notes: this did not turn out as angsty as i was shooting for. like, at all. so be thankful for that. peripheral, rearview mirror gruvia, i guess?
dedication: to amenah (hint: asperitas), who also thinks that gray was probably in love with erza at some point. you should go check her out, she is stellar.
disclaimer: disclaimed
(x)
love, love, love you—
but i'm bleeding black and blue
(i just can't wait for love to destroy us)
(x)
Gray pushes around—what is supposedly supposed to be—mashed potatoes on his plate with a fork, chin in his other hand. Natsu is seated next to him and is presumably rambling on about some wild thing that happened last Thursday, but Gray isn't paying attention. He has the tendency to tune his best friend out anyway, but it's different today. He's too busy staring at the smiling girl sitting a few tables away.
She has cropped pretty red hair that barely brushes her shoulders, and bright almond eyes. Her smile lights up the whole room, but no one else seems to notice. Which he thinks is crazy bizarre, because this girl hasn't ever smiled before—at least, not at school. She's sitting with Cana and Mirajane today, like usual, and Mirajane is fuming about something or other. Maybe that's why the girl is smiling, but he doesn't really care about the cause.
All he knows is, as soon as her lips curled upward, his whole world stopped. It was like she was the only thing in the cafeteria, and it didn't even matter. She's always looked so sad and lost before, but not right now. At the current moment, she's the prettiest girl in the room—and her smile is just as white as her sundress.
Something awkward twists in his chest just as Natsu socks him in the arm, breaking him out of his reverie. "Hey ice pick, quit staring at Erza and eat your chicken before I do it for you!"
Gray snarls at him, and most thoughts of Erza Scarlet get pushed to the back of his mind. Distantly though, he thinks he might have been blushing, which is beyond ridiculously embarrassing. Especially if Natsu noticed. But his friend doesn't say a word about it, and Gray releases a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.
His gaze slides to the girl one last time before he looks away completely. He's twelve, after all, and she is just a girl. They're barely out of the whole "ew gross, cooties" thing anyway—not that he ever believed in that stuff in the first place.
Just a dumb girl with red, red hair and a pretty smile, nothing more.
.
.
(x)
He's fourteen, and at the awkward stage between childhood and teenagerdom. Lyon just calls it puberty, but Lyon is also a jerk so Gray doesn't really listen to him anyway. Natsu is still as wild as ever, but he's apparently befriended new girl Lucy Heartfilia, so at least he has someone else to hang around now. They still hang out and, ultimately, end up fighting, and it's cool. Lucy's actually pretty okay too, and so she spends time with them sometimes.
Actually, more like all the time. In the two weeks that the blonde has been in Magnolia, she and Natsu have become practically inseparable. It's kind of weird, and he thinks it might have been a little more on Natsu's part, but whatever. Lucy is definitely kind of cute, and most of the pubescent male population of their town thinks so, Gray included.
It's a nice, sunny Saturday afternoon in July, and they're out going for ice cream because apparently Natsu promised Lucy, or something. Gray just wanted to get away from Lyon and his tyrannical older brother's antagonistic ways for the day, and ice cream with two of his best friends seemed like a great excuse.
So, Natsu is dragging Lucy through the streets and Gray is tailing them when he sees her. She's let her hair grow longer, and now it's pulled back into a braid. She's wearing a sundress again—purple and flowery, this time—and is staring inside one of the bakery's windows. He hasn't seen her since summer started a couple weeks ago.
He slows to a stop a few feet from her, but she doesn't seem to notice. "Erza?"
"Gray," she exclaims in surprise, bright dark chocolate eyes wide, clutching a fist to her chest, "you scared me!"
He tries to grin. "Uh, sorry. You…seemed a little distracted."
Her face goes almost as red as her hair, which he thinks is strange, because he's never seen Erza Scarlet blush before. His heart kickstarts and decides to beat about ten times faster than normal. "Um, I was, you see—they have the best strawberry cake and..." she trails off lamely, twiddling her fingers and not meeting his eyes.
Cute, he thinks before he can stop himself.
