DISCLAIMER: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters of storylines affiliated with it.

And the knife thrust in and all that was left was red.

He opened his eyes as his body shook with a cold sweat. It was the third time this week he had had the nightmare.

"Hey man, are you okay?" James questioned groggily from across their shared room. "You were crying out in your sleep again."

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine," Carlos stuttered, his voice sounding unsure and dry.

"M-Ok," mumbled James in reply, as he slipped back into sleep.

Carlos closed his eyes, wishing for a dreamless sleep to overtake him, but the nightmare just kept replaying in his head. His body shuddered as he sat up and threw the covers off his legs. His breathing was harsh and irregular. He set his feet on the floor and stood up slowly, and quietly made his way out of the room. He made his way to the kitchen. He filled a glass robotically and downed it, his throat still feeling like sandpaper. He braced his hands against the steel sink as tears began to fall, and his body trembled.

He stared into the mirror. His eyes were still red and puffy, with black bags underneath, that harshly contrasted with the surrounding caramel skin. It was 11am already. He had stayed in bed, pretending to be asleep until he heard the door slam, hoping that they had all gone.

Carlos' stomach grumbled and he knew he had to leave the bathroom, praying to God that none of his friends would be down stairs to question why he quite literally looked like crap.

Carlos gingerly walked into the kitchen, heaving a sigh of relief when he saw it was deserted.

" 'Bout time you got up," James greeted Carlos as he came into the room. Carlos' heart stopped for a moment, he had hated when people surprised him when he thought no one was there. It reminded him of G . . .

He shook his head to get rid of the memory as he turned around to his see James at the kitchen counter.

"Hey," he replied in a timid voice to his friend. Keeping his head down, in hope James would not ask what was going on.

James studied him with a watchful eye. He knew something had been up with Carlos for a while, he just could not figure out what it was though. It was like Carlos had put a wall around him lately and not allowed anyone in. He was acting the polar opposite to his normal goofy, open self. It was worrying James to death, he didn't know how to help him if he wouldn't trust him to tell him what was going on.

"Dude, you look like shit," James stated, referring to Carlos' bloodshot eyes. Carlos just turned back around and began to make a coffee, god willing he was going to need it if he were to make it through the day.

James cautiously walked around the kitchen counter towards his best friend.

"Carlos," he began, "What's wrong man?"

"N-Nothing," he stuttered, a sure fire signal that something was wrong.

"I heard you Carlos, when you woke up from another nightmare. You cried yourself to sleep again. Please, just tell me what's wrong," James pleaded.

Carlos slowly brought his eyes up to his friends only to see worry plaguing them.

"I . . . I . . ." that was all that he got out before his knees buckled under him and he slid to the ground, sobs wracking his body uncontrollably. James was by his side in seconds. He wrapped his arms around the smaller boy and pulled him into his chest.

"It's going to be ok," he said repeatedly.

'No it's not, if only you knew . . .' Carlos thought as cried onto James' shirt.

Kendall and Logan were down taking in the sun on the pool loungers by the Palm Woods pool.

"Why do you think James decided to stay in the apartment when he could be tanning?" Kendall asked Logan.

"Hmm, I don't know. He said something about promising to play video games with Carlos." Logan replied sipping on a mango shake.

"Highly unlikely, Carlos hasn't played a video game all week. Do you know what's up with him, he's not acting normal? Kendall responded, sitting up so he was facing Logan.

"I have no idea, but he'll tell us what's bothering him eventually, it's probably nothing much."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Kendall replied, yet he still could not shake the feeling that something big was wrong.

Kendall pushed his key into the lock of room 2J as Logan came barrelling into him from behind.

"Quick, get inside Camille is looking for me again," Logan yelled as he ran and hid behind the couch.

Kendall doubled over laughing at the scene that had just occurred before him. Calming down and wiping the tears out of his eyes he only then realised how quiet the apartment was compared to normal.

"Hey, where are James and Carlos?" Kendal questioned Logan.

"No idea, maybe they're not here," he replied absent minded as he flipped through TV channels.

Kendall was about to dismiss the idea when he heard the sound of footsteps coming from James and Carlos' room.

"Hey dudes, why aren't you -" he was cut off by James pushing him out of the room and covering his mouth his hand. When he was sure he wasn't going to yell anymore James took his hand off his mouth.

"What was that all about dude?" Kendall questioned.

"He's asleep, so it would be great if you guys didn't sound like galumphing elephants when you come in you come in the door next time." James replied exasperated.

"But it's like 2 in the afternoon, why is he still asleep?"

"Because he barely slept last night okay, so just drop it." James snarled in his face before stomping back to his and Carlos room and shutting the door.

"What just happened?" Kendall questioned no one in particular, before shaking his head and joining Logan, playing video games on the couch.

James paced around his room. He felt like crap for snapping at Kendall, he was just so worried about his little helmet-wearing friend. He sat down and dropped his hands into his head, 'what do I do when he won't tell me what the hell is going on?'

