Q's Boring Day

by Shasta

A/N: Be nice, this is my first ST:VOY fic. Well, I can't say that. I've written many more, but I have decided they were all too stupid to post. Oh, and there is that one I'm writing with Lissie. That's an...interesting...one. Anyway, the normal disclaimer applies...I don't own any of it. I wish I did, but I'm not as briliant as Gene Roddenberry...

Hello mere mortals, my name is Q. I am omnipotent. This is a story about one day in my millions of years of existance that I was bored.

I was bored, very bored. I was so bored, I decided to pay my dear old Kathy a visit. I snapped my fingers and appeared in her office at Starfleet Headquarters. Ever since Voyager got home from its 7-year journey in the Delta Quadrant, there seemed like there was nothing for me to do, no one to upset. The infamous Kathryn Janeway had taken a desk job at HQ. She said she had enough of space travel, at least for a while. If I knew my Kathy, she'd be out there amongst the stars in a few years if not months.

Kathy wasn't in her office at the moment, so I sat down behind her desk and waited. After about ten minutes, Kathy walked in, looked at her desk, and gasped in surprise.

"Q!" she cried.

"Surprised to see me, Kathy?" I asked.

"Well, yes. I didn't expect you'd be sitting in my office."

"Where have you been? I've been waiting ten minutes."

"For your information, I ran into Admiral Paris in the hall and stopped to talk for a few minutes. You know Q, I find it highly irregular that you waited for me to return when you could have just snapped you fingers to find me. What do you want?"

"Why Kathy, I'm hurt."

"Out with it, Q."

"I'm bored."

"You're bored. You come to me because you're bored."

"What is so wrong about a friend visiting a friend?"

"I really am quite busy. Voyager's 7-year anniversary is tomorrow, and I don't have a speech together yet. Also, Admiral Paris is planning something for me. I'm not quite sure what..." Kathy trailed off and looked at me with great mischief in her eyes.

I didn't like that look.

I didn't like it at all.

I could tell Kathy was planning something. I could almost see the gears turning inside her head, formulating and plotting.

She sat there for five minutes contemplating and thinking. Finally she talked to me so suddenly I jumped, "Q!"

"What? Don't startle me like that. It makes me nervous."

"I didn't know Q got nervous."

"We hid it well."

"Anyway, I want to find out what Admiral Paris is up to, but I need to write my speech. You want to spice up your day. How about you do a little undercover investigation for me? Hmm?" she said, grinning.

It sounded just like one of Kathy's old crazy plans.

"Getting a little adventurous aren't we?" I asked.

"No, just curious. Q, if it weren't for the amount of work I have, I would be out there trying to discover for myself what it is Admiral Paris is trying to hide from me. But I have other priorities and you are at my disposal. You are looking for something to make your day interesting, aren't you?"

I had to admit, the offer did sound tempting.

"Oh, all right. But just this once. Let's see...how to do this.."

"Q, don't do anything I wouldn't do, please. I would like to keep my job."

"Don't worry, Kathy. You can count on me any day."

"That's what I was worried about..."

I resented that, but I didn't let it get to me. If I got too upset, Kathy might take away my assignment.

Wait! What was I thinking! I'm omnipotent! I can meddle with people's minds and lives where and when I want! I just smiled and snapped my fingers to leave.

Planning how to do this was going to be difficult. I decided to go about it the Vulcan way: logically. Doing a little observation could help me a little bit. It might give me some ideas and hints.

I watched Admiral Paris for three hours and came to the conclusion that being an admiral was really boring. All he did was sign papers and answer complaints and requests.

Since I didn't find anything out, I decided to get in on the action. I cleverly disguised my self as one of Admiral Paris's aides: Lieutenant Barclay. Thank goodness he got rid of that horrible stutter.

Walking down the corridor to the Admiral's office, I ran into Lt. Barclay.

"W-w-who are y-y-you?" he asked. I was wrong; he hadn't gotten rid of his stutter. That could make things more difficult. But, this looked like a good opportunity to mess with his mind.

"What do you mean?" I asked. "I'm you..."