This is not the Erza he is used to—she's usually kicking all the guys' butts in softball, or kickball, and dodgeball, or being tomboyish in general. She's quiet and strong like the calm before the storm, but loud and brash like a lightning strike when the time called for it. That was the Erza he knew, not this quiet, shy, stammering, teenage girl daydreaming about sweets in front of cake shops.
"You wanted a piece, right?" he asks, and when she nods hesitantly, he pulls open the door.
The bell overhead jingles merrily, and she looks at him questioningly. Gray shrugs and pulls out his wallet. "I was gonna get ice cream with Natsu and Lucy, but they'll probably be fine on their own. Lucy will keep him from destroying anything, and I was kinda in the mood for a cinnamon roll or something instead."
That's a lie—it's ninety-seven degrees out, and he's pretty sure his shirt is sticking to his back by this point, but the bakery has air conditioning. The shy smile on Erza's face might also make it worth his while. Ice cream can wait.
Erza shakes her head slightly. "Y—you don't have to pay for it, I do have some money with me."
He shoots her a lazy grin as they walk up the counter and—ah, just feel that blast of cool air. "Nah, it's cool. Besides, it wouldn't be very gentlemanly of me to let a girl pay when I already offered."
Her smile is sweeter than any of the sugary desserts any shop in the world.
.
.
(x)
This is not love, he tells himself. Not love, because he's fifteen and you don't fall in love at fifteen. At least, that's what he's always been told, and that's what he's always believed. Gray has never really been one for romantics, or an optimist, but this is something.
A something that makes his heart rate go insane when he sees her, makes his palms sweat when she smiles at him, it's why he can't stop thinking about her. She's on his mind almost constantly—twenty-four-seven, forever and always, open all hours—and it's driving him a special kind of mad.
Maybe it's just a dumb crush, he's always had a sort of crush on her. That has to be it. Just a crush, and crushes fade after time, so he'll probably be okay. Because, he swears, he is definitely not in feelings with Erza Scarlet.
She smiles at him from across the room in Algebra I, and his stomach sinks at the same time his pulse races. Because damn it all to hell, he is totally head over heels for Erza Scarlet.
.
.
(x)
Juvia Lockser transfers to their high school when he is sixteen. They're the same age, but complete, polar opposites. She's a quiet, gloomy sort of girl who prefers to stay in the background, tucked away in her own little corner world, while he already has friends and a spot on the lacrosse team. Their first official meeting is when he accidentally knocks her down on his way to practice.
He's swearing and cursing Natsu over and over because he is going to be late and being late means suicide runs and Gray is not a fan of suicide runs, okay. So he's rushing through the halls, and definitely not paying attention to where he is going, when he slams into something. There's a quiet cry and the paper clatter of books crashing to the floor.
Gray looks down and oh, there is a girl splayed out on the floor, looking five kinds of dazed. She blinks up at him a few times, and then flushes. "A—ah! Juvia is so sorry! She didn't…she wasn't paying attention to where she was going!"
Okay so, another thing about Juvia Lockser: she was a little weird. Like, she normally talked in third person, and that was kind of strange, alright. She also wore a lot of blue, like, enough to make you think it was all she had in her closet.
"No, no," he says hurriedly, reaching down to help her up. "It was my fault. I ran into you, there's no need for you to apologize. Sorry."
She stares up at him with wide indigo eyes and he leans down to pick up her books—no, art supplies, apparently. There's a smear of pale green paint across her right cheek, too. She must have been coming back from Art class. When he finishes, there's charcoal residue on his fingertips and he is now going to be ten minutes late, but oh well.
Juvia takes her things gingerly, and doesn't meet his eye. "Thank you," she says quietly.
"Yeah sure," he says in a rush.
He's gone after that, off to try and salvage any time he can so isn't too incredibly late. It might mean less suicide runs, which, yes.
Juvia just stares after him.
.
.
(x)
So he's in love with Erza, and nobody knows. Except maybe Lucy, but that was just because she was super sneaky and smart, he swears.
"It's in the way you look at her," the blonde tells him, not glancing up from her current task of painting her nails. "You're kind of a like an ice block when it comes to emotions like affection—no offense, seriously, but—except when it comes to Erza. I don't think anyone else has noticed, but Gray, sweetie, you're doomed."
