Kaito's birthday fic! I was starting to worry I wouldn't get this done on time O.O its not quite what I thought it would be but I hope everyone likes it.

Disclaimer: I don't own this, sometimes I'm not even sure how it is I write these things. (Yes I'm lazy enough to copy and paste my own disclaimer, its still true)

Kaito was a person who cherished family. His fondest childhood memories where of outings with both his parents to the park, on a picnic, to a festival, to see the cherry blossoms; all the times they were together. He remembered sitting on his father's shoulders and reaching for the cherry blossoms above; he remembered the musical laughter of his mother when his parents sat together under a tree and he ran in circles trying to catch a butterfly to give to her. That time, when he returned to his parents with a frown because he couldn't catch one, his father made hundreds of butterflies appear around them in the most beautiful array of colors. So caught up in wonder, Kaito forgot to catch one.

After his father's death, Kaito couldn't help but feel that his family was irreparably broken. Kuroba Toichi was a father, a husband, and the glue that made their family whole. Years later, as Kaito grew up, he tried to find someone who could give him that again. After losing something so precious, it became an unconscious need to search for what he lost. This led to Aoko. The attraction he had to Aoko wasn't love and it took him years to figure that out. Nakamori Aoko was a friend, a sister, someone precious to him… but not the one he loved. He only realized this when he fell for one Kudo Shinichi. And Kaito fell hard.

It was cruel the way Kaito didn't know what he had been searching for all those years until he nearly lost Shinchi and even then, the one he fell for was the one person who he couldn't have. Kaito wanted a family but he fell for a detective, a detective he couldn't have. Despite being there throughout all of his detective's hardships, throughout the night of the take down of the BO, despite being the one that shot at Gin, when every bone in his body was screaming for him to kill the bastard that dared to hurt his Shinichi, he could never face him. When he walked into that room and saw so much blood surrounding his Tantei-kun, his Shinichi, all his morals were forgotten and he aimed his card gun to kill. Kaito thought Shinchi was dead and under the blind rage towards Gin, Kaito was grieving for the boy he fell in love with. The only thing that saved an unconscious Gin was the faint murmur that fell from Shinichi's lips. KID. Kaito practically teleported to his side where he immediately began assessing Shinichi's injuries. Shinich had a gunshot wound to the right shoulder, right thigh, and… a third that was dangerously close to his heart.

Shinchi didn't say another word to Kaito before he passed out but... he survived. The injury to his leg would never heal quite right and he would always have a scar over his heart as a reminder of what nearly happened that night, but he survived. Still, after all the torturous waiting for Shinichi to get out of surgery, Kaito couldn't face him, couldn't have him. However, that didn't stop Kaito from sneaking into Shinichi's bed at night.

The first time was at the hospital after the take down. Shinichi had been given IV sedatives to give his body time to heal and Kaito needed to stay close, to listen to the steady beep of the heart monitor; Kaito needed to feel the warmth of Shinichi's body. After he was sure Shinichi would survive he realized what he had done, what he had almost done. The KID persona wasn't his; KID was his father's legacy and as such, he had to uphold his father's rules. No one gets hurt. Kaito had not only hurt someone, he had done so with the intention of killing the bastard. He had his card gun aimed at Gin's jugular artery when he heard Shinichi's call. Once everyone left Shinichi's hospital room, Kaito walked up to the bed and lifted Shinichi's hand in both of his. Kaito was drowning in gilt and he wanted to ask Shinichi to forgive him; in that dark room with only the light of the moon, Kaito took off his hat and monocle and begged Shinichi to wake up and forgive him. He knew Shinichi was sedated, in a sort of drug induced coma, and therefore couldn't wake up but still, he needed his forgiveness. Kaito didn't think there was anything Shinichi would hate more than the pristine gentleman thief killing in his name. He didn't think Shinichi would find anything more unforgivable. In the end Kaito spent that night and the next curled up on the hospital bed next to Shinichi, seeking comfort in the warmth that radiated off his body and the steady heartbeat displayed on the monitor.

