to glow. The concert music stopped and a high pitched screech echoed across the park. Rose's eyes grew large as she stared at the pulsing green light.
"Will you look at that," the Doctor said in awe as he stared at the green pulsing eyes of the deer head. "Now that's not something you see every day." He pulled out his sonic and glasses to more carefully examine the necklace.
Rose looked over at him, ready to be annoyed but how could she be annoyed with him in his glasses staring intently at what was probably some sort of alien necklace of doom. If she was honest, this quite possibly might be the best part of her birthday. She always went a little gooey when he wore his glasses. There was just something about that geek thing that did her in every time. "Doctor, did you buy me an alien necklace?" she finally asked
He looked over at her, his glasses sliding down his nose slightly and smirked. "Maybe," he answered and then continued looking from the necklace to his sonic. "You never know what pops up on this planet. Honestly, it's like a magnet for trouble."
Typical Doctor answer she mused. She sighed and was about to set the necklace down when people began screaming and running past them and the necklace flew out of her hand toward the stage. Simultaneously, the both jumped up and saw that the lead singer had turned into a raging deer person with a deer head, massive antlers and oh yes, glowing green eyes. The necklace was dangling from his antlers and he did not look happy.
The Doctor tried to reason with the deer person who he said was a cervidae from the planet cervidonia. Normally they were a peaceful people but the necklace had some property that drove them mad. Apparently, it also gave them god-like powers and they could shoot laser beams from their antlers. They barely made it away from the angry deer people with little more than singed coats and thus they found themselves in the bushes trying to formulate a plan.
"We need to get the necklace away from them," the Doctor said, peering between the leaves and watching the lead singer pace back and forth on stage, destroying equipment and blowing things up with his antlers. The rest of the band were females, does and were cowering off to the side.
"Maybe the rest of the band up there can help us?" Rose suggested.
The Doctor looked over at the group of three females. "They don't look too keen on it," he observed. He looked over his shoulder at Rose and knew what that set of her jaw meant. This was not how he had planned to end her birthday. There was supposed to be giggling, fun, and a night of naughty shagging until they both collapsed from exhaustion, not attempting to thwart a mad deer person. He smiled. Maybe this was better than some boring humany birthday. He saw the look in her eye and grinned broadly. Oh yes, this was definitely better. He winked at Rose. "Go foment a rebellion with the deer girls."
"Be careful," she replied, grinning just as broadly. "I've got plans for that tie later tonight," she said with her own saucy wink and then took off running. The Doctor straightened his tie with smirk and muttered. "Definitely a brilliant birthday," and then raced out to distract said mad megalomaniac deer person.
In the end, it was all about girl power. Rose high fived the deer girl band members who were now back in human form. Their lead singer was unconscious on the stage and bound up in sound equipment wiring. The necklace was back in its box and on its way to the Torchwood archives along with several agents who had quite the tale to tell. It turned out the singer, aptly named "Buck" had forced the doe band members to serve him. They were now free to seek out their own music careers and Rose promised to see that Buck was immediately deported from Earth. Another Torchwood team specializing in alien immigration policies arrived and took evil Buck away.
On the way home, hand in hand, the Doctor stopped suddenly and looked at Rose.
"What?" she asked nervously, her eyes darting around waiting for the next rampaging alien attack.
"We thwarted an evil alien deer singer who would have taken over the world," he stated calmly with a slight smile on his face.
"Yeah, that's sort of what we do," Rose responded.
He grinned broadly at her. Birthdays are about memorializing special events like the day the multiverse was fortunate enough to welcome one Rose Tyler into it. Rose smiled at him. Only he would define a birthday quite like that.
"Birthdays are like anniversaries in that they celebrate things on a linear temporal schedule like New Years, or celebrations of momentus events." Rose nodded not sure what he was getting at. "Like maybe the one hundredth time Rose Tyler and the Doctor saved the world," he said and rocked back on his heels, pleased.
Rose began laughing. "That was the one hundredth time we saved a world from an evil megalomaniac or dictator?" she asked.
"Yep!" he said pleased. "Happy Birthday, Rose Tyler!"
She grinned and through her arms around him in a huge hug. "Thank you! That was the best present ever!"
When she pulled away. "Oh I don't know about that," he said with a growling voice and a waggle of the eyebrows and they ran the rest of the way home to find out.