As morning breaks over tumultuous feudal Japan I know I will live out
another day of my cursed half- life denying, ignoring, and all the while,
sustaining a smile. It's the most miserable gift I've received. I am able
to pretend. I pretend to not feel the pain of my wind tunnel as I open it
to swallow a demon, or many demons whole. I pretend not to be in love with
the one I love most. Most of all I pretend to be happy about being a
pretender.
I am the only one awake at this hour, making it unusually calm and quiet. Around this time I revel in the morning glow that is cast lightly upon the camp, and more prominently I revel in the beauty radiating from Sango. Still in the land of dreams, she smiles and shifts her position muttering something indistinct. The way the light plays on her pale, smooth face accentuates her beauty ten fold, and I find myself gaping in awe of her loveliness. Her gentle smile, her lovely and innocent eyes in perfect proportion. It is times like this when she is happy and smiling when I most notice her inner and outer beauty and remember how much I love her. Whether she has discovered my secret affection or not is perfectly futile, for it does not deny the affection I bear towards her.
She is my reason for living now. I used to live for myself, for the possibility of an heir, and for my desire to defeat Naraku. Some days I will awaken and I find a strong desire to leave within my mind. I'll cast a reminiscent glance to those who travel with me for the last time as I mentally prepare to leave, but when my gaze finds itself on Sango's peaceful sleeping figure and I have found strength to continue on this journey for the shards of the jewel. One day I hope to express to her how much she means to me, how she keeps me alive with her very presence. When that day is to come I do not know.
Suddenly Sango awakens, rubbing her brown eyes and casting a suspicious glance. Before she can notice my alertness I quickly feign sleep, keeping my eyes open just enough to watch her lithe figure stretch. She turns her deceived eyes toward me and gazes with affection at my supposedly sleeping face; unknowingly she places a finger on her lips, and dreams momentarily about some fantasy most likely involving me. Her face suddenly turns away from mine in an effort to hide a comely pink blush upon her smooth cheeks and her lovely eyes watch the rising sun. She smiles, nods her head and with the grace of a Goddess she rises from her blankets and walks to the top of the hill that lies just beyond the camp to get a better view of the breaking dawn. Perhaps I should follow silently behind her, just a few feet back and observe her, as she becomes awestruck by the growing light of day.
It takes just a moment for me to decide to follow her, and minutes later I am concealed behind a bush and I observe the perfect picture she creates by her mere presence.
The cool morning winds blow gently, making her long untied raven hair fly gracefully behind her. Her pale face is tilted slightly upwards absorbing the blossoming light of day. I have seen this image many times before, on days such as today when I find myself far too timid to approach her.
Surprisingly, I never thought to get a picture from Kagome's camera-thing of this perfect image before, but now I feel compelled to. Swiftly and silently I make my way back to the camp and snatch Kagome's camera-thing. Once she showed me how it worked, okay. you open the lens cap and press this tiny button. I remember now. Back up on the hill, Sango still sits with her long, muscular legs stretched out in front of her, her weight being supported by her strong, conditioned arms that have often made contact with my face after I've taken the liberty of groping her backside. I hold the camera, looking through the lens with one eye open, find the angle, and click. I've taken my first picture. But another strange sound emits from Kagome's camera, a constant, loud humming. This humming better not disturb Sango.
" Who.Houshi-Sama, how long have you been up?" she asks me, with her eyes wide open, and a subtle blush arising from her cheeks. Apparently it was loud enough to disturb her. I hide the camera in my sleeves and answer, " I just woke up moments ago, and saw that you weren't at the camp so I went looking for you." I pathetically lied. Sango glared doubtfully at my story but shrugged her shoulders and brushed it off. " You can sit down with me." Sango pointed out, her facial features joyfully glittering with light amusement at my confused nature. Out of nervous habit I rub the back of my neck and politely say, " But Sango, had I sat down earlier I could've never been graced with the beauty of the scenery around me in quite the same fashion." Sango prettily blushes as she realizes the direction of my explanation. "Do you plan to sit down now?" she inquires raising one eyebrow in a sort of challenge. Instead of verbally answering her challenge I seat myself besides her imitating her position. Sango smiles at my response and returns to her previous sitting position, every now and then looking at me with kind eyes, but for the most part she observes the sunrise.
The minutes pass in a jubilant silence. I hardly ever have the chance sit with her like this and be trusted, let alone have it be silence. Again I find myself staring at Sango's pulchritudinous face, as luck would have it she happened to cast her eyes toward my lavender ones. I hold her gaze, looking at her kindly. Sadly, as quick as our eyes were locked they became separated as she tried to hide her gorgeous blush from me. More minutes pass in silence.
During this time I am in silent debate. For, Sango and I are alone, the sun rises, and she seems subdued enough to accept what I've been holding back for so long. But then again, it would change everything between our rather odd relationship, making my supposed death even worse for me to bear than it already is. One part of me wishes to tell her regardless of my eventual demise, the more logical part of me says such things are to be said when I have no doubt that Naraku will be defeated.
" Housi-Sama," the venerable voice of Sango says questioningly, taking me out of my opposing thoughts. "What's wrong?" she asks noticing my long face. I shake my head and lightly reply. "Absolutely nothing." She searches my face for any hint of a lie, and lowers her head. Shielding my teasing eyes from her sad ones. Now, an even bigger mental battle is waging. I see Sango's pain at my sudden withdrawal, now the urging is far greater to tell her of my affection. After much thought I decide that it's better for me to tell her of my feelings for her. "Sango," I gently begin, but Sango who with sudden harshness says interrupting me, " I don't care, Houshi-Sama! Whatever reassuring thing you have to say means nothing to me, if you can't open up to me and tell me what troubles you. I have better things to do." In shock I stare at her trembling figure and her hardened face as she walks away in a fit of anger leaving me alone on the hill. The sun has risen, and while I did not achieve my final goal, I did get one great picture.