The time after that was once Shinichi woke up. Again waiting for everyone to leave the room, Kaito stepped out of the shadows and back to Shinichi's bed side. Shinichi had been awake and watching how the light of the moon washed across his blanket, too tired to do anything else and maybe a little hazy from the medications, when he noticed the movement. At first he tensed thinking Gin was back for him despite already having learned Gin was hospitalized in another location under heavy security, but then he saw the sway of KID's white cape and all the fear drained from him. He had nothing to fear from his thief. Slowly, with only the lightest tapping of KID's shoes on the tiled floor, Kaito walked closer until he was beside the bed and could reach out for Shinichi's hand again. While Shinichi's eyes were riveted on him, Kaito refused to look into the detective's deep blue eyes in fear of seeing distrust or hatred or any of the other emotions he thought he deserved. Kaito only looked at the pale hand he held in his own gloved ones. Gently Kaito caressed the hand, feeling each knuckle slide under his own fingertips, pausing at the pulse in the wrist. He wanted to feel Shinichi's hand with his bare fingertips but didn't want to taint his pure detective, didn't want the detective to pull away in disgust. Eventually it became too much for Kaito and he began to pull away.

Shinichi had been falling asleep, relaxing into the thief's comforting touch when he noticed the hands leaving his own. Desperate to maintain that contact, Shinichi gripped the gloved fingers as tight as he could, drawing the thief's attention. Quietly obeying, Kaito returned to Shinichi's side letting his hands be drawn in both of Shinichi's for a moment before Shinichi moved to grip each hand in one of his own. Shinichi then pulled one hand to rest on his cheek where he held it, sandwiching the warmth between his own palm and his face. Kaito still couldn't meet his eyes but instead, he watched how Shinichi leaned into the touch and let the fingers of his other hand tangle with Shinichi's. They stayed like that, with Kaito's thumb softly caressing Shinichi's cheek, until the detective fell asleep. Before leaving the room, Kaito moved Shinichi's hands back to rest at his sides and pulled the blanket up to keep the detective warm. The thief watched his detective a moment longer until he made the decision to lean in and leave a soft kiss on Shinichi's forehead. Satisfied, Kaito turned away and blended back into the shadows, silently leaving the room.

Over the next few weeks Kaito continued his nightly visits to Shinichi's hospital room, each time staying longer, eyes lingering over the places his hands touched. It took a while before he felt comfortable enough to let the detective peel back the gloves but they had all the time in the world. Shinichi had a lot of healing to do and with the complications that arose from the wound in his thigh Shinichi spent nearly a month in the hospital. He was lucky the bullet to his heart had not only missed but caused minimal damage to his lung and even luckier that the one to his shoulder did even less damage despite being lodged in the bone of his shoulder. Kaito was always listening when the doctors came to see Shinichi and each time there was a setback he would crawl into Shinichi's bed, needing to reassure himself that Shinichi would be okay. On those nights Shinichi would hold his hand and rub his back and Kaito understood the detective wouldn't hate him. At the same time, Kaito still would not meet his eyes for fear of another emotion, pity. The last night in the hospital Shinichi was the one to kiss his thief's forehead.

The next time Kaito entered Shinichi's bed, Shinichi was home again. Kaito left his hat, monocle, and gloves behind and let himself be drawn to the figure in bed, bathed in moonlight. Once he reached Shinichi's bedside, he took a moment to really see the detective. Deep midnight blue surrounded Shinichi who lay on his back in a light sleep. The sheet covering him had slipped to just below his waist so Kaito saw his pale skin exposed to the moonlight and the top of black sleep pants resting over his hips. Shinichi's eyes were closed so Kaito studied the features he had been avoiding for the past month; Shinichi's dark brown hair looked almost black in the moonlight and was somewhat mused from sleep. His face seemed relaxed, calm, and his lips were slightly parted. Kaito spent the most time staring at his lips. After a minute or two, Shinichi's eyes fluttered open and Kaito quickly averted his gaze missing the small smile gracing Shinichi's face when he realized his thief was there. The smile fell though, when he saw KID turn away as if to leave. Kaito felt like he saw something he shouldn't; Shinichi was so beautiful in his eyes, so pure, and after the time spent together he felt that Shinichi was too far out of his reach. He felt that Shinichi belonged out of his reach.

