Are you Sad?
by Togepilover
a cowboy bebop fanfic.
I do not own Cowboy Bebop or any of its characters. I use their
characters as my own little puppets for but a moment. They are owned by Sunrise. I promise to return them in one
piece where I found them.
"Are you sad?" is a song by Our
Lady Peace off their CD Spiritual Machines.
I don't own that either..well
I own the CD but not the rights. I don't like songfic,
but I pictured Faye sitting their thinking and this song just seemed perfect as
a mood piece for the background. The song says more about what is not
said in her thoughts from Spike.
*****************************************
Faye pulled her knees to her chest. The light of a million shining
stars barely pierced the blackness of the ship. Sobs wracked her
body. Tears streaked her make-up but she had long ago given up
caring. Her eyes were a hollow black-rimmed, pink mess. Why did he
have to go? Why did he have to leave? She knew why. She knew his feelings
of loyalty drove him to his kamikaze mission. He had fought the monster,
beating its many-tentacled embrace back a thousand
times. It was always there though, lurking in the shadows behind
him. It followed him, haunted him, chained by men's stupid ideas she
would never understand. Faye had never felt like she belonged
anywhere. She had fled whenever she felt the smallest twinge of a desire
to root. She had run and run in circles until she came back to the only
place she found acceptance. Unfortunately, it was too late. She
wouldn't burden herself with the idea she could have stopped him if she tried
earlier. He was probably too far gone before she met him. Sometimes
she had felt the monster come up behind her as well. She had felt its
eyes on her, its breath on her neck, sending chills down her spine. Of
course the monster had decided to spare her and consume Spike's beautiful Julia
instead. She almost wished it hadn't. Her martyrdom might have
turned him to her finally.
Her memories were of little use now. Fifty years of cryogenic
storage, two years of fugitive status, and less than one year of..a family, her memory might
have been back but it was still so long ago it didn't quite seem real.
She knew events and places but feelings like belonging, love, companionship, trust, these she was trying to experience like it was for
the very first time. Pain, fear, loneliness and confusion had been her
constant companions. Her will to survive was her only ally for a long
time. She knew Jet would probably allow her to stay. He had a kind
heart. The ride was over in many ways though. Sometimes it felt
like he was the glue holding them all in one place. Jet, Ed, Ein and even herself had all been supporting players to
him. He was the center of their world in ways. Without him it all
fell apart.
It all fell apart. Faye Valentine hated starting over. She was
used to it, had done it many times, had been many
people, but it still pretty much sucked any way you looked at it. The
view outside the window was mocking her. A million stars shined on as
they had for thousands of years. They had been there, unchanged, since
before she was born, before she was frozen, before she awakened, before he
left. She was mourning him before he was even dead. There was still
a chance he'd make it. There was a chance he'd make it back, walk in with
his poofy green head bowed, smack Faye on the head on
his way past with a magazine, and flop down on the couch next to her.
There was always hope. He had already survived so much. She started
feeling a little better. She looked up for a moment, out the window of
the Bebop just in time to see a flickering star. It blinked a few times
then faded slowly away into nothing. It was then she knew he wasn't
coming back. She buried her face in her hands and wept.
"Are You
Sad?"
Your life has been so hard
It's been dried up angels that can't keep guard
I'm trying to reach your hand
But I'm on fire
I never planned to fade... away
Stay with me
Stop pretending when they say that you're nothing
Are you sad?
Are you holding yourself?
Are you locked in your room?
You shouldn't be..
I'm drowning inside your head
Help me to answer
Help understand
But it's been so long since we talked like friends
Please, forgive me,
I'm just a man
Whose makes mistakes
Are you sad?
Are you holding yourself?
Are you locked in your room?
You shouldn't be..
-Our Lady Peace