Bit of a song-fic, but one that just keeps playing over and over in my head. For reference, the song is 'Nightminds' by Missy Higgins, an Australian artist. Oneshot, and then hopefully the bloody thing will leave me alone! Read and review please. Oh, I suppose I'd best disclaim. I own nothing.
Ziva paced around her apartment. She nursed a glass of red wine, her fifth for the evening, and tried to untangle her thoughts. The psych she had been ordered to see as part of her return to work had prescribed anti-depressants, and strongly advised against alcohol, but she didn't care. The combination was delicious, almost seductive, and she finally gave in to the urge to flop on the couch. She had heard Tony and Abby discuss something called a 'drink-and-dial', and finally understood the attraction. Mindlessly, she reached for her phone and dialled the first number she could think of.
"DiNozzo," yawned a voice on the other end.
"Tony? I... never mind, I should not have called," she panicked, suddenly aware of her actions.
"Ziva? What's wrong, are you okay?" The voice on the other end sounded much more alert now, listening for a sign of trouble.
"I am fine Tony, well, not fine, but okay... kind of okay, you know – okay in the sense that red wine makes things okay but..." she slurred slightly into the phone, then came to her senses a little. "Did you just call me DiNozzo? Why, are you checking up on me now?" She started to get angry.
Tony chuckled down the phone. "Oh Ziva-girl, you're so drunk! You called me, remember? Hang on, I'm coming over. Be there in ten." He rang off, leaving Ziva slightly confused. She shrugged, and reached for the now empty bottle of shiraz. Finding it so, she dragged herself to her feet and into the kitchen, in search of more wine.
True to his word, Tony was knocking on her door within ten minutes. Ziva half walked, half skipped to the door, splashing the floor with wine on her way. "Tony! What a lovely surprise, come in come in come in!" She dragged him through the door. "Wine. Music. That's what we need now!"
Tony shook his head, smiling as the normally in control Israeli danced around her apartment. Sure enough, she pressed a glass of wine into his hand and pressed Play on her iPod. Soft acoustic music started to play through the speakers, and Ziva began to sway in time with the rhythm. "Come on, loosen up my little hairy butt, have some fun!"
Tony took a sip from his glass and sat back on the couch to watch. "I'm good here girl, just enjoying the show." He gave what he hoped was a winning smile, but inside he felt his heart break a little. His little ninja hadn't been the same for some time, but he had been hoping against hope that things were settling down for her. He knew that his own nightmares were coming less frequently, but couldn't say the same for her. "Why don't you just come and sit down here with me, huh? Maybe we can have a little chat?" He didn't like having deep-and-meaningful conversations at the best of times, but these were far from normal circumstances. He cared so much for her it was almost painful, but he knew they could never progress unless they talked about what had happened in Somalia.
Ziva sashayed across the floor and plopped down on the couch next to him, cuddling up affectionately. "And what exactly did you want to chat about, hmm? Work? Movies? Or did you have something else in mind?" She smiled suggestively and pulled his face towards hers, kissing him gently.
Tony kissed her back, with more ferocity. Without breaking contact, he put both their glasses on the floor and pushed her back into the couch. She wrapped her arms around him and pushed her body into his, making her intentions known. Suddenly, the lightbulb went off in Tony's brain, and he pulled away. "Zi, I'm sorry... this shouldn't be happening, not like this." He sat on the edge of the couch and put his head in his hands.
Ziva sat up, and tucked her legs under her. Tears stung her eyes but she refused to acknowledge them. "So what then, Tony? Are we to just pretend that we do not have feelings for each other? I cannot do that for much longer. I want you, I need you, I need you to make it all go away..." she trailed off, finally succumbing to her tears.
Tony looked at her, slightly shocked. Ziva never cried, certainly not in front of her team. He slid over to her side of the couch. "Hey. Hey, look at me," he gently grasped her chin and pushed it up, his green eyes penetrating her brown ones. "What do you want me to make go away?"
Ziva jerked her head back and angrily brushed tears out of her eyes. "Nothing. Forget I ever spoke. I think it would be best if you just hit the street."
"Road, Ziva. Hit the road. And I'm not going anywhere, not until you talk to me." Tony knew she could be as stubborn as a mule, but hell so could he.
The song changed in the background, a gentle melody coming over the speakers.
"Just lay it all down.
Put your face into my neck and let it fall out.
I know, I know, I know,
I knew before you got home.
This world you're in now,
It doesn't have to be alone – I'll get there somehow.
Cos' I know, I know, I know,
When even springtime feels cold.
But I will learn to breathe, this ugliness you see,
So we can both be there and we can both share the dark.
And in our honesty, together we will rise,
Out of our nightminds and into the light at the end of the fight..."
Ziva looked up from her lap and looked him in the eyes once more. She saw the raw emotion that mirrored her own, and let out a soft sob. "I close my eyes, he's there. I open them, he's still there. In my dreams you're all d-dead..." she whispered. Tony drew her close and wrapped her in a hug, mumbling sweet nothings in her ear. He felt her whole body shake with bottled-up pain and sorrow, and gently encouraged it out of her.
Ziva cried and cried, until she felt there were no tears left. Looking up at Tony – her partner, her friend, her rescuer – she knew he understood. She knew he'd always be by her side, whatever the circumstances. Wordlessly, she stood up and led him to her bed. She climbed in first, then patted the mattress beside her. "Stay. Please," she said simply. No other words were needed; Tony slid in next to her and pulled her close. Tomorrow, they'd figure out the next steps. But for tonight – he was just there.