Shinichi wouldn't have it. He didn't know how or when it happened only that it must have been gradual; he felt empty without the thief, his heart constricted when he woke up alone each morning, he had been granted the gift of seeing the thief without a mask, his face completely exposed for him. It hurt when he realized KID never looked at him. It was ok, he didn't have to look, as long as KID was there. Both felt a moment of déjà vu when Shinichi reached out and held KID's fingers tightly. He felt KID freeze for a moment but smiled when KID turned back and let Shinichi pull him into the bed. When KID's head fell softly against his chest he took the opportunity to breath in the scent that belonged to his thief alone. At the same time he felt his fingers locking tighter with KID's until their palms met. Shinichi's other hand reached around KID and slowly rubbed his back, sometimes drawing random symbols before moving on to a new pattern.

Kaito wanted this so bad; he wanted the inviting warmth that held him so tightly, he wanted the hand that so eagerly met his own, wanted the boy with blue, blue eyes to be his alone. It felt like his body was moving of its own volition when he turned his head just enough to kiss the chest below him. The sound of a gasp from his detective's lips encouraged his body further; he left more kisses on Shinichi's chest making a trail up to his neck and accepted the invitation when Shinichi's head tilted back, exposing more flesh for him. Kaito took pleasure in sucking on a spot just above his collarbone which caused breathy little moans to escape Shinichi's throat. Everything that had kept him back before left his mind leaving only a need to hear more from Shinichi; after the month of never meeting his eyes, never speaking a word to him or hearing a word from him, every little needy moan from Shinichi's lips was a piece of heaven. Kaito let his free hand roam his detective's body as he moved into a better position where he could reach more of the detective's bare chest. Still holding the hand in his tightly, Kaito moved to kiss the other side of his detective's neck, sucking at various spots along the way until saw the scar on Shinichi's shoulder. All the fears and restraints sunk back in and he forgot what it was that set him off in the first place. Kaito left one last kiss over Shinichi's heart, over the scar, and lay back down at Shinichi's side hugging him close, never letting go of the hand that held his just as tightly.

After that first night in Shinichi's bedroom, Kaito's self restraint held less power over his body. His self restraint all but vanished when Shinichi pulled him close and wrapped his arms around Kaito's back to keep him there. Kaito never failed to pause and leave a kiss when his eyes passed over the scar above his heart but unlike the first time, it didn't stop him. He continued to leave kisses over Shinichi's chest while Shinichi continued to hold him close, sometimes slipping a hand up to run through his hair. It didn't take long before Shinichi pulled him up for a kiss, sadness drifting through his eyes when Kaito still refused to meet his. Kaito never saw the sadness. His own mind haunted him with fears of pity and something else he couldn't quite label; a fear that Shinichi didn't care didn't care for him or didn't care about what they did. A fear that maybe, if he looked into those eyes, he would find them empty this time or something like apathy would be there. Sometimes Kaito wondered why he still entered that bedroom every night. He wondered if maybe he just liked torturing himself like that. Other times he knew it was because he wanted it to be real; Kaito felt loved when Shinichi held on to him the way he did, he felt like maybe he could look into those eyes he so missed and see something he always hoped was there.

Another thing he realized was, he couldn't deny Shinichi anything. He didn't know how or when their relationship had become whatever it was, only that it had when he walked into Shinichi's bedroom one night and with a pleasant chill down his back became very aware of how the midnight blue sheets molded to his detective's body; Shinichi was naked under that thin silk sheet. Very little coaxing on Shinichi's part had been necessary for Kaito to peel back his own clothes and even less had been necessary for him to give his detective the pleasure he wordlessly asked for. He was everything he thought Shinichi deserved; he was gentle yet passionate, saw to Shinichi's needs before his own, and found his release only after Shinichi found his own while dragging his nails down Kaito's back. Still, they never spoke a word to each other, their eyes never met, Shinichi never cried out the name that was always on his lips begging to be said. Kaito loved the feel of Shinichi's legs wrapped around him, of Shinichi's heartbeat beneath his ear, but every night he let that go. As soon as Shinichi had fallen asleep he'd slip out of Shinichi's grasp and fade away into the shadows leaving no trace that he was ever there.

