acerbic
danger isn't flippant
it's dangerous
that's why it's called danger.
it's not comic book people being shot down at a distance. falling. bodies piling up, faceless, nameless.
it's big.
it's important.
and it's up close.
he sees it under a microscope. every person, every life.
all that could ever be, ending, ending. faster, faster – black.
that's why he doesn't laugh anymore.
he doesn't cry anymore either
the phrase "i'm sorry, i'm sorry" has long faded from his lips
sorry won't save them
tears won't bring them back to life.
he's made mistakes
he's wasted time.
no more
let it hurt, but don't let it slow you down.
go faster, faster
remorse is a chain ball wrapped around an ankle.
that's why he doesn't cry anymore.
this is the life he chose.
danger. pain.
laughing and crying,
it had become a habit.
until the years when he was stuck on the planet meant to hold his grave
waiting. watching.
while people died.
and it wasn't funny
not at all.
it was dangerous.
it was upsetting.
most of all it was pointless.
there was no point in being flippant,
there was no point apologising to the dead or crying over them.
what mattered was to save as many as possible.
so it is because people are important that they become playing pieces in his game.
(piece 3 is dying, there is no saving him. either use the death to save piece 1 or waffle over decisions and lose everyone.)
that's the game.
it's chess with no rules. Move across the board, keeping as many pieces alive as possible.
it comes across cruel,
it comes across callous,
but it is not for the man in the arena to give you hope, to make you smile.
it is not for him to mourn the losses, it's not his tear that are allowed to mix with the blood on the pavement.
he has one job
and that is to save you.
that's why he doesn't laugh;
that's why he doesn't cry.
A/N: Very random, no? I've thought a lot about the Peter Capaldi version of the Doctor and I've decided that he is not vastly different from the others. Apart from the fact he's put and abrupt end to this trend that has developed of the Doctor either being very flippant in the face of danger or being unbearably sad when people do die. Capaldi's doing what the Doctor's always done, but without the baggage that's come to be associated with it. So this was just a short exploration of why that might be. Hope you enjoyed –
Emma.