PART ONE

Harry: How unlucky I am! I should prefer to be in Azkaban than in this bloody cupboard under the stairs! Oh no! I see spiders everywhere, but I can't eat them! I HATE my life, and I'll never see my parents again, and I have dreams of Dobby eating my face off every night. I can't take it any more! I QUIT MAGIC.

Peter: I want cheese.

Harry: Shut up Peter. You're ruining my angst session.

Sirius: Siriusly. Hehe.

Harry: SHUTTUP.

Hermione: Harry, you do realise that we're at the Burrow, not a cupboard under the stairs…right?

Ron: Yeah Harry. You're scaring me, taking about spiders like that…

Hermione: Oh, get a grip Ronald.

Fangirl: OBAMA WON!

Harry: Who the hell are you? Why are people interrupting my angst session?

Hermione: We're HERE for you harry. Well, I am, as soon as Ron stops chasing me.

Ginny: I love Draco Malfoy!

Harry: WHAT?

Ron: WHAT!

Hermione: WHAT?!

Harry: How very DARE you? Draco is MY BOYFRIEND.

Everyone: WHAT?!

James (junior): WHAT? I'm dating Scorpius!

Ron: Who names their kid Scorpius?

James: I love the name Scorpius. It's SEXY.

Everyone: * shivers *

Scorpius: I am here, you know.

Everyone: * shivers *

Harry: I can't believe that my son is dating my lovers son.

Scorpius+ James (junior): EWWWWWW.

Malfoy: Wait, WHAT? We're lovers? Since when?

Harry: Since second year.

Malfoy: And you didn't TELL me?

S+J (junior): YAY * kiss *

Everyone: Awww.

Ron: Ewww.

Albus Severus: WHY?! I WAS IN LOVE WITH SCORPIUS!

Scorpius: WHAT? Hey, that's kinda cool. Maybe we could have a thr-

James: NO.

Fangirl: OBAMA WON!

END PART ONE.

A/N: This story is not so much a story as something that passed the time quickly in Latin and Chemistry. Doing a particularly boring translation in our first lesson, my friend and I realised that the main character had a whiny dialogue akin to ANGSTY fanfiction Harry. My friend – let's call her Wilvercan Triplet for now to keep identities safe – came up with this first part. The second part was written by me in Chemistry, and is in, yes, you guessed it, the second chapter. We read them to the rest of our friends at lunch, and hilarity ensued.

N.B. – The 'fangirl' character is based on another of our friends. She is perma-happy, more so after OBAMA's AWESOME VICTORY. Inside joke, so sorry if you don't find it funny!