He looks at her miserably. "Thanks, Lucy."
She smiles sweetly at him. "Anytime. But," she points at him, "you have to do something. Like, I know you've been trying—do not presume that I have forgotten the cake buying a few years ago, and the more recent stuff you've been doing—but I kind of know Erza better than you since, y'know, female friendship is like a peek inside the soul. We tell each other everything. You want to show her your true feelings, right? Cake is just one of the paths you can take. My advice? Tell her how you feel."
Gray slams his head on the table. "It's not that easy."
Lucy just sighs. "It never is, apparently."
.
.
(x)
Juvia becomes Lucy's new best girl friend or something of that nature, because suddenly she's everywhere. With Lucy, that is. And where Lucy went, so did Natsu, which meant that Gray usually wasn't far behind, along with the rest of their friends.
The girl was shy and extremely quiet at first, but Gray sometimes swore that Lucy was magical or something because pretty soon Juvia was smiling and laughing along with everyone else. She wore less blue, and more clothes from the color spectrum, as Lucy and Erza had taken her shopping one day.
She came with Lucy to lacrosse practice and they sat in the bleachers and watched, most days. Like today, only practice had already ended and Lucy is hovering over Natsu, who had been blindsided which resulted in a black eye. Gray heard her approaching before she actually came into his line of view.
Juvia took a seat on the bench beside him. "Is something wrong, Gray?"
He'd been thinking about Erza again, as per usual, and about how to confess to her. He'd never been particularly great at expressing his feelings, and ones of this magnitude? It'd probably be pretty catastrophically, at best.
"Nah, I just…" he's just going to lie, say that he's tired or something equally as believable, but the way she's looking at him—like he could tell her his deepest, darkest secrets or the ones of the universe, and she wouldn't tell a single soul—make him rethink it. "Juvia, have you ever been in love with someone?"
It comes out abrupt and kind of angry, and she practically jumps out of her skin. Instead, she avoids his gaze and fingers her pale pink cardigan. "Um, J—Juvia has a vague idea of it, yes."
He raises a brow, but decides not to comment. "Okay, so, did you tell them? You know, that you liked them and whatever?"
She gives him a sideways glance, and laughs a little. It's sweet and sounds sort of like bells ringing. "Ah, Gray, it's kind of a complicated situation."
"So you didn't," he concludes, and she smiles and looks away.
"No, Juvia didn't."
Gray leans forward a bit, because this is a side of the girl he hasn't ever really seen before. She doesn't talk about her personal life much, and he's curious. "Any reason why not? I mean, like a specific one?"
She tilts her head back and looks up at the sky, eyes filled with something. Clouds are gathering, dark and furious, but he doesn't care right now. "Mm, Juvia doesn't think he feels the same way. She guesses it's kind of dumb, falling in love with someone who probably won't ever love her back, but," she laughs, and it sounds flat, "Juvia doesn't have the best track record in making the best decisions."
"Oh," he says, because he doesn't know how else to reply.
Juvia brushes a stray curl aside, and smiles a little. "We'd better go, it's going to rain."
.
.
(x)
He's going to tell her, he decides, and ask her to the dance. He preps himself for two weeks, works up his nerve, because he can't back down now. He is seventeen and in love and it's getting somewhat ridiculous. How hard can it be to just walk up to her and say, "Hey Erza, I think I love you."
Only, he doesn't think—he knows.
But.
Natsu has kind of caught on at this point (because of Lucy, probably) and pokes him with his spoon.
Gray scowls at him. "Get that shit away from me, it has pudding all over it."
His best friend scoffs and jams the plastic utensil back into his pudding cup. "Shut up, you prick. I was alerting you of Erza's presence, no need to be a complete dick."
He pales, and Natsu looks a little concerned.
"You were gonna tell her today, right? Like, I saw it on your calender. Great job at being subtle by the way, dude—today's date was circled in red and you wrote "TELL ERZA" in all caps, like who does that—"
"Natsu," Gray grinds out, "shut up."
