I remember the moment it all began.
It was back when I couldn't see over the kitchen counter unless I tip-toed. I don't remember what was happening on that day exactly but it was about noon when Gaila waltzed over to me with that excited face of hers. And she plopped that tiny, quivering bird into my small, reluctant hands.
I even recall jumping at how soft its feathers were against my skin. As my fingers wrapped around the warm and fragile creature, its pink matchstick legs poking out awkwardly below, I felt in that moment almost as though the world had suddenly washed into colour. Up until then it had all just been stories that I hadn't really believed. But then, with that baby Pidgey cooing gently in my grasp, I knew Pokémon were very real indeed.
Not only that, but they were beautiful creatures.
Stacks of patterned cushions were littered about the little bed while big plushies sat on guard duty around it, toys adorned shelves along with stacks of colourful books and comics, and tall posters hung proudly on every wall; almost everything in her bedroom had something to do with Pokémon. And yet, the girl was already fifteen and hadn't one to call her own. It was a modern tragedy, but one she had surrendered to long ago.
She lay stretched out on her bed, fast asleep underneath the open window. A book about a world famous Pokémon master was still propped open across her torso from the night before. A flitting shadow interrupted the warm morning light pouring in and settled itself on the window ledge. It made sharp little peeping noises that tugged the girl back into the conscious, bright world.
Here was Oka. Her eyes wrenched themselves open and she sat up groggily, scratching her short, wild red-orange hair. Blinking herself out of a heavy daze, she spent a long time watching the tiny Pidgey that was gleefully pecking away at chunks of sandwich she'd left on the windowsill last night. It perched there for a long time until it noticed her staring and took off into the blue sky hurriedly. She had always loved Pidgey and spent a while sat up, daydreaming about where they went during the day and about what it must feel like to know you would evolve someday.
Some time later, Oka zipped up her grey jacket and slipped on orange sporty trainers before heading down the stairs at a wobble. She steadied herself against the pale yellow walls and heard a voice in the living room, just mumbles at first, but then her name-
"Okami? Yeah, she's… okay. Thanks," came the familiar voice of her guardian Gaila. Oka shook the drowsiness away and pressed herself against the wall to listen. "Oh yeah, still a handful. And I know this sounds terrible but…" The girl poked her head slowly around the doorframe to peek at Gaila stood by the window and held her breath. "—I don't know how much longer I can handle her…" Oka's bright eyes sprang open and her mind went numb as the woman went on, oblivious. "I'm thinking about re-admitting her, actually… Yes, let the professionals deal with her, exactly. I mean it's a bit embarrassing but… she still thinks she's a… well, a fox."
As Oka looked out at the woman's back, Gaila, this person who had been her sole confidant in all of this, she felt her chest splinter. She knew deep down that they hadn't been on the best of terms lately and that her unique 'condition' was putting stress on her caretaker, but even so, there had been trust there. The large ginger fox ears grown from her head receded sadly at the realisation that all that was all over now.
"Yes that's it, the animal. She's always saying she has the ears and everything, as though they're real things. Ridiculous, I know," Gaila's voice said. "Oh, foxes? I think they were supposed to look like that little red one… Vulpix? Well, Pokémon are descended from animals, or something, right? ...I don't know… you know I don't have a TV, I don't watch documentaries." There was a muffled response from the receiver as Oka pushed herself forcefully away from the doorframe. "Yeah, she's always been a bit delusional... Well I've always tried to keep her inside, away from the Pokémon. She gets a bit funny around them. It's a nightmare. It really is…" A long, wispy fox tail flicked behind the young girl as she started off down the hallway in silence, Gaila's voice growing quieter.
The woman's face contorted in sadness as her voice whispered shamefully down the phone, "It's a relief to talk about it actually! The new dosage seems to be alright… I mean even now she's asleep but-" The front door of the house creaked open and Gaila's heart missed a beat. She held her other hand over the phone and began to shake with guilt. "...Oka?" A huge bang echoed through the small house as the front door slammed and coyly creaked open again. Gaila's short-lived relief smashed to the floor as she flung the phone away and bounded out into the hall, screaming the girl's name pointlessly.
The bright summer sun was absolutely blinding. "Oka!" the girl heard from behind her as she sped up the path. "Wait a second!" came another yell, this time at the door. She wasn't listening. She didn't want to know. She ran faster than she could ever remember running before and never looked back once. "Don't go out there! Sweetheart! Come back! Please!" But the voice was far behind her now. She raced down the bright grassy garden and out onto the dirt path that led away from the forest where the lived and all the way up into the hills. She couldn't see for tears but had dreamt about running this way long enough that her body knew what to do.
