AN: Hi everyone! I'm re-posting some of my old stuff from another account on this one. I'm closing my other account (the-pervy-pervs) and putting everything here. It's an OLD fic (2006) So I fixed it up a bit, changed the tense and more than doubled the word count -sweatdrop-.
Anyway, here is the new revised edition of "Hey, I'm gay" in which Gojyo tries to find the best way to admit his feelings towards Hakkai.
Word count: 1651
Original word count: 784
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Hey, I'm gay
How the hell am I supposed to tell them? How many times does one get to tell their best friends this? What should I say? How should I say it?
The internal monologue became more and more confused and hurried. Finally, finally he'd admitted it to himself. The realization hadn't been easy coming, but it had been something that his life had been leading to for a long time – even before they had all met.
He wasn't sure what had finally compounded the fact, but it was quite a relief to finally acknowledge it. But now came the hard part. How to tell his friends. Knowing was one thing, being open about it was another.
Should he simply bring it up in casual conversation? Or just wait until Hakkai asked him if he was going to the bar in the evening. He could just see that conversation now.
"Are you going out tonight?" "Nah. Don't feel like chasing tail tonight." "Why not?" "'Cuz I'm gay."
Yeah. Like that would work. Maybe he should just yell it out to the world, just stand in the middle of the street and bellow it to all who would listen.
"Hey world, I'm GAY!"
No. Just no. What about waiting until a beautiful woman hit on him? He'd be sitting at the table with the others, battling Goku for the last scraps of food and she'd walk up to him and hit on him. Then he'd be all "Sorry hun. I'm gay."
No.
His internal musings were beginning to preoccupy him – to the point that he didn't notice Hakkai approaching until he was practically on top of him. The presence of the other startled him and he almost jumped out of his skin.
"Hey." His voice was held steady despite his anxiety. Later any time the other was close, Gojyo couldn't help but become flustered and stare.
"Gojyo, are you feeling alright?" Hakkai asked, his voice betraying his concern. "You're looking a little pale." Gojyo nodded mutely, not trusting his voice. The anxiety was getting more pronounced and he couldn't help but flush even deeper. Taking a deep breath he tried to steady himself and smiled.
Damn it. This was getting to be real embarrassing. He seemed to be developing a school girl crush. He was not a teenage girl. He kept repeating that to himself.
It didn't seem to work.
"Gojyo, are you sure you're ok?" Hakkai gently put his fingers under Gojyo's chin, lifting his face so that he could lock eyes with him. Gojyo was taken by the green in those slightly mismatched eyes.
"Hakkai, please." He whispered, his voice slightly desperate. "Stop." He swallowed. Hard. They were close enough so that Gojyo could feel Hakkai's breath on his cheeks, could see the stripes of slightly different colours in his real eye. Heart pounding and breath shallow- Gojyo couldn't take it any more.
"I can't," He tried to tell him- tried to say it without saying. He couldn't. He stood and quickly scrambled to leave the room, hoping that Hakkai wouldn't take offence, wouldn't follow... If he followed, Gojyo would feel obliged to talk to him, to tell him. And he wasn't sure if he could handle that. He'd been so close, so confident but upon seeing Hakkai so closely...
Quietly, he made his way into the garden. The inn that they were staying at had a no smoking policy. One that Sanzo had ignored, but Hakkai had insisted that Gojyo follow it.
So now he sat against the cherry tree at the back lighting up and inhaling deeply trying to loose himself in the nicotine and calm his frazzled nerves. The sound of boots on the stones alerted him to the presence of another.
"Gojyo? What's the matter?" Hakkai had followed him. It took all of Gojyo's willpower not to extinguish the cancer stick and throw his arms around the shorter man. Every time he came close, it got harder and harder to control himself, to be able to breathe normally, to even look at the other without getting lost. Gojyo looked him in the eyes... and that was his first mistake.
"Gojyo?" Hakkai looked at him confused as Gojyo made his second mistake, moving closer to him, his hands seemingly moving of their own accord, one to encircle his hips, the other to gently caress his cheek. When Hakkai shivered lightly Gojyo couldn't help the smile. Maybe it wasn't just him... Was it even possible that Hakkai- Gojyo refused to even hope.