He waves his spoon around and shrugs. "Whatever, man. Look, all I'm saying is, if you're looking for an opening, then this is pretty much your golden ticket. We're out here, technically alone enough, and there she is. I say go for it, bro."
Gray takes a deep breath and tosses his bag of chips and half-eaten sandwich at Natsu, who grabs at it giddily, and stands. Come on, he tells himself, just walk up to her and say it.
He makes it halfway over to her before someone else shows up. He has blue hair and a facial tattoo—like, really? A facial tattoo, what kind of teenager gets one of those? But what's even more unbelievable is that Erza practically throws herself into his arms, and is, apparently, crying.
This mystery guy holds her close and murmurs something into her ear, and then they kiss.
Oh, Gray thinks, oh.
Back at their seat on the benches, Natsu has dropped the remainder of Gray's sandwich and is gaping at the sight before him.
Well, what now.
.
.
(x)
Apparently, mystery guy's name is Jellal Fernandez, and he is Erza's best friend slash love of her life from the foster system that she hasn't seen in years because she was adopted. Now, he's back and is enrolled in their school. Gray has to play lacrosse with him, too.
Go figure.
Lyon's also half in love with Juvia, who has been coming over to their house to hang out with Gray because Natsu and Lucy have started dating, and neither of them want to be the third wheel. So then there's that, and it's like super weird because it makes Juvia really uncomfortable when they're lounging in his living room watching a movie and Lyon suddenly sweeps in carrying a batch of homemade snickerdoodles and professing his eternal love for her.
Not okay.
He kind of despises his older brother, sometimes.
Lyon doesn't seem to mind Juvia's multiple rejections at all, claiming that she's just trying to test his love.
What.
.
.
(x)
"I'm in love with Erza Scarlet," he blurts on the night of the dance. He's not there of course—well actually, he is, but not technically anymore—and Juvia blinks at him.
They're seated on the bleachers overlooking the sports field, and it's cold. He doesn't really mind it, but Juvia had been shivering in her strapless, just-above-the-knee, silver dress, and so he'd offered her his suit jacket. And then confessed something he'd sworn to keep hidden forever.
She doesn't laugh at him like he thought she might, not even a small giggle. "Oh, she says, "I see."
She's also dropped the whole 'third person' pretense recently, so that's different.
Juvia studies the skirt of her dress and pulls his jacket closer around her frame. He waits for her to say something else, and she eventually does.
"She's dating Jellal. They're star-crossed lovers, or that's the rumor around the school anyway."
Yes, that.
He sighs and leans back. "Yeah, I know. Believe me, I know. And I just want her to be happy, honestly, and she is. I just didn't expect it to hurt so damn much. I've been in love with her since I was twelve, and I fucking hate it because I sound so…ugh. I'm an idiot."
Juvia reaches over and takes his hand. Her nails are painted a light blue, probably courtesy of Lucy. "No," she shakes her head. "No. You're not an idiot, Gray. Contrary to popular belief, you don't always get to pick and choose who you fall in love with. Maybe you don't ever get to do that, I don't know. But you're not an idiot. You love her, and you have for a long time, and that's okay. I know it hurts—it feels like your heart is being ripped out of your chest and stomped on, over and over again. It feels like the world is ending, and it kind of is, but it's just a new chapter now. Things will be better, I promise."
He stares at her. The way the moonlight illuminates her blue hair, all curled up and pinned in an elegant style, the way his suit jacket covers most of her pretty dress but not her legs, it's different. Her eyes are soft, like a prayer and her smile is small and sweet and hurting at the same time.
"You promise," he repeats, not as a question, but more of a murmur.
She looks him in the eye. "I know a thing or two about unreciprocated love, after all."
Gray slides his free hand forward and cups her cheek. Her eyes are wider than he's ever seen them, and he thinks he knows why. He brushes his thumb over where the green paint smear had once been, and leans forward.
"Don't tell Lyon," his voice is barely a whisper of breath against her lips.
Never, she promises against his kiss.
fin
end notes: so yeah, what. but i seek validation. i'm a mess. also, hints: juvia always knew about gray and erza, and the kiss was never actually supposed to happen, and gray and juvia are kind of besties? idk.