Why?

In the midst of writing something I can't find a thing to write?

What?

Is so interesting that I can share?

How?

Can I stop feeling this way, so unsatisfied?

When?

Will my desires come flooding in?

And When they do, what will I do?

August 30th

Say it. Say it. I believe in you, why won't you say it? Is what the girl thinks as she walks out of the door. He didn't say anything. She's out the door now and she's wondering what was it that she wanted to hear him say. Did it matter anyway? Yes, somehow she felt that it was very important was she wrong in choosing him? Everything, it looks so dark...she does not understand why...yet something is telling her that something somewhere isn't right. Why is she so disapointed? She begins to walk home and the thoughts that haunted her moments ago slowly fade away into her pile of disposed anxieties. She doesn't need them, they're pointless, nothing worth dwelling over. She smiled as she grasped the knob her door.

August 31st

There she is again. She woke up late this morning....it's unusual for her to wake up late because most of the time she can't wait for a brand new day. Not today, she's just so tired and dreary she doesn't even know why. "I don't understand" she says while looking up at the ceiling. "I had so much fun, and did so many things." "So why-" "am I so depressed?" She somehow knew that something had happened. As she continue's to sit there and count the seconds wash away into something dead and meaningless, something dawns on her...but only for just a split second. The thought that she had grasped on to something was very discomforting indeed, she felt the shadow again. It was so gray, so bleak, so overwhelmingly empty. She knew the shadow well. Once one day it decided to roam over her, she had never forgoten the day the shadow came over her...because it stayed there for a very long, sad, bleak, dead, colorless time. Overtime the shadow had lifted, she began to reach contentment once again. The shadow, she saw it, she wanted it to go away but she had no control over it. It trapped her, imprisoned her. She remembered the shadow, it's taste was unpleasant, bitter and metalic. It made the world so cold, so deprived of anything, it was sickening, all of the despair she felt. She knew now that the shadow had came back for a reason. There was something wrong, something like an obstacle. Normally she stomped on all obstacles, pounced on them before they had a chance. But now somehow she knew that there was nothing that she could do. She felt she had to climb up a slick thick wall, near to 15,000 miles tall and 88,888 miles wide. The word that she was thinking of was called "Impossible" she didn't like that word, although she found herself thinking it all the time. Impossible. That was the word that she thought of in the spring when he told her the truth. Inside her there was a wall. A wall that made it so that she could only wish and never believe. Upon realizing this, she felt so tired all of a sudden, so she lay down and fell asleep and had a dream. A dream that she has had so many times.

DREAM:

She found herself in a place with the Milky Way as the sky. It was desolate place, a place that she had visited so many times. Knowing what to do, she sat down and waited. She played out the result in her head. He would appear and she would call, he wouldn't listen and she would repeat it again. She knew what she was. She had powers and she knew this. She didn't enjoy it, not a bit. She was waiting for someone important but were they really important? This was the first time that she wondered this. Had she chosen wrong? Was he not the one? Her concsious self had trusted him, but this her right now was begining to doubt what he could do. Why I am I here? She wondered. It's his fault, not mine. He is the one held responisble. Not me, all I want is what I want...I chose him and therefore he needs to know what I want. Her thoughts are interupted when she see's the familiar figure in the distance. "Kyon! get over here!" "I need to tell you something." He turned and walked up to her; this caught her off guard. He had never done this before, all the thousand times that she has been here. Suddenly, hope began to gleam in her eyes once again. "What is it?" he asked. She was filling up with so much excitement maybe this will finally end? was what she thought. As her hopes and anticipation were at it's highest, she was about to tell him the secret, the cure, answer. He was gone. She reached out and touched nothing. Her hand clenched into a fist, she brought it to the sky and let it go; let go of the invisble miracle she thought that she had found. It was simply gone, her work here was done. "Here we go again." she sighed. She then woke up to not a new day, but a day that had already occured.