I am the only one awake at this hour, making it unusually calm and quiet. Around this time I revel in the morning glow that is cast lightly upon the camp, and more prominently I revel in the beauty radiating from Sango. Still in the land of dreams, she smiles and shifts her position muttering something indistinct. The way the light plays on her pale, smooth face accentuates her beauty ten fold, and I find myself gaping in awe of her loveliness. Her gentle smile, her lovely and innocent eyes in perfect proportion. It is times like this when she is happy and smiling when I most notice her inner and outer beauty and remember how much I love her. Whether she has discovered my secret affection or not is perfectly futile, for it does not deny the affection I bear towards her.
She is my reason for living now. I used to live for myself, for the possibility of an heir, and for my desire to defeat Naraku. Some days I will awaken and I find a strong desire to leave within my mind. I'll cast a reminiscent glance to those who travel with me for the last time as I mentally prepare to leave, but when my gaze finds itself on Sango's peaceful sleeping figure and I have found strength to continue on this journey for the shards of the jewel. One day I hope to express to her how much she means to me, how she keeps me alive with her very presence. When that day is to come I do not know.
Suddenly Sango awakens, rubbing her brown eyes and casting a suspicious glance. Before she can notice my alertness I quickly feign sleep, keeping my eyes open just enough to watch her lithe figure stretch. She turns her deceived eyes toward me and gazes with affection at my supposedly sleeping face; unknowingly she places a finger on her lips, and dreams momentarily about some fantasy most likely involving me. Her face suddenly turns away from mine in an effort to hide a comely pink blush upon her smooth cheeks and her lovely eyes watch the rising sun. She smiles, nods her head and with the grace of a Goddess she rises from her blankets and walks to the top of the hill that lies just beyond the camp to get a better view of the breaking dawn. Perhaps I should follow silently behind her, just a few feet back and observe her, as she becomes awestruck by the growing light of day.
It takes just a moment for me to decide to follow her, and minutes later I am concealed behind a bush and I observe the perfect picture she creates by her mere presence.
The cool morning winds blow gently, making her long untied raven hair fly gracefully behind her. Her pale face is tilted slightly upwards absorbing the blossoming light of day. I have seen this image many times before, on days such as today when I find myself far too timid to approach her.
Surprisingly, I never thought to get a picture from Kagome's camera-thing of this perfect image before, but now I feel compelled to. Swiftly and silently I make my way back to the camp and snatch Kagome's camera-thing. Once she showed me how it worked, okay. you open the lens cap and press this tiny button. I remember now. Back up on the hill, Sango still sits with her long, muscular legs stretched out in front of her, her weight being supported by her strong, conditioned arms that have often made contact with my face after I've taken the liberty of groping her backside. I hold the camera, looking through the lens with one eye open, find the angle, and click. I've taken my first picture. But another strange sound emits from Kagome's camera, a constant, loud humming. This humming better not disturb Sango.
" Who.Houshi-Sama, how long have you been up?" she asks me, with her eyes wide open, and a subtle blush arising from her cheeks. Apparently it was loud enough to disturb her. I hide the camera in my sleeves and answer, " I just woke up moments ago, and saw that you weren't at the camp so I went looking for you." I pathetically lied. Sango glared doubtfully at my story but shrugged her shoulders and brushed it off. " You can sit down with me." Sango pointed out, her facial features joyfully glittering with light amusement at my confused nature. Out of nervous habit I rub the back of my neck and politely say, " But Sango, had I sat down earlier I could've never been graced with the beauty of the scenery around me in quite the same fashion." Sango prettily blushes as she realizes the direction of my explanation. "Do you plan to sit down now?" she inquires raising one eyebrow in a sort of challenge. Instead of verbally answering her challenge I seat myself besides her imitating her position. Sango smiles at my response and returns to her previous sitting position, every now and then looking at me with kind eyes, but for the most part she observes the sunrise.
The minutes pass in a jubilant silence. I hardly ever have the chance sit with her like this and be trusted, let alone have it be silence. Again I find myself staring at Sango's pulchritudinous face, as luck would have it she happened to cast her eyes toward my lavender ones. I hold her gaze, looking at her kindly. Sadly, as quick as our eyes were locked they became separated as she tried to hide her gorgeous blush from me. More minutes pass in silence.
During this time I am in silent debate. For, Sango and I are alone, the sun rises, and she seems subdued enough to accept what I've been holding back for so long. But then again, it would change everything between our rather odd relationship, making my supposed death even worse for me to bear than it already is. One part of me wishes to tell her regardless of my eventual demise, the more logical part of me says such things are to be said when I have no doubt that Naraku will be defeated.
" Housi-Sama," the venerable voice of Sango says questioningly, taking me out of my opposing thoughts. "What's wrong?" she asks noticing my long face. I shake my head and lightly reply. "Absolutely nothing." She searches my face for any hint of a lie, and lowers her head. Shielding my teasing eyes from her sad ones. Now, an even bigger mental battle is waging. I see Sango's pain at my sudden withdrawal, now the urging is far greater to tell her of my affection. After much thought I decide that it's better for me to tell her of my feelings for her. "Sango," I gently begin, but Sango who with sudden harshness says interrupting me, " I don't care, Houshi-Sama! Whatever reassuring thing you have to say means nothing to me, if you can't open up to me and tell me what troubles you. I have better things to do." In shock I stare at her trembling figure and her hardened face as she walks away in a fit of anger leaving me alone on the hill. The sun has risen, and while I did not achieve my final goal, I did get one great picture.