Her feet hit the ground hard, over and over, brushing by the long blades of grass surrounding the narrow pathway. If there were Pokémon in the grass, they were too slow to act as the girl sped by in a daze. She almost hit a hiker or two and tripped over half a dozen times in her haste, but she continued with gritted teeth.
By the time her body finally gave in, she found herself in a village wandering along some lonely road. It was late afternoon suddenly, hot and humid. Her legs were quaking with pain and threatened to give way at any moment, but still she pushed them on, panting loudly as air rushed back in to fill her small lungs. She staggered down a concrete path blindly, her mind a mess of incomprehensible noise. A person passed by her once but she couldn't hear them asking their question and pressed onwards to some unknown destination.
Oka knew that she was not a normal person, that she saw things differently, and that her condition was unique. But that didn't mean that she was a bad person, surely—she thought. She wondered if it really was because she was terrible. What other explanation could there be?
She staggered down the long road and into someone's garden. She backed up against the wall of the little yellow house and clutched her aching head, willing the thoughts away. Because of the way she was, she knew it made life really hard on Gaila, her voluntary guardian after her parents had each disappeared and died in turn. The woman was a young budding artist with a lot of life still left to live. Oka knew she hadn't signed up for this crap when she agreed to take on her friend's daughter. It wasn't fair on her and now she wanted rid of her, logically. Oka had tried to be good, so good, but it hadn't worked and now it seemed she was unwanted by everyone.
Her strength slipped away as she slid down the wall, and she buried her head in her hands, gripping as hard as she could, her fox tail sweeping around her legs in comfort. A great Fearow glided far above followed by a Spearow flapping clumsily behind, it was kawing noisily. Down below Oka was staring listlessly at the arms folded on her knees. She hadn't moved from the wall.
'I can't help seeing things, and hearing things,' she thought. 'I've tried not to… I've tried a lot lately… I have.' She pushed a hand against her face and fought the tears back. 'Shit… I'm sorry… I'm sorry,' and buried her head in her knees. The realisation hit her full force; she was never going to get better.
Just then, a small shadow fell over her legs and she heard a chuu. Oka's head lifted slowly and met with the eyes of an inquisitive Raichu approaching to sit a few feet in front of her on the lawn. "Hey," it said softly. The large rodent tipped its head at her and smiled sweetly, talking in human tongue. "Y'know, you should try concentrating on your breathing. And count. It's good for stress. I think that's right, yeah."
The girl's pupils contracted as she stared back into its big dark eyes. She was not shocked, however. It was happening again, her condition, and she was powerless not to see it.
"I mean, it helps my trainer anyway," the Raichu smiled. "So I'm sure it must work a little bit."
The longer the fox girl stared at this Pokémon, the more it seemed to change in front of her eyes. Its form began to shift into something else, something more human. She watched it happen and listened, as she always had done since she was a child.
"But I think the main thing is that… however bad it is now, it will end," it told her, its mouth morphing into a human one. The Pokémon that sat in front of her moments ago appeared now to be a young man dressed in shades of blue and grey. The hair about his face was windswept and the same orange as his fur had been, and even his yellow electric sacs were there, only now just blotches on human cheeks. He smiled warmly at her with slightly sharp teeth. "And it will get better again. It always does! Life is way too short to be sad all the time. So don't give up, okay?" Oka cracked a small smile at him.
Just then an elderly gentlemen in a suit called from the path, "Come along Raichu."
"Coming!" the young man said, although in the eyes of his master he was still only a little Pokémon sat on the grass and all he had said was Rai.
"Ah, I gotta go now. Take care lady!" he said to Oka as he got to his feet. She managed a tired wave at him. "Just breathe okay? It'll be alright!"
Oka smiled despite herself. It was great advice. She watched with tired eyes as the Raichu jogged off to join the gentlemen. And as the two began to walk away down the road, she watched knowingly as the young man's form shifted before her eyes to become a small Pokémon running at his master's side. She took a few minutes to drink in the moment and pushed herself shakily to her feet against the wall. "Yeah. Yeah it will, won't it," she said to no one in particular before setting off back the way she came, her long vulpine tail swishing behind her.