It didn't take long before Shinichi realized he would break if things stayed the way they were. He felt his heart break when he woke up alone each morning. The bed seemed so cold, the room too empty. He hated feeling so lost and more than once he was shocked to feel the tears streaming down his face. Finally, he had pieced together enough of his memories of the night he got shot to come to a theory on why his thief avoided meeting his eyes. He remembered how Gin shot him in the shoulder and pinned him to the ground, remembered how Gin had tried to question him about Sherry and how Shinichi was able to find them. Shinichi remembered how Gin then shot his leg and the manic glee that showed on his face when he twisted his fingers in the wound to torture the answers out of him. Then he remembered the gun aimed at his heart when he still wouldn't answer and his thoughts when he saw the muzzle flash. He thought he was dead. When KID walked into the room with pure rage on his face, he thought he was dreaming. The fight couldn't be real, KID didn't injure people, he didn't take pleasure from the pained cries of others even if it was Gin. When he saw KID aiming his card gun to kill the unconscious Gin, he wanted the dream to end. KID. Before he remembered that night he thought his dreams in the hospital were just that, dreams. But the memory of KID begging for forgiveness was real and his voice reached him even in his drug induced sleep. KID thought he hated him. This couldn't go on anymore.

The last night KID slipped into Shinichi's bedroom under cover of the moon, nothing changed. Kaito did all the things he knew that would draw desperate little cries from his detective's mouth. Shinichi wrapped his legs around KID to push him deeper. Kaito watched the blissful look on Shinichi's face when he reached his climax. Shinichi pulled KID in for one last kiss before sleep swept him away. Just before dawn Kaito left one last kiss before removing himself from Shinichi's arms and that's when things changed. His back to Shinichi as he dressed, he didn't notice the detective wake up; it was only when he felt the tug on the cuff of his shirt that he turned around and, for the first time in month, lost himself in deep blue eyes. Please don't go. Those were the first words Shinichi spoke to him in months. Shinichi didn't hate him, didn't pity him, didn't feel anything but love for him and Kaito saw that in his eyes. He saw boundless love in the eyes of his detective. Kaito never left his detective to wake up alone again.

:.

"Kaito."

"Hmm?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"… I'm really lucky." And he was. After all the months spent torturing himself, he got the one he loved. Maybe they wouldn't have kids of their own and be a family like he had as a child but they were a family. He loved seeing the Shonen Tantei following Shinichi around crime scenes and teaching the kids magic tricks. Shinichi did get after him when he tried to teach Ayumi-chan how to pick locks and tried to show Mitsuhiko-kun how to pick pockets but that was fun too. He loved waking up in bed with Shinichi the most. His detective. Although, he could have done without the morning he woke up to Shinichi's mother waltzing into the room and that very nice, very indecent, silk sheet letting her know her son and his new boyfriend had nothing on underneath. She had refused to leave the room until he disclosed his intentions on her baby boy. Shinichi was no help hiding his head under a pillow.

"Of course you're lucky, you never get caught. I think even if I tried to get proof you were KID it would somehow just disappear."

"Yeah but that's not what I meant. I'm lucky I have you." The blush that spread across Shinichi's face was one he'd always feel lucky to be the cause of. He loved the blue eyes of his detective and now that he had him in his grasp, he never missed a chance to look into them. They were more beautiful than the most beautiful sapphires and so much more expressive than any he'd ever seen. He fell more and more in love with those eyes every time saw them and more and more in love with his detective every time he woke up with him in his arms.

"Hey umm…. Happy birthday Kaito."

He'd found what he was looking for.

First: I just have to say... I'm so sorry it came out so sad for so much of the time! It was supposed to be light and fluffy and instead Kaito spent most of it filled with gilt! D= Poor Shinichi too with getting hurt and not knowing why Kaito is so... whatever he thought he was.

Now that that is over with, I should probably point out, there was supposed to be more fluff. I said there would be more fluff. So I thought about doing a tiny little omake about Shinichi's parents finding them in bed... I got quite a few laughs from that in my own head. So! If anyone wants it pretty please review and tell me so? I can't say it'd be much and Yusaku would definately be OOC, and haven't written a single thing down, but if someone asks for it I'll work on it.

I love reviews (find I'm rather addicted to them) so please? I would love corrections too since I didn't have anyone but me look at this and there were some parts I wasn't completely happy with.