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Moments
Uhura walked into the Deck Five recreation room just as Kirk asked his question.
"Say," he said, holding up a broken antique light bulb, "how many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb?" The bridge officers looked at him, all but one with puzzlement on their faces.
"I presume you are referring to the old Terran joke as to how many law-abiding humans it takes to change a light-giving object?" asked Spock, the only one without puzzlement on his emotionless face.
"Of course," replied Kirk, "but how many Klingons does it take?" The crew wondered at that. At last, Sulu gave an answer.
"I'd say, two. One to screw it in, and the other to kill him and take the credit!" He laughed.
"But what do they do with the dead bulb?" continued Kirk in that annoying way of his.
"Execute eet for failure!" the officers glanced at the tipsy Chekov, "Vhat? Zos Klingons are alvays executing somezing!" Doctor McCoy bustled over to press a hypo to the seventeen-year-old's neck.
"Vhat vos that for!" cried Chekov, rubbing the spot the hypo had hit.
"To get you a bit more sober," came the doctor's reply, "Aren't you a bit young to drink?"
"Russians are newer to young to drink!" Chekov said proudly before getting up to return to his quarters.
"Okay, getting back to the original topic, Mr. ---" Kirk was interrupted as Chekov cried out, walking into the rec room door.
"Черт дверь! Это никогда не открывает!" Chekov finally made his way out of the room.
"Okay," said Kirk again, "getting back to the original topic. Spock! How many Klingons do you think it takes to replace a dead light bulb?"
"Captain," Spock answered, "logic reasons that a Klingon would believe that a burnt out light bulb has no honor. Also, a true Klingon warrior is not afraid of the dark and, therefore, would see no need to replace the bulb." With that last comment, the crew lost their smiles.
"Fine, then. Any one have any other ideas?"
"Captain! How's this one: how many Romulans does it take to change a light bulb!"
"Lieutenant Sulu, I hope you are aware of that Vulcans and Romulans have common ancestors," said Spock.
"Thank you for bringing up Vulcans, Spock!" Kirk looked happy to bother his First Officer. Spock looked, if it were possible for a Vulcan, rather irked. "How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb? Ha, Spock! Let's see you answer that one!"
In his trademark tone, Spock said, "Approximately one point zero zero zero, captain."
"Good god, man!" cried McCoy, astonished, "were you actually joking? I don't believe it!" Uhura glared at him.
"On the contrary, doctor," Spock said, a corner of his lips twitching, "I was merely answering a question." Only Uhura knew he was smiling.
Talk returned to chatter about the ship when suddenly, the lights in one part of the room went out.
"Red alert, red alert!" cried Kirk, believing that they had been attacked.
"Shut up, Jim! There's no attack! The lights burned out." Uhura tried to tell him.
"I thought this was the 23rd century! How can the lights burn out?"
"Well, since the lights have burned out," Uhura said sarcastically to him, "I'd assume that there are light bulbs in the 23rd century."
"Lieutenant Uhura is correct, Captain," Spock said, "there are indeed light bulbs in the 23rd century. However, their appearance differs slightly from that antique one."
"Oh. Kirk to Engineering," he said on the intercom.
"Scotty here. What can ah do for ye, Cap'n?"
"The lights went out in the Deck Five recreation room. Please fix them." Kirk commanded.
"I cannae do it, Cap'n! Those bulbs are dead," came the answer over the intercom.
"Captain," Spock said, "you are proceeding illogically."
"Yeah? How am I proceeding illogically? You want to fix the light bulbs?" Kirk replied.
"They're dead, Jim," said McCoy. Kirk looked at him. "What? You want me to fix them? Damnit, I'm a doctor, not an electrician!"
Kirk walked over to where some red-shirted security officers were sitting. "Would two of you get some new light bulbs from engineering? Thanks." They left.
Some time later, McCoy got a call from Sickbay. "I got two security officers knocked cold. I think they were on their way to engineering," the voice said.
"Get Nurse Chapel to tend to them," McCoy ordered. He turned back to the rest of the group. "Well, I think those were our two boys getting the replacement light bulbs." He asked another security officer to pick up the replacements. She came back a moment later.
"I'll screw them in," offered Kirk.
"Sure, you will," said McCoy. "Among other things."
A moment later, they got another call from Scotty.
"Wait just one moment there, Capt'n! Let me see if I got this straight… You called me in Engineering to fix a dead lightbulb. I told you that I could not fix them. Mr.Spock told you you're being illogical. Dr. McCoy told you they're dead. I lost two perfectly fine security officers. And then you screwed the bloody light bulbs in! Cap'n! That's six people just to change a light bulb!" At that, Kirk's eyes lit up.
"I think we have an answer! It takes six Starfleet officers to change a lightbulb!" he yelled with triumph.
Everyone else groaned.