I will forgive, but won't forget.
Disclaimer: J.K Rowling, the Great One ownes Pansy. The band Total Touch owns the song.
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She looked out of the window. Why was she like she was? Always bitter, always bullying. Why? Why was she keeping up this façade? The lonely girl shook her head. A tear of the purest silver slid along her cheek. She was confused, battling with herself. Everyone thought she was no good, that she was just as bad as she pretended to be. But she wasn't. And she was the only one who knew. Inside her, there was a little, innocent girl, crying out in sorrow and pain. Crying out because of what she had become. She had nobody. She was just an empty shell. And still… She wanted to live. Wanted to be free and happy again. Wanted to be able to be nice again. She was so confused. And there was no one who could help her.
Anybody there that I can talk to?
Anybody that can talk back to you?
Do you feel the same the way that I do?
You are the only one that can help me through
He had given her illusions. Illusions of love, illusions of passion. All those nights they spend together, all the secrets she'd shared with him. He had lied to her. And he would pay. Yes, he would pay for what he'd done. And so would the rest of them. All those scowling, sneering people, talking behind her back. She knew what they said. They said she was scum, even less then scum. They said she belonged in hell. And yet there was no one who seemed to see the little girl inside. Raging, while she looked so controled on the outside. Always keeping her calm attitude, never letting anyone know how she felt. But the little girl's screams were fading away. She was becoming more and more the emotionless monster she always pretended to be. But she had too much pride to just go. To much pride to just go away unnoticed. She would leave, but not yet.
I am a girl that's really got her pride
even thoug I'm dying deep inside
I'll stay in tume- and I won't get upset
but there are things in life that I can't forget
She despised what he had become. The love of her life had become the worst someone could ever be. A deatheater. Filthy, rotten pieces of humans, hiding in their black cloaks and masks. If you'd had to serve the darkness, then you should at least have the courage to show yourself. To die with your head up. But once again, she was keeping her thoughts to herself. And she was dying inside. She'd been hurt all her life, and she knew that it would continue, every day, every hour. And with every hour a little piece of her soul would die, untill there would be nothing left. She would be alive, but not living.
I will forgive won't forget
and what you've done I regret
I've got to go on with my life
although I'll pay the price
but it's so hard every time
Her choices hadn't been the best either. She'd decided not to stand up for herself. She had learned not to say what you wanted. She learned to hide her feelings. The only time when she expressed herself was when she was with him. But now he'd made his choice. He wouldn't be hers no more. He would be his. He chose for the Dark Mark. He chose Voldemort above her. She would forgive him. But she would never forget. She would always remember his evil grin when he told her he'd joined the dark side. He'd followed his father's footsteps. He had done everything that was ever asked. He was a tool in the hands of darkness. He would never be hers again. She'd lost him when his father decided that it was time.
There was a time you were mine
it's your life I respect
Our Love is gone - it's a fact
I will forgive - but I won't forget
Another look out of the window. The moon was red, as blood. As the blood that had been shed and would be. And if it was her fate, then maybe hers would be with the blood of the innocent too. She felt her shield weakening. She shield that had protected her for so long was gone. Where once a seamingly strong girl stood, stands now a woman. Her haunted eyes showed the hell she'd been through. And it still wasn't over. It was all his fault. He had catched her when she felt weak, he had made her feel strong. He was gone now. And she was alone. She'd been alone before, but she felt like she'd lost her soulmate. She knew she was in denial. He's used and abused her, so that he could act just like his father. Cheating on her, hitting her and then make things good again. But things wouldn't be good no more. She was lonely. And she would never climb out of that dark valley of despair again.
I used to play the girl so strong
but I feel so weak since the day you're gone
I no longer want to sing my song
now I know what it is to be alone
But she had to move on. Although things were rough, she had to find a new person she could pretend to be. Her true self would be hidden again, hidden deeper inside herself then ever before, where it would be sheltered, but not loved. Her life was a mess and it always would be. She saw it now. Being heart-broken and shattered was her fate. She pulled out a small vial, filled with an angry red substance. She knew all to well what it was. Her mother'd killed herself with it. It was a lethal potion, that almost immediatly caused death.
I've got to find a new woman in me
but it doesn't seems to happen naturally
I wish this whole mess was not true
She looked at it. Slowly she pulled it open. Carefully not to spill anything, she poured a little bit in his favorite drink. He wouldn't know what the cause of his dead was. She would. She looked at her hands. Why were they shaking? Was she afraid of what she would become after his death? That she would be a murderer, and would be convicted. That she would be expelled, and forced to live in the muggle world. All these things were true, and she was frightened by them. Slowly, her hand went in the direction of the glass. The glass was so cold that it sent shivers down her spine. In one short moment of insanity, she saw blood pouring down her hands, making pools of blood on the cleaned floor of her dorm. In the same moment, she threw the glass away. It crashed into a wall and the poison burnt holes in the carpet. Her sanity returned and she saw what she'd done. She couldn't do it. She couldn't kill him.
'cause the damm truth is
I'm still in love with you
She laid down on her bed. She stared at the ceiling. Her heart calmed down. The sudden rush of adrenaline disappeared and she felt miserable. Once again, she pulled out the tiny vial. Slowly, almost like it hurt to do it, she grabbed a plant. It was a black rose, given to her by him, on the night he first said he loved her. He'd said that to him she looked like a black rose. A rare beauty. She poured the poison in the earth. As it was absorbed by the plant, she saw it die, and with it his love for her. She'd go on with her life. From now on she would never be happy again. She would forgive everyone and everything and would die alone in a strange bed. Bitter and unloved. And the little girl inside would've died long before that day.
I will forgive won't forget
and what you've done I regret
I've got to go on with my life
although I'll pay the price
but it's so hard every time
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A/N: As discribed in the disclaimer, this was Pansy talking about Draco. I think it turned out great. This is my 2nd songfic and my 11th fic on ff.net. I hope you enjoyed it, and please write something in the little box below. It is orange with me. J