~Queen of the Jungle~ Hello everybody, It's everybody's favourite author here!! I hope you enjoy my contribution to the world of fan fiction. This came to me in a fit of inspiration, so I hope you find this to your liking. Read and review.
Signing off,
Queenie.
I sighed in envy as I watched first my older brother, then sister, get their letters from Hogwarts. On my tenth birthday, I awoke, eager, waiting, waiting, waiting, but it never came. My letter never came, and I was left behind.
I thought it must have been a mistake, and I thought I might get my letter on my eleventh birthday, but once again, I was disappointed. The same scenario played itself out for the next four years, each year tinged with more and more bitterness, more sadness.
My parents gave me a private tutor, but to no avail. I could not even perform Wingardium Leviosa, a first year's spell!! I could not make the simplest of potions, they simply boiled away. No matter how hard I tried, my matches remained matches. My "Inner Eye" to quote Trelawney was definitely clouded. I could not do magic, it didn't come to me like it did to others. When I went to buy a wand, Ollivander couldn't find me one. I was resigned, I'd never be a wizard, but a hope still burned inside of me like a candle in a hurricane.
And then, on my fifteenth birthday, I gave up. I simply… gave up. I didn't even bother to get out of bed. I just lay there. And I vowed that I would never smile again.
The only thing that got me out of my bed was my parents' consolation prize. They gave me a cat. She wasn't a particularly beautiful cat, but she was mine. Mine and mine alone. I named her Mrs. Norris after the kindly old witch who used to care for me when I was younger. My lovely, Mrs. Norris, I love her. She is the only thing that is worth living for. For if I were to die, who would care for my precious Mrs. Norris??
After the initial feelings that come with owning a new pet wore off, I sank back down into my pit. I became even more bitter, if that was even possible. You cannot imagine just how I felt as I watched my older siblings come home for the holidays, and then, the next year, watch my younger sister leave with them. Knowing, deep, deep down, that I would never be a part of it. Never. Ever. For the rest of eternity.
I was sad, I was hurt, no, I was crushed. My dream could never be. How I HATED them!!! I hated them ALL!!!! THEY had betrayed ME!! THEY had left ME behind!!! Every time one of my parents used magic, that wonderful thing that it is, it felt like someone stabbed me in the gut with a red-hot knife and twisted. Then poured acid in the wound.
I was dying, but I was living. I was living, but I was dying. It was a contradiction, and I could not escape. I was trapped, trapped in my nightmare. And no one could save me.
And then he came, and he offered me more than I could ever hope for. I was going to Hogwarts!!! Not as a student, but as a staff member!! HA!!! What a joke!!! ME, a STAFF member!! Me, who cannot even perform the simplest of spells, who was not accepted to Hogwarts, or to ANY school of magic!! ME!! A staff member at Hogwarts!! It was only a caretaker's position, but it was better than nothing. Better than anything I had hoped for. I had been dreading getting a job, what would I say 'one failed wizard seeks work. Will do anything. Am desperate.' I couldn't imagine doing anything in the Muggle world, and without magic, I had no chance in the wizard world.
But I was still lonely. Sure, I had my dream, I was at the world's greatest school for magic, but I wasn't learning any of it. There were times when I was ready to kill myself, so deep was the pain. But I learned to live with it, work through it, but the pain remained. And inside, I raged. I was captive in a body not belonging to me. It couldn't be mine!!! My body would do magic!! It would flick my wand, and things would levitate. But, somehow or another, I was going to have to accept it.
Dumbledore, great man that he is, decided I just hadn't had the right teacher, and decided that HE would teach me. But it was useless, the magic couldn't, wouldn't come. But I didn't give up.
It was humiliating when the Potter boy saw my Kwikspell letter, it was the most humiliating experience of my life. Well, almost. And still I raged. I raged at the world, I raged at my parents, I raged at Dumbledore, no one was safe from my raging.
But, I have realized, it is time. This time, I mustn't just give up, I mustn't deny it, I mustn't hate it, I had to accept it. I'm a squib!!! There, I said it. That wasn't so bad. But I will always long for the power and the control of having magic. Except I know now, I can't have it. It is not mine. Never was. Never will be. Never, ever, ever. My only consolation is that I will have my reward. When my time comes, I will be born in a body that on it's tenth birthday will receive a letter that will change their life. And THAT shall be my reward.
That's it peoples!! Thank you for reading, and I hope you can find it in yourself to review, I know it certainly would make me feel good, and it would probably do you the world of good!!! ~Queenie~