With that, I snapped my fingers and Barclay took up residence in a closet at the end of the hall. It would be a short stay, and I hope he liked it. I suppose being bound and gagged might be a bit of a drawback, but it sure did seem like the perfect spot for him to be at the moment. I also took his com badge. I couldn't have him calling for help while I was him, now could I?

I continued my way down the hall and stopped at the admiral's door to ring the door chime. A second later, the doors slid open in front of me, allowing my entry into the room.

"Ah, Reg. Back so soon?" greeted Admiral Paris, grinning.

"Yes, s-s-sir. I forgot my-ah-my PADD here."

"Reg, are you feeling all right? You've got your PADD there in you hand."

"Ah, well, I had a question about tonight," I lied. Of course I didn't have a question, but we Q are good at lying.

"Oh," said the Admiral. "About the Albatross Operation."

"Y-y-yes," I lied again. This lying was becoming fun. Of course I had no idea what the 'Albatross Operation' was, but I could find out.

"Well, Reg, as I told you before, all you have to do is introduce myself and Captain Janeway."

"Y-y-yes, Admiral. T-t-thank y-you."

I left his office with a sense of some resolution. I found something out.

I thought for a while, how could I figure this out?

Then it hit me.

Literally.

I had walked into a door. And it wasn't just any door. It was the door to the Department of Secret Operations.

"Hmmm," I said to myself. I honestly don't know how you mortals function in secret. If I saw a door that read Department of Secret Operations, I might be a little suspicious.

Or at least a little curious.

I snapped my fingers and found myself in a room filled with consoles. There was beeping everywhere. People were rushing all over the place answering the beeps. To tell the truth, it looked like the bridge of a starship.

Mass chaos.

No one seemed to notice my sudden appearance, which was good. I started looking at the consoles, trying to find anything that was related to Albatross Operation. There was nothing. I searched the whole room, twice.

Nothing.

Being a Q, I have a very short attention span when it comes to information seeking. I suppose, if I were a good Starfleet officer, I would have stealthily asked questions about what I wanted to know. I would have found ways of finding what I wanted.

That's what a good Starfleet officer would do.

But I'm not Starfleet officer.

Maybe that's how they found out I was there.

Suddenly, I felt a phaser at my back. A low, calm voice told me, "Lieutenant Barclay, you don't have clearance to be in this department. Please vacate the room. Tell no one what you have seen or you will be taken care of."

I played along with the charade. Obviously, I wasn't Barclay, and I wasn't nervous about being 'taken care of.' The real Barclay wouldn't remember anything of this either. For all he would know, someone pushed him into a closet and he was locked in there for the afternoon without a comm badge.

I slowly backed out of the room. Once the doors closed behind me, I snapped my fingers and appeared in Kathy's office.

"Q!" she cried. I must have startled her. Ha, ha! More points for me! Twice in one day!

"Well, Kathy, I couldn't find anything."

"Q, I'm surprised at you," she said. "Out of all your omnipotent ways, you couldn't find out anything about what Admiral Paris was planning?"

"No. I couldn't. Do you have a problem with that?"

Then I caught it.

"Wait, you said was. I thought he is planning this."

"No, while you were out, the admiral came and told me. He couldn't keep the secret from me anymore."

She was grinning like an idiot. Well, I suppose that was a little harsh. For a mortal, she is rather intelligent. She was grinning more like goon.

"You're smiling like he just gave you a new ship," I said. She just grinned wider.

"That's it, Q. They gave me a new ship."

My jaw hit the floor.

"It took me all afternoon to figure out what I just guessed in five minutes? Sometimes I don't understand you humans and your secrecy. I mean, what's the use of the Department of Secret Operations if you just go and spill the proverbial beans anytime you want to?"

"It has seemed to work just fine for us. But thank you, Q, for trying."

"I suppose it wasn't a total waste. I did scare the living daylights out of Barclay..."

"Q, you didn't...And what's this about a Department of Secret Operations?"

Giving Kathy an angelic look, I snapped my fingers to go back to the continuum. I suppose I could wait for another boring day to come along. Maybe then I'd bother Picard. He always seemed to brighten my days up with fun...

A/N: So, what did you think? I hope you enjoyed it...Q is one of my favorite characters. I hope I portrayed him well enough. Until next time...

-Shasta