Slowly – slowly enough for Hakkai to pull back if he wanted, Gojyo inched forward, pulling Hakkai steadily closer to himself, going for that third and final possible mistake. Their lips grew closer and closer, both pairs parting slightly in anticipation, Gojyo's going dry as his nerves battled with his libido. So close. Just another millimeters left-
"Eww gross!" The voice was like an electric shock, causing both Gojyo and Hakkai to practically fly apart. "Get a room!" It was Goku.
Flushing, Gojyo turned to the intruding monkey and somehow managed to muster up a glare. Hakkai was now stood more than an arms length from the hanyou and he was feeling cold at the distance – which angered him a little and he put all of that irritation into the look he was now giving the youth.
Goku didn't even see the glare as he was covering his eyes, a dark flush on his face.
"That was the plan." He told the kid, playing on his usual charming self.
The younger demon pulled a face, finally uncovering his eyes. If Gojyo was talking, then he obviously wasn't using his mouth for anything else... "I really don't want to know." He muttered with a grimace. "Anyway," He turned to Hakkai, ignoring Gojyo for the time being. "Sanzo wants to know when dinner will be ready."
"Pfft." Gojyo snorted – right. Sanzo wanted to know.
"Soon." Hakkai assured him and walked towards the kitchen, leaving Gojyo and Goku standing in a somewhat awkward silence.
Shifting a little Goku turned to Gojyo looking a little confused and curious. "Since when have you been gay?" He asked, honest curiosity radiating from both his voice and posture. He seemed to be sure that he would get hurt for even asking.
Well, he supposed, that was one way of telling them...
"Since when has it been your business?" Gojyo retorted, not quite ready to tell the kid, and if he was honest with himself, he wasn't really sure. In fact, he had no idea. From the moment he'd found Hakkai maybe? Or after he'd put him back together... Was there really any way to become more intimate with a person than shoving their guts back inside them? Was that when he truly began to feel this way?
When Goku just sighed and turned away, Gojyo knew that the opportunity to tell them had gone.
At some point Gojyo had dropped his cigarette and now he stomped on it to extinguish the glowing tip before following the others inside.
The silence was thick during dinner, Sanzo rarely talked while eating and the other three were thinking about what had nearly happened. Gojyo looked at Hakkai several times and even briefly opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out and he quickly shoveled food in.
After they had finished eating, Hakkai stood, leaving instructions for Goku to clear the table. When he left the room, Gojyo followed him out onto a second story balcony.
The sun was setting over the buildings, casting a golden glow across the sky, melding with the pinks and purples cascading over the heavens above. The surreal light surrounded Hakkai, giving him a glowing aura and mixing with the man's own natural beauty. To Gojyo it was godly.
The other man sensed Gojyo's arrival and watched the man as he stared at him. The dying sunlight bounced off him, glistening in his eyes. The redhead felt his legs go weak and leaned against the balcony for comfort, gazing at the setting sun to the west. His breathing hitched becoming labored as he swallowed deeply. Licking his lips he slowly inched closer, not sure if he could take the slow movements again. Did he have the patience for that? Would he even still be able to breathe by the time they closed that ever decreasing gap?
"We gotta talk." He said breathlessly.
Hakkai mutely nodded in response and Gojyo's hand found it's own way once again to his cheek and began to lightly stroke it. Hakkai sighed and his eyes fluttered shut.
"Gojyo..." The name was whispered on a parched tongue, breathless and wonton. Gojyo closed the gap between them. Finally, finally their lips met in a frenzied fit of passion. Gojyo's other arm went to Hakkai's waist to pull him close even as Gojyo wound his arm around Hakkai's neck.
As wild and fervent as their kiss was, it was short and uncertain, neither of them quite sure if each other began were as into it as they were.
Looking into Hakkai's eyes Gojyo smiled softly. His skin was flushed and a smile graced his lips. "I've wanted to do that for a while." Gojyo admitted, flushing deeply.
"Me too." Hakkai rested his head against his shoulder, completely missing the look of relief on Gojyo's face. "We should talk about this."
"Yeah."
Silence. The sun had set completely by the time either of them spoke.
"I think I ...love...you." Gojyo finally whispered in a quiet tone that if Hakkai had still been human, he would have missed. For Gojyo the admission was one that he'd never honestly given before. He held his breath, waiting for Hakkai to respond in any way. He didn't have a clue how the other would react and simply waited.
When the words came, Gojyo could barely believe it. He grinned.
"And I you."
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A/N: Okay, so there you go. If you want to read the original tough. I deleted it. It was crap. Anyway, any review is much appreciated!