James was snapped out his thoughts at a scream. He turned to see Carlos thrashing around in his bed.

"No, no please just leave me alone . . . I'll give you whatever you want . . . stop George, please stop . . . don't do this . . . you're hurting me . . . someone help me!" Carlos yelled in his sleep.

James was by his side in an instant trying to shake the smaller boy from his nightmare.

"Carlos wake up, it's just a dream," he began as Kendall and Logan burst through the door.

"What is -"Logan began.

"Nightmare," James cut him off.

James was finally successful in waking Carlos up. He looked around disorientedly at his friends, Logan standing beside the bed, Kendall at the foot of the bed, a concerned look on his face, and James his face twisted in worry beside him with his fingers still locked around Carlos' biceps.

"It was just a dream . . ." he began before his body broke down in deafening sobs.

"It's okay guys, I'll deal with it," James said as the other two silently walked out of the room before closing the door behind them. James wrapped his arms around Carlos for the second time that day.

"Shh, it was just a dream, your safe, it's ok," he whispered continuously until Carlos's sobs weakened. He pulled away from James his eyes red, his cheeks tear stained.

"Carlos, you need to tell me what is wrong," James begged. Carlos looked up and met his eyes for a second, before looking down at his hands, he couldn't look James in the eye, he couldn't tell him, he couldn't tell anyone.

"Nothing, I'm fine," he whispered, his voice timid.

"Carlos, enough of this 'I'm fine' when I know you are most definitely not fine," James' voice turned hard.

"I – I am fine"

"What keeps happening in your nightmare's Carlos?"

"N-Nothing"

"Fine, don't tell me what is wrong, but at least tell me one thing," James said his voice harsh, but then his voice softened, and cracked, "Who is George?"

It was at this sentence that Carlos lost control and began to weep once more. He clutched at James shirt as his tears soaked into the material.

"Please," James whispered into his ear as Carlos held onto him for dear life.

"Please just tell me what is wrong."

Carlos pulled back, shaking his head.

"I can't tell you, you will think I am disgusting, you will hate me."

"I could never hate you, your my best friend, please, it hurts me to see you in pain."

"It began 5 years ago; I hadn't turned 14 for long. Anyway it was someone from school's party one night. I was still trying to figure out who I was. Girls were coming up to me through the night, but I wasn't even remotely attracted to any of them. Then when I was getting a drink there was this guy across the room, I felt butterflies in my stomach when I looked at him, and it was at that moment I knew I was gay." Carlos winced, expecting James' expression to be one of disgust instead his friend just nodded his head signalling him to continue.

"He noticed me looking at him, and I looked away, embarrassed at myself for being attracted to a guy. He came over to me and began talking to me, his name was George, he was two years older than me. We talked for hours, when the party started getting a bit out of hand he suggested going for a walk down on the shoreline. I said yes and we set off. When we were down at the beach I sat down on the sand and he sat down beside me, to close for friends. He leant in and kissed me. It felt magical, perfect, I thought he was perfect." Carlos scoffed at this.

"We started going out not long after, he made me feel like the most important person in the world, then one day we were at my house and he began to kiss me, but he turned frenzied and wanted more, he said that if I loved him I would have sex. I said I wasn't ready, that was the first time he hit me. He said it was my fault and that I should give him what he wants, because I loved him. He twisted with my mind. I kept going out with him, telling myself if he hit me again I would put an end to the relationship. He didn't hit me for months, until I went to meet him at the park one day, he said he had a fight with his dad, I tried to ask him over what but he put his anger on me, he broke my nose." Carlos took in a shaky breath.

"So that's what happened to your nose? You said you had slipped and hit it on a door, how did I not see through such a stupid excuse?" James whispered his head in his hands.

Carlos continued, "I told him then and there that it was over. He left me alone for a while, until one day he found me and said he was sorry for everything he had done, that he got help and changed. I took him back, I was blinded by what I thought was love, when really it couldn't have been anything further from it. Slowly he slipped back into the old patterns, a little hit here and there, I thought I could handle it. Then it started getting worse, he would beat me to a pulp and threatened to hurt the people I loved if I said anything." Carlos' voice was breaking by now, tears gushing down his face.

"About 4 months after I turned 15, I was home alone one day. I was in the kitchen when suddenly there was a hand over my mouth and George told if I screamed he would kill me. I begged him to just leave me alone. He didn't, he bashed me so bad that I began to black out. I had no fight left in me as he raped me there on the kitchen floor. My dad happened to get off work early that day. He came home and saw what G-George was doing to me. I was lying in my own blood. Dad didn't tell me what happened after he came home, except that George was going to be in prison for a long time. I was in hospital for 2 weeks, with broken ribs, a punctured lung, head injury, countless cuts and bruises. I had to tell the police and my father all that had been happening. I had to come out to my dad by telling him what my abusive boyfriend was doing to me," Carlos chuckled harshly.

"He was sentenced to 20 years, but our lawyer called me a few days ago. He's going to be released in 2